Why does MIL insists on being called "Nan"?

[HoppityBunny]

She feels very strongly and defensive about it being called Nan not Grandma to the point I feel she would be prepared have a show down and debate about it in front of my 3 children! So I always duly remembered to refer her as 'Nan' or 'Nanna' to my children. This puzzles me why does my MIL feels so strongly about it? Is Nan a more prestige title than Grandma? In fact I thought MIL was rather rude to insist being called that, cos my mother died a year before my 1st baby was born. I felt she wasn't respecting my mother. Isn't the word 'Nan' is for mother's side of the family? My MIL has 12 grandchildren, a half of them by her sons, and she still strongly insists she's labelled "Nan" by all of them and is prepared to fight for the title??! Which is utterly daft and I also think she's a bit of a bully don't you? I have had always called my mother's mother's grandma and I am happy to be called grandma or whatever by my future grandchildren when I am old!

It's a personal thing, I dont really like Grandma, its' very formal to me.

My MIL in a Nanna, never heard it as a mother of the daughter term.

It's a little thing for you to get so upset by as SMac says there must be more to it.

I don't see that it matters. I think it is up to the grandmother-I just asked my mother and MIL what they wanted and went with that.
If I get to be a grandmother I know what I want to be called and hope not to have a DIL who is either bothered or wants control of my name. It doesn't matter.

nana here aswell. I was brought up in south wales, and I called both my parents nana.

i can't remember ever hearing gran, granny or grandma in our family.

it's prob what she was brought up with, and if you weren't I can imagine it doesn't sound right at all.

i live in devon now, and most nana's seem to be called Granny here.

my mum felt granny made her sound too old, and for me and her it didn't sound right either!

My mum's mum was "nan" and my dad's mum was "grandma". I althoughs thought nan more cuddly, but that's more to do with personalities than with anything else.

My mum is "nan" to my sister's daughter, so I guess the tradition has simply continued.

On the aspirational front, my parents were always "mum" and "dad", but when I left school (northern mining village) and went to university (Cambridge) I was really jealous of those people who called their parents "mater" and "pater" . Now I've (mostly) got over myself, I call them "ma" and "pa".

I think the grandmother/grandfather should choose what they are called. My mum likes Grandma and doesn't like Granny or Nanny - her mum was Grandma to us and her grandma was Grandma to her as well so it's in her family. The same with MIL's family who through the generations have all been Nanny/Nan.

However my dad and FIL both said they wanted to be Grandpa, but on DS' first birthday cards they both signed "from Grandad"! So I may ask them which they prefer and hope they both choose different ones. If not it's not a problem as they will just be Nanny and Grandpa or Grandpa & Em (what my stepmum wanted to be called - her eldest is only 7 and she didn't feel ready to be a grandmother yet!!)

I didn't think in this day and age anyone used Mater and Pater.

My DS1 knows he is very lucky to have 2 Grannies and 2 Grandpas. The Grannies have their names after, but the Grandpas are described as 'the Grandpa who goes with Granny...'.

My Dad was adamant he wasn't going to be a Papa like his Father (just the way the name was said my my DB) and I always thought he would be Grandad.

I think it's the kids that decide in the end

There are no rules. It's her title - she should be comfortable with it. I'm sorry your mother died - that must have been awful for you - but your mil wasn't not respecting anybody. She was just using the title she wants to use. I have a Nan and a Grandma - both their mothers used exactly the same titles. My children have two grandmas - again because that was the title their mother used.

I have never noticed any correlation between side of family and use of gran, nan, grandma, etc.

It makes sense that all grandchildren should call their grandmother by the same word. I'm sure it has nothing whatsoever to do with your mother.

I did once work with a woman who was becoming a grandmother at 30-something and said she would insist on being nanny rather than granny (whenhe baby started speaking) because it didn't wound so old.

My MIL is Granny because that's what her other DGC called her. My mum is Grandma.

My Dad's mum was always Nana to us. My Mum's mum was Gran and her step mum was Grandma.

Must admit that as a kid it was aways a bugger to find cards that said to Nana

In the grand scheme of things does it really matter.

My mum asked to be called nana and my MIL asked to be called grandma. Seriously as long as your DC aren't using words they shouldn't to call someone by then surely it is up to the GP what they are called!

I think it's up to her what she's called.

YABVU. What does it matter to you?

I think it is a choice thing - you get to choose what your dc call you, ie Mum, Mam, Mom, Mother, Mummy and any others I haven't thought of.

