EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 4

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DD and her friends secured their house yesterday. There are 5 of them, and a new house came on, and they dashed over to see it, and then straight on to the Letting Agents to confirm they wanted to take it. As they were filling out the forms another group came in wanting the same property, and both groups' details were sent to the Landlord who confirmed they'd let it to DD and her friends. Small matter of immediate deposit of £430 plus agent's fee of £180 (per person). She's given our names and details as guarantors, and says it will just be for her room, not for the whole house! Presume we'll get something through the post soon and will need to check it carefully. She's in Catered Halls this year, which she has really been enjoying, but this should be much cheaper even though it still seems quite expensive.

That sounds about right for what DS was doing in the summer last year, he left it until late and then just slotted in with whoever, and it has worked very well for their household. I wasn't surprised they asked him for a retainer, just that he had to do it so early. The whole thing has been interesting to watch.

Tipton, I think you are probably right when you say that coming home for the first time may have overwhelmed her.

She settled first time a few months ago, so hopefully when her friends get back things will improve.

My DD is generally fine when at uni (Warwick), just the odd hiccup. She is enjoying her year abroad now after the initial nerves, and then of course the terrorist attacks in Paris (glad I was actually there visiting her that weekend or I would have worried much more)..

I am finding that as a student on her year abroad she is much more in need of moral support than she was for the last two years at uni. I guess it is just a much bigger psychological barrier.

WhatsApp is even more my friend now. Great for picture messaging and even phone calls using WiFi rather than roaming & data.

So..if you all remember me? DD got halls in her Uni after all the foreign students left after their semester abroad. We live within the M25 and she is at QMUL. She left today for halls. I was fine.... until she stopped by work for a final goodbye. Floods of tears!
She is only an hour away on the other end of the tube!

Im totally aware I am being ridiculous!

top my dd is at a central London uni, I think the adjustment from rural (close knit community) to a bustling city has been challenging for her. She's not the most out going child but is willing to give things a go.

We had a heart to heart talk last night, which was much overdue, she said that she was fine, but coming home brought back feelings of being in the family and the togetherness which she has been missing. London life has been tough for her, but she says she's going to carry on, as she loves her course and uni, living in London is not going to be forever so she will hack it. I told her we are very proud of her and she has come a very long way. We always go to be there for her no matter what.

She does sound alot happier today. Keeping herself occupied, her flat mates arent back yet. My mum bought her a lovely adult colouring in book complete with pens for xmas. Which I thought at the time, she would never use. So it suprised me that she started on it yesterday!! she says it has been amazing way to relieving all the stress she's been under, so we'll done granny!.

tops your post has really helped me realise that my dd being so far away will require a lot more psychological support which Ipoking back I didn't give enough of. More because I didn't want to pry or think I'm being too nosy into her personal life. But in reality it's probably what she she wanted the most so she could let her feelings out. Thanks tops for sharing your experience, you are alot braver than I am having your dd in Paris, must be constant worry with what's going on over there. I am like that with dd in London with the "what if" scenarios. Wishing your dd all the success she deserves, she sounds like a very hard working and commited young lady you must be a immensely proud mum .

You are welcome Tipton, and thank you.

It is so hard. You don't want to swamp them with messages and cramp their style in front of their new friends, but you don't want to seem too distant either.

Perhaps we all need a colouring book? Is there one designed for mothers of teenagers? Might give it a try this year to relieve stress.

My dd had one episode of homesickness (when other people in her flat had an almighty row). It didn't involve her so she kept to her room to avoid the angst.

little the one my mum bought DD is called "secret garden" Johanna Basford its absolutely gorgeous, full of intricate designs. Can see the rave about it. I was very skeptical until i saw this book. DD loves cath kitdson so mum thought she would love this. So glad she bought her it. DD is lonely in London at the moment with no flat mates back. This has preoccupied her brain and gives her some relief from stress. I'm thinking of buying a colouring in book myself too theres loads of nice themed books not at all what I imagined kind of childish designs. This might be a better way to manage my stress or it give me more stress because I can't colour in neatly got to give it a go.

This Christmas is the first time I have been aware of adult colouring books.

DD3 bought one for DD1, and I too was surprised and delighted with how intricate it was. Pretty sure she has taken it to Paris with her.

Amazing, was it difficult to get accomodation after the first term? Are they rationed by distance? DD is applying to KCL which probably offers the best course but with the downside that she is not entitled to a place in hall. If it were likely that she could get a place after her first term, this is worth knowing. She could then make a decision based on whether she was finding it hard to make friends whilst living at home.

Needmoresleep She didn't get accommodation automatically as we live within the M25. I understand that to be the case with all University of London Unis. You have a lot of "Semester Abroad" students in the first term who then leave at Christmas. At QMUL those who lived furthest away who had applied but not got accommodation were offered it based on distance. She commuted for the first term as did many others, bit of a trek but just one end of the District Line to the other really.

She didn't find it hard to make friends at all and often crashed over in her friend's Halls flats. In some ways it made the transition easier. She got to know people, socialise but still had home when she needed it.

