Why does MIL insists on being called "Nan"?

[HoppityBunny]

She feels very strongly and defensive about it being called Nan not Grandma to the point I feel she would be prepared have a show down and debate about it in front of my 3 children! So I always duly remembered to refer her as 'Nan' or 'Nanna' to my children. This puzzles me why does my MIL feels so strongly about it? Is Nan a more prestige title than Grandma? In fact I thought MIL was rather rude to insist being called that, cos my mother died a year before my 1st baby was born. I felt she wasn't respecting my mother. Isn't the word 'Nan' is for mother's side of the family? My MIL has 12 grandchildren, a half of them by her sons, and she still strongly insists she's labelled "Nan" by all of them and is prepared to fight for the title??! Which is utterly daft and I also think she's a bit of a bully don't you? I have had always called my mother's mother's grandma and I am happy to be called grandma or whatever by my future grandchildren when I am old!

It never occurred to me that the name was anything to do with the parents-I would say that it is entirely up to the grandparents.

Carmen, point one, yes mum or dad or whatever you would have a right to be annoyed as it is not an accpetable name for a grandparent, however objecting to any acceptable grandparent name is a totally different argument.

Point two, is your MIL a new grandparent to your dc? I mean is your dp/h their dad, has she been a grandparent from the beging? If she has then both she and your mother would have chosen their names at the same time and would have equal right to use that name the, very sad, fact that your mother passed away does not mean that your MIL is suddenly not allowed it any more. THe only exception I can think of really is if your MIL has changed what she always wanted to be called all of a sudden but I get the impression that is not the case?

When I was a child I had 2 grannys. DH had Nan - MILs mum, Nana - FILs mum, Granny N - Step MILs mum and Granny E - MILs step mum .

Then BIL and SIL had a child and MIL decided she was going to be called "Nanny", and Step MIL was to be Granny.
All fine then DS1 was born and MIL was still going to be Nanny, SMIL Granny, and we said to my mum "would you like to be Gran, Nan or Nana". her response was "I dont like Nan or Nana it's common and I am certainly not beign called Gran, its very cold and makes me think of non affection".

So she gets granny, MIL gets Nanny and Step MIL is Gran (but Granny to my nephews, which causes confusion when all the boys get together, as DNs talk about Granny (SMIL) and my DSes think they ar eona bout their granny (my mum)

Mine call his mother Granny and my mum Nanny/Nan.

My grandmother always insisted on Grandmama or Grandmother - she always said Nanny made her sound like a goat (not saying anything at all) and my Mum was rebelling agaist her mother by getting the kids to call her Nanny.

Mind the eldest called my Grandmother Grambanana - why I have no idea.

My only Grandchild - 16 months and good enough to eat calls my parents Gee Gee (Great grandma) and Pop (Great grandad) he calls my DH his proper name LOL - think its because I always say that when Im talking to him.....and, my rather lovely name is Anma bum bum ROFL - little devil.

I dont think it matters what your MIL wants to be called.

We have two called 'Nanny'. My mum wanted to be cslled that as she thinks Granny makes her sound old.... MIL couldn't make her mind up what to be and DS started calling her Nanny too and it's stuck. FIL wanted her to be called 'mama' but I hope you can understand why my DH and I said we'd rather not have her called that! I don't think it's a class thing - I know Nanny/Nana/Granny/Grandmas of all backgrounds. Seems to me that it depends partly on what your own grandparents were/are called.

My mum is Granny, as is my Ex-MIL.

My new MIL is working class and is Nanna.

All had the choice in this.

I hate calling her Nanna. Makes me cringe.

DailyMail, yes, mil has always been their grandmother. I think the difference is, she lived a long way away and didn't see much of them whereas my mum saw them a lot.

Therefore it would have been weird after she'd died if someone else had popped in once every six months using the same title. It really isn't what the children would want and would have been confusing for the younger child. "Grandma's arriving tomorrow." "Isn't she dead?" "No, the other grandma" - easier and happier for everyone to have different names really.

Cat. I disagree that 'grandma' or 'gran' is a name. It's not really. It's a chosen title. I really think there is room for everyone to be sensitive, including the person choosing that name.

