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Original poster

Why does MIL insists on being called "Nan"?

166 replies

HoppityBunny · 10/10/2009 08:09

She feels very strongly and defensive about it being called Nan not Grandma to the point I feel she would be prepared have a show down and debate about it in front of my 3 children! So I always duly remembered to refer her as 'Nan' or 'Nanna' to my children. This puzzles me why does my MIL feels so strongly about it? Is Nan a more prestige title than Grandma? In fact I thought MIL was rather rude to insist being called that, cos my mother died a year before my 1st baby was born. I felt she wasn't respecting my mother. Isn't the word 'Nan' is for mother's side of the family? My MIL has 12 grandchildren, a half of them by her sons, and she still strongly insists she's labelled "Nan" by all of them and is prepared to fight for the title??! Which is utterly daft and I also think she's a bit of a bully don't you? I have had always called my mother's mother's grandma and I am happy to be called grandma or whatever by my future grandchildren when I am old!

OP posts:
TwoManyFallsAndYouGetABadScore · 11/10/2009 08:11

She can be called what she wants to be called. My mum would never want to be called Grandma, my MIL would never want to be called anything else. Its up to them. i don't know why you are getting in such a tizz.

And why do you have to "remember" to call her this. Surely its not a new thing that she has requested to be called nan and if you have 3 children, the name has been knocking around for a while?

I don't think there is a mother/father side to grandmothers names - otherwise you could have situations where your grandchildren were all calling you something different which would be really odd.

So no, I don't think she is being a bully. I think there are thought probably other issues between you.

Phoenix4725 · 11/10/2009 08:35

I had a nan and grandad , who did not want granma as she felt was northern thing and also brought image of little old lady to mind.My mums mum was grandma and both of their hubbys was gradad.

Now I have 4 dc mymum is nan and my dad was grandad but after he died and mum remarried my stepdad is knows as grandad jeff by younger 2and jeff by older 2.My nan (dads mum ) did not want great nan is now grandma as she now ready for title being older her words not mine lol

xh mum was grandma frinton till we divoiced now shes nothing as she refuses anycontact with her gc

But honestly names do not belong to anyone I asked what they all wanted to be called

pranma · 18/10/2009 15:41

My maternal grandma was always called 'Mother' by her grandchildren as was her mother before her.

1944girl · 07/08/2010 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anenome · 21/09/2010 11:36

We left it up to our DDs who opted to call my Mum Nan and MIL by her first name! BUt as MIL is very liberal she likes that...makes her feel less crumbly!

My own grannies were called Nan...both of them...to distinguish between both I had "Apple Tree Nan" and "Nan"

Fel1x · 21/09/2010 11:49

I would say it's up to your mil what she is called!
I have 2 nans. My dcs have nans too. I didn't know anyone of my friends to have a gran or grandma, all nans. When it's my turn to be a nan I'd feel just plain weird if they insisted on calling me grandma!

blackeyedsusan · 15/11/2010 00:16

our 2 notts gms are granny and grandma. i gave them the choice to choose within reason what they wanted to be called as they are both first time gps.

BigChiefOrganiser · 15/11/2010 01:07

My mum (Gran) thinks Nana sounds old, and my MIL (Nana), thinks Gran/Granny sounds old.

Get over it you're grandparents, you're both old!

Earthymama · 15/11/2010 03:04

Pranma, I was going to mention that when I lived in Lancs lots of people called their grandmothers 'Mother' . It caused me no end of confusion as I had never heard this in Wales.
I always wondered when the shift from 'Mam' to 'Mother' took place and how did it happen on the paternal and maternal sides?
Someone from St Helens come and explain please. Smile

Earthymama · 15/11/2010 03:09

Forgot to say I'm a Nannie, though kids say Nan too. All their grandmothers and great-grandmothers are or have been Nannie too. They use surnames to distinguish between us all.

I'm afraid I still tell them stories about my grandparents and my parents when young and try to give them a sense of family background, so they have lots of people to call good old working -class Nannie!!

Sibble · 15/11/2010 03:12

I also think it should be their choice. Perhaps I had better brace myself should the day come, but I would want to be a Nan and definitely not a Gran/Granny etc.... It just brings to mind white haired, frail, lavender smelling old women. Although few of the Grannies I know fit the bill - so not sure why. My dss have 2 Nan's - my mum and my Nan (known as Nanny and Nanny X), they also had a Nanna (my MIL), they have never been confused.

