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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
bumpetybumpbumpbump · 30/08/2016 20:10

I think my 13 and 14 year olds would kill me if I told them school was a nature reserve or a splash in puddles. Or dressed up and pretended to be the queen. In fact, they would probably beg me to send them to school.

I tell them how lucky they are to live in a developed nation with free schooling which they go to for a few hours a day and choice what to do in the other 18 hours of the day.
Each to their own thoughSmile

TwentyCups · 30/08/2016 20:10

Well it is a luxury to be able to do this. If most people quit their job there is no more income. How can you pay your rent with no income? How can you buy food?
To be able to have a roof over your head without any income coming into your family is a luxury.

onbehalfofgranny · 30/08/2016 20:12

I have encountered very few who actually teach their children. Mostly they ramble on about unschooling and letting the dc learn what they want to learn. One woman I spoke to online had the most dreadful spelling and grammar and seemed inordinately proud of her 10 year old who could neither read nor write but did watch 'lots of nature programes on tv' because that's what she's interested in.

A relative of mine started out wanting to unschool their children. This primarily consisted of letting them watch what they wanted to on TV. One of them struggles with some school subjects (to the point of borderline SN). The relative just gave up on teaching that subject (a core subject on which a lot of other learning rests) because it was too hard to teach it. The other one loves the academic aspects of school but the choices for secondary school where they live are a local not very academic school that the child does not want to go to, or a long commute, so they are thinking of not sending the younger child to secondary school and home schooling too - even though they are not intending to follow any kind of academic curriculum for a child who loves academics.

And it is really not true that you can go into any career through a variety of routes. Some very academic careers are pretty much impossible to get into if you do not have a large number of conventional exams with very good grades. Collecting them in bits and pieces, and odd courses here and there, is frowned upon.

Yes there are people who've left school at 16, worked as a healthcare assistant, and then done an access course and done Medicine. But why would you force your child to work in a menial job for years and go back to study when older (you can't really take this route at 18) instead of setting them up to do what they want to at the age they want to do it at?

Why limit their choices when they are 8 or 10, if you decide you are going to either limit their achievement at primary school by not checking they are fully prepared for secondary school, or not send them through a conventional secondary school at all, you have basically decided for them that they are not going to follow an academic path aged 16/18. And I think that is unconscionable. They are not you. They are their own people and should be given access to a full range of choices.

If they decide for themselves that an academic path is not for them, having tried it, that is another thing.

Northernlurker · 30/08/2016 20:12

I considered packing in work when dd3 was struggling somewhat in ks1. But realistically to do might have benefited her a bit at that time but would have had long term bad effects on the other dc. Now dd3 is happy in ks2 and it's handy yo have the extra cash to support dd1 who's going to uni this week. If I wasn't working she wouldn't get any more in loan and we would have much less to help her with. I think you need to take a long term view because they don't stay primary age for long.

Lisahpost1 · 30/08/2016 20:14

Ok,
I have home educated my five for the last sixteen years and I'm seeing the typical questions and comments coming up.

Privileged??? No, I have been a dirt poor single mother home educating and on a high incomse. Income is irrelevant to home education. It is about priority and where you choose to put your money. I have had parents tell me they couldn't afford to home educate their child whilst driving two expensive cars and drinking every weekend whilst I was a single mother on benefit doing it.... Sorry but it is a priority thing. Equally having a high income now hasn't made it easier, just different.

Exams and monitoring progress?? What for? Exams are a means to an end to prove knowledge of a subject to gain entry to higher education or work. So far my two eldest gained entry to further education and work without exams. My eldest got into college two years early based on discussion of what she had read and her love of literature an d acting. They were so impressed that this was self choice and not assignments from me.
Socialisation and work ethic ???? Yeah because being sat with thirty people your own age doing arbitrary tasks you didn't choose to be doing in a place you didn't choose to be is really going to prepare you for real working life.... Not at all!!

National curriculum?? Not a chance it is God awful.....

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:14

"Well it is a luxury to be able to do this. If most people quit their job there is no more income. How can you pay your rent with no income? How can you buy food?
To be able to have a roof over your head without any income coming into your family is a luxury."

We work for goodness sake!

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 20:14

I have met home edders who don't own their own home, but I've never met one who wasn't a woman. like attachment parenting,

This is so beyond offensive I don't know where to start. If you knew much at all about Home ed you would know there's quite a few home ed families, where the father is the main educator. Home education for a lot of families is a whole family affair, with a father taking shared responsibility in the education of their children. Much better than taking zero responsibility, wouldn't you say?

RitesOfSpring · 30/08/2016 20:15

Mine mixes with people every day. You cannot just "socialise" in school anyway

But do they build lifelong friendships and bonds?

I hope so. I am extremely grateful for my friendship family.

