Humiliated Sons Exam results publicised

[Frances39]

My son received his A-level results this August and is about to head off to university. However his college which he attended in their assemblies have being showing his picture and results in all the assemblies. My son did very well despite several unfortunate happenings during his exams, however he did very mediocre compared to the rest of the leavers. In their assembly's they put up the A*AA etc. students up and those going to Oxford/Cambridge, then they went on to show my sons grades and his less prestigious university as some kind of charity case. My son has not left his room now for a couple of days since hearing about what the school did, he did not even tell his close friends what grades he got. He feels humiliated and violated that they would do such a thing without his consent and that he was contrasted with Oxbridge students. I have no idea what I should do, I will he contacting the school and maybe a solicitor. I cannot imagine what my son must be experiencing

Brassneck

P.S. Good post ^^

I think the OP is right to raise it with school.
I don't think the go to response in the intial post about legal action is appropriate at all.

I'll try to explain my reasons without it being too outing. All the situations are real (minorly adapted for obvious reasons)

1. I've sat staff meetings where we have been informed that parents have sent letter into school that imply they are seeking legal action/trying a compensation claim. (No grounds, just chancing their arm and left us with new paperwork to cover our backs in future)
2. At my friend's school someone reported the school without raising any issue with the school directly. It triggered a load of reviews. Turns out there was quite a bit of creativity. (Think isolation as part of the behaviour policy vs children locked in solitary confinement / teachers issue detentions at the end of lunch so children can eat, child chose to play football and not eat, home says school denied him lunch)
3. Parent threatened to get me sacked and reported me to our head. They weren't happy that I'd shared a list of 'strong exam answers do this... weaker answers do this...' The info was from official exam reports and included things that students had done past and present (no names obviously). The child, who was lazy and had a poor attitude, had decided that I had 'slagged his work off'. I hadn't. I was giving exam advice. School agreed with me.
4. When I was a student, we had the head teacher come into one of our lessons and ask us to write down our version of an 'incident'. Loads of us couldn't actually think of an incident thay had happened the previous day. Turned out later that 'Charlotte' and her mates had claimed our teacher had been horrible and humilliating. Lots of us distances ourselves from charlotte after that.

As a result, i believe there are appropriate and sensible ways to go about things and there are inappropriate ways to go about things.
I hope that helps you see where I'm coming from.

I don't think the go to response in the intial post about legal action is appropriate at all.

It's moved on considerably since the first post. Why can't you?

All your post has highlighted is that indeed Yes you are taking it personally and we can safely say that you have nothing of value to contribute to this because inside your head you are waging a war against what happened to you. Please seek therapy as your reaction sounds inappropriate and disproportionate. HTH

I know it has.

I don't get why it's so damn controversial to say that the OP is more than reasonable to raise it with the school, but that the school are not responsible for the actions of a young man who has already (for whatever reason) turned down counselling and has had a very tough year.

Please seek therapy as your reaction sounds inappropriate and disproportionate. HTH
What the hell? I've been asked if I have experience linked to solicitors and legal stuff in schools. I have explained I have.

Maisy
For the umpteenth time the OP was not talking about suing the school she was going to ask a solicitor about them violating the data protection act and making her ds's results public without his peermission and using him as an example of the bare minimum grades will get you into a shit uni. To stop it happening to some other poor child.

Stop projecting YOUR exp[eriences onto OP.
Stop misreading her posts.
Nowhere has she said she is suing the school for money.
She is concerned about her son being used as an example without permission.
She is concerned that after all that has happened in her sons life this is the straw that broke the camels back.

My son has low self esteem issues despite being very capable at school, if his school had done this they would have reinforced his idea that he is rubbish at everything no matter how well he did. And no there is nothing I can do that I havent tried to instill into him he is very capable, he has social and self esteem issues and after 10 years of telling him otherwise he still feels he isnt good enough.

Why cant you even begin to grasp that this was a rotten thing to do?

When asked about my experiences I've mentioned 4 situations that came to mind, 2 linked to schools (that had nothing to do with me personally. I just worked there and felt the aftermath), 1 as a teacher and 1 from when I asked a child and I remember thinking it must have been awful for our teacher to have that said.

I have no war to wage. I do believe (as I have said on multiple posts in this thread) that the OP's son would benefit from additional support etc to help him deal with tough situations.

willow
I have already said multiple times that they most likely didn't think it through. I have also said that whilst they haven't done anything wrong, I would probably have checked first, though one of my students was in our newsletter and I didn't have a clue until I saw it.
Like other posters, I don't think for one second it was some deliberate attempt to be awful. I think it was most likely well intentioned but poorly executed.
I do think she should speak to the school (how many times do I have to say this)
I don't think the school can be blamed for his reaction.
I do think he's had a rubbish year and would probably benefit from some support (especially after turning down counselling) because his current ways of coping are not healthy.