Your MIL gets to choose Nan, Nanna, Grandma, Grandmother, Granny and so on. I tis is down to her, the same as it would be down to your mother if she were still here. Chossing a certain name is not disrespectful to your mothers memory it is simply choosing a name and I would expect anyone to choose one name for all dgc - after all you wouldn't have dd1 call you Mom and dd2 call you Mother would you?

Oh, I hate this. I think people have a right to choose their title but within reason.

My PIL lived in a different country and we only saw them once or twice a year. Before FIL died, he and MIL made this announcement that he would be called 'Grandpa Bear' which I found very odd and couldn't really bring myself to use it. I tended to just call him 'Grandpa.' I had no father on the scene so it wasn't that he needed the 'Bear' bit to distinguish himself from someone else.

MIL is 'Grandma '. I suspect she'd like to be just Grandma though and the kids do call her Grandma sometimes. In my mind, my mum had first dibs on just 'Grandma' as she lived locally but she died a few years ago. I still find it hard to call MIL Grandma without her first name as I think of my mum as Grandma. My grandmother is Granny.

The sad thing is, it kind of ends up being Grandma for mil and Grandma-who-died for my mum .

Anyway... I personally don't like 'nan' or 'gran' but it's probably just me being a bit snobby.

My DD has:

Granny and Grandad (my parents)
Grandma and Granda (DPs parents)
Nana and Papa (my grandparents)
Gran (DPs grandma)

lucky thing!

Carmen, it is perfectly possible for them both to be grandma - I know lots of families who have two grandmas, it is not really that big a deal. They just call them grandma when speaking to them and grandma when talking about them to avoid confusion. Seems to work fine! I understnad that you have attached importance in the name for your mother but that is not something you can expect other people to act on really.

I often think people attach too much to a name, if the person is getting all "but I am her only Grandma/Nanna" then they need a dose of reality, it is the relationship with the child that is important not the name they call you!

Surely it's up to her what she is called?

MIL is Nana and my mum is known as Granny- She is originally from the Yorkshire and I think perhaps it's more common there. One thing I do know is it's almost impossible to buy a birthday card where we live (in the SE)but the shops are full of Nan and Nanny cards.

Personally I prefer Nana as I think Granny sounds really old (and my mum was only 50 when she became a Grandmother)

My family has always used 'Nan'/'Nanny', on both my Mum's and Dad's side. We tended to use 'Grandma' for my Great Grandmother tbh.

My Mum asked to be Nanny to the DCs and I was happy to go along with it (assumed she would be tbh), for me a Granny or Grandma is someone old, retired, grey-haired who knits all day {grin] Obviously a stereotype, but I can't shake that mental picture.

I'd imagine when it's my turn I'll be equally stubborn about being called 'Nan'. I really wouldn't want to be called 'Granny'

YABVU OP, It's up to her what she gets called, not you - sorry!

DailyMail.. I agree, it is possible for them both to be grandma if everyone's happy with that. But in my household, it's used to refer to my mum and none of us want to call MIL the same title. I think it would be somewhat disrespectful to me, the children and my grandmother (mother's mother) to call herself by the same title.

I don't actually agree that I can't expect other people to act on it. My children use grandma to refer to my mum. Why should they be asked to use that name for someone else?

The 'you can call yourself what you like' argument doesn't really stand up. What if she wants to be called Mama or Mom or something? I think I'd have a right to be annoyed. And I think the children would have a right to say they don't want to use it.

Agree cat.

my dd calls hers,

apple and bampi(my mum and dad)
nannie and grandad (dps mum and dad)
nana and grandad( my mums mum and stepdad)
nana and pops( my dads mum and stepdad)
gran and grandad( dps gran and grandad)
gran and grandad( dads dad and stepmum)

never realised how many she really had!
mental note to self.. must send pic to them all.

It sounds like you miss your own mum to me, which is perfectly understandable. I read a column in the Guardian last week where the chap still refered to his deceased father as Grandfather Phillip and told all of children lots of stories about him. Maybe you could do the same to keep your mother alive for your child.
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/03/grandad-back-from-dead

FWIW my nana wanted to be called 'nana' because it was more youthful and 'with it'

Agree that you should let MIL decide what she would like to be called for now, and if DCs independently decide to call her something else, that's different in my book, and I'd hope she would get used to it.

Long before DS was even conceived MIL had said that she wanted to be Gran, not Granny, but when we checked with her shortly before DS was born, she said she wanted Granny. I have no idea why, and try not to spend too much time analysing it.

My boys have a Granny and a Nan/nanny. I had a nana.

I can't see the problem with choosing what you want to be called. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to say to my mum/mil that they couldn't use the name they wanted.