EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 4

[madeinkent]

DD and her friends secured their house yesterday. There are 5 of them, and a new house came on, and they dashed over to see it, and then straight on to the Letting Agents to confirm they wanted to take it. As they were filling out the forms another group came in wanting the same property, and both groups' details were sent to the Landlord who confirmed they'd let it to DD and her friends. Small matter of immediate deposit of £430 plus agent's fee of £180 (per person). She's given our names and details as guarantors, and says it will just be for her room, not for the whole house! Presume we'll get something through the post soon and will need to check it carefully. She's in Catered Halls this year, which she has really been enjoying, but this should be much cheaper even though it still seems quite expensive.

That sounds about right for what DS was doing in the summer last year, he left it until late and then just slotted in with whoever, and it has worked very well for their household. I wasn't surprised they asked him for a retainer, just that he had to do it so early. The whole thing has been interesting to watch.

Posted too soon,
So I know she needs to learn some tolerance.
She says she may have been better in another flat but having seen and heard some of the other flats I'm sure this is far from true
It's so hard suggesting that she needs to be more accepting when she feels so bad.

I suspect you get to hear the moans that she can't do with her friends and flatmates - then gets it all off her own chest and leaves you worrying! That's what I found with DD, anyway.

I sent mine off with multi-vitamins, to keep all bases covered. When DS came home I was astonished to see him grab the vitamin C!

We saw him on Friday, we went to take him some evening clothes he had forgotten as he needed them for Saturday for a formal dinner. It was lovely to see him, we met him after his last lecture and took him to Zizzi for tea. While we were waiting for him we got talking to the people on the next table, a northern Mum and Dad and grandparents of a 1st year girl student. She arrived before DS and was such a little Madam, I felt like throttling her on behalf of her lovely family who had been so excited and looking forward to seeing her. If any of us lot on here had been treated like that we would have been gutted! She complained about the menu very loudly, then about her food when it arrived, then said barely a word to her grandparents and what she did say was grumpy. She just didn't want them there.

DS arrived so I gave him my full attention for a bit, turned around to see why the table was so quiet - and the girl had gone! She hadn't even finished her main course. I felt so very sorry for that poor family. To have travelled down all that way, and then to be treated like that.

Yes I think that's true with dd. she blurts it all out then I fester about it all night. My friend said this too.
Have sent her multivitamins via Amazon!
Poor grandparents that sounds awful.
Dd was pleased to see us and had sewn me a pressi and bought a book for dh.
We took her and 3 friends out for her birthday meal, she really enjoyed it , despite asking us to be normal

madeinkent What a sad story, that poor family. She is probably their pride and joy , nasty girl.
friday I think I know how you feel. I do find that DS pours out all his stresses on me, and I end up feeling worse than him because his life is so hectic and full that he soon forgets, whereas I'm left worrying. I am learning not to though.

friday DDs another one who texts to rant about her flatmate X. She was so bad on Friday I turned my phone off and when I phoned her back to tell her not to get so wound up she hissed why are you phoning I'm out with X - obviously whatever she was pissed off about had been resolved.

made that girl sounds like a spoilt brat, I bet she happily received any money handed over by her GPs.

It is very weird to think that my dd is in Germany and that I have not organised it. I won't get the washing at the end either! Yay.

I love the way that university makes them so independent.

Is she on holiday or studying Littleham?
Two more weeks and DS will be home for five weeks over Easter .

It is the German Society trip to Berlin - during reading week. Seems sensible as she is studying German!

Is anyone else (parent) finding this term hard? I think last term was so busy, so exciting and new (for ds and me). DS was full of info about everything and this term he is busy working and socialising and communicating with me and that absolutely the right thing but for me it's all a little bit lonely with just 4 days at Easter and then, no idea when we will see him again.
Don't get me wrong I'm am very happy for him that it appears to be exactly what he wanted and expected, I'm just feeling a little bit redundant but happy knowing I did a good job.

Isthis, DS is also going to stay over Easter, perhaps coming home for a few days. He says he needs the time to study. He has also mentioned some students who have not put in the work and so are in danger of failing their exams. Its tough. And apparently more so in the second year where they make you repeat the year if you don't do well enough.

That said the second term has been better for us as DS has got into the habit of popping home for Sunday roast or similar at least every other week. He was clearly finding one maths course quite heavy going and was having to work hard to keep up. They have now switched topic and it has got easier. There is not much we can do, other than feed him, but its nice to hear about both the good and bad.

I have found it harder.
Yes he is happy and busy and loving the work and the people. Thank goodness.
He is really good about skyping but it's been a long term. I've seen him once since 3rd January when he made a flying visit en route to his GF. I actually found that the hardest bit yet and cried.

NeedMore There's nothing like a Sunday roast to tempt a teenage boy

Although home for 5 weeks over Easter he reckons he will be working /revising most of the time. DS2 has AS revision so I guess feeding them will be my job.

