Why does MIL insists on being called "Nan"?

[HoppityBunny]

She feels very strongly and defensive about it being called Nan not Grandma to the point I feel she would be prepared have a show down and debate about it in front of my 3 children! So I always duly remembered to refer her as 'Nan' or 'Nanna' to my children. This puzzles me why does my MIL feels so strongly about it? Is Nan a more prestige title than Grandma? In fact I thought MIL was rather rude to insist being called that, cos my mother died a year before my 1st baby was born. I felt she wasn't respecting my mother. Isn't the word 'Nan' is for mother's side of the family? My MIL has 12 grandchildren, a half of them by her sons, and she still strongly insists she's labelled "Nan" by all of them and is prepared to fight for the title??! Which is utterly daft and I also think she's a bit of a bully don't you? I have had always called my mother's mother's grandma and I am happy to be called grandma or whatever by my future grandchildren when I am old!

I have upperclass relatives. Not a nan/nanny in sight (except for THE nanny of course ).

Mine were always Nan/Nanny - they didn't want to be called Granny etc as they felt it aged them more.

Thinking about it now I am old enough to be one and my DD is old enough to make me one, I think I would prefer to be a Nanny than a Granny

We let grandparents decide what they wanted to be called. There was certainly never any issue with it.

DD has:

Nana and Grandad (surname) - my parents
Nana and Grandad (surname) - PILs

(though surname is only used to differentiate them when talking of them, not when DD is talking directly with them.

She also has:

Nana and Grandad (surname) - greatgrandparents on my side
Grandma (other greatgranmother on my side)
Grandad Great - DH's grandad (also Grandma Great for DH's step grandmother befpre she died)

We always used nan or nanny as children (we are from the north but thats norf london).

My mum is v.aspirational. I vividly recall her saying (with a slightly glazed look in her eyes) when my grandchild is born s/he shall call me 'garnie' . Needless to say this did not happen. Nanny she is.

My mum didn't want to be nan/nanny or grandma/granny, so ds has ended up with a nanny and grandad (ex's parents)and a nags and grumps (my parents - their choice) - the endless explaining of that one at the nursery/school gate is now a little wearing.

wrt the class thing. Anyone who describes themselves as upper class tends not to be, ime.

at chegirl. Reminds me of a summerhouse (it was a shed) owner I once knew.

My MIL was already a grandparent and she was always 'Nanna'.

My mum decided she would be a Grandma and she is. I think she objected to Nanny as she saw that as a title for someone much older than her and that's what her mum was to her children IYSWIM.

I really think it's up to the Grandparent to decide their title and everyone else should respect that.

I think it should be up to the GP in question to choose their 'title'

My MIL is Nana - never Nan, or Nanna - a bugger for getting cards for! She is very young, so perhaps she thinks Nana is younger sounding than Grandma.

I want to be Granny, although not for a long time, as dd is only 3.

I would always expect grandparents to choose themselves what they want to be called, and them feeling strongly that they want a particular title isn't an 'issue'.

Personally I had two Nannies and a Grandma. MIL is Grandma to DS and his two cousins, no problem. My mum ummed and ahhed then went for Granny. Both grandfathers are 'Granddad', which causes no confusion whatsoever for DS.

Really can't see what the problem is with your MIL wanting to be Nan, and I find it difficult to imagine a situation where anyone would challenge it in any way tbh. Why is she having to 'insist' in the first place, particularly when she is already 'Nan' to cousins?

Oh, and on the origin of Nan/Nanny - both my Nannies were East End working class ladies.

My mum is nan, simply because she personally felt grandma sounded too old, she was 40 when her 1st GC came along, i am a little bit annoyed that my DS's great grandparents try to call themselves nan and grandad cos i dont want him getting confused and it sort of takes the privilege off his nan, grandma and grumpty Im quite aware im being silly

Why is it such an issue for you? I think it's up to the nan/granny/grandma/nain to choose what they want to be called.

'nan' is popular in Wales.

DS and DD have Granny and Grandpa (DH's mum and dad) and Granny and Grandad (my mum and dad). To differentiate the grannies they are Granny Woolly hair (MIL) and Other Granny .

How funny. I have sympathy with the op on this...

When I was about 7 month pg with DD1 my MIL suddenly very abruptly shouted in my face "I'm not a nanny". I had no idea what she was on about and said "OK then" - I thought she meant she didn;t want to do any babysitting

I had 2 grannies myself and it wouldn't have occured to me to call the grannies anything else IYSWIM. Anyway I do call MIL what she wants, but it does not come naturally to me at all and I have to "remember" what she's called when talking about her with DD.

Bizarrely we called FIL what DH thought it would be, then in 1st bday card MIL had signed him something completely different. Sigh.

I don't understand why it matters. When I was pg my mum's friends all kept asking her what she was going to be called and what a big deal it was. She was a bit baffled by it.

