Oxbridge Freshers 2018

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

old thread

A chat/support thread for parents of undergrads who have entered the quite frankly slightly odd world of Oxbridge.

Apparently we are parents to undergrads now

[HesMyLobster]

Good luck for tomorrow Hubble
Will that be all of them in?

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

ahh riverbank, it's so emotionally charged isn't it. She might find the shower situation works out so that there isn't really an overlap in users.

[PandaG]

Seen a photograph of DS's year matriculation photo being taken. Glad to see him in it as heard nothing from him all day... Maybe that is a good sign?

[riverbank23]

Thank you all for the reassurance, it means a lot, il certainly be following this thread for your advice.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Good luck tomorrow Hubble :)

I hope so Panda as dd is quiet too. Think she's had a very busy day.

[OhTheRoses]

Good luck Hubble

Had a v long day at work. Been texting with dd since 9ish and seems fine and together. Home seems v strange. Have had a traditional carbonara tonight because dd only likes the cheesy sauce doctored one. DS out. DH home before me and I got back at 9.45.

DH opened door for me. Seems v v strange

Much love to all

[Hubbleisback]

Thanks everyone! Just had a panicky DS who thought he had left phone in barber's. Going to university without life support machine - the very notion!!

[OhTheRoses]

DD seems fine. DD masked her mh issues very well for about 18 months. Mother has a worried wobble.

[Hubbleisback]

for Roses.

[voilets]

Good to read posts. Reassuring. My DD has had most of the experiences listed. Overall though, I'm very impressed with how they meet their tutors/DoS so early and how busy they are kept.
DD has 'friends' to socialise with but while they are nice, not quite her type. However, she really likes her college sister and they are to have a parent/family meal soon.

DD wavers from really enjoying it, to it feeling just okay, to then feeling homesick. I'm trying to keep my contact to minimum to help her adjust but so want to tell her how well she's doing - giving it all a go: bike riding ( which daunts her) bit of shopping, mixing at a range of social events, getting around town. I will soon!

Hugs to all those mums where it feels strange and a bit lonely! I'm an empty nest!

[OhTheRoses]

I guess it's helping that I am manic busy at work and can immerse myself for 12 hours a day. It's the looking up her stairs and seeing the open door into the empty bedroom. Ha ha but the cleaner can get up there today

[Bakeandyarn]

It just feels so strange, a bit wrong not having them here. DS went yesterday and I’m wondering how early I can send a good morning text. Really hope he’s ok, I’m still a bit teary but that will pass when we get used to the new normal.

[HingleMcCringleberry]

It takes time. It took me most of the first term to fully settle and find my tribe. Fast forward a few months and I’m the college agony aunt (JCR Welfare Officer) with a bag of condoms slung over my door, armed with tea and sympathy.

A few things to note: first off, there will be lots of work to get through, so there is always that bit of refuge when you’re feeling a bit low. Secondly, the entertainment committee in your college will work really hard to make sure your calendar is packed out in the first few weeks with things to do, and not all of them will involve drinking (if they know what they’re doing.)

My one piece of advice is to wait a few weeks before marrying your college spouse. The temptation is to couple up quickly, but then you can end up with someone that a term later you’ve barely spoken to, and either you make for an awkward family in your second year, or you both do some conscious uncoupling and find someone suitable later. Worst case, you find yourself a single parent as your spouse has dropped out before second year.

This applies more generally - the people you spend a lot of time with in Freshers Week are invariably not the people who become your closest friends.

Do not worry that everyone is having the best time and seems to know all the cool 2nd and 3rd years, and you know no one in your staircase. Everyone is putting on a front, and getting through it is as best they can. Do join some college societies, do go to JCR meetings, and don’t believe that Pot Noodles are a sustaining form of nourishment for all nighters. And do call your parents, they miss you!

[ofteninaspin]

Hi, this is my first (ever) post. DD is going up to Oxford today and I am finding this thread invaluable 🙂.

[Bakeandyarn]

Thanks hingle he’s just sent a message saying he’s feeling a bit rubbish and when I rang him I managed to say all of the things you said before I’d read your post! I think he will be ok, it just takes a bit of adjustment, I’ve told him it is just a feeling and will pass. You are right that some people appear more together than others, I told him some are just better at putting in a mask aren’t they?

[chitchattery]

riverbank23 - don’t worry. My DD had a tiny room with a window that was 12x24 inches. It was recessed as well so she had to tie the curtains up with shoe laces to get any light at all! It was also a shared bathroom with about 8 others. When we were going back up for the second year on Saturday she was telling me tales of how she met so many new friends standing about waiting for and moaning about the shared bathroom. And how they used to come and marvel at how rubbish her room was. End result- her ballot group let her pick the best room for this year with an en-suite , big windows and lovely view. Just let her settle in and make the room cosy and she will be fine.

[HingleMcCringleberry]

Great minds Bakeandyarn!

[PandaG]

Welcome @ofteninaspin :) Hope drop off goes ok for you.

Apparently there was plenty of free wine and fizz at matric dinner last night, and DS has a subject picnic this lunchtime. I'm so glad there seem to be a lot of getting to know you events put on. :)

[voilets]

ofteninaspin - good luck

Thanks chitchattery.

[Bakeandyarn]

DS has met his tutor today and been set work which has made him feel totally overwhelmed. It’s very hard trying to support them from a distance isn’t it? It’s all a lot to cope with on your own so I do feel for him. I just want to give him a big hug but can’t!

[riverbank23]

chitchattery thank you!

[fiftyval]

To voilets, riverbank and lucycat.
My dd was on the phone Sunday in tears - we had dropped her stuff the day before but she had been there for a few days on flying start. She had taken it all in her stride initially but I think tiredness and hunger kicked in along with feeling she had to go on the planned club night. I spent a long time reassuring her that she wasn't the only one to feel like that and convinced her to knock on neighbour 's door. Did the trick as she discovered neighbour didn't fancy clubbing either so they stayed in chilling. My dd has low self esteem so I am expecting a few more wobbles but hope when she starts enjoying the course that will pass.

[riverbank23]

What is a 'ballot group' ?

[riverbank23]

fifty my Dd is the same - hasn't been out and I doubt she even has the confidence to knock on her neighbours door! She tells me she is working on her essay that was set before she arrived so hopefully it's keeping her occupied. Today she text and said she had a few meetings and met her personal tutor and his room was the most 'Oxford' room ever!

[roisin]

Welcome Ofteninaspin