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Guest post: "This September, my daughters won't be going back to school"

800 replies

MumsnetGuestPosts · 30/08/2016 12:49

When we first considered home education, I pictured handwriting practice, daily reading tasks, desks and mini-projects. I used to be a teacher; I imagined some kind of co-op, where I'd teach four or five children Stuff I Knew and another parent would include our children in a similar group for Stuff They Knew.

We decided to opt out of the school system after a brief dabble with preschool for Evie, who's now five - her four-year-old sister Clara won't be starting school this September either. Society can sometimes laugh, with varying degrees of mirth, about the lack of fun and creativity in schools. But given the government push for testing and an ever-narrowing curriculum, we stopped laughing and just felt a bit sad. We decided that home educating would suit our family better.

Of course, we had early worries about doing the right thing for the kids; qualifications; making friends; the embarrassment of telling people.

Although I'd initially envisioned a kind of school at home, my children don't learn that way; in fact, few of us learn that way. It's how schools work because there are 30 children in each group with one adult, and that's hard to manage. It's what has always been done.

We're usually wet or muddy or covered in ice cream or - on good days - all three. Some days I'm Queen Elizabeth I at Hampton Court Palace (but a nicer one at Evie's instruction, because our ginger queen wasn't known for her benevolence) and the girls are my daughters (but secret, illegitimate daughters, because she didn't have any really). Other days we might go back to check on some tadpoles at the park. The girls are enthusiastic explorers and biologists. I'm a rather repetitive and slightly irritating Protector of the Tadpoles. No tadpoles have been harmed, but many have been stroked.

I always knew that these kinds of activities were legitimate ways of learning, but surely you'd also need lessons, or some form of structured teaching. I had read a bit about unschooling but I wasn't really convinced. The essence is that you live with your children and allow them to live: offer lots of opportunities and resources, and allow the children to choose how they spend their time. Be supportive and talk to them. It's the parenting that most of us did when our children were babies and toddlers. They learnt to talk and walk, and recognise individuals, they knew their colours and how to count, and how to stack things, and what would make them feel better if they got hurt. As I started to look for and find learning in ways that don't look like school, this way of educating, and living, made the most sense to me.

We're lucky these days that lots of unschooled kids have grown up and been to university; they're getting good jobs and living satisfying lives without ever having faced the stress of year 6 SATs or last minute Sunday night homework or bullying.

So we're unschoolers. We don't do it in exactly the same way as anybody else, because everyone has their own set of interests and learns in different ways. We go on all sorts of trips organised by home educating parents - to museums and nature reserves and sites of historical interest - and a whole lot of unorganised trips to parks and IKEA and the swimming pool. We read lots of books and go to the library to get more. We play with toys. We watch a lot of Netflix and YouTube and are currently in a phase of playing an abundance of Kirby's Epic Yarn on the Wii.

We spend time with lovely friends and travel around the country to see family. We never take tests; we're never limited by a curriculum; we don't sit if we want to run, nor do we run when we need to sit.

I don't worry about the same things any more, which luckily leaves me time to worry about the mess, or the sibling squabbles or what we'll have for tea instead. I know this is the right choice for us. If they need qualifications there are plenty of ways to get them; they have lots of friends of all ages; and I'm not at all embarrassed to tell people that we're not on holiday, actually, we home educate.

OP posts:
Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:27

I had a really positive experience of school, I still see my friends and saw it as a really happy time in my life. People speak about schools like they are the devil. Unfortunately children need to learn how to function with discipline, wear uniforms and not do as they please. Otherwise how will they get jobs ??

Petal40 · 30/08/2016 20:27

Simon,I take my hat of to any home edders out there,I salute you..well done.....in fact well done pat on the back to all of us parents....it's the hardest job in the world parenting. Kids don't come with an instruction manual....weather we home ed or use a school,we are all muddling through trying to do our best.

RitesOfSpring · 30/08/2016 20:28

Surely most jobs allow you to go to the toilet whenever you need it? Every job I ever had did.

Also I do hate the idea that the function of school is to prepare kids for work. I thought it was to educate them?

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 20:29

Today 20:20 Northernlurker

Loving the suggestion that fathers who don't home educate are taking zero responsibility for their kids hmmhmmhmmhmm

  • Funny because that wasn't what I suggested.
Pteranodon · 30/08/2016 20:29

Schools haven't been around that long, really

RitesOfSpring · 30/08/2016 20:29

And I went to school and I don't see any if the people I was forced to socialise with

I'm saying "school gives kids the best chance to socialise and make friendships", which is not the same as saying "every kid will socialise and make friendships in school".

ImYourProlapse · 30/08/2016 20:31

We're preparing children for the 'real world' didn't you know, where they are going to struggle and be miserable, and have to 'deal' with other people, and where toilets are few and far between. It's strange because I went to school from 4-18 not including college and uni, and I struggle with all of these things.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:33

The responsibility for education (by law) resides with parents. It is just that most choose to outsource it to schools. We don't.... it is not a big deal and nor are half of the myths on here relevant. We know many home edded kids who grow up and do their thing and off they go into the big wide world. Just like your kids do....

