Oxbridge Freshers 2018

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

old thread

A chat/support thread for parents of undergrads who have entered the quite frankly slightly odd world of Oxbridge.

Apparently we are parents to undergrads now

[ErrolTheDragon]

The engineers play build complicated things with Lego for the first weeks labs, panda, it should be a nice ice breaker with the other engineers (I asked DD if they had a collective name like NatSkis or mathmos - she deadpanned 'nerds')

[riverbank23]

Seriously pissed off - Whats the point of having a formal to meet your tutor and other people on your course when your the ONLY one sat on a different table unrelated to your course?? Dd just came back to her room ALONE once again. Shit room and shit experience.

[ErrolTheDragon]

Oh, that's crap - if they had more than a tableful they should obviously have split in two groups.

[PandaG]

Nerds pretty much describes him, and the other engineers I know!! He is quite looking forward to playing with lego! He seems to have got to know quite a few of his college 'nerds' already, due to well-organised freshers week stuff.

Apparently he has looked after a staircase mate who had over indulged, sounds very likely as he spent a lot of his 18th house party ensuring his tipsy girlfriends made it safely up and down our stairs to get to the loo!

[PandaG]

Oh Riverbank that is rubbish. :(

[riverbank23]

I honestly wish she would have stayed up north. Oxford isn't for folk like us.

[voilets]

Good luck to your DD roses. I looked forward every night to cook dinner with my DD when I got home and sometimes she cooked for all of us. Ahhh. Era finished!

[Hubbleisback]

Oh Riverbank I am so sorry you and DD having a hard time but please read what Hingle wrote earlier about Fresher's week being the hardest.

[OhTheRoses]

Are folk like you, like DH's stock riverbank. Mining, teaching, northern, blue collaring?

It's early days. DH took a first. He needed confidence building; not parents who kept saying "this isn't for people like us". He met me years later and I worked a room for him and told him he was equal to the next man. I don't have a brain the size of a planet, but my parents gave me the gift of confidence.

[YippeeTeenager]

Riverbank, I really feel for you and your DD but it’s such early days. This week isn’t what it will really be like once it gets going. Hang on in there

[ofteninaspin]

Hubble My DD is also off to Fuzzy Ducks tonight.
A busy schedule of events (college talks, meeting tutor and fellow tutees) has kept DD out of her room today and meeting lots of new people. Her college "mum" cycled over with some chocolate which was very thoughtful. A good start to a strange week!
I hope those DC who are dealing with homesickness start to feel more settled soon.

[ErrolTheDragon]

My dad was at oxford pre war - a scholarship boy, his dad worked in a cokeworks in Wakefield. Oxford is for folks like us. You know what the application per place ratios are, and the calibre of all those applicants... they wouldn't have offered her a place if they didn't want her.

Honestly, many of the northern unis would be bigger and less personal than an oxford college, it's very very early days yet.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Riverbank, that's really shit for your dd today, but it won't be always like that, honest. She will find her feet.

[Hubbleisback]

Likewise Oxford beyond my wildest dreams but nowhere is too good for our amazing DC!!

[goodbyestranger]

riverbank there are many, many, many DC from the north at contemporary Oxford who don't feel in any way inferior to the more numerous southerners - why would they? Very early days indeed. Don't let your DD get a sense of your mood.

[HingleMcCringleberry]

That is rough riverbank23. On the other hand, it’s a great opportunity to get to know some people from other disciplines - more friendly faces you can gravitate to across the quad or in the college bar. The subject cohorts will still be around for the next 3 or 4 years, plenty of time to get to know them.

As for the people like us bit, I’m begging you, begging you, please don’t let your dd adopt that attitude. It’ll get better for her. There are no guarantees in this life, but Freshers week is the worst she’s going to feel at university. It takes time, but she’s going to find her people. Little things like always having your door open when you’re in your room so people wandering by can stick their head in and ask to borrow tea, or can you chum them to the police station to report their stolen bike, or can you do them a favour and go to the porters lodge and get the spare key as they’re only wearing a towel and the quad paving stones are effing freezing.

It’s hard. It’s all the worst and best bits of dating - you have got to put yourself out there, relentlessly, hoping that this person will accept you and you’ll vibe with them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Even if you are king of the wallflowers, the mantra of first term at university has to be ‘Get Involved.’

And do go see the welfare provisions in your college. Nothing like a sympathetic ear and a metric fuckton of custard creams to get you back on an even keel.

[Hubbleisback]

Ah Hingle and Goodbye what would we do without you??

[Lucycat]

DD has had a good evening - out for pizza then explaining the offside rule to some Arsenal fans in the JCR while watching Liverpool lose - that's more like my Mancunian Blue girl x Welfare were good for DD today riverbank - please encourage your DD to do similar if needed x

[Hubbleisback]

Lucycat yay!!!

[PandaG]

Excellent Lucycat! X

[HesMyLobster]

Ah, that's great news Lucycat!

River I'm so sorry to hear your DD is having such a tough time, I don't have anything to add to all the excellent advice already posted, but hang in there and I really hope things start looking up soon.

DD is at a Freshers' Ball tonight - she's just sent me a few photos - looks very swanky.

Luckily the forgotten sub fusc arrived yesterday morning (god bless the Royal Mail!) so that stress was short lived. Phew!

[voilets]

Some good advice on here. Really helpful. Wishing all freshers an easier time of it soon.
DD sometimes teary with homesickness but doing a bit better overalll.

I think our DC are doing great just being there what with high volumes of work already and having to navigate a new world. Impresssive DC through and through.
@riverbank xx

[Bakeandyarn]

I’m finding this thread such a help, DS is feeling a bit better now he has some tentative friends. I just still feel awful and wish the horrible hollow feeling would ease a bit. I knew it would be tough but it’s been much harder than I thought. hingle your advice has really helped, it’s been very reassuring,

[mateysmum]

River I would echo not letting your DD pick up on your negativity towards Oxford. She won a place it IS for her. She's worth it. All the stuff about you have to be from public school and posh to thrive there is a pile of shite.
It's unfortunate she was put at a different table, but actually it could be a real advantage. She will get to know her subject cohort and tutors well in the next week or two anyway, but meeting people from other disciplines is great. There may be only 5-10 people doing any one subject per college and it's highly likely your friends will come from elsewhere.
Coming back to your room alone is also pretty much the norm too. Why wouldn't you? They are rooms / staircases (depending on the college) not flats like at many uni halls.
So please try and transmit positive vibes and tell your DD it is such early days. I am sympathetic, honestly, but just trying to be objective and encouraging.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

That's true about the rooms. Dd has only seen one from her kitchen. The rest appear to be invisible. She is content with that though, it's so hectic at the moment that having a quiet space to retreat to is useful.