I think this is one of those things that is going to vary from family to family. Some families will be fine with both grandmothers having the same title. Some will want something else. But I think there's room for negotiation on both sides. I don't agree that anyone can say, 'Right, this is my name and you're going to call me that.' Instead, I think it should be more like, "Ok, I'd like to be called X. Are you all comfortable with that?"

Because seriously, the 'Grandpa Bear' thing was weird.

My nan is nana. I don't know why she's called that - she's my dad's mum though. My mum calls herself Grandma and my dad Grandpa. I wouldn't dream of having any kind of input into what they chose. Why do you care?

One of my friends is known as "matriarch" to her grand-daughter (who she insists on calling "my daughters daughter" instead of grand-daughter) as she was so horrified at being a grandmother. In her defence, she is only in her very early forties and the child is starting school, so she is very young!

I shall insist on my DGS (3 mo) calling me Mrs [my last name].

No confusion there.

LOL My mother is a very middle class "Nanna" to my kids

Haven't read the whole thread, but it could just be as simple as the fact that she called her own grandmother Nan, or that her son called one of his grandmothers Nan. Whoever it was might have been special to her.

I know my Mum initially didn't want to be called Granny as my "Granny", her MIL, had been a very special lady, who had been, in Mum's own words, "her favourite relative" (there had been various issues over the years with my mum's parents). She then realised that in a sense it was a tribute to Granny, so Granny it was.

My dad is Opa to ds, which is what he had called his own grandfather.

Often these names are passed down the generations.

I mentioned earlier that FIL is called papa. I hate hate hate this but there were two grandschildren there before DD and they gave him the name. What would be the point of me training dd to use a different name just for the hell of it? It really doesn't matter and you're being completely arsey and a bit weird about it all.

We called both Grandmothers Nan, and called greatgrandparents Gran.

Grandfathers were called Grandad, Great grandads Grandpa.

Maternal set were Scots , Paternal set southern England.

DS called both grandmothers Nan (Nanny when small), both Grandfathers Grandad.

DGD calls both myself and her Maternal Grandmother Nan.

She calls her Great Grandmother Gran, and her great great Grandmother Grandma.

Great grandfather is Grandpa, she hasnt got a great great grandfather.

To tell the difference she just adds the grandparents name.

We came from a middle class Jewish family , on Paternal side, and a working class Free Kirk Family on the other side.

Paternal Grandmother had aspperations as well, but still prefered Nan.

I would hate to be called Gran.

DD has a Nan, 2 Nannas, a Grandma and a Gran.
Purely the choice of the individual, what they wanted to be called. Nothing to do with class/region/etc, just personal taste.

DD had a Granny and a Grandma. No Nans anywhere. Why are you so bothered about it? (FWIW, Granny was my mum and Grandma is dh's mum, so absolutely nothing to do with maternal/paternal side; I assume she's Nan to all the others.)

I don't like the word nana meself anyway, but if that what MIL wants then OK. She's awfully protective to a point that its grates me a little. If i were her I wouldn't be that bothered I be happy to be called whatever the grandkids are more comfortable with. But I am aware that's her and I am not her. It's such an issue with her and so much so that it's hard for me trying to find birthday xmas cards with nana or nan on trying to please her without having to spend a fortune like a £4 card!

It doesn't matter IMO. I don't think there are any rules are there? Both mine were granny - they were Malvern Granny and Ledbury Granny. My DC have Granny (my mum) and Ganny (DH's mum).

i dont want to be a nan.

i want to be a mean old granny

i will rub tiger balm on just before they visit - so they will think i'm smelly and not come round

Please could a member of the upper classes contribute as I would like to know if they had nans and nannas or not

It's just a name like mummy,mum or mother.

DC has/had

nanny 'round the corner' my mum
Grandad 'with the cats' my dad
nanny&grandad(said all as one word) dh parents.
Grandad 'in the wheelchair my grandad.

People call themselves what they are used to and are comfortable with.

I had a couple of aristo mates. Old titles, crumbling family piles in the country and absolutely cash poor.

Both had nannas.

Custy {grin]

Read that out to DGD she thought it was hilarious (not so sure about her comment that it sounds like me )

Being a Grandmother is soooooooooo much fun, you get away with doing stuff you couldnt with your own children (including yesterday taking DGD with me to Tesco, and her spotting her new Boyfriend shopping with his mother as we were leaving the carpark, so of course I had to go around again and hoot the horn and wave {grin], emabrassing DGD is such a pleasure)