Blimey Maisy. You are very persistent in your quest to educate the other posters on this thread. I'm not sure why. 🤔

Willow, not sure why this effecting you so much, you come across as very OTT on the OP's behalf. Maybe you need to step backwards from this...
Maisy is simply telling you the same thing you are writting but in a different format...

It does read legally like it was the school being allowed to do this.... but maybe shouldn't have done the name and the photo, half of me wonders if they said after great difficulty's the DS has managed to get enough grades to get into UNI, but the students don't know about his life troubles, so think he is being singled out... when they see him as an epic success in the scheme of things, but without the exact wording which I doubt was recorded no one will ever know.

The DS needs help, the reaction is far beyond the norm for a child who got the grades needed to get to UNI, sounds more like someone who got D's and E's....

I think everyone should lay off maisy, she is entitled to her view and it's not that outlandish to suggest the op speaks to the school.

I don't really get the solicitor thing either, I understand the questions she will ask the solicitor but then what, to what purpose? speaking to the school to comprehend what happened seems a reasonable first thing to do and would habe been my first step, the op hasn't even done this yet.

A previous poster has stated there is no data privacy surrounding exam results and schools have a right to use them, as such, understanding from the school what actually occurred and supporting her son to see he has succeeded in the face of adversity and should be proud would be my recommendation.

Thank you bluntness & mummy.

The school are allowed to use exam results. They've probably tried to acknowledge he's done well after a tough year and he's taken it badly. They weren't to know that's how he would respond.

OP would be totally within her rights to speak to school, but can't blame the school for the way her son responded.

He would probably benefit from some support to help him build resilience and strategies because university is often a lot tougher than school and it's easy for students to fly under the radar. If he doesn't develop more helpful coping strategies then he is in danger of being in an awful situation at university.

Honest opinion would be speak to the school sensibly and then work with her son to develop coping strategies for life. (Which is pretty much what I said earlier on in yhr thread)

Funny that! Everyone else thinks Maisy should lay off the OP

Some of you clearly haven't read the full thread. OP hasn't said she is going to the solicitors first or the college first. She has been given lots of gentle helpful advice to approach the college first. At the end of the day it's up to her as to what she does. You can't bully her out of it with your aggressive posts but you might be able help her rationalise the situation. Try a bit of kindness and compassion? Stop bleating on about the solicitors?

But some posters have been attacking her for even mentioning the solicitors without understanding her circumstances and her reaction.

Calling her response inappropriate and disproportionate is pretty callous given she has probably had to provide an enormous amount of support to get him through the family tragedies and his exams to finally achieve success and then have the college fuck it up with their twatty handling of the results. It is not about the intention it is about the impact on the child in question and this is one more thing that she didn't need on her plate. Had this not happened they could instead have been dealing with celebrating success and looking to the future. But instead the college have created a situation that has sit him back and she is understandably distressed to see him suffering.

They weren't to know that's how he would respond.

Why not? Is it because they didn't check with him first whether they could use his private information?

Everyone else thinks Maisy should lay off the OP

Please don't presume to speak for everyone on the thread. I stopped posting because it was clear what the desired response was and it wasn't what I was providing.

develop more helpful coping strategies

and yet your goady tone continues. WOW.

How does one develop coping strategies against people using your private information unexpectedly? Is there a rule book for that? For an 18 year old that's lost an awful lot of people in traumatic circumstances in a short space of time?

Oops sorry I should clarify!

Everyone not involved in attacking the OP. HTH

brassbrass ok great. You do seem to be spending a lot of energy attacking anyone who isn't saying "OMG hun that's so terrible call a lawyer how dare they humiliate your boy* and not much energy posting any practical suggestions so I'm not really sure what's to be gained there.

I can't be arsed getting accused of attacking the OP again but all you who think anyone with a dissenting voice is - why on earth would a school want to humiliate one of their successful pupils? I mean really? Do you think the entire SLT are sadists who get off on embarrassing those who are less than Oxbridge standard? Does that sound realistic? No? Well then, as people including Maisy are saying, this situation has arisen from what's been, at worst, a misguided attempt at celebrating different forms of success by their leavers. Worthy of a chat with the school/college by all means, but not worthy of legal action and the kind of responses described on the thread.

Idiots. No right at all to make grades public that's why they get them in an envelope surely. Mine was all set for Oxford then was asked to join the group for it. Changed her mind completelying. Got offered a R.G. 1 grade was not what they wanted she went through clearing and we've just left her at a university with a fantastic reputation and she's over the moon. If assembly did that to mine she would have probably said what the feck. Take it up with them . I would expect them to rectify this for the next leavers. All hugs and best wishes to him on getting through a levels. My daughter failed her first year completely as she had some problems and I came on here for some love. Russell group is not in my opinion for everyone I'm glad she's gone where she has they nourish them. Good luck xx

E.g. take 2 hypothetical parents who have both been in OP's situation.

