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Original poster

Why does MIL insists on being called "Nan"?

166 replies

HoppityBunny · 10/10/2009 08:09

She feels very strongly and defensive about it being called Nan not Grandma to the point I feel she would be prepared have a show down and debate about it in front of my 3 children! So I always duly remembered to refer her as 'Nan' or 'Nanna' to my children. This puzzles me why does my MIL feels so strongly about it? Is Nan a more prestige title than Grandma? In fact I thought MIL was rather rude to insist being called that, cos my mother died a year before my 1st baby was born. I felt she wasn't respecting my mother. Isn't the word 'Nan' is for mother's side of the family? My MIL has 12 grandchildren, a half of them by her sons, and she still strongly insists she's labelled "Nan" by all of them and is prepared to fight for the title??! Which is utterly daft and I also think she's a bit of a bully don't you? I have had always called my mother's mother's grandma and I am happy to be called grandma or whatever by my future grandchildren when I am old!

OP posts:
Tommy · 10/10/2009 08:12

I'm not sure it worth getting in a tizz about it. I've never heard about the "rules" of such thing but then have never had a "Nan " - only a Granny and a Grandma.

It's your MIL's name so, presumably, he gets to choose it - don't know why you're so upset about it

HeBewitcheditude · 10/10/2009 08:12

No she is not being selfish or unreasonable, people have the right to be called wht they want and nan/ grandma isn't a particular maternal/ paternal thing.

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 10/10/2009 08:15

I might be COMPLETELY wrong here but isn't Nan a more northern term?

Also you say Nan is for the mothers side of the family and then say you called your mothers mother Grandma.

Anway I really don't see what the problem is here, if she wants her GC to call her Nan then call her Nan. We have 2 Granny's, a Grandpa and a Granddad each were allowed to choose what they wanted to be referred as.

Podrick · 10/10/2009 08:15

My own mum despises "nan" and "nanna" because they are working class allegedly and she is very aspirational

onadietcokebreak · 10/10/2009 08:16

I've never heard of Nan being a maternal thing.

IMHO The nan/grandma gets to choose own name. Either if it ends up with two parents being Gran etc.

Im sure no disrespect was meant to your mother.

HeBewitcheditude · 10/10/2009 08:22

I don't think it's northern, I have the impression it's a class thing.

I have never come across a middle class nan/ nanna/ nanny.

HeBewitcheditude · 10/10/2009 08:23

I don't think it matters if they're both Nan/ Gran.

My cousins had Nanny Liz and Nanny Davies. They only referred to the Liz or Davies bit if they were distinguishing them from the other one, otherwise they were just Nanny.

Original poster
HoppityBunny · 10/10/2009 08:24

I suppose so, MIL gets in a tizz about it though, not me. The children accidentally call her granny sometimes and I wondered if posting on here would give me some more insight to how she's feels.

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 10/10/2009 08:24

Nan is not a more prestige title than anything else afaik.

It is a class thing.

lol at podrick's aspirational mother

scrappydappydoo · 10/10/2009 08:25

I suspect if she has 12 grandchildren who all call her nan it would get confusing for one to call her something different..
I can understand why you're sensitive about it - my dad died before my dcs were born and it used to grate and feel unfair when fil was called grandad (don't know what else I expected but its all irrelevant now)
btw - my mum was adament she would not be a nan or a grandma and we have an invented name for her but equally my MIL desperately wanted to be a grandma so no issue there - I think its all about preference..

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 10/10/2009 08:28

"I don't think it's northern, I have the impression it's a class thing."

lol, that could be true I just presumed it was because my dads parents were northern rather than because they were working class!!

TigerFeet · 10/10/2009 08:28

She probably wants to be called the same name by all her grandchildren, understandably imo. It would be odd for the children of her sons to call her a different name from the children of her daughters.

I called my Dad's mum Nan fwiw, I've never heard of the grandparent's name being dictated by the gender of the parent.

bamboobutton · 10/10/2009 08:29

i don't think it's northern or a class thing.

i grew up in norfolk and everyone used nan or nanny.

my scottish granny was called nanna.

i don't understand why it bothers you so much?!

i haven't heard of maternal grandmothers having rights over specific names either, at least she isn't demanding to be called Grandmama!

