Oxbridge Freshers 2018

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

old thread

A chat/support thread for parents of undergrads who have entered the quite frankly slightly odd world of Oxbridge.

Apparently we are parents to undergrads now

[jaguar67]

To everyone who's posted about DCs lacking confidence etc...

I stood outside a college on Holywell Street (Oxford) this morning, doing a sterling job minding luggage I'll have you know, watching any number of cool young people striding past with bags/ boxes/ gubbins - all looking so confident - but you looked closely and all quite clearly holding it in....JUST.

PLEASE, encourage them to knock on doors, say hello etc. Yes, we all know the stories of freshers' week friends being avoided for the next 3-4 years - but that's not the point. Take a risk, extend a hand & they may just be helping someone else along, as well as themselves.

Today for us was surprisingly easier than we thought it would be emotionally, but still hard. Seeing her so excited means everything. Onwards.

Love this thread - hugs to everyone xxx

[Heffapotamus]

Well DC has been deposited in Oxford and there is very much a DC-shaped hole at home! It's going to take time for us all to adjust. Thank you so much for this thread - it is great to have someone to chat to about it all :-)

[roisin]

Do encourage them to join a few clubs/ societies, ideally something requiring some serious commitment. It is a great way to meet like-minded people and is a break from the study.

The academic work is challenging and will be time consuming, but it will take as much time as they give it. Gross generalisation, but IME students with fewer hobbies and more time, tend to prevaricate more about the work and are more likely to get stressed about it. Those who have a busy, hectic schedule just have to be super organised and get on with it.

[voilets]

Ditto bakeandyam - could be my post. And she got lost on bike so took hour to get back. And she has 2 essays, 2 lots of mtgs as 2 subjects!!! Hopefully good idea. Anyway, she bravely knocked on subject tutors door and he gave her a pep talk, "first essay is always rubbish " etc. "You get better."
So her words ' feeling tiny bit better'

Love to all. Exciting and nervy time. X

[Bakeandyarn]

voilets DS’s college parents warned him the first essay is always rubbish, I’ve told him the same because it’s about working out what the expectations are. The tutors can help them develop the right skills. It’s early days and hopefully baby steps will help! Presume your DD is doing an essay subject too! It’s also tough after such a long break from studying (although he has been reading).

[fatbottomgirl67]

Dd went in Friday. Bridging course run by the college. Very odd feeling, only 8 students in the whole college.
There was a fb page set up for new students which really helped her find the others. Tutorials started and loads of working in groups which has really helped them get to know each other. Her room is big but No sink/ensuite. They have all been comparing rooms and she's been very lucky. Was surprised how warm and cosy it felt. Was expecting freezing and drafty. College has put stuff on every night so far. She must be shattered. Looking positive so far. Keeping fingers crossed

[voilets]

Dd talked to friends and they all feel same so she says she feels so much better. With my sensitive DD it will be up and down for a while I suspect.

[chitchattery]

Ballot group- DDs college (Camb) allocated rooms completely randomly in the first year. No choice of price bands or anything apart from special needs. So they have a ballot the following year. They could go in alone or as a group so that friends could pick rooms near each other. She went in with three others and they let her pick the best of the rooms that they had each been allocated. And they all came and helped us unload the car on Saturday. Really lovely young people.

[Hubbleisback]

DS went today and has a really nice room. Formal dinner tonight and then clubbing. Miss him so much already. This is a happy sad day.

[voilets]

Good to hear your story re: DD fiftyval - all so reassuring on here. Oxbridge is a big deal in my book.

[YippeeTeenager]

Well done Hubble, it’s all a bit of a teary and weary feeling straight after dropping them off but I’m glad it went well.

[ofteninaspin]

Thank you for your welcome and good luck messages.
Dropping off in central Oxford went surprisingly well. Plenty of help unloading the car and carrying stuff into college. DD’s room is warm (very warm!) and cosy, with both a bathroom and showerroom nearby. We stayed to unpack and have a cup of tea and then left a fairly buoyant DD and her immediate neighbour together to attend an induction event and get ready for formal dinner 🙂.
Hope it went well for everyone else dropping off in Oxford today.

[OhTheRoses]

Evidently 8 weeks is starting to feel like a long time

[YippeeTeenager]

For you Roses or your DD?

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Well done today's dropper offs :)

[OhTheRoses]

Are you and yours ok oybbk

[whiteroseredrose]

We did the drop off today too. Had planned to go for lunch after but DS went with his college parents instead of his biological ones! Apparently he's going to do quiz night tonight (instead of clubbing) and then clubbing tomorrow (instead of murder mystery). Those decisions were all in the car on the way there. Everything seems very organised. His room is lovely and has a view. Hopefully he'll be fine.

I managed to hold it together until the journey home. Planning my shopping list set me off as there are lots of things I won't need to buy for a while ☹️. Daft or what.

[chitchattery]

Oh whiteroseredrose, that kept happening to me when the DC went off to uni for the first times. Kept crying walking round the supermarket every time I saw something they would like. It does get easier but in the meantime everyone thinks you’re a bit strange.

[Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple]

Dd is very socially anxious to the point that a few months ago she felt she wouldn’t even be able to leave home. We had a few therapy sessions which seemed to help a bit and lots of random tearful episodes last week.
Dh dropped her off Saturday morning and three hours later she was begging me to collect her. We negotiated that she would at least give it a fortnight.
Second day she could barely eat anything and was very tearful but things have improved on a daily basis . Today she spent all day with a friend at another college in the year above and had a formal meal where the girl next to her who would obviously be too cool and not speak to her, turned out to be lovely. Lots of happy messages tonight, thank goodness !
I think they all think everyone else is having an amazing time and snapping up all the friends while they are sitting in their room lonely , however much you tell them otherwise

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

She's doing so well Purple :) Now the ice is broken hopefully it will be much easier.

dd is managing socially far better than I expected. She's choosing her activities carefully and I think is mixing with people similar to her. I'm so happy for her that she's settling in so well.

It feels a little odd without her, but she's keeping in touch with messenger.

[Lucycat]

So pleased that so many of your DD/DSs are manning such positive starts. DD is really struggling with homesickness and the implications of the workload. She's also really tired but doesn't want to not attend the multitude of social activities put on for them in case she misses out on making friends... Her staircase is still very quiet as the 3rd years aren't there yet and her college parents are a bit useless.
She has been proactive though and has made an appointment to see the college welfare officer this afternoon- (which gets her out of one of the many compulsory talks 🙄) i suspect she will just cry a lot but I just hope that it helps as she's really not happy.

[Hubbleisback]

So sorry to hear that Lucycat. Well done to her for being proactive and making appointment with welfare officer. Sounds like she is exhausted and whilst I can see that she might want to join in as many social events as possible, perhaps she might be trying too hard if that makes sense. for you.

[Lucycat]

She absolutely is trying too hard to make friends and take her mind off being homesick. She needs to go to the societies fair and sign up to the HP society. They are her tribe- along with the emo/ pop- punk music people... thank you for the 💐 they are much needed.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

oh bless her Lucycat, I'm sure she will settle in, but that doesn't make it easier in the short term. Good for her for being so proactive though.