Parent 1 is pissed off (understandably because her child is struggling). She retells what happens to her friends and they all join in with how appalling the school is etc. She raises the idea of legal advice and is encouraged. She goes into the school and is furious (and with the backing of her friends saying she is right to bollock the school) goes in to a meeting with the staff where it goes like this:
I'm so pissed off. How dare you mention my sons results in an assembly. You have gone out of your way to be rotten and have humilated him by directly comparing him to straight A students. You have made his university choice sound like a failure by comparison and now he is threatening violence and locking himself in his room because you decided to use him to make a point about what happens if you get bad results. You had no right to do that and I am considering getting legal advice on whether you have breach data protection. How dare you cause harm to my child!
The staff will most likely be and attempt to explain what happened but the parent is so irate and convinced they are awful so just rants. The staff apologise and the meeting ends.
After the meeting, the staff are bemused and probaky turn to each other thinking (to quote an old colleague) 'i guess they feel better about putting the teacher in their place'.

Parent 2 has a meeting with school and it goes like this:
I wanted to speak with you about an assembly that used my son as an example. I've been informed that he was used as an example along with other students. Could you tell me more?
At this point the school reccount the assembly
ah right. The thing is it may well have been well intentioned but the impact has really been felt this year. My son has had a rubbish year and has really been struggling. He's taken this as a comparison between him being rubbish and the amazing oxbridge students. As a result, he's locked himself in his room and is threatening violence. Whilst this wasn't intended, it's caused him a huge amount of distress. I really wanted to talk to you because there may be other students in future who have things going on who may also find being used as an example (even positively) a really difficult experience. Would it be possible for staff to consider how they approach using students as examples in future?
In that situation, by the end of the week it would probably get brought up in a staff meeting in some way shape or form along with some reccomendations.
Staff would listen and act on it (e.g. i have a student this year who we aren't to publicly praise and another that we aren't to ask to give answers to the group).

brass I am not being goady. There is a young adult here who has had a rough year and turned down counselling. He has experienced a difficult situation and has responded by threatening violence. That is not an average coping strategy, nor is it a healthy one. It is not goady to suggest that help is accessed.
I taught a child last year who would harm themselves when stressed or anxious. It wasn't goady of us as a school to suggest we helped them find better ways of dealing with it. In fact, them getting better strategies was essential.

You do seem to be spending a lot of energy attacking anyone who isn't saying "OMG hun that's so terrible call a lawyer how dare they humiliate your boy

Find my post that does this.I think you'll struggle. Lots of people have said don't go down the solicitor route. But they've managed to say it neutrally, kindly even.

Some of you have blatanly jumped down the OPs throat and been bashing her about this one aspect without considering the rest of the situation. Telling her she is inappropriate and disproportionate in her reaction and that he needs to sort himself out is quite offensive. Clearly they need support but the way it's being worded is out of order and especially coming from a teacher! is majorly worrying.

That is not an average coping strategy, nor is it a healthy one

No shit sherlock? Do you think his mum doesn't know that? After all she's a bit more invested in his welfare than you are.

Some schools just don't think about the impact of their actions on others at all.

Our DS has just got his GCSE results. He has dyslexia but amazingly got 5 A grades.....All for sciences, maths, papers where he could give shorter answers.

On results day there were a group of his friends having their photos taken for the school newsletter, they shouted him over to join their group but his RE teacher stuck her hand in front of his face and said "Sorry, this is just for the high achievers".

Way to humiliate a young person.

Luckily he is more emotionally literate than she is and he has actually managed to laugh about it now. (I on the other hand would like to beat her to death with a blunt instrument).

I was in secondary teaching for 25+ years and I feel for you and your son. Their intentions were probably good but they seriously misjudged it and they need to know that, despite what they might think, the message was perceived negatively by the audience (who reported back to you and your son) and that your son feels humiliated (I would tell them that he hasn't left his room since).

Those people who are telling you to toughen up and that their results were in the paper - well that was everyone, not just one person singled out and named in juxtaposition to Oxbridge candidates. Not the same at all.

I would also mention that you hope they do not intend to use your son's details (photo, result, future plans etc) in their prospectus or in any new intake/information/parents evenings - or indeed again at all. I think officially, they can use them internally but it is worth putting in writing that you do not want them to. If you had given your permission for his photo etc to be used whilst he was at school, then I would be clear that you are rescinding it. The whole school results will of course be published, but you do not want your son to be singled out again.

If assembly did that to mine she would have probably said what the feck.

Totally different scenario, joolsy67. Apparently OP's DS "did very well" and has (I think) got into his first choice, preferred University. Not that you would guess it from the tone of her posts (hence my caveat of "I think")
As far as I can see the DS was predicted the grades to get into BCU, got an offer, made the grades, the school said "well done" (in the same breath as the Oxbridge crowd, no one else got mentioned as an exemplar). And he has gone into meltdown because of this.

specsavers might help