BloodshotEyeballs · 10/10/2009 08:29

Well we were decidedly middle class and both grandmothers were nanny. Now my mother and MIL insisted on grandma even though I don't like it, it's their choice. And I even posted an AIBU here because FIL wanted to be called papa which I detest with a passion and can't even bring myself to say. I was told I was BU and it was up to him.

Original poster
HoppityBunny · 10/10/2009 08:36

You are right there "Librabiscuits"! I did call my mother's mother's grandma he he! I found people in my area where I and MIL live call their mother's side grandmother nan, so I thought hang on! Suppose it don't matter, if my mother was alive I think she be called grandma anyway. It's the way MIL speaks of it she's a little untactful you have to be with me to understand it.

Thanks for posting girls Nan from the north is interesting.

OP posts:
moondog · 10/10/2009 08:36

Where on earth did you get the idea there are protected titles Hoppity?
Let the poor woman call herself what she wants to.
Certian members of my dh's family did this with the result that the grandmother in question isn't permitted to refer to herself as the name for 'grandmother' in her language, which makes me very sad.

ellieloooooooooooooween · 10/10/2009 08:41

I dont know about it being a class thing maybe in earlier days it may have been, my mil wanted to be called grandma, I had no problem with it but I had all called always called our grandmother granny, my dd1 always called her granny with no prompting from me, my sil (mil's DD) said to her DM that grandma sounded a bit stiff to her so who knows, do your children not just find their own name for her? I know my great grans had different names I think one was weirdly popin?? dont ask me why and the other one was ma as one of her ds's when he was little started calling her this and it stuck.

Carikube · 10/10/2009 08:43

My father's mother was always nanny to us and my mother's mother was grandma. Now dd has 2 grandmas - my mother already has lots of dgcs and is grandma to all of them so it was only natural, and MIL said she wanted to be called grandma (dd is her only dgc) so that's what we do.

PuppyMonkey · 10/10/2009 08:48

We have a granny and a grandma. Where I live (Notts), everyone is into Mam-marr and Nan-narr and I always hated that...

Although DD2 is very close to the lady two doors down, whose grandkids are alwasy round. Amnd now she calls this lady Mam-marr too....

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 10/10/2009 08:49

My mil is 'nanna' to all four of her grandchildren, for some wierd reason she has now decided she would rather be 'nonni', which she says is italian and thinks is nicer than nanna.

So now she is constantly correcting and confusing them, it is starting to really get on my nerves.

I don't think it matters what moniker a gp choses but I do think they need to be consistent.

SpawnChorus · 10/10/2009 08:52

My Mum is Granny and MIL is Nanny. I can't stand "Nanny" and I cringe whenever I have to say it. She insists on it because "Granny" and "Grandma" sound old Pretty pathetic IMO.

LadyoftheBathtub · 10/10/2009 08:57

My mum is Granny and MIL is Nana - MIL requested this because she hated her own Gran and didn't want to be called Gran herself. And it suits us all for them to have different "grandma" names. It does sound funny to me because MIL is incredibly southern and upper-crust, and "Nana" makes me think of a fat jolly Yorkshirewoman in a pinny, but I've never heard of it belonging to mother's side more than father's IYSWIM.

Merle · 10/10/2009 09:05

Mine were 'Nanny' and 'Nana'. The latter was 'Nana' by her choice. I always asumed it was a southern/London thing - think Nan Smith in Catherine Tate. 'Grandma' seems more cuddly.

Trikken · 10/10/2009 09:10

we have two Nana's here, they both chose it as they preferred it to granny or grandma, apparently granny makes them feel older. mums husband has started to refer to my mum as nanny tho and it drives me and mum up the wall.

Pingpong · 10/10/2009 09:12

Hoppity I think there must be other issues going on for you to feel this strongly over the name Nana.
To me it makes sense that if she has 12 grandchildren that they all call her the same thing. I asked my Mum what she wanted to be called and MIL has now changed her title to Nana as that is what her eldest grandchild has started to call her now that he can talk. It's no big deal surely.
FWIW Nan is commonly used in Wales so it's not just a northern thing.

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