Is anyone else dreading their child going to university?

[MothOnMyComputer]

I'm sobbing away in private, all the time, whilst pretending to be happy. How did that happen so quickly?

When my dd went to college (in US) last year, the second day of orientation there were buses to the local Target which closed to everyone else - served pizza and drinks while they shopped. DD didn't need anything but went along for the party.

By the way, for @Piggywaspushed that dd was immature and lacked independence - and she loved it and did fine. She is still a work in progress but that first year was fantastic in building her confidence and making her more independent.

My DD will be in catered halls Hope so don’t have to think of kitchen stuff etc.

Are you sure that the catering is literally every mealtime, seven days a week? Many / most students in catered accommodation still find there are some times not covered / times when their timetable (academic or social) doesn't fit with the catering one.

Your behaviour is very OTT - I disagree, everyone I know was the same.
To parent effectively we let our children go, to grow and be independent - DD has a job in London, lives and pays for her own flat, travels the world with mates. Obviously not been an issue.
They are not your friends - She is, and?
They have no responsibility to be your companion, close or not - She is not my companion, she is my daughter. We just happen to be friends too.
I hope your children's potential partners will cope with your smothering - He loves coming here, it is a very relaxed and happy place.

I will be accused of defending myself here..... but it is interesting how lots of DD's friends have also kept in contact with me for advice etc, perhaps that's just the kind of person I am.

Should have marked that as reply to roisinagusniamh

When we were driving back from dropping DD1 at Uni, I was absolutely bereft, sobbed for hours. Then cried for several days on and off every time I went in her room

I think some of the answers are a little unfeeling and cruel, but I must admit that this is a rather extreme reaction. It is perfectly normal and natural to miss your child when they go away. It is also normal to feel apprehensive and worry. I am a natural worrier and will be concerned for DD, as I have already said on this thread. I’m glad that you have now come to terms with your daughter leaving the nest.

Sometimes I wish I never join threads. It is a shame that I feel I have to apologise for being emotional. But the whole family are. You should see us watch sad films, it is not pretty..... anyway, perhaps I am odd, or it could just be my Italian blood..... hey ho.

I didn't buy anything before ds left (we live overseas) and easily bought everything he needed in one trip to Ikea and one to wilkos. IME they don't have very much kitchen space - (ds is self catering at Warwick) - one drawer, one small wall cupboard and one shelf in an under worktop cupboard, one shelf in the fridge and that's it.
Ds stored quite a bit of food in his room and zip lock bags proved useful for half eaten bags of nuts, dried fruit etc.
He also ordered a lot of stuff throughout the year with Amazon prime and four of them in his flat put together a Tesco order to be delivered on a weekly basis (they can walk there, but apparently have no time to do that!). I think they used the club card points to get free delivery.

I agree with Tapas that it's normal to feel anxious and apprehensive when they leave - ds is 5000 miles away from home - but there are so many ways to stay in touch and the terms are pretty short.
When I was at university in the 1980s I queued once per week to use the phone box, so much easier now.

I think some of the emotion is tied up in us feeling a bit bereft and realising we are ourselves entering a new phase in our lives. It is not coincidental that divorce rates spike, for example, when children leave the nest. Both mine and DHs' parents split up when we were at university. Rightly or wrongly, people build their lives around their DCs and when they go, it is a hole, a total change to routine , a massive readjustment and a huge task and job altered forever. I am anxious for DS1 (thanks for kind words pallisers) and know already that in 3 years time when DS2 goes , I will be very sad indeed. He is the kind and affectionate one in the family and those sorts of things do matter.

My DM lives several thousand miles away : she made that choice to leave when I was 19 (I have weird family ; DF then remarried without telling me!). I have barely seen her since and that is very sad. I am hopeful that I will not lose my DCs in the same way but it still makes you realise it's a watershed moment when they head off.

Hello OP.

My oldest started uni last year. He was positively beaming on the morning of departure. He couldn't wait to go. I smiled and waved him off and then once he'd gone I broke down and wept. I was and still am delighted for him, but it's hard being the soppy Mum left behind
With a year under my belt I am feeling much calmer this time around and have actually been looking forward to him going again!
I suggest you make a plan. Not just for the day your DC leaves, but for the week and the term until they are back for Christmas. A sort of bucket list. Some 'Me Time' which you can work on. It doesn't have to be expensive or time consuming, but it does have to be a bit indulgent and selfish

It is a difficult time and this will help you come out the other side.

Good luck

When I was at university in the 1980s I queued once per week to use the phone box

that certainly stirs some memories shanghai :)

More seriously though with smartphones, laptops, skype, social media keeping in touch (if they want to) is a whole lot easier today than back in the 80s. I did modern languages and can remember before travelling out for my year abroad telling my parents that I'd send a postcard!!! to let them know I'd arrived safely.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner is catered. She will have a kitchen area in halls that has a toaster, kettle and microwave for snacks and drinks so she’ll take a mug /plate/bowl etc

silent don’t apologise, I think it’s quite normal and we are all different. I cry at anything slightly emotional: films, songs, applause ! I don’t care if some strangers on mumsnet think that’s ott. Couldn’t give a toss.

SilentSister

Don't apogise. I'm not sure why it's acceptable to miss our husbands/partners if they go away for work ( in fact there are often threads about it) but we aren't supposed to miss our offspring at all and we're odd of we do

Loaf I don't think people are being mean about mothers missing their children when they go to university. I think people have commented on some of what appears to be extreme reactions to them going away.

Come join us on the WIWIKAU Facebook group - loads feeling/felt the same, as well as others who weren't quite as emotional

I was a wreck, but two years down the line I secretly like it

Loaf - nobody has said they wont miss their dc.
Most people are saying "sobbing all the time " is not a normal reaction.

Placemarking as this has dropped off the active threads on my app for some reason!

I need to work on my bucket list as dd will leave a hole behind her. Will also need more conversation from DH. And the cat will need to step up too.

I would save my tears for those with the intellect and talent to achieve but are not afforded the finances to go.

^This!!

When DD1 went, I joined a gym and bought a kitten.
DD1 was home in less than 6 months as she hated her new life.
Fortunately she decided to start again in the following September but DD2 also started uni then. It is a massive change and you do have to think about sorting out your life without them around. Weirdly enough, it was also all their friends I missed too as we have always had a ‘full house’. 3 years later and DD1 has graduated and is back home. DD2 is going into a Masters year. Both are home for the summer and it is back to chaos. It is quiet when they are away, but extremely noisy when they are home.

Nice words parsley

I am absolutely dreading it. I am not worried about DD - she will love it. I am worried about me and what I am going to do to fill the space that will be left in my life. It’s a real crossroads in life for me.
Can’t get excited about any of the ideas of classes, etc that have been suggested. Maybe travel but that costs money. Try and work on my fitness I suppose. It all feels like making up things to keep busy! Hopefully it won’t be as bad as I fear.

Ahh. Chocatoo, you'll be surprised how much you enjoy hearing about her new life. I get WhatsApp everyday.
Is adjustment, but it honestly works out.

I flit between excitement and worry. DD can’t wait and is ready in her mind to be more independent of us. She is nearly 19 and a bit tired of following our rules- nothing major but we do like a coffee in a mug which is hard when there are 19 dirty ones in her bedroom.