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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
pentomino · 30/08/2016 18:41

Whatever choice you make for your family it will inevitably involve a compromise of some kind. I loved my work but preferred to stay home when my children were small home education seemed a natural progression from there. To be able to afford that choice we moved to a cheaper house in a different part of the country and my partner is lucky enough to be able to work from home a lot and avoid the long and expensive commute. If HE is something you feel drawn to for your family and that you think your kids would benefit from look into ways to make it happen, if its not for you please don't insinuate that everyone who makes the choice must be aristocracy it simply isn't true.

user1471734618 · 30/08/2016 18:42

it is true Lurker. Its very easy for middle class alternative types to tell us to 'think outside the box' - I daresay that is easy enough if you own your own house and can easily give up work because you have a well paid partner......

I find the tone a tad grating.

RitesOfSpring · 30/08/2016 18:46

I think it's a great idea. I see no reason why my child has to learn all the same things and in the exact same way as everybody else.

Personally I have to work too much to have the time for it, but I think it's an awesome idea. Except just one big thing that would really scare me:

How do home schooled children socialise? I know you can arrange activities with other HE kids, but will they ever build childhood friendships as strong as those kids who see each other 9am-3.30pm, five days a week? I would hate to deprive my kids of that.

pentomino · 30/08/2016 18:49

In response to the questions about Maths etc. Once you start down the route of unschooling you become amazed at how many things your child is interested in and learns about. Maths included. But it is fair to say that not everything will come up that is taught at school, but many more things that are not in the national curriculum will. But because unschooling learning is driven by life, by wanting to know what is interesting and useful right now it is more likely to be retained and useful in the future. If you've missed something out and then discover you really want/need a GCSE to study what you want next kids don't have any trouble filling in the gaps and taking that GCSE relatively quickly compared to schooled students because they have the internal desire to do it. And if there is something in the national curriculum that never arises as something we need to know then why learn it?

Fayaa · 30/08/2016 18:59

I would kill to be able to unschool my DDs. I'm currently trapped in the (higher) education system myself attempting to finish my degree but try to make the summer holidays as similar to 'unschooling' as possible (really researching the things they're interested in, giving them real information and truly playing and connecting with them). Perhaps one day I'll be able to, but we'll see. It's such a lovely concept though.

Fayaa · 30/08/2016 19:01

RitesOfSpring - As a parent, you can make friends with other unschooling families and learn together. I believe that's the idea anyway.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/08/2016 19:02

Sometimes it feels that unschooling/home ed is presented in such an idealistic romanticised way. It can't all be fun frolics in mud and amazing adventures.

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 30/08/2016 19:04

I finding it annoying that some HEd people make it all such a Thing, like other people don't learn fractions through cooking or study tadpoles or go to historical places. Many families find those learning opportunities in the family things that they do in the hours after school and weekends. If you have parents who are the sort who can make normal things into chances to learn, then there's a good chance that they are already doing a lot of it when they can, but without making it a big deal. Children who are really interested in various topics find time and ways to explore them more deeply if they are that sort of child and have the sort of family who can help them with it. It just makes some people sound a bit smug when they go on and on about how different home schooling is. (FWIW, I have no problem with it, if that's what works for the family. I just hate listening to them describing it!).

angelicjen · 30/08/2016 19:07

My boy has just turned 1 and I've quit my job as a teacher to look after him full time. This is a really inspiring post and has made me consider if HE could be for us in the future. Thank you.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/08/2016 19:09

I agree, Crochet, it's a teeny bit self congratulatory.

Mycatsabastard · 30/08/2016 19:11

I have talked to a few HE'dders online as this subject invariably comes up as a point of discussion from time to time.

I have encountered very few who actually teach their children. Mostly they ramble on about unschooling and letting the dc learn what they want to learn. One woman I spoke to online had the most dreadful spelling and grammar and seemed inordinately proud of her 10 year old who could neither read nor write but did watch 'lots of nature programes on tv' because that's what she's interested in. That shocked me and it shocked me that there was no one checking on these children. You can literally tell the Education dept that you are home schooling and that's it. No one bothers them again. No checks are made, no assessments, no welfare checks (which considering how easy it is to just pull a child out of school is quite worrying if the parents are neglectful).

I think, on basis, for dc aged under 8 home education isn't a bad thing but they really do, for the most part, some SEN excepted, need the structure and learning that school offers.

Given that we are 5 weeks into the school holidays, DD2 who is 10, has not shown any interest in learning anything. She has been happy swimming, playing out, on her laptop or reading. Left to her own devices she would struggle to fulfill her potential. I think school gives that urge to learn.