Thanks. In fact I think Imperial UCL and LSE do guarantee accommodation for all first years who firm with them. However many of the others do not, including KCL where DD has an interview.

It's the London dilemna. It's is probably the most prestigious course she is applying for yet, because so many are put off applying to London, probably the one most likely to make her an offer.

The same happened to DS, though for a different collrge/subject. Living in hall made a huge difference as it enabled to leave home, something he felt ready to do. We don't see a lot of him but it's nice that when we do it can be spontaneous. So I will text him if I am nearby and invite him for a coffee, or last weekend he came home to bake his flatmates a 'welcome back' cake. Scope for DD to live away even if she had to wait a term would make a lot of difference.

When rooms became available was priority give by distance? We live very very close to where she might study.

(One nice thing last year of him remaining London was that DS was able to transition. So as he started making new friends he could also keep up with school friends taking gap years or studying elsewhere in London. So even though he left home it was much gentler.)

Yes, It was done on distance. I actually think that travel time should also be a consideration. Someone who technically lives further out but has a far easier journey in would get halls based on distance. I know of one student DD knows who had a 30 minute commute in compared to her 90 minute journey who lived further out just with a fast rail connection whereas she had to get a bus and then sit on the District Line from one end to the other almost.

Drama with dd1! She found her flat mate unconscious (briefly) and bleeding on the kitchen floor after falling off something.

Managed to get her to hospital and sat in the waiting room with friend until she was given the all clear and discharged.

Woohoo she's home for 4 weeks and christmas dinner is in the oven! The dog's tail must be ready to fall off as it hasn't stopped wagging since she walked in the door

Enjoy Notsoskinny!

Well done to her for sticking it out, and I hope she enjoys a good rest.

I used to work in Asia and speak an Asian language, though almost certainly a different country from the one your DD is in. Whilst over there I met some British students studying the language and used to take them out for an occassional pizza. Culturally it was tough, something I suspect their University had not understood. They were at a University where few local students would have had good English and most would not have had much exposure to those from abroad. Plus all sorts of problems with funding, food and accommodation. This was a long time ago, but I doubt things would be much easier now.

She will be having the sort of real immersion that few expatriates ever see. Which should stand her in good stead should she retain her affection for the country despite her "warts and all" exposure.

Thanks Needmore she's very disillusioned, especially with the blatant racism, but her head's screwed on tight enough that she knows if she wants to go into interpreting she needs a masters so she's planning to go back and teach for a couple of years to save up and improve her fluency although based on the amount of clothes she's brought back it'll be a long time before she's got enough money

She might look at this, and related sources

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

My experience, and I worked abroad quite a lot before children, is that you have a big up, then a big down and then things start to even out. Getting to grips with a new culture as well as a new language is exhausting. I stayed with a friend on my first trip back from Asia and she must have thought I was really weird. I took to my bed and slept for about 18 hours a day for at least a week or two.

Hi all. I can't believe that DD3 is in the middle of her final Semester. She is very stressed at the moment. Panicking about getting work done. Not helping by the fact her laptop is being repaired at the moment so she's doing all her work in the university library. I just hope she can keep going and get her degree. Those who were on here when she started will know how well she has done to get this far with her learning difficulties.
Anyway that's enough about DD3. How are everyone else's DCs doing?

Isn't it frightening mumeeee how quick the 3 years have gone. DDs home until the end of the month and then comes back in August for her final year. She was supposed to have submitted the outline for her dissertation but still hasn't got a clue what to do it on.

It must be nice to have her home Notso. DD3 is right in the middle of her Dissertation now and keeps panicking about not being able to get it done although when she saw her project supervisor yesterday he said she was engaging with it.
She was in your DDs position last.year.

Ds is also in the middle of his final semester. I met him for tea yesterday afternoon (he is only half an hour away) and he handed in another assignment on Friday and it feels odd but good to think the end is near. He is working hard on his dissertation and thankfully only has one exam in May. Graduation dates have been published and guess what...? He needs a new suit ..... 'Muuuum .......'!!!!

DD3 is about a 4hr train journey away.from us. She is coming home for Easter but only for a few days.. She has lots of assignments to do but no more exams which is good. Exact Graduation date will be published in April. But she does know it will be 13th,14th or 15th July. Ohtobeskiiing does your DS relise he'll have to pay for the hire of his Graduation robes?

DS ( 2nd year ) is staying at uni over Easter to get on with his coursework , he will be home for one night to go out for Sunday lunch for his grandfathers 80th birthday

He has managed to get a summer placement with BT , but not quite sure where yet

DD ( 1st year ) is home now for the hols , has an essay to complete ,there's mess everywhere and no food in the house

Big issues with her house share for next year , but I think that's just girls

DS is in London , and in halls still but wants to get a flat with his GF next year , but says its fine to leave it til nearer the time

Well DD3 is home. I met her at the station at 11pm last night. Only had a couple of brief talks so far. She is busy doing uni work and will probably be working most of the Easter break. Her sisters and my son in Law are coming this afternoon. So will have all my family here which is very rare now.