Mumcentreplus · 15/11/2010 03:24

Why the bejesus does it matter???...if she wants to be called Nan so what?..i called my Great gran Mama...my grandmother Granny her name,my DDs call both grandmothers Grandma her name...don't get the issue

HollyBollyBooBoo · 15/11/2010 03:34

My MIL is exactly the same and was very insistent that she be called 'Nan'. Naughtily I started calling her 'Pikey Nan', (I don't know why...she truly brings out the worst in me!) and it's stuck - only a matter of time now until someone acidentally says it infront of her!!

GrannyMo · 20/01/2011 12:22

I'd say its more your MIL who has the problem. Leave well alone and let her get on with it. Don't fret if you call her Granny either.

When my kids were small, my father's mum still here. Always Gran for her GCs, the GGCs called her that too. MIL was always Granny to her GCs so my mum became Grandma to hers. Much the better than all being called Granny or Nan.

textualhealing · 18/02/2011 19:10

I think the grandparent should decide what name they are called. I don't think there is any class/demographic divide here. I had two Granny's. Granny Jean and Granny Jan - both Scottish.) My mum is a "Granny" to my children and she is now Granny Pat and I am Granny Jane, now that I have grandchildren. No ones confused and the children are fine with it all, as are we.
Controversially, my mum always said that she didn't like the term "nanny" as it suggested an employee! Seriously, I don't think you should stress over this; there's worse going on in the world!

sassyTHEFIRST · 18/02/2011 19:14

Nan/Nanny = wc
Granny = m/c or Irish
Grandma = posh

franatash · 02/03/2011 17:47

When my daughter was born in 1952 my mother didn't want to be called grandma and she became known as Isobel which is what my husband called her. Isobel was her mother's name (decd)not her own. In fact,they became Tom and Isobel to everyone, me included.I am Granny to my granchildren.In my opinion, Nanny is someone, not family, who looks after the baby. I found it very confusing when Nan or Nanny started to be popular.

privategodfrey · 02/03/2011 17:50

God my Mum would have been mortified to be called granny/grandma as she saw those as 'old ladied' (her description).

My children called her Nan or Nanny depending on their age at the time. My Dad is Grampa to them. Perhaps it's a regional thing as we are Welsh and that's what I called my grandparents.

FattyArbuckel · 02/03/2011 17:51

Old thread

let the old dears be called whatever they like

privategodfrey · 02/03/2011 17:51

'old ladies' I meant

FairyLightsForever · 23/03/2011 15:25

My Mum is Grandma, my MIL is Nana.
My grandparents were Nan and Gran (both Southern, middle class!) I think it's up to the individual.

wolfhound · 23/03/2011 15:39

OP, don't you decide what your children call you? (i.e. 'Mummy', 'Mum', whatever)? Grandparents generally like to do the same thing. It surprised me how strongly my mother felt about it. I think it's because she was used to her mother being 'Grandma' to me, and wanted to be the same to my children. Children generally pick up whatever term they hear used most often, so if you refer to her as 'Nan', then they will too. You might find that in 20 years time (or however long) you surprise yourself and have a strong opinion about what you're called by your grandchildren. I think it's an emotional thing - a name just 'feels' right. If two grandparents want to be called the same thing, you usually attach a first name to one or both. It sounds as if you have another underlying resentment re: MIL that's surfacing over the naming business?

dontquotem3 · 25/08/2011 03:19

Both my grandma's are called Nana, and I called my nana's mum Granny. My mother would hate to be called grandma,gran or granny as she thinks it makes her sound old, my children call her Nanny. However my DC's father's mother is referred to as Gran Gran, which I think is quite sweet.

Disclaimer: My mum MIL are of two different generations (MIL being the elder).

dontquotem3 · 26/08/2011 17:55

MIL is Nan Nan, not Gran Gran Blush

natwebb79 · 07/10/2011 14:43

I know that both my mum and MIL want to be called 'nan' or 'nanny' rather than 'gran' or 'granny' just because the latter sounds so much older to them. I think I'd feel the same too. Just a personal choice.