Mycatsabastard · 30/08/2016 19:12

Just to add to my very long post ... we have lots of fun at weekends and in holidays. My DD doesn't miss out. We have wildlife in our garden (a baby toad did a wee on her hand today :o) and a beach on our doorstep. I'm pretty sure if this was normal life and not weekend trips then it would get pretty boring.

belgina · 30/08/2016 19:14

I have many hom schooling friends and their children are doing very well. Most of them are actually on low income & ended up going down this route due to issues that the "one size fits all" approach of traditional schooling brings. Generally not for want of trying to work with schools either. A large part of these are children with e.g. ASD. From talking to them & following their journey, I know that their children get plenty of social interaction. In home ed. groups and the like. Some have now moved on to uni & are admitted either after sitting A-levels in college or via interviews/tests.
Many of those I know are also not well of at all. They may work around their SO by doing weekends or work from home to make ends meet. Some are disabled & unable to work. I'm actually quite surprised at the range of people who H.E.
Personally I don't think I could, because DH would expect a school at home situation, while I would go down the unschooling route, so we would clash. I also would have no desperately needed alone time, due to my DH's work patterns. I also think only 2 of my 4 are H.E. candidates. It really wouldn't suit the personality of those 2. I occasionally wonder whether it would be the way forward for. My Aspie though.

FireSquirrel · 30/08/2016 19:15

I didn't say that home ed was cheaper than school and I acknowledged that to be able to home ed in the first place you either need to be able to afford to stay at home or to work around home edding. What I did say was that home ed in itself doesn't have to cost much and that for the same money that you'd spend on school kit and school costs, you could do a lot of home ed things.

I'm under no illusion that for some families it would be impossible to home ed, but I also disagree that home ed is solely the preserve of the wealthy or that you need tons of disposable income. For many families (not all) if they wanted it enough and were prepared to make sacrifices elsewhere they could find a way to make it work. Our income is well under the UK average and we've sacrificed a lot in order to be able to home ed but thats a choice we've made because of how important it was to us. As I said, most of the home ed families we know are not particularly wealthy.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 19:17

Some of you are posting every myth that there is about home ed... no, you do not have to be rich or privileged... in fact many of us are brassic. Neither do our kids struggle socially because they do mix with others...

belgina · 30/08/2016 19:19

I just want to add, that my friends do set up activities or steer the learning in one way or another. They may have T.V. days, but these are definitely balanced out by "let's build a medieval castle on Minecraft by researching all we know about such buildings." That would be history, maths, engineering all in one.

user1471734618 · 30/08/2016 19:20

well I have never met a home edder that did not own their own house.

Dollshead · 30/08/2016 19:22

Today 18:32 Fulltimemummy85

I would worry about the fact they have a choice to do GCSE's. If they decide not to they are pretty much stumped for getting most kinds of jobs !

Rubbish. There are many avenues to getting qualifications, and many avenues to every career.

EB123 · 30/08/2016 19:22

You have now. We rent and home ed.

Dollshead · 30/08/2016 19:22

Well you met one today, and most home edders I know rent.

user1471734618 · 30/08/2016 19:24

really ? I find that hard to believe with private rents being what they are.

FireSquirrel · 30/08/2016 19:25

We don't own our own house and neither do the vast majority of home edding families we know. There are home edders from all walks of life, living all sorts of different lifestyles and choosing to home ed for all sorts of different reasons. There really is no one type of family who home ed and the idea that home ed families are all either wealthy home owners or eccentric hippy types is a total myth.

youarenotkiddingme · 30/08/2016 19:26

Ds and I can't get through homework without WW3 - imagine the carnage of HE round here Grin

Seriously though I've considered it a very viable and possibly the better option for Ds.
He has ASD and is finding the secondary school environment too difficult.

But what people say about income and money is true. It's not a viable option for me. I am a LP - I don't work we don't have an income. Full stop.
What i have looked into is perhaps when he's older me working a shift job and arranging education around it. He has expressed an interest in attending engineering school at 14. These do exist - often in free schools and I've certainly haven't ruled it out as an option.

Education is not just about learning in school.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 19:27

"well I have never met a home edder that did not own their own house."

well now you have.

freetrampolineforall · 30/08/2016 19:27

"And if there is something in the national curriculum that never arises as something we need to know then why learn it?"

This is not a very good advert for home ed. How about learning just because? How about opening up doors you didn't know were there?

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