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Original poster

Why does MIL insists on being called "Nan"?

166 replies

HoppityBunny · 10/10/2009 08:09

She feels very strongly and defensive about it being called Nan not Grandma to the point I feel she would be prepared have a show down and debate about it in front of my 3 children! So I always duly remembered to refer her as 'Nan' or 'Nanna' to my children. This puzzles me why does my MIL feels so strongly about it? Is Nan a more prestige title than Grandma? In fact I thought MIL was rather rude to insist being called that, cos my mother died a year before my 1st baby was born. I felt she wasn't respecting my mother. Isn't the word 'Nan' is for mother's side of the family? My MIL has 12 grandchildren, a half of them by her sons, and she still strongly insists she's labelled "Nan" by all of them and is prepared to fight for the title??! Which is utterly daft and I also think she's a bit of a bully don't you? I have had always called my mother's mother's grandma and I am happy to be called grandma or whatever by my future grandchildren when I am old!

OP posts:
Faffalina · 14/10/2011 08:16

My MIL had a definite preference which she discussed with us before DD was born. My mum didn't give a toss what she gets called.

It's up to her!

BecauseImWorthIt · 14/10/2011 08:19

Er - this is a thread from 2009 - I should hope that the OP has resolved this by now Grin

vixsatis · 14/10/2011 08:26

This is a re-run of the sofa/settee/sitting room/lounge discussion.

My guess is that sofa/sitting room will correlate with Granny/Grandma and that settee/lounge/couch will correlate with Nanna/Nanny

2wwmadness · 14/10/2011 08:27

I am nearly in tears over this this morning! (disclaimer, I am pregnant and hormonal) our 1st dc is use in the new year an my mil (we do have issues) has taken it upon herself to be nanny. I'm so upset, my dh has never had a nanny. It has never been used in his family. I however, did, and she passed away when I was a teenager. She is so much like my mum and very much a cultural thing. I don live where I'm from. My child will have more of a cultural background as my dh as we live where he is from. Little things like this make me feel like I'm loosing my background. I'm sure she's doing I on purpose. I understand where your coming from.

Trills · 14/10/2011 08:55

I agree with BIWI - it's a thread from 2009.

Trills · 14/10/2011 08:56

(and it was a ridiculous thing to get upset over even then)

lisaro · 28/11/2011 19:23

I always thought it was a class/educational thing. My ex and I were put out when the exMIL described herself as Nana. We both said 'no' to it. I think it sounds silly.

trulyscrumptious43 · 26/12/2011 23:02

IME grandparents these days get to choose what their grandchildren call them (and why not, I reckon they deserve it).
I grew up in Birmingham and I had two nannies.
This got a bit peculiar when I moved away as an adult to the south east and some people thought it meant I'd had two paid au pair/carer types!

Also had a friend whose mother insisted that her new born grandsons were only to refer to her as 'Grandmother'.
She worked for the Samaritans Hmm

YuleingFanjo · 26/12/2011 23:04

wow, old thread. I thought I remembered posting on it way back when.

zest01 · 27/12/2011 18:23

wtf??? I don't understand the issue here?? We are a blended family so have LOTS of GP's and they've all picked their own "names" - we have a Nanny first name and a Nanny surname, a Nana and a Grannie, and a Great Nan. We also have 2 Grandad first names, one Grandad surname and a Grandpa. The kids don't get confused at all (except occasional the very youngest who is 2 and calls all of them, male and female "gandad" ;-) ). I don't see the big deal let them be called what they are happy and comfortable with

zest01 · 27/12/2011 18:24

oh, old thread!! LOL

UndercoverGranny · 13/01/2012 10:32

I have to say I agree with everyone else. Let the grandparents be called what they want. They'll have to live with the new name!

marge2 · 13/01/2012 10:42

It's totally up to your MIL. My Mum is Grannie by choice. I called HER mum Grannie. My GP's were foreign so didn' t get the class implications. My MIL calls herself Nanny which I hate, but that's what she likes so that's what we call her through gritted middle class teeth.

RabidEchidna · 13/01/2012 10:46

Its up to your MIL how she wishes she wants to be addressed.
TBH I think "nan" is common, although my mother is called nan and MIL is Grandma.

My aunts grandchildren call her Grandi and I think I might like to be called Gamma (Dr Carter called his gran that in ER) should I ever be blessed with Grandchildren

MovingOnNow · 29/12/2012 17:59

Oh dear is Nanny v common? Lol that would explain why my mil was put out to be called Nanny. I only realised this when she was a bit smashed and I said it was difficult finding Xmas cards with Nanny and she said, "Well that serves you right". I didn't get an explanation and I didn't ask for one! But mil is a bit posh so that would make sense! He now calls her nan, this started about the same time he started calling me mum, not mummy, so I sympathise to a degree

MovingOnNow · 29/12/2012 18:02

Ps I am a great aunt (obviously a very young one lol) and my sister encourages her GCs to call me Grauntie lol. Which is fine by me, I tell my young children their auntie is in her late 60s (she is mid 40s)

Viviennemary · 29/12/2012 18:02

I don't particularly like Nan myself! But I should just go along with whatever she wants. My Mum announced I shall be Grandma. Not Granny, Nanny, Nanna or anything else. but Grandma. And that was that.

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru · 29/12/2012 18:05

I always called my grandparents Gran and thats what the kids call my mum. MIL likes to be called Nanny which still sounds and feel strange to me despite having called her that for the last 9 years (since dd was born).

Ponders · 29/12/2012 18:06

my mother's mother (Midlands) was called Granny & my father's mother (London) was called Nanna

I have always thought grandmothers have the right to choose what they are called however ridiculous

Pooka · 29/12/2012 18:06

Mil LOATHES granny - has always insisted on being nanny (which I personally dislike - I had grannies, and my dm is granny to the children).

She sees granny as being older.

I think of terry pratchet and nanny ogg being a toothless bawdy old gal compared to granny wetherwax, who is a better witch and is more classy.

Ponders · 29/12/2012 18:08

my MIL is called Grandma & hates Granny

so of course the kids call her Granny sometimes just to wind her up Grin

judefawley · 29/12/2012 18:13

We don't have nans or nannies. My mum says they're goats.

Our gps were known as grandma/grandpa and it's the same for our children.

I have a friend whose inlaws were so affronted by any grandparent monicker, they completely made up two names for the grandchildren to call them.

RandallPinkFloyd · 29/12/2012 18:18

Zombie Thread!

Ponders · 29/12/2012 18:32

so it is!

it has come back from the dead several times before though Grin

LynetteScavo · 29/12/2012 18:41

Granny is reserved for the mothers mother.

My DC have Granny and Grandma.

It also means, my DB's DD calls her mother mother Granny and my DM Grandma, which my DC think is silly, as Granny, is Granny is their eyes.

SIL selected Grandma,for MIL (her mother) however, as she was very aspirational when she had her DD. Normally in their working class family it would have been Nanny.