Page 3 | Is anyone else dreading their child going to university?

MothOnMyComputer · 2019-08-02T22:57:45+00:00

I'm sobbing away in private, all the time, whilst pretending to be happy. How did that happen so quickly?

SilentSister · 06/08/2019 10:08

Gosh I seem to be in the minority too OP. When we were driving back from dropping DD1 at Uni, I was absolutely bereft, sobbed for hours. Then cried for several days on and off every time I went in her room.

DD came back every so often, and we would both cry again when she left. This lasted well into second year. She texted every couple of days, and skyped on a Sunday. She had a full on course, did lots of extra stuff, and was fully involved in university life.

It didn't mean she wasn't independent, far from it. It didn't mean she couldn't cope. It just means we are very, very close.

She is now in London working, in a shared flat with uni friends, and extremely independent. But, she still phones every few days, texts often, and skyped her sister. She comes home every month or so, as do her friends, they work hard and play hard during the week, but then like to come home to re-charge at the weekends.

LoafofSellotape · 06/08/2019 10:27

Even my most stoic friend whom I have never even seen even well up before said she cried on the way back from dropping her ds at uni- mixture of anxiety, next chapter of life,sadness he'd left home etc . She works full time and has a very full life and definitely not living her life through her kids.

Another friend who has 5 kids was very wobbly after her eldest dd going off, she said it felt like there was something missing in the house . Doesn't mean she isn't delighted and proud her dd is making her own way in the world now.

Onesunnydayiniceland · 06/08/2019 10:36

I will miss my wonderful DD very much but I’m not dreading her going off to university. At the moment I’m just hoping she gets the required grades and goes off to her dream course in a beautiful city

HollysTeflonSeptum · 06/08/2019 10:36

I would save my tears for those with the intellect and talent to achieve but are not afforded the finances to go.

LoafofSellotape · 06/08/2019 10:49

HollysTeflonSeptum

A student from a lower income house hold can apply for full maintenance loan plus fees.

We will have to pay ds's rent as his maintenance loan won't cover it at all. If we weren't in a position to pay this he would be expected to get a part time job to supplement it or have a gap year and work and save up to go. My neices have done this.

user1493494961 · 06/08/2019 11:04

'Facetime to see their little faces', this thread is bonkers.

LoafofSellotape · 06/08/2019 11:05

Facetime to see their little faces', this thread is bonkers

Ever heard of 'tongue in cheek?'

Serin · 06/08/2019 11:11

It goes so quickly OP. Our DD graduated last year and has since moved home again. It doesn't seem 2 minutes since I was buying her kitchen utensils and new duvet covers to take to uni.
DS1 goes this year.
DS2 next year.
Out of the boys I will definitely miss DS1 the most as he is the one who cooks with me and sits with us in the evening watching TV and discussing the news.
DS2 is far more likely to be talking to his friends online or out with them in and only really appears for meals.
I am planning on making DS1 lots of frozen meals to take with him and am looking forward to hearing all his stories when he comes home for holidays.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/08/2019 11:17

Yes I get it, it's the end of an era really isn't it. I know they're home for holidays a lot but it's not the same.

I'm excited for DD and she can't wait, she's very restless here now and wants to spread her wings, which is as it should be. But I will miss her terribly and all her lovely friends who have been in an out of our house for the last 14 years.

Sometimes these feelings are unexpected and you can't always plan how you react to certain situations. We had viewed a lot of unis with DD over the summer, she was umming and ahhing, not really sure which one to go to. The one she finally chose was one that we visited the day after I buried my dear old mum ...... DD accepted the offer on our journey home and it struck me just how much life had/will change this year.

LoafofSellotape · 06/08/2019 11:18

The holidays are long OP, it seems like friend's kids are home more than they are away!

LoafofSellotape · 06/08/2019 11:20

I'm excited for DD and she can't wait, she's very restless here now and wants to spread her wings, which is as it should be. But I will miss her terribly and all her lovely friends who have been in an out of our house for the last 14 years
Ds is the same, extremely restless. Roll on the 15th!

roisinagusniamh · 06/08/2019 12:31

SilentSister, I am close to my children too.
Your behaviour is very OTT.
To parent effectively we let our children go, to grow and be independent. They are not your friends. They have no responsibility to be your companion, close or not!
I hope your children's potential partners will cope with your smothering.

