Humiliated Sons Exam results publicised

[Frances39]

My son received his A-level results this August and is about to head off to university. However his college which he attended in their assemblies have being showing his picture and results in all the assemblies. My son did very well despite several unfortunate happenings during his exams, however he did very mediocre compared to the rest of the leavers. In their assembly's they put up the A*AA etc. students up and those going to Oxford/Cambridge, then they went on to show my sons grades and his less prestigious university as some kind of charity case. My son has not left his room now for a couple of days since hearing about what the school did, he did not even tell his close friends what grades he got. He feels humiliated and violated that they would do such a thing without his consent and that he was contrasted with Oxbridge students. I have no idea what I should do, I will he contacting the school and maybe a solicitor. I cannot imagine what my son must be experiencing

Have just read about Data Protection Act on Exams.
It seems a school can supply them to the media and use them without it being a breach.
So in this case it's the way people saw the information used, but it doesn't mean it was meant to be seen as anything but good. the school must have been proud of your son to get to uni, or they wouldn't have used his info, what has happened is your son doesn't feel proud of himself, and that is something you need to work on. Not playing a blame game.

TheBigPickle
I thought I was saying the same as other people. I really am sympathetic to how the son is feeling. I just don't get the daft encouragement of legal action over a well intentioned (if poorly executed) acknowledgement, not suggestions that the school is responsible for how someone responds.
If the school had done something malicious then I'd be totally there saying to kick off and follow the proper channels.

All i think is that it's not malicious so raising it with the school is probably best and focus on how the son is feeling rather than going down the route of 'they mentioned A grade students and then him. That's essentially comparing them' (when it's not).

I do feel like as the thread has gone on I've got quite exasperated because it's sort of felt like lots of people were saying useful things and essentially it's just brushed off in favour of pushing for legal action and holding the school accountable, which is probably why i've got increasingly less patient. (But even then, i've not been less patient because i don't get the intent on legal action, i must be a goady fucker because I'm a teacher).

the school must have been proud of your son to get to uni, or they wouldn't have used his info, what has happened is your son doesn't feel proud of himself, and that is something you need to work on. Not playing a blame game.
This is what I mean. They've done it because they are happy.
He's not coped well with it and is obviously not feeling great about it.

The solution is to talk to the school and then for him to work on ways of managing life (and if he wants to not access counselling, which i think the OP mentioned earlier, then that's his decision, but the world can't be held responsible for his coping choices) - not jumping to gettinf solicitors.

brassbrass

What the heck to you mean telling me to stop attacking Op?

I am sticking up for her and her son! Which part of my post saying the school had no right to do it is attacking the OP?

If you want to blame your sons mental health issues on this I am sure you will be able to dine out on this for years. You need to stop and move on for his benefit

What an awful thing ot say, cant you read what the boy has been through for years yet you make a flippant remark like that?

Shame on you.

Where has op said she is planning on suing the school for tons of money?

She has talked about data protection and her sons right to annonymity and perhaps stopping the school from doing this to another child. Asking a solicitor about this is perfectly reasonable. Suing the school not so much.

The way they presented his results they weren't exactly celebrated. They showed him as a failure that just scraped a uni place
They were heavily implying that his results were negative. My neighbours daughter was in the assembly and even she told me that she felt bad listening

^
This is NOT celebrating his achievements I am astounded that several posters including a teacher seem to think that that if they 'think' it was done to celebrate him then its ok.

I'm sorry that your son feels humiliated. Perhaps you are seeing it in a more negative light than intended. I gather that your son was not present as he has left but has heard about this second hand.

I am not in the UK but my dc's school used to recognise different talents - the top academic performances were recognised (and their average grades were announced), the top sports performances were recognised. And finally there was a special category called "fighter of the year" that recognised "achievements against the odds" - one year a refugee won for her efforts - one year dd1 won it for trying her best despite ADHD/ASD. So perhaps it was in this spirit that the school mentioned his results - as a person who overcame and still won a University place.

Your son's reaction sounds a bit worrying - is he sure he wants to accept this place if he is so upset about other people knowing? Does he feel that he has let himself/you down? as the way you write makes this University sound inferior if you cannot admit to going there.

Would your son want you to contact the school? I would not recommend you taking legal action as it would likely get a lot more publicity and there is a risk it would end up in the Fail.

I believe the school is well intentioned, but, needs to be informed that its actions caused distress.

Most teachers will have had a positive experience of education and things will have gone right for them usually (or they wouldn't be teachers). They also tend to be people who are more extrovert - and don't mind people noticing them or being in the limelight.

They should realise that this is not true for everyone.

It seems a school can supply them to the media and use them without it being a breach

All names and grades are published here

Willow

She wasn't there; nor was her son. She really has no idea other than the say-so of people who may have other agendas

This does not ring true to me: why would a teenage 'friend' report back that they thought the school was intending to humiliate her son? Do you really think the school wanted to humiliate a young person?

Notagain

Funny how several people there all heard the same thing being spoken yet people on this thread 'heard' something completley different.

They made my son look like a failure in the fact that they were relating his results to that in the 'worst case scenario' you can still get into university or pursue other opportunities

Several people gave that view of what happend independently and prior to telling my son. I was told out shopping about it by children of family friends

I have seen primary school teachers humiliating kids never mind secondary teachers. Being a teacher doesnt mean you are perfect, are blessed with common sense and empathy. There are some shit teachers and head teachers out there believe me.

Not rtft

I think how you approach this will have an effect on the impact of this.

If you make it a big deal it will become one. Sympathise but encourage him to brush it off. Today's news is tomorrow's fish and chips paper.

