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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
Pteranodon · 30/08/2016 17:03

Yes the divisive tone is unhelpful.

(Fwiw I am an unschooler and pretty conventional)

glossyms · 30/08/2016 17:14

.

gillybeanz · 30/08/2016 17:15

free

I'm sorry, if I gave that impression it certainly wasn't my intention.
I was pointing out that some people don't look at H.ed as they are conventional and can't think outside the box. Not that those who choose not to are all conventional types.
Obviously, if you are unable to think past school and the one way of learning then H.ed probably wouldn't be for this type.
I certainly didn't mean to offend.

freetrampolineforall · 30/08/2016 17:20

Not really helping, Gillybeanz, but at least you are trying. Just to be clear : Home Ed is not even an option for most people because they can't afford it. It's not about being conventional or unconventional, it's about being part of the vast majority who cannot afford it.

ParadiseCity · 30/08/2016 17:21

I am about to die laughing at the irony of someone using 'think outside the box' and describing themselves as unconventional.

I never knew my Office Bullshit Bingo sheet would double up as a list of Merits of HE.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 30/08/2016 17:24

This was really interesting to read. I know of a few people who homeschool their children and it seems to suit them well. But I could never, ever do it. I'm far too lazy.

gillybeanz · 30/08/2016 17:29

Paradise
Who described themselves as unconventional? I certainly didn't and my child goes to school atm, as did her siblings.

free
Maybe to you it is just a case of not being able to afford it, but for others it's a whole different ball game.
I met a few families locally who had to afford it because they had had so many problems with school that it wasn't a safe place for their children, they didn't have a choice and had to H.ed and live within their means, whatever that took.
Of course I'm not suggesting this happens to all those who H.ed but there are many reasons a person may take the decision. Our case was completely different again as were others we met.
I do get your point though, for most it isn't a choice they can easily make nor one that is right for their family.

freetrampolineforall · 30/08/2016 17:36

"Some people are stuck in their conventional world and unable to think outside this, H.ed is not for them "
Gillybeanz, you said this and it has been readily interpreted as meaning those who don't home educate are conventional thinkers and those who do home educate are, therefore, unconventional thinkers.
Which is why your comments come across as divisive.
Again, I cannot afford to homeschool my child and I think that I am in the overwhelming majority in mn.

larrygrylls · 30/08/2016 17:41

The problem with home ed is it does not teach people about working in an environment which requires compromise. If they are going to enter school at some point they will have to do the same lessons as the other children, regardless of their personal interests. That can come as a shock to some.

Also most working environments require compromise.

Yes, some home ed children are bright and curious but, unless they are going to become academics and do research, they are being set up for substantial challenges later on.

BoffinMum · 30/08/2016 17:46

HE only really works properly if the parents are reasonably well educated and fairly intelligent, otherwise it can bomb. If they are both of these things, it can be great. Some religious groups in the US promote it and their standards and the teaching materials used can be shockingly atrocious. On the other hand I have taught several HE people at university and they are perfectly capable, charming, well-balanced students. I would say it's a very individual thing.

ParadiseCity · 30/08/2016 17:46

YY it was the 'stuck in conventional world' I was chuckling at.

I am v conventional but so are most HEdders I meet.

Fair enough there are a few 'we're krazeee' sorts but they are so sort of amber-bead-cliched they are conventional in their own way iyswim. One was horrified when she told me how long she had 'extendedly BF in public' for and it turned out to be not as long as dull old 9-5 me.

IcedVanillaLatte · 30/08/2016 17:46

People are good at adapting. Most of those self-motivated self-directed academics went to a school. I don't see why the same couldn't happen the other way round.

BoffinMum · 30/08/2016 17:48

PS I think HE people should get small grants to assist their efforts in return for basic registration so the demographics of this can be tracked. It would also be useful in terms of child protection.

BoffinMum · 30/08/2016 17:50

IcedVanilla, I went to school but actually played internal truant a lot and hid in libraries and read stuff Smile I think the teachers knew, actually.

larrygrylls · 30/08/2016 17:53

Boffin,

Maybe small but it sort of seems like being given a grant to grow your own food rather than shop at a supermarket. Economically schools represent a huge economy of scale for the country.

Of course they don't suit everyone and, if you are a sahp, you actually save money by effectively combining it with a teaching role. However, you have to be both bright and determined to cover the roles of all the different teachers, as well as arranging all the social side to replace the normal interactions of a schoolchild.

