EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 4

[madeinkent]

DD and her friends secured their house yesterday. There are 5 of them, and a new house came on, and they dashed over to see it, and then straight on to the Letting Agents to confirm they wanted to take it. As they were filling out the forms another group came in wanting the same property, and both groups' details were sent to the Landlord who confirmed they'd let it to DD and her friends. Small matter of immediate deposit of £430 plus agent's fee of £180 (per person). She's given our names and details as guarantors, and says it will just be for her room, not for the whole house! Presume we'll get something through the post soon and will need to check it carefully. She's in Catered Halls this year, which she has really been enjoying, but this should be much cheaper even though it still seems quite expensive.

That sounds about right for what DS was doing in the summer last year, he left it until late and then just slotted in with whoever, and it has worked very well for their household. I wasn't surprised they asked him for a retainer, just that he had to do it so early. The whole thing has been interesting to watch.

Enjoy mumee.
DS1 is home and also revising for exams straight after Easter. DS2 has chosen his uni and so the nest will be properly empty in October.

All my dc home now.

Where has your ds2 chosen Secret?

DD has gone off to visit family at the other end of the country, so won't be here until next weekend. I will have to try to resist eating her Easter Egg before she gets here! Looking forward to spending some time with her when she does get here though.

DD came home for 2 days and has gone back to work for the rest of Easter!!!

DD1 still in Paris. Coming home from her year abroad on 15th May. She has enjoyed Paris itself but is relieved to have just about finished her teaching assistant job there as staff were unfriendly and tended to ignore the foreign students, leaving them in charge of classes when they were not meant to be etc.

Looking forward to getting back to a more normal student year at Warwick next year.

DD flies back tomorrow and her exams start on Wednesday - apparently jetlag won't be a problem and she 'needs' to go clothes shopping on Tuesday because ..... I tuned out at that point although the Halifax must be concerned as I got a phone call about inactivity on her credit card

I can't believe how quickly the 6 weeks has gone but at least she's all packed this time. If customs open her case they'll get a shock as its full of sweets and biscuits to keep her going until August

Hello all - I have been a bit scarce on here, I think because I am still trying to get my head around DS starting over on a different course when he would have been in his last year, and DD is now in her 7th year of law which effectively means her having to study to be a solicitor and needing a £15,000 loan to do so - and we had to find the deposit payable in advance... From September she will need to work full time to fund it all so we shall rarely see her.

DS however has fallen on his feet, he has a weekend and holiday job tutoring young teens music tech and computer coding, a sort of holiday school operating in London and Cambridge, so we rarely see him either. I did think he could have tried to look a bit sadder when he told me he intended to work all summer! It came as quite a shock this Easter, I had been looking forward to having the extra muscle power to help in our garden. He probably thought of all the tons of topsoil he had to shift last year and decided a paid job was the better option. Maybe I inadvertently found the way to make him try harder to find a job...

Hello everyone, may I tiptoe in and lean on you a little? ds1 has accepted a place at St Andrews and will be leaving in sept. I'm feeling like a giant pathetic wimp as I'm finding it hard to believe that at 17 he will be off. Please tell me I'll get my head around this in time and stop being such a baby .

Welcome Gillybobs I'll be around for another year and I think made will be here forever!

made DS didn't try couldn't get a training contract so I refused to help pay for his LPC so he's gone down the legal exec route. Once he's got his qualifying experience he's going to do it part-time but will qualify as a solicitor without needing a TC. He now wishes he'd got an apprenticeship at 18 as he preferred the course to his degree.

Well done to DS for getting a job with hindsight I should've nagged encouraged mine to but he's not into going out so there was no financial incentive whereas DD worked during her 6 wks home to fund her shopping habit and she's now got 2 teaching jobs in Japan.

Welcome Gillybobs it takes time to get used to your DDs flying the nest but you'll get there.
I've been on here ever since the first empty nest thread started and now my third and youngest DD is in her final weeks. She is getting very anxious and panicking about getting assignments handed in but hopefully she will get her degree. I'll miss everyone here.when she finally finishes but will probably pop back in from time to time.

Ah mumeee the end of a different era for you! It's the eldest of my 2 DSs that's heading off in September and I do worry he is in for the shock of his life! Hopefully it will be the making of him.

Hello all, how nice to see some familiar names here still. Dd1, who had a rotten time in halls in year 1 is about to finish university. She's commuted from home for the last two years and worked part time so has just managed to buy her first car. The dissertation goes in this week and she has a couple of final assignments to finish. I'm very proud of her for sticking it out after a very dodgy start.she has an interview on Thursday for her first proper job. Some of you kept me sane during her first year, I hope all is well with you. DD 2 is just about to finish first year and has had a much better experience thankfully. I'm now two years clear of breast cancer and life is looking up.

Really pleased for you all mrshodgilbert.

Welcome Gillybobs. All I can sayis it wasn't quite as hard as I expected when DS1 started uni, but my expectations were low! What made it easier for me was the fact that he loved it from the start and coped far better than I expected.
His second year hasn't gone quite as well as the house share has been disappointing (though not disastrous). He still loves the course though and is working ridiculous hours revising for exams.
Made so I'm not the only one who used DSs as heavy duty garden labour last summer. The jungle they cleared is looking nicely tamed now.
Glad to hear about your DD and you MrsR.
Littleham DS2 is going to York. Not so far away as DS1 but he is much less communicative so It'll probably seem as far away.