Phew! it's not just me! I'm finding this term really hard. I think it's because this new way of life is now a reality. My DD is so busy, she hardly phones, saw her once in the first term, once this term and not visiting next term (exams). She's much too far away to pop in for Sunday lunch. It's tough and I do feel a bit redundant and old!! It's a huge adjustment to our way of life. But, she's coming home for Easter holidays

Glad it's not just me. Sorry you all feel just a little bit sad. No chance of ds popping in for a roast 7000 km away! DH has just given me the good news that we are all 3 going to Amsterdam for 4 days as well as the 4 days when we go to see him in London. He has chosen to stay in London because he will have lots of work to do and wants to use the library. So he gets a break in the middle with us, but nothing in the summer visiting us. Although we should catch up with him somewhere in the UK.
Just sent a care package to cheer him up, lots of the fresh fruit he loves but won't buy, fruit juice, new socks, some mini eggs, crisps and other random nice things. It made me feel better ;-) and I'm sure it will make him feel better. He has an easy week this week after 6 essays in 3 weeks and another 6 by the end of the Easter hols, plus two presentations. Ignore my post from October complaining there was no work lol.

isthis that must be really hard, not even being in the same country. I send surprise treat parcels too, especially before exams. I guess we're lucky though, our DCs are happy and working hard. It must be awful if they're not enjoying uni. Just need to keep telling ourselves we've done a good job, helping them grow into independent young people

I'm finding the second half of this term hard - I think it's the reality that this is what life is going to be like from now on. DD hasn't been home this term although I made the 200 mile (each way ) trip to visit her in half term. She has made friends, met a lovely young man and is spreading her wings and I wouldn't want it any other way but I miss her terribly.

I'm lucky in as much as DD comes home every other weekend for work but she does such long hours and then wants to catch up on her trashy TV programmes that there isn't much conversation except on the 20 minute drive from the station when I get all her news but she's now on countdown for her year abroad and I'll have 11 months of crap incredibly slow internet here skype calls until I go over for a holiday to help her bring everything back and I know I'm going to miss her. She's under orders not to tell me how many sleeps it is but I love that she's constantly sending me links to the campus and places in the surrounding area.

isthis I'm under orders to send regular care packages, ginger biscuits and fruit gums are mandatory

DS will be home for a weekend at the end of March ( only because he's on a "sports tour" to Spain and he needs some summer clothes .... )

He's a long way from us , but he seems to be happy living there , made friends and has organised ( with a group ) nest years accommodation , luckily he can stay on campus but he's moving to a flat with no ensuite rooms and £20 a week cheaper ( phew )

Especially as all going well DD will be off to uni next September too !
Need to make the money stretch a bit further :)

I feel your pain doi we've had 2 at uni for 4 of the last 5 years, DDs got another 2 yrs to go but thankfully DSS can't get a placement for next year so has decided to go straight to his final year. DS decided to commute otherwise I'd have struggled to pay for DDs accommodation but I'll be skint by the time she finishes. Talk of doing a masters is met with a withering look whilst I cheer yay! Think of the fantastic holidays we could be having

Still feeling absolutely fine about my dd being away at university. She is close enough to get there if there was a problem & I can't help feeling very positive because she is really happy. I think I'll find next year harder as two will be away.

Saw her for afternoon tea (early Mother's Day).

I haven't seem DD since January 3rd I have phases of missing her but she's really happy and doing well with her work and pulling pretty good marks, so all is good. I absolutely cannot wait for Easter though. As far as I know she'll be home for the duration - hope she will be working - her job is weather dependent, so fingers crossed for lots of sunshine! She is going to be bored rigid after about 5 days though!!

All is well with DD. Heard from her yesterday after a 30 module hand in which was apparently great fun but also very stressful. She spent the afternoon chilling with halls mates and they have decided to stay on at the end of term for the two extra weeks that halls are paid for to discover the area better. So, she certainly sounds settled.

She is off on a international trip next week for 10 days so that should be a great experience too as she loves travelling.

Just bumping the thread really .

DS home tomorrow for the weekend , to pick up summer clothes for his trip to Spain and catch up with his friends , as its one of his friends girlfriends 18th birthday party .

And spend all day in the pub watching the rugby ( we're in Wales , and he really doesn't give a monkeys about it , but heyho )

Anyway , it'll be nice to see him ??????

Oh. My. God. First big bill for next year's accommodation & it has to be cashed in June! Am hoping the house is like a inside.

Good luck!

DS is coming back this weekend, which is great because it's his birthday in the middle of the week and it will save me all the postage of sending it all on to him. I'm not quite sure when to break out the cake and stuff though. He's only really here because his computer, which he built himself years ago and is very specialised, has now had it and he's building a new one here as there is far more space. I have spent all week sorting out with neighbours, who is happy to receive parcels and sign, on which days. DBH is going to have to take him back on Sunday. So I shan't exactly see much of him, but it will be nice.

I haven't missed him as much as I thought I would, although I was very sad for the first couple of days after he went back. We have been to see him briefly, which helped. Also, we have had far more contact on facebook due to this computer problem. It's nice to feel needed still!

i am beyond excited about the upcoming holidays. DS was hospitalised just over a week ago for a couple of days, as a legacy from the illness he suffered during his A2 studies (and since then). He didn't tell us, I understand why but the shock when he did tell me was a thunderbolt. He knew I would have been on the first plane there and didn't want me to. He has told me that if he had needed to stay longer then he would have asked me to come.
I can't wait to see him. Dh and I will be with him for a few days in London and then we are all off for a few days away from uni. He has chosen to stay at uni because he wants to study party and I am happy with that. He loves his course and wants to do well.
Happy holidays everyone.