Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Humiliated Sons Exam results publicised

409 replies

Frances39 · 08/09/2017 01:21

My son received his A-level results this August and is about to head off to university. However his college which he attended in their assemblies have being showing his picture and results in all the assemblies. My son did very well despite several unfortunate happenings during his exams, however he did very mediocre compared to the rest of the leavers. In their assembly's they put up the A*AA etc. students up and those going to Oxford/Cambridge, then they went on to show my sons grades and his less prestigious university as some kind of charity case. My son has not left his room now for a couple of days since hearing about what the school did, he did not even tell his close friends what grades he got. He feels humiliated and violated that they would do such a thing without his consent and that he was contrasted with Oxbridge students. I have no idea what I should do, I will he contacting the school and maybe a solicitor. I cannot imagine what my son must be experiencing

OP posts:
SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 01:58

They're CELEBRATING his achievements, by the sound of it.

As you said; . My son did very well despite several unfortunate happenings during his exams

They know that too. They were trying to give credit where it's due. But they were tactless.

You're getting way to carried away with emoting about it. You can't help your DS in this frame of mind.

SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 02:00

So which is it? They meant well? Or they were implying it was a negate result?

Is it a school run by sadists?

Original poster
Frances39 · 08/09/2017 02:03

Several people gave that view of what happend independently and prior to telling my son. I was told out shopping about it by children of family friends

OP posts:
SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 02:05

So neither of you have actually seen these assemblies?
Which uni is he going to?

Original poster
Frances39 · 08/09/2017 02:05

They meant well by trying to 'inspire' non-oxbridge/RG students but the public use of my son and the way they did it showed to be a backhanded compliment

OP posts:
Original poster
Frances39 · 08/09/2017 02:09

Birmingham city.
I was not present to the assembly and at first just thought they were celebrating his success but after numerous accounts giving similar attitudes to what happend I do not believe that they were considerate to my son

OP posts:
SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 02:10

Yes. Tactless and insensitive. But you only have a second hand account of exactly what was said.

And we don't know if you're talking about a midrange uni or a bottom-of-the-tables institution or anything in between.

Concentrate on boosting your DS.

SerfTerf · 08/09/2017 02:12

Well Birmingham City has some strong departments and Birmingham is a great city to be a student in.

Focus on that now.

DiegoMadonna · 08/09/2017 02:14

It sounds like you're making a big deal out of something fairly innocuous. Maybe your feelings are then rubbing off onto your son. Try to step back and see this for the insignificant event that it is, and then maybe you'll be able to help your son do the same.

WellThisIsShit · 08/09/2017 02:20

Before making a formal complaint, can you ask to speak to the teacher/s involved in these assemblies, and ask them to tell you what was said and what the intention was.

Then I'd explain the numerous reports from teens in the assembly and how badly it's effected your son. You don't have to get angry, just state facts and explain that you're hoping they can learn from this and be exceedingly careful when singling a student out for a not-straightforwards-reason, and that whatever the intention was, the way it's been interpreted by students is that your son was singled out for not doing well.

Then I'd leave it, unless the teacher / school is magnanimous in their fuck up and offers to speak to your son to help him put this behind him and set off to uni as confidently as poss.

PotteringAlong · 08/09/2017 02:22

but not personaly naming individuals though

So they didn't name your son in assembly?

WellThisIsShit · 08/09/2017 02:25

Pottering the OP wrote:

"using a picture of him with name and grades"

missperegrinespeculiar · 08/09/2017 02:26

To be honest I think what they meant to do is irrelevant, I would have been mortified to have my marks publicised that way without my consent, and I did very well!

The point is, they did not ask if it was ok, they did not know how he would feel, and look at the result he is distraught, they had no right. Just because they are kids it does not mean they have no right to privacy. How would you like your performance review broadcast to the whole company without your permission?

Original poster
Frances39 · 08/09/2017 02:27

No they did, just not the individuals who are not going to uni but are pursuing other things

OP posts:
viques · 08/09/2017 02:54

But your son applied to that University, and they wanted him and made him a offer which is what he achieved on his results. If he had not achieved his offer grades then he would not have the place. If they made him a lowish offer it is because they wanted him. Universitys make high offers if a) the course is ridiculously oversubscribed b) they do not particularly want the student. Your son has chosen the course that he wants to do at a decent university, and has a place, that is all he needs to concentrate on, well, that and getting a good degree.

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 08/09/2017 03:00

I think you would serve your son better by helping him achieve a realistic perspective of the situation and not focusing on any perceived slight or humiliation.
It is much more likely to have been an ill-thought misstep on the part of the school than malice.
He will never see the vast majority of people who are still at the school ever again so what does it matter what any of them think?
He overcame some difficult circumstances to achieve his scores and this is to be applauded.
He has won a place at uni when many, many others will not.
The rest of his life is out there waiting for him; who cares about the reflection in the rear view mirror!

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 08/09/2017 03:04

I agree with others. It doesnt sound quite right. Speak to his tutor or the head if you have concerns.

I was just discussing today how my school should publicise all of its leaver destinations, not just universities. Why? Because all of our students are equally important and those who have chosen to go straight to a work placement or to a college should categorically not be excluded. However we do not identify the students individually in any way.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 08/09/2017 03:08

It's difficult to know without being there. It does sound as though it was done with good intentions but handled badly.

At my sons Y6 leaving assembly all the Y6 were given a present etc in front of the school and parents. The head teacher didn't mention any child's SATS results until she got to one little girl, and then told everyone that, despite coming to the UK without knowing g a single word of English less than two years earlier, she had achieved Level 4 in her English SATs which the HT said was an amazing achievement Whilst we're all clapping madly, the little girl burst into tears because "now everyone knows I didn't get level 5".

Your son has done really well and should focus on what he has achieved. I hope he enjoys university.

highinthesky · 08/09/2017 03:11

Make a formal complaint but leave the solicitors out of it. The best you can hope for us the head gets some PRP withheld, and the school's policy is reviewed to allow specific consent to divulge the results.

Much more pressing is your son's perception of his own worth. I can understand him being angry but his reaction is extreme and stopping him from enjoying his own success. Fix this now before he departs for university.

In years to come this won't matter a jot.

MaryTheCanary · 08/09/2017 03:23

Appalling. The school should have asked for permission before doing this. I too would have found this humiliating.

BizzyFizzy · 08/09/2017 03:52

Leave the past in the past.

You can't change what was said, and certainly can't get any money out of them (if that's what the solicitor is about).

He can't hide which uni he is going to, so his results can be inferred anyway.

Devilishpyjamas · 08/09/2017 03:54

So the school said something like 'these clever clogs got these grades and are off to toff college oxford, but don't worry if that's out of your league as

SpareASquare · 08/09/2017 04:21

So neither of you were there?

I think both of your reactions are way OTT especially considering that you didn't actually see what happened. What would a solicitor be able to do?

Celebrate the good results and move on.

fucksakefay · 08/09/2017 04:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhTheRoses · 08/09/2017 04:42

What a precious world we live in now. In 1976 78 my O and A'Level results were published in the local paper. Students name followed by grades. This summer pictures of dd and the others who got all A*s were all over the schools website and Twitter. Although names weren't published it was pretty obvious.

If your son met his predictions and as others have said applied to the uni he's attending I think he is overreacting and you should be playing this down rather than whipping his frenzy.

Swipe left for the next trending thread