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 20:15

I've been there ,done that ,and had the nervous breakdown.....home educating is amazing for the KIDS....imagin,never ever getting a break,constant questions,having to find the answers,they still need to learn maths and spellings and how to read.it dosnt just happen.....I home educated 3 kids for 8 years...with amazing reports from the LEA who visited twice a year....maybe,I tried to hard...my kids loved it,I was a mental reck on tablets at the end.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:15

"A relative of mine started out wanting to unschool their children. This primarily consisted of letting them watch what they wanted to on TV."

This is not unschooling.... although I am a radical unschooler and do not limit tv or anything. Mine spends most of her time doing other things tho. So many myths.... Why not ask us something constructive if you want to know about it?

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:16

A lot of jobs do ask for a minimum of a GCSE in maths and English. Yes there are alternatives but it makes life much harder!

TwentyCups · 30/08/2016 20:16

I am not knocking HE at all here. I think it's a great option for lots of people.
However, the attitude that comes across at times, the idea that those who don't do it must be too conventional or unable to think outside the box (as stated on this thread) is really unfair. Reality is that most people just don't have the money to do that.
If there are any LP on here who HE and work full time I would really like to hear how it works, because I think lots of us who assume we can't afford it would like to understand.

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 20:17

Today 20:10 TwentyCups

Well it is a luxury to be able to do this. If most people quit their job there is no more income. How can you pay your rent with no income? How can you buy food?
To be able to have a roof over your head without any income coming into your family is a luxury.

This argument is getting tedious. Since home education is not undertaken at set times through the day, or even week, work and education can fit around eachother. It's the same as you coping with the summer holidays, how do you do it? You just do.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:17

"they still need to learn maths and spellings and how to read.it dosnt just happen"

It can and does just happen actually. Mine was not taught to read.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:18

"A lot of jobs do ask for a minimum of a GCSE in maths and English. Yes there are alternatives but it makes life much harder!"

Which is why most kids who are Home Educated do exams.

Next........?

FireSquirrel · 30/08/2016 20:18

Some of these posts show a real misunderstanding of what unschooling is and how it works. Unschooling is not unparenting, it's not about just leaving the child to raise themselves. The parent's role is not passive. Unschooling parents suggest ideas, provide access to resource and offer opportunities, and unschooling done well requires a great deal of parental input and support.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:19

"If there are any LP on here who HE and work full time I would really like to hear how it works, because I think lots of us who assume we can't afford it would like to understand."

I do. It is hard, I am not going to lie but it IS doable. I am self employed.

RitesOfSpring · 30/08/2016 20:20

Socialisation and work ethic ???? Yeah because being sat with thirty people your own age doing arbitrary tasks you didn't choose to be doing in a place you didn't choose to be is really going to prepare you for real working life.... Not at all!!

That answers the work ethic issue but nothing about socialising.

Let me say again: at school I spent 7 hours a day monday-friday with my friends. We spent almost all that time together, and it certainly wasn't mostly spent sat silently in class! (Has anybody saying this ever been in a state school classroom??).

I left school 15 years ago and still speak to my core friendship group on whatsapp every. single. day. They are a second family to me. I wouldn't give them up for anything. (I don't even understand the "forced integration" comment a PP made - sounds like bitterness maybe). Can this be achieved through meeting up with other home school families every now and then? I'm skeptical

Northernlurker · 30/08/2016 20:20

Loving the suggestion that fathers who don't home educate are taking zero responsibility for their kids HmmHmmHmmHmm

Lisahpost1 · 30/08/2016 20:22

You don't need high income or disposable income to home educate, that is a complete myth.

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 20:22

I had to teach mine.they didn't just pick up a book one day and start reading...it was hard..I found it really hard...when they went to school around 8/9, I'd covered most of it,so they were bored in school having done it at home with me..the school had to have special extra work for them for when they finished what everyone else was doing...I'm not saying it's not amazing for the children.it totally totally is, but God I was on my knees exhausted at the end

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:23

Being able to plan toilet breaks unfortunately is part of growing up! What will they do when they go to work? It's the same as if you are visiting somewhere without a toilet!

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:23

Yep, I think most of us are perma-knackered petal :D

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:25

"Being able to plan toilet breaks unfortunately is part of growing up! What will they do when they go to work? It's the same as if you are visiting somewhere without a toilet!"

Children do not need to worry about "what to do when they go to work", they are children. Amazingly, all of ours are toilet trained and continent without being told when they can or cannot pee...

Lisahpost1 · 30/08/2016 20:27

And I went to school and I don't see any if the people I was forced to socialise with.

School is not there for socialisation it is there for education.

God help humans if they require being put with thirty people arbitrarily based on age to learn to socialise.
What I find interesting is that people honestly believe that school is the optimum way to learn how to function as an adult human in today's society

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