EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 4

[madeinkent]

DD and her friends secured their house yesterday. There are 5 of them, and a new house came on, and they dashed over to see it, and then straight on to the Letting Agents to confirm they wanted to take it. As they were filling out the forms another group came in wanting the same property, and both groups' details were sent to the Landlord who confirmed they'd let it to DD and her friends. Small matter of immediate deposit of £430 plus agent's fee of £180 (per person). She's given our names and details as guarantors, and says it will just be for her room, not for the whole house! Presume we'll get something through the post soon and will need to check it carefully. She's in Catered Halls this year, which she has really been enjoying, but this should be much cheaper even though it still seems quite expensive.

That sounds about right for what DS was doing in the summer last year, he left it until late and then just slotted in with whoever, and it has worked very well for their household. I wasn't surprised they asked him for a retainer, just that he had to do it so early. The whole thing has been interesting to watch.

Thinking of you notsoskinny. Hope your DDs flight goes well and she enjoys her year abroad. I know what you mean about her room. How can our DCs grow up and become mature young people but still have rooms like teenagers?

Ditto re the room. He'23 and his room is a tip, assume his new flat will look like a bomb has hit it from Day 1. Unfortunately failed his driving test today and trying to get a cancellation before he moves out next week, not holding my breath!
Hope your dd arrived safe and sound Notso, tough about the length of the time you'll be apart. Hope she has a great time.

DS has just loaded the car up for me to drive him back today (I can't comprehend why they are moving in so early, as he doesn't enroll for yr 2 for another 3 weeks . He has left such a mess in his room that I am refusing to start the car until it is clean!

Well DD3 has just found out that she has failed the assignment she had to re do in the Summer. She failed the first time because of mitigating circumstances. So it wasn't called and is suppossed to be a deferral not a referral. She has emailed her tutors and is waiting to speak to her personal tutor. So hopefully things will get sorted out and she can stay on to the third year. She is back up in her university town now so can easily speak to those she has to. Another thing is that she has just been diagnosed with Social Anxiety. She is okay with people she knows and familiar circumstances.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh clean rooms here! Ds wanted a new desk and chair, so I said I would pay if he sorted it. He took me literally! It all arrived yesterday while I was at work and he put it all together with sisters help (because she wanted old desk) then moved old desk into her room. They cleaned them in the process. Result!

Oh mumee, that's really upsetting. I hope she can sort it.

mumeeee I hope she can sort it out. Would she be willing/allowed to repeat her 2nd year?

I'm not sure exactly what's happening yet. She has passed everything except this assignment. She might be able to just take it again. It is apparently supposed to be taken as a first attempt. She failed it originally because of her Grandmother's passing and was given mitigating circumstances. She has enrolled and she hasn't been told she can't do her third year. She did say before she knows some people re did stuff they have failed alongside stuff they were doing in the third year. Her personal tutor is going to contact her when she has more information.

I still miss my twins, although they have married and have their own homes now.

Another thing I just thought of. Is that she redid the assignment in the Summer so didn't have her weekly learning support. They didn't actually do her work for her but kept her on track with timings and stuff

Dh drove ds3 up to Aberdeen today - he's the youngest. Ds1 graduated this year and has started his first post-grad job, so he moved out last Sunday (we are near Glasgow, he's working in Kent - it would be a bit of a commute), and ds2 is half way through his degree at Edinburgh - he goes back next weekend, and then the house will be really empty.

Dh works away a lot - he's in London 2 or 3 days a week, and usually away 2 nights a week, and I am feeling a bit depressed about having to cope all on my own.

I know I can do it - but depression over recent years has made me a bit more - needy is probably the best word - and I need to stop it.

SDT oh you must be really feeling the empty nest. . Are they good at keeping in touch? I found Skype to be a life saver. DS is hopeless on the phone but being able to see him in his room last year was great. DS2 just going in to Y13 so I have only another year before both have gone and I know I won't hear much from him.
Notso a whole year until you see your DD again, that's tough as well.
mumee fingers crossed she gets sorted for third year.

Ds2 is pretty good about keeping in touch - but he is close enough to nip home with his washing sometimes - so I do get to see him a few times during the term.

When ds1 headed off to university, I asked him to keep in touch - and after about 10 days, I texted him, "Are you still alive?" - and that did prompt him to ring me, finally! I've heard from him a coup,e of times since he started his job, so he has got better at keeping in touch.

Ds3 has not been that good at keeping in touch when he's been out with friends, so we shall have to see how he does. I have rung and left a message on his phone (needy, see), but I'm sure he is too busy settling in and getting to know his flatmates.