Hope he has a good time Secret. Feel free to ask any questions about York as dd2 is very communicative.

Hello all, and mrsrhod I am/will be glad to see you still around. In all ways. Particularly since I now have another two years of DS at uni, the little toad. If I had known it would be this year we were going to have to fund I might have been a little less agreeable to his plans!

notso thanks for the info re legal exec - strangely it was not presented to me as an option.

I had a very interesting talk to DS last month when we met up, he said he thinks three years really isn't enough! He said that it takes the whole of the first year simply to adjust and survive and you take in very little because so much info is being bombarded at you from all sides. By the time he settled in it was the second year and he had already started his 2nd semester when he realised the course wasn't going where he had wanted to be, and felt awful about asking to change, but realised if he didn't do it now, he never would. If nothing else, he certainly seems to be finding it easier to find employment doing computer sciences rather than music, even though he wants to do it to help him with his music. He said the drop-out rate was pretty high after the first semester, because people's maths simply weren't strong enough. That was a problem with the music, too. What on earth aren't they teaching them now?

Hello everyone - I have lurked more than posted here but it's good to hear everyone's news.

It looks like we will be a full rather than empty nest - for a while at least. Dd graduates this year and is coming home to work for a few months before going off travelling in early 2017 and dd is taking a gap year after A levels.

We are nearly there well DD3 is. Dissertation handed in and she just has one more assignment to finish due in on Monday 23rd May.
She has struggled a bit this year and been very stressed and anxious for the last couple of months. However DH and I are very proud of her she has done very well to get this far and she also spoke to people both at her uni and church for advice and support. Which shows she is growing up she wouldn't have done that before she went to university

Hello everyone. SO glad I found this thread, though weirdly, it is now after the first year is done and dusted, that I have found it by chance while looking for support online. I am a MESS!!

DS started at his uni last September. The initial starting and drop off wasn't too bad as it was in the midst of a wedding weekend and so we moved his stuff in early, all went to the wedding, and he was dropped off at the station mid wedding weekend and so everyone just sort of got on with the rest of the celebrations, and no long sad goodbyes at his halls.

He is happy and settled, has a weekend job, and he is loving it.

I HAVE found that I always have his bedroom door open so I can see it and it doesn't feel abandoned. Have forced myself to happily get on with it really.... feel bloody awful everytime he either goes home after a visit or after we leave him when we have visited him, but it soon passes.

BUT, his job is permanent not zero hours and so he was barely here for Christmas or other holidays, it's all flying visits so he can honour his contract. This has now really hit home after his last 3 day visit for his sisters birthday. He mentioned that uni is now really all over and done with for the year. I stupidly envisaged (maybe to help me cope) that he would be home for xmas's and other holidays and the long 3 months at summer. But obviously this isn't going to happen. I am now devastated that he is still up there 4 hours away while not having to study but merely to work. I am so proud he is prepared to put the work in but selfishly would just rather have him home, with us, and relaxing while he can.

I cried all the way home after dropping him off at the station. Cried ALL day on his first day back, and today barely kept it together while at work then burst into tears as soon as I left the building, and have cried, read SOBBED, on and off all day. Why has it taken so long for it to sink in?! God I'm a wuss!!

Hi Duckling. The first year is always the worst. I found it got better in the 2nd year.
Your DS has done well. Just try and enjoy your time with him when he does have a few days at home.
By the way you're not a wuss. I still miss my girls but also very proud of them.

Hi Dunkling. Don't be so hard on yourself!
The beginning was easier for me as mumee says. Partly because you are happy for them. Having said that DS is home for 4 weeks at Christmas , 5 weeks at Easter and 3 months in summer so I can understand how you feel about him not coming home for holidays.
Could he not commute for the weekends? Quit the job for the summer and find another in September? How is he going to manage for accommodation in summer - halls usually finish in June. Even 2nd year rented accommodation is not usually 52 weeks?

Hi all just dropping in again. I know I said before that DD3 was nearly there. It now looks like she is struggling a lot with this last assignment. It's due in at 5pm on Monday. She is actually entitled to extra time because of her disability but for some reason hasn't been given it for this assignmentl. Her tutors do know this. She emailed her tutor for this assignment to remind him again that she is entitled to extra time and asked if he would grant that.

SS and mumeeee

Thanks for your replies.

He is moving into private at the beginning of June. I suggested (with no pressure) that if he wanted more time at home he could quit then start again with a job but his hours are good for him and he doesn't want to risk losing that money. He could commute for weekends I suppose..... he is at the moment doing extra hours now that his studies have finished for the summer. I have to carry it myself though as I can only suggest as it is his decision and what makes him happy. I just hadn't expected him to be so long a time away... I was looking forward to all the holidays. Now that has gone I miss him sooooo much more.

Hello everyone. Only saw this post today for the first time. Today DD2 packed up her uni house and came home:) Three years have flown by. Just the nail biting wait for results and job hunting to be done.

Now we have to get used to living in a house of three once more.

Dunkling. That sounds really hard for you. Is there any possibility of you going to have a weekend at his university city to visit him? It would mean you all had something to look forward to.