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Guest post: "Children are at terrible risk if the family courts don't put their safety first" (Warning: upsetting content)

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 20/01/2016 10:04

I'm sharing my story in support of the Women's Aid Child First campaign, which calls for children's safety to be placed above the desires of an abusive parent for contact with their child. I want to highlight the catastrophic consequences that can occur when the family court judiciary does not do this.

It took just 15 minutes on the 22nd October, 2014, for my life and heart to be broken completely beyond repair. I had warned those involved with my case that my happy, funny boys would be killed by their own father; I was right.

My boys were both with their father on that October day, and at around 6.30pm he enticed Paul, nine, and Jack, 12, up to the attic, with the promise of trains and track to build a model railway.

When the boys were in the attic, he lit 16 separate fires around the house, which he had barricaded, so my sons could not get out and the firemen could not get in.

Only 15 minutes later, at 6.45pm, the doorbell rang at my mum's. (We were staying there temporarily after the separation.)

"It's the boys, they must be early," my mum said - but I knew that wasn't right. The boys would have run into the house and straight into my arms; they always did after a visit to their dad. They were frightened of him - he was a perpetrator of domestic abuse. The statutory agencies involved in our case knew this.

I opened the door. Blue lights were flashing.

"There's been an incident at your former home; the boys have been involved in a fire."

Running into the hospital, the first thing I saw was Paul receiving CPR. A doctor, drenched in sweat and exhausted, told me they were withdrawing treatment.

I held Paul in my arms. I begged him to try, to stay, to not leave me.

He looked at me, smiled, and the life left his beautiful blue eyes. His hair was wet with my tears as I kissed his nose. Then Paul, my boy, was taken out of my arms and into another room. There was no further chance of touching him; his little body was now part of a serious crime enquiry.

Detectives arrived and informed me that my former husband was responsible for the fire, and that he'd also died. All this time I wasn't allowed to see Jack, as they were still fighting to save him. Thankfully, he never knew that Paul had died. He'd tried to save his little brother.

The police later disclosed that Jack was still conscious when carried out of the fire and told them: "My dad did this and he did it on purpose." This was taken as his dying testimony.

Jack clung to life for five days but his battle was too big for him to fight. His body had suffered 56% burns. On the 27th October, he too died in my arms after suffering a cardiac arrest due to his horrific injuries.

No more children should die at the hand of a parent. Social services and Cafcass (which represents children in Family Court cases) were found lacking in their duty of care to Jack and Paul. They offered little or no support to me in the months leading up to their murder. Failings have been highlighted; lessons must be learned.

Jack and Paul's father was a known abuser. One official involved in the case refused to assess him alone, because she didn't feel safe doing so. Why, then, was he allowed unsupervised, unsafe contact with my boys? Even though we'd separated, the abuse hadn't ended. This was not taken on board by the Family Courts. He wanted to take everything from me, and he did. The boys' right to safety - to life - should have outweighed their father's desire for contact.

I want to help other families going through the Family Courts and trying to escape domestic abuse. I want to ensure all children enjoy a safe future. Every child matters. It's too late for my boys, but not too late for others. The Women's Aid Child First campaign will help protect other children.

To sign the Child First petition and call for children's safety to be put back at the heart of the family courts, go to you.38degrees.org.uk/p/childfirst

To find out more about the Child First campaign, and download the report 'Nineteen Child Homicides', go to //www.womensaid.org.uk/childfirst

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stampedingthefields · 20/01/2016 16:19

I don't know where you found the strength to share your story in such a dignified manner. My love goes to you and I want do send you sincere condolences for your loss.