Thanks SS we had a good chat about how she got through her first year and how she couldn't message me in tears. Her friend flew out a few weeks earlier and really struggled to mix and DD was prepared for a difficult week but she seems to have settled in and is sharing with a nice group of girls and she was happy when I skyped her yesterday - there's no middle ground with DD and I'd have seen if she was down although she looked shattered as the bed's not comfy

Mumeeee, sorry to hear things are a bit uncertain for your dd. I hope she gets it sorted out quickly and is able to continue.

Notso, I remember your dd from first year and how she struggled to settle, I'm glad her year away has got off to a positive start. It's so stressful when they call you in tears, I hope you have none of that.

We have two weeks to go and things are getting a little fractious. Trying to get dd to complete her admin, registration etc is proving difficult. I don't know if she's in denial or just so used to being mollycoddled that she hasn't twigged yet that its not all going to be done for her any more. She is going to get a big shock when she has no one mopping up after her any more. Her sister thinks its hilarious and is just waiting for the disasters. I'm hoping that by Christmas she will be a bit more organised.

DS finished his internship and has been offered a graduate job to start next September! So pleased for him as this means he can concentrate on exams etc this year. I have a week to spoil him then he returns to Uni. :)

Well done to your DS Milliways. You must be very proud of him.

Thank you, yes I'm very proud - he worked very hard.

I was on those threads a couple of years ago too, mrsrhod. I am sorry your DD didn't have the best of experiences, but at least it seems that she won't have to worry about debt. My DD frets about it, and I do have to sympathise.

Glad to hear you are now well again too.

I can't believe how the time has flown. My DD is about to start her third year at Warwick, but as a languages student, she will be spending it in Paris. I had got used to the goodbyes in as much as you do get used to them, but I am feeling a bit choked again now, as this time I will have to cross the Channel to visit her. A psychological barrier as much as anything else. I know that she will be fine (she always seems to be), and will love it. She will love life in a city like Paris, as that is the sort of person she is.

The time is passing so fast that I just feel as though I am being left standing by it. She'll be graduating at the end of year 4 before we know it.

Thanks topseyt, although I spoke too soon. Apparently the drug I take daily can give you uterine cancer. I'm off for some investigations tomorrow due to symptoms I've been having. It's never ending, feeling rather fed up.

I'm sure your daughter will have a fabulous year in Paris. DH and I were there in the summer for a week and only scratched the surface.

mrsrhod fingers crossed everything is good tomorrow

Milliways well done to DS ! Excellent news

DS is on the train back here after spending a week with his GF and her family , I'm so glad to see he is not the only one who has a pigsty of a bedroom
Especially as it was so lovely when he arrived back for the summer, DH and I had really worked hard getting rid of lots of clutter ( primary school stuff mostly ) and had bought him a double bed and new bedding , which you now can't see .... Grrrrrrrrh

DD is getting ready to go as well ( another messy bedroom )
Bought all the bedding , some old stuff going with her as well , kitchen bits and today we went shopping in Tesco , looking at prepared veg , dolmio sauces and pasta
She wants me to teach her to make an omelette !

Had dentists today , haircut Thursday , last night out with local friends on Saturday then off they both go :( or :) ?

Fingers crossed for tomorrow mrsrhod. Hope the results come back clear for you.

I don't know for sure why it is all suddenly hitting me again at the moment. Very likely because it is the year abroad, plus over the summer we sort of become friends and confidants to each other. I enjoy that. It makes me feel less alone.

It's now hitting me, DS goes back on Saturday. I have DBH at home with depression now, indefinitely, and it is very hard work. I shall really miss DS because he is so smiley, I shall miss having someone around who isn't like a zombie! I shall also miss him because he so appreciates my cooking now. It's good to be appreciated.

On the other hand, it has made for some very interesting conversations with him, about what to do should he ever feel depressed again, as he was last year but never told us...

His room is a tip, I have not been in it all summer and don't intend to start now. If he can find his clothes to pack them, then good luck to him!

Fingers crossed for you mrsrhod. Will be thinking of you.
Topseyt the year abroad was a bit daunting. Ds was in a small village in the French Basque country and I was a bit worried for him but he ended up having a fabulous time and is still with the girl he met on a dhort trip to San Sebastian. The good news is she islovely, the bad news is she is American so the future isn't straight forward. I'm sure your dd will love Paris and have an amazing year.

I'm a single parent with one son - my joy
He is off to uni in a few weeks.
I'm so glad he has this fantastic opportunity and is the natural order of things.
But I will miss him so much.
This thread is great to support us all