My mum and ex MIL both wanted to be Granny, never confused either of the dc's especially by the time ds came along dd had already found a way to tell the difference between them
My mum is Granny Grandad and
exMIL is Granny Dogs
she also named my Gran quite grandly as Great Grandma and uses the full title every time she speaks to her/refers to her

It's never been a problem and I always let the Granny in question choose dh's mum is now Grandma and i'm not keen on it but her choice of name.

My mum was adamant that she would NEVER be called Grandma or Granny as to her it is an old lady's name. When she was a child her grnadmother was Nan and her Great Granmother Grandma. So she is Nanna to my two.

I think it is entirely up to the Grandparent themselves what they are called, after all it is their "name" not mine or yours.

Hilarious that anyone could be so insecure (refering to thread not OP) as to see class distinctions in the title used to refer to a grandmother. Oh well. To paraphrase Professor Higgins, "an Englishman cannot open his mouth without making another Englishman despise him."

My mother and MIL are both Nanny. Doesn't seem to confuse anyone. I have never heard of one title being used specifically for father's parents and another for mother's. Sounds odd to me.

My mum (who has no grandchildren yet) is very interested to know what MIL is going to be called by (curently 3 month old) granddaughter. Because obviously my (as yet hypothetical) children will call MIL the same thing, so my mum wll have to pick one of the ohter names that means 'grandmother'.

my mum was exactly the same, isisted that she was nan/nanna/nanny not grandma!! i thnk it was something to do with grandma making her feel old, she is in her sixties though!

Also fwiw my boys have two nanny's (mum and MIL) and a grandma/mamma (DSMIL)

Well dispite MN name I would like to be a grandma, and DH a grandad. If other GPs want the same then DGC can tell us apart by adding our christian names. My DC did this and both sets of GPs were happy with it.
When I was little it wasn't really acceptable for children to ever use an adults first name. So GPs who lived in the same village were grandma & grandad, and the others who we saw twice a year at most were London grandma and London grandad. We dropped the London bit if we were with them IYSWIM.

Granny & Grandpa were my grt grandparents. I was lucky enough to know and remember 3 of mine. Sadly my GC won't have any GGP on our side.

Not sure if it's a class thing. Other members of extended family do have grannies and nans. I do think of nanny as someone who helps with child care.

But it's not what you are called that matters is it.

My mil is grandma, as that's what her first gc calls her. By the time dd and her cousin came along it was already decided.

Grandma sounds ridiculous in my accent, I really don't like it, but it's not my choice.

I have managed to arse up step-mil's title though - she is granny, but my granny us also granny and due to geography dd sees her a lot more. It will be confusing the next time dd visits dh's home as she is all into people and their names now. We could use granny first name for step-mil, but that seems unfriendly somehow. Step families not familiar to me, perhaps she wouldn't care.

Should have tried harder to come up with better great granny title for my Granny, but she just is Granny to everyone in my family.

Why is it insecure to think that there are class connotations in the names that are chosen for grandparents? There are both regional and class variations, which is probably one of the reasons why there are so many variations that can be used.

Here's a sociological paper about it all: books.google.ca/books?id=YBOqD78x9zkC&pg=PA256&lpg=PA256&dq=class+implications+Grandma&source=bl&ots =kAcQpbshAM&sig=03xR2qrBO82cU2Pp23WlbpnUOdY&hl=en&ei=1GjRSojvEoH2sQPUw4TwCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=r esult&resnum=1&ved=0CA4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=class%20implications%20Grandma&f=false

Apparently Mum and Dad are working class terms in origin (with middle class children moving from Mummy/Daddy to Mother/Father). I don't know anyone who calls their parents Mother and Father though (you do see this in older films though), plus the regional variations are often different from the class ones, so something that might be posh in one area might be working class in another.

My view is that the person who is called by the name in question should decide on it. IME most grandparents do have quite strong views about what they would like to be called, for all sorts of reasons. My mother for example couldn't settle with any grandmotherish name, which I think is because she felt ambiguous about becoming a grandparent (the occasion wasn't terribly auspicious in her eyes).

For the OP, I really don't understand why you want to call your MIL Grandma. Unless your children are the first grandchildren it's not really up for debate, as the name has been set. I don't know any grandparents that are called different things by their grandchildren - even ones like my maternal grandparents, who got slightly odd grandparent names when my big sister (first grandchild) decided on something a little different, all the subsequent grandchildren called them the names (obviously after my grandparents adopted the names).

That's interesting nooka.

I think most little children call their parents mummy & daddy. I don't like to here grown up DC saying this thiugh. That must make me working class. I still sometimes hear people refering to 'mi Mam & Dad'!. That's how lots of locals would have said it in the past.

I never realised Mother's Mother sometimes had a less formal name. But I suppose traditionally children would have spent more time with their mother's family.

Nana - MIL is Nana to all 12 grandkids so we had to fit in - which is fine

My mum is Nanny - selected by my mum & agreed with my sis who had the first baby - simple!

However, two of dd's cousins for some odd reason, also call their other gran Nana which leads to massive confusion (and they wre the first grandkids too so WHY didn't they call her another name? LOL)

My wicked step mother is referred to as Nanny Pub....... my dad used to own a pub LOL