Congratulations to your DS for persevering through a really traumatic time and getting the results he needed to go to his choice of Uni.

Whether the school where clumsily trying to acknowledge his achievement or using him as a 'worst case scenario' I agree it is a gross invasion of his privacy and the school should have contacted him to seek permission before the assembly.

I'm sure no school would deliberately try to humiliate a pupil and use them as a cautionary tale along side a picture for further identification. I can understand how directly comparing his (excellent) achievement immediately after their Oxbridge boast would have stung even if it was done with the kindest of intentions.

Definitely contact the school and/or governors and lodge a formal complaint. It might make him feel better if he receives an apology and receives an explanation of why he was publicly discussed.

On a side note my DD's school don't put GCSE or A level results in envelopes and you have to scan a massive table to find your individual results and can clearly see other peoples grades

Just wanted to add do you think he would be open to the gentle suggestion of contacting student welfare when he begins university? The transition to uni can be stressful and given the traumatic events he has experienced he may quite understandably find it challenging. They will respect his right to not have counselling but it may be beneficial to him if they are aware of his circumstances and are able to support him in any way if required.

She wasn't there; nor was her son. She really has no idea other than the say-so of people who may have other agendas
Or if not other agendas, other world views.

E.g. If there's kids in there who are very much in the 'the only decent grades are As and thr only decent unis are the very top ones', then they could quite easily take 'and it's not just oxbridge applicants who've done well, Adam worked hard and got BBC And is off to x university and there's a great number of leavers destinations including universities, advanced apprenticeships.' as being some kind of nasty comparison because they personally feel so sorry that this wasn't really top. It probably reflects more on those students that they think certain grades/universities aren't good.

I also question why someone in an assembly who presumably knows that he's had a tough year would go and report back to him after he's left purely to tell a story in a way that might upset him. How much of this is in the chinese whisper style reporting?

I can understand how directly comparing his (excellent) achievement immediately after their Oxbridge boast would have stung even if it was done with the kindest of intentions.
I don't think it would be a like for like comparison, more here are a few of our leavers.
I get that he's taken it badly. I do think really given his response and refusal to tale counselling earlier in the year, he absolutely needs to see someone and seek help about dealing with situations

Am sorry for being flippant. I had not read the full thread and what your son had been through. Only your first few posts!
I would still 'advise' not to turn a drama into a crisis.
But I am sorry again, as the previous history of what he has been through has clearly contributed to the reaction.
Hopefully you can both move one quickly and he will enjoy university.

Maisy

If they were comparing school leavers achievements how come only the top Uni graders and Ops son were mentioned?
Why not any of the kids going to another college, work placement, joinging the army etc etc?

Hmm let me think. THis is what you can achieve if you get good grades, this is what happens if you dont.....

Masypops Yes I worded that clumsily while nursing a lemsip at an ungodly hour.

I should have said I can understand how discussing his (excellent) achievement immediately after their Oxbridge boast would have stung even if it was done with the kindest intentions.

I was trying to explain how people in attendance may have incorrectly made an unfavourable comparison even if this was not the schools intention at all.

willow
I wouldn't have taken that at all.
I would have taken it as 'here's the obligatory fawning over A* students whcih happrns every year, but that's not the only measure of success. Here's a student who has done well and there are also others who have gone onto army, apprrenticeships etc'

sassy You and I are on the same page I think. Clumsy and maybe hadn't considered how someone might feel, yes. Worth raising calmly with school, yes.

But some kind of deliberate attempt to single someone out, I don't see it.

I also don't think automatic jumps to getting legal advice, loads of posts going down the data protection route, blaming the school for the way someone responded to a situation are terribly helpful and only seem to create unecessary drama.

But anyone who gets into UNI is a win.
It's about 30% who go on to UNI who get the grades to Progress onward.
Sorry but any school would be boasting about ALL the students go to in, as it looks good on their records.

This isn't a case of them shaming him, just worded wrong, I was so thrilled to hear DD was going, and so proud of her for getting a place, her grades were not great, but she is doing well and in year 2.

This really is going to effect him, if you can't encourage him too see he won, not is a victim.

Here's a student who has done well and there are also others who have gone onto army, apprrenticeships etc'

The point is you were not the teacher, and the teacher didnt mention any other pupils by name or put up their photos to say 'X is going into the army' or 'Y has an apprentiship with Z company' All they did was say here are all our top graders who got into top unis and here is A who only scraped by to get into a lesser uni the moral of the story is....

I really think if several people independantly told OP they were uncomfrotable with what was said about her DS then she should propbably believe them.

i must be a goady fucker

Yes Maisy you are if you persist in droning on about OP's response being 'totally disproportionate' even when you know that the OP and her son have had a lot to deal with. Who are you to dictate what someone's response should be? Disproportionate compared to how you would have reacted? Have you had to go through what this family has been going through? Can you really not extrapolate why the OP and her son might feel the way they do? You lack insight on such a level it's mind boggling. What happens to vulnerable kids who come into contact with you. Do you bark at them in the same way?

Why are you so fixated and threatened by her talking to a solicitor? Have you had experience? Are you taking this personally?

If the OP wants to do it that's her choice. More than likely the solicitor will advise her that it's not worth taking any further but at least she will feel like she pursued all avenues for her son which while she's feeling wounded and protective might actually help them both to move on. If spoken to kindly OP might be able to feel that actually talking to the college is enough.

Suing schools isn't really the main issue here but you seem incapable of understanding this and in fact you barking on about it has made it take centre stage when that's not what OP needed.

Willow where I quoted you I was in agreement with you. The bit after was aimed at others but I can see how that post looks confusing.

Apologies.

Brassneck
Ok sorry I misread it.