IcedVanillaLatte · 30/08/2016 17:55

That's what libraries are for, isn't it? To escape the classroom for a bit of education? Also to be somewhere the bullies would never think to go.

gillybeanz · 30/08/2016 18:02

free

All I can do is apologise once again and say that certainly wasn't my intention. I know both conventional and unconventional who do both.
I shouldn't have posted the comment as obviously it came across as divisive.
I did meet people who were as I described who weren't prepared to look at H.ed out of convention, which was why I made the comment.

larry
My children have learned compromise through normal family activity and playing/ interacting with friends and peers. I don't think you need a school to teach this, although I know children learn this through school.

Tbh, I thought dd may struggle with following a timetable when she started school again but fortunately her time is rarely set and can change with a minutes notice. Whether she would have struggled in a state school I don't know. She isn't very good with academic subjects whether at school or home so I have no comparison as to where she learns better.
As for future employment and career she has this sorted at 12, but I know this isn't usual.
I suppose it depends on the individual as to whether H.ed or school are beneficial.

IcedVanillaLatte · 30/08/2016 18:02

I mean, the first post is a bit smug (hence the medal) but a vast amount of school is just sitting there letting the bullshit happen while the actual learning happens elsewhere.

Lancelottie · 30/08/2016 18:05

I read accounts of free-flowing home education and am always amazed at the wide thirst for fairly conventional knowledge amongst the children, somehow leading to a lovely discussion of history or practical maths.

Given a totally free choice of subject, mine would have learnt exclusively about (a) trains, (b) guitars and (c) puppies. Ooh, and probably poo, at that magical age of 6 or so.

Damned if I could work even basic trig, history or Spanish into that lot.

FireSquirrel · 30/08/2016 18:25

It's true that sadly not every family will be able to home educate. I do want to challenge the idea that home ed is only an option for the wealthy though. My family live on a tiny budget; my DP is the sole wage earner and even then he's on a below average salary. We rarely buy anything new, we don't take holidays and we have to budget for absolutely everything, but this allows us to afford (just about!) for me to be able to stay at home to home ed. We know a lot of home ed families and very few are particularly wealthy. Many work from home or work part time - home edders aren't required to follow traditional school hours days or terms which does allow for some flexibility. Several work as childminders or tutors which allows them to combine work with home edding. Home ed children also do not have to be 'taught' solely by parents so many home ed kids might spend some days with grandparents etc. whilst their parents work which again allows for some flexibility.

Home ed itself can be as cheap or as expensive as you want to make it. There are so many cheap or free resources; libraries, museums, the internet, parks and woodland, so many cheap or free activities run by councils etc, so many opportunities within your local community that you don't have to spend a lot of money. Home ed groups aim to keep costs to an absolute minimum so things like sports or music done through a home ed group cost a fraction of what many mainstream groups wouod charge. Like the OP we take an unschooling approach to our home ed and much of our learning is done through everyday living so it's hard to work out exactly how much home ed costs us, however when I add up the costs of school uniform, school lunches, school trips, school fundraisers, fuel for the school run etc. i'm pretty certain home ed costs us less than school would.

Not every family will be able to home educate, but for others it may not be as out of reach as they're imagining.

GirlOutNumbered · 30/08/2016 18:27

I've taught around five kids that have come back into school from being home educated. It's always been a mess, they struggle in all ways. I was also best friends with someone completely home schooled. He was awesome, but had to take drugs to cope with being around people! I'm sure there are many cases of it working well, but lots of people who think they know what's best and then realise that teaching is pretty hard and they screwed up.

IcedVanillaLatte · 30/08/2016 18:32

I was also best friends with someone completely home schooled. He was awesome, but had to take drugs to cope with being around people!

Maybe the problem caused the approach, rather than the other way around.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 18:32

I would worry about the fact they have a choice to do GCSE's. If they decide not to they are pretty much stumped for getting most kinds of jobs !

user1471734618 · 30/08/2016 18:37

Incidentally I believe all home ed children are entitled to join a GCSE course at their local FE college after the age of 14.

Northernlurker · 30/08/2016 18:39

It's absurd to say home ed is cheaper than school. The biggest cost of home ed is the time the parent spends on the HE rather than in a wage earning role. That's why it is a luxury.

The op will need to grapple with qualifications eventually as there is little employment market for adults skilled in tadpole tickling. I think home ed is a great option for young dc and an appropriate choice for some older ones but it's not an option that's within the grasp of many and it needs to be recognised just how much of an elite situation it actually represents.

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