LoafofSellotape · 06/08/2019 12:46

They are not your friends. They have no responsibility to be your companion, close or not

Did SilentSister say that? They said they will miss the company. Nothing wrong with that at all, why wouldn't you miss someone you like /makes you laugh etc? Doesn't mean you're hanging on to their ankles in a rugby tackle preventing them from leaving the house.

LoafofSellotape · 06/08/2019 12:47

**I have a big circle of friends who I see regularly but I will miss my late night chats with ds when he rolls in from a night at the pub.

roisinagusniamh · 06/08/2019 13:24

To those who miss their children terribly, do you have partners?
Obviously, if not, you could be using your children for companionship.

Benjispruce · 06/08/2019 13:32

DD is my eldest and has always wanted this. She is much braver than me and so that makes it easier for me. I will miss her but also feel strongly that she needs this, it helps that she's nearly 19.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 06/08/2019 13:37

I'm not sad, but I am nervous for her and I know I will miss her and worry about her. She's a complete homebody and rarely goes out So I worry she will spend her entire time Sat in her digs on her own.

LoafofSellotape · 06/08/2019 13:39

To those who miss their children terribly, do you have partners?
Obviously, if not, you could be using your children for companionship

Yes,been together 30 years,dh will miss ds too,probably more than me as he does lots with him. Doesn't mean either of us don't know that ds is ready to go.

MargoLovebutter · 06/08/2019 13:41

It was such a struggle for DS to get there that I was jubilant for him. Didn't feel sad at all, because at one point he nearly didn't make it at all and that would have been so grim for him.

Uni is less than 30 weeks out of a 52 week year, so they are back plenty. Not to mention with social media being so easy, you can be in touch with them loads - if they'll let you!

I'm sorry you are feeling a sense of dread OP, but if that is really how you are positioning this in your mind, I think you are catastrophising a bit, as your child succeeding and going on to the next stage is really not dread worthy.

Benjispruce · 06/08/2019 13:44

What helped me:
- patting myself on the back for a job well done in getting DC to this stage.
-telling myself leaving home to study was a natural and important progression in her life, and it was my job as a parent to facilitate that.

I think those are good points to remember. I know I will probably have little cry on the way back( 4hrs!) but will try my hardest not to in front of DD. It's not missing her that gets me a bit emotional, it's just one more step along the way. If someone plays slipping through my fingers by Abba , I'll be gone but as the pp said above, it's what we want and aim for.

Benjispruce · 06/08/2019 13:48

We went to Ikea yesterday to get a duvet, mattress cover etc and we had a lovely time. I have struggled a bit with being a mum of a teen DD who is always looking to the next stage. My other DD is much more of a home body like me. My parenting style is very loving and involved so I have had to take a step back and let her lead and realise she will ask for help when she needs it.

Iwantfrazzles · 06/08/2019 13:51

Our 2 sons are both at university. They've both done so well and obviously I'm proud of them. But, even though am happily married with a very full life, I feel a profound emptiness when they're not here and conversely, now they're home for the summer I am overwhelmed with joy. I think we all know the logic, it's natural they'll move on, we feel proud and we have to let them go and spread their wings..... but it doesn't stop how you really feel. Partly it's the feeling of being useful with lifts and cooking and so on, but also I love them as interesting people and enjoy their company, mess, noise and all.

LoafofSellotape · 06/08/2019 13:52

I did the IKEA shop last week

Part of it is I'm just relieved we've made it to adulthood tbh!

Benjispruce · 06/08/2019 13:52

Moth don't shoot me, but it's not hormone related is it? I find I cry so easily once a month and then realise why. Don't get me wrong I am no stranger to crying but it happens mostly then.

Benjispruce · 06/08/2019 14:13

Yes that too Loaf and I just hope all goes to plan on 15th as DD is not that keen on her back-up.