EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 4

[madeinkent]

DD and her friends secured their house yesterday. There are 5 of them, and a new house came on, and they dashed over to see it, and then straight on to the Letting Agents to confirm they wanted to take it. As they were filling out the forms another group came in wanting the same property, and both groups' details were sent to the Landlord who confirmed they'd let it to DD and her friends. Small matter of immediate deposit of £430 plus agent's fee of £180 (per person). She's given our names and details as guarantors, and says it will just be for her room, not for the whole house! Presume we'll get something through the post soon and will need to check it carefully. She's in Catered Halls this year, which she has really been enjoying, but this should be much cheaper even though it still seems quite expensive.

That sounds about right for what DS was doing in the summer last year, he left it until late and then just slotted in with whoever, and it has worked very well for their household. I wasn't surprised they asked him for a retainer, just that he had to do it so early. The whole thing has been interesting to watch.

Sending lots of good luck vibes mrsrhod

milliways you and DS must be thrilled and relieved at the same time.

Topsey I feel the same way about DD. I've had to increase my phone contract as we can't get on the wifi in work and due to the time difference she tends to message me around lunchtime. Paris would've been so handy in comparison to Tokyo, especially as she's already missing red velvet cake

Notso, you are right that Paris is much easier than Tokyo. There are regular Eurostar trains from St Pancras in London which take about two and a half hours to the Gare du Nord. Just need to lean very hard on DH so that we can get a couple o long weekends over there visiting her.

I suppose a trip to Tokyo might be nice, but affordability could be much more of a problem. Long, long flight and very expensive city.

I hope your DD is having a wonderful time.

I'm going in the summer to help bring her excess baggage home . At least I know the area where she's living so that helps although I wish she wasn't so close to the shops

That's something to look forward to Notso. Did you grow up in Tokyo?

I've had my hysteroscopy, not as bad as expected but a bit eye watering. Now another wait for results. At least dd getting ready will be a distraction.

She has finally heard from her neighbour in halls who is also doing English so they've been doing a bit of chatting this morning. She has been in touch with three others now on her floor. It's a mixed hall but separate girl and boy floors, but no locked doors at all once inside. It's effectively a big Victorian house with big rooms and two lounges. So different to the place dd1 lived in, which whilst being very modern was full of locked doors and dark corridors, very difficult to mix. She's hoping they're not all clubbers, she's more a tea and cake or pub quiz girl.

Mrsrhod, glad it is over with and wasn't as bad as you feared. Lets hope the results are OK when they come back. Hope you won't be waiting too long either.

Oh, and I was rather like your DD. I would always have chosen tea and cake over clubbing. Always. Pub quiz OK too. I hate clubs.

Notso, that will be a trip to look forward to. Are you worried she might drag you round the shops and clean you out?

mrsrhod glad you're tests weren't too bad - sometimes the imagining is worse, hopefully it'll be good news.

I recognised the station when she told me her route to uni as we visited the area when I was dragged to an event bysome of her friends and she says she can see her house when she's on the train.

Topsey she's a brand whore got a very expensive shopping habit but its self-funded as she saved everything she earned last year to fund her travels. She's had one major splurge because she hasn't been there for a couple of years but wasn't impressed with the quality of lots of the stuff. She'll never be a primani girl

Mtsrhod clad the tests were better than. you. thought they would be.
Notion it must be hard having your Dd. so far away this year but I'm. sure she'll enjoy it.

Don't know why that says. Notion :) I typed. Notso but phone must have changed it and I didn't notice. I've

My sympathy mrsrhod , never a good feeling when your DD is not having as good a time of it at uni. I have a bit of unease about my DD going back for her second year, although she loves her course, however the uni was her insurance choice and she has never really " forgiven herself' for not getting into her first choice. She's been very happy over summer at home and doesn't seem very keen to go back.

Happy50 I'm the same, it's hard isn't it

My DS goes tomorrow (gulp) and I'm trying hard to keep it breezy and jolly. Not sure how I'll feel coming home. I know I should make plans for Sunday but it just feels like a big blank. Must try to think of something definite to do!

How were you? DS went back yesterday and I have to say - I still miss him dreadfully when he goes! It gets a little easier each time, and I have him trained up really well to not ignore me when I ask him thinks on FB pms, but it's not the same. I even miss him stealing all the cake, as breakfast!

Pretty floored. Yesterday felt as long as a week on its own. I know what you mean - its not the same and never will be again. Any tips for coping as you're a bit ahead of me?