Most of our kids do exams... Most are in work or college. There have been studies done on outcomes... and they are pretty positive. That also applies to Unschoolers.

Lisahpost1 · 30/08/2016 20:34

'Unfortunately children need to learn how to function with discipline, wear uniforms and not do as they please. Otherwise how will they get jobs ??'

Really and school is the only place to learn this?? Not really as my teenagers all have jobs and study and discipline themselves just fine. Maybe because they see a point to what they are doing and don't have to rebel against being forced to learn arbitrary crap in a situation that is less than optimal for their emotional health and learning.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/08/2016 20:35

ImYourProlapse why so offended by a simple observation? Clearly it's anecdotal and not based on measurable data, as was your response about 'a few' families.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:36

You didn't distinguish between ages. If an 11 year old has to wait they should be old enough to be told to wait ! If they haven't experienced discipline in childhood from somebody bar family how can they be expected to operate.

brasty · 30/08/2016 20:36

I always wonder about this kind of he, as surely all the activities described are what many children already do anyway outside of school?

EB123 · 30/08/2016 20:37

I also went to school and at 32 am not friends with anyone I was friends with at school unless you count Facebook friendships! There are so many ways to make friends in life, it doesn't just need to come from a school setting.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:37

"If they haven't experienced discipline in childhood from somebody bar family how can they be expected to operate."

Define discipline? Do you really feel that kids need to be told what to do, when to eat and pee etc to be functional?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 30/08/2016 20:37

'schools haven't been around that long'

Neither has universal literacy.

Northernlurker · 30/08/2016 20:37

Incidentally some schools in the UK don't have uniforms. My dds primary doesn't.

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:38

And to give life skills! Drs, Teachers, Solicitors none of these can just pop off the the toilet!

Fulltimemummy85 · 30/08/2016 20:40

So what happens when they go to work? It's all about developing life skills and unfortunately people need to work !

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:40

The beauty of Home ed is the fact that you can do it at your own pace, follow what your child loves, discover the world without limits. School limits children by its nature.... it is an institution for the masses. How can school possibly provide the best experience for 30 or more individuals all at the same time?

Yes, you may well do those things when your kids are not in school but your lives revolve around limitation, homework and restricted learning. How can a child that loves biology (for example) get to fully explore that in school, in hourly chunks? How can they immerse themselves? They can't. Kids learn when they are passionate about something. Repeating something by rote is not learning....

Lisahpost1 · 30/08/2016 20:41

'School will give them the best chance of socialising?? '
Where's your evidence for that?
Arguably humans are not designed to deal with large group forced situations. Certainly not where all people are the same age. We did not evolve to do this with our young and it is not optimal for their social development.

simonwebbstache · 30/08/2016 20:42

"And to give life skills! Drs, Teachers, Solicitors none of these can just pop off the the toilet!"

Home Edded kids are living life everyday and spending more time doing it than kids in school. So how are they at a disadvantage?

drspouse · 30/08/2016 20:44

This is not unschooling.... although I am a radical unschooler and do not limit tv or anything. Mine spends most of her time doing other things tho.

And what if your child wants to just watch TV? Many children would happily just watch TV given the free choice of activities. Or what if the parent (I suspect this was more the case here, but they are fairly committed to the idea of unschooling) cannot be bothered to provide access to in depth learning on topics that would interest the child? Should they be allowed to unschool?

Exams and monitoring progress?? What for? Exams are a means to an end to prove knowledge of a subject to gain entry to higher education or work. So far my two eldest gained entry to further education and work without exams.

FE yes. HE eventually. But what if your child wants to go into an academic side of HE? Become a doctor or a scientist? Or a lawyer or an engineer? And what if they don't want to spend years doing something else while gaining alternative pre-university qualifications? Who are you to decide that is going to be their career path when they are far too young to decide for them? Not everyone has talents that mean HE is not the best route for them.

I just don't get the philosophy that "I've decided my child is not taking this route and this is their choice" which is basically the inevitable result of unschooling. You've chosen for them. They are too young to choose.

EB123 · 30/08/2016 20:44

Life skills are learnt through living life.

RitesOfSpring · 30/08/2016 20:46

Lisah

Fair enough, it's obviously my opinion rather than a fact.

If we're talking about evolution, we did tend to live in groups larger than the immediate family in the past, so we would spend more time in a larger group than just our mum, dad and siblings.

Personally I agree that schools are a limited and sub-optimal method of teaching children. I like the idea of home-schooling, in terms of education. But I don't like it in terms of how my child would socialise and develop relationships. That's just my position on the whole thing.

Lisahpost1 · 30/08/2016 20:47

Err yes doctors do pop to the toilet... Who comes up with these ridiculous arguments?

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