Update on DD3 Shehas been to see her module tutor. He gave her 2 options to repeat the whole module or to do a referral on the assignment she failed. She chose the referral as she passed everything else in the module. . Her tutor wants to see her at least once a month to check her progress. He said he won't give her anything new she can just improve on what she haa already done. Assignment has to be in by sometime in December. So things are back on track and panic over for now.

whatifidid all I can tell you is that the mourning period gets shorter each year, but the first year was really tough. I kept on cooking extra for him, laying the table with an extra place, going to call him downstairs, I even missed the school run!

In the end you realise that it's not just your child that you are missing, but the end of that part of your life, so you start questioning all sorts of things.

My biggest worry now is that he will move to Russia, he does seem to end up with Russian girls and he is studying Russian in his spare time a lot more diligently than he ever studied French and Spanish at school!

mumeeee that is good news, what a relief. DS has started off really well - he got back a week too early... He couldn't think where everyone was!

thx madeinkent. The strength of these feelings has taken me by surprise. Even though I knew it was coming I now realise I hadn't thought it through at all. I think I was in shock the first few days.

I'm carefully NOT thinking about the future at the moment and focusing on getting through each day - with plenty of tissues to hand.

whatifiidid it will get better but it takes time. I still miss DD3 whenever she goes back after a short time at home. It's been strange this year as she has only been home a couple of times this summer. She has made a lot of friends in her uni town and wanted to stay up there this year.
We message each other and try to Skype once a week but that doesn't always happen.
Thanks madeofkent. I can't believe she is starting her 3rd and final year on Monday.
How did your DS manage that? Was he gutted that the others weren't there?

Happy50 and WhatifIdid It is hard and also true that things will never be the same again. What helped me was that DS was clearly happy and lovig it all and he Skyped often. Also they do come home and DS has been back for so long this summer that I've almost forgotten what it's like without him.
mumeee glad your DD got that reprieve.
MrsRhod Fingers crossed for those results.
DS was planning to go back next weekend although term doesn't start until 5th October but he has been offered some work and so is delaying for a week.

Mummee, glad the meeting your DD had with the tutor gave the reprieve she wanted. Fingers crossed for her.

WhatifIdid and Happy50 I should send you hugs. I could have written your posts when my DD1 first left for uni a couple of years ago. I thought I knew what was coming and how to deal with it. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I think it was the realisation finally hitting home that things would not be the same again, and that my role in her life was changing for good now. It has to change of course, as they transition into adulthood, but it is very hard and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

It does get easier, but it does take time. Like all major life changes, you have to learn to live with them first.

We delivered a very happy dd2 to university this morning. Such a difference from her older sister two years ago. As we went through a very difficult year with her this thread was a lifeline, a place to share the stress. I hope this time I'll be sharing happier stories.

Mumeeee, I'm pleased your dd has sorted out her problem and will complete her course.

Glad your DD2 was happy at starting uni that must be a relief. Hope she has a great first year and that DD1 has a good year too.
Thanks everyone we are glad that DD3 can finish her course. She has worked hard and we are really proud of her getting this far. She has had to overcome problems she has because of her learning difficulties.

mrsrhod I am so pleased to read that things were easier this time around with your dd2. It's good too to hear of those that had problems being able to sort things out and still succeed.

We're taking ds back this evening. To be fair he has been flitting backwards and forwards all summer - his uni town is only half an hour away. But today he goes back properly for the start of semester next week and thoughts are firmly on dissertation writing and what to do this time next year.... Third year - can't believe it is two years since we sent him off - it's gone so quickly!

Welcome mudslide. When DD3 left for uni two years ago. I felt like you and missed her terribly so did DH. She was our youngest and the last to fly the nes.
It does get better although it takes time.
She will be home for holidays. I phoned DD3 every couple of days at first but it gradually went to once a week.
She starts her 3rd year today and we Skype if we can about once a week.
Are you able to go out and do something nice with you Dh or Friends?

mumslife not mudslide.

mumslife I feel same as you, weeping mostly when im on my own. It's been hard to adjust to normal life without dd. It's like I'm the one who's got the separation anxiety disorder!!. Today I feel fine as dd sounds happy and excited thats been very comforting. I have lots of friends whos telling me i need to go out etc.....but at the moment I really don't feel like it. Its like I need time to grieve or something??? DH has been working away, so we are not adjusting to life without dd together. I'm thinking to redecorate the house which is what my plan was to keep my brain preoccupied but im just not motivated at the moment. For those who have gone through this empty nest thing how long does it take before you get use to it and feel you can let go??