Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Original poster

Nursery report not adding up with what we thought. HELP PLEASE!

161 replies

MamaTurtle · 12/07/2010 11:53

Hi!

I am new to this site - I found it when googling and thought you might be able to give me some advice. Apologies if I'm doing something wrong.

My daughter, who is 3years 8months, goes to nursery, and has just received her 'end of year' report which outlines how the children are doing.

It says that she's a pleasure to have in the nursery etc., but also says that she's performing averagely and 'meeting most of the milestones'.

However, her grandparents, and my friends, are always commenting on how bright she is - we're having her (privately) assessed for being Gifted, as we think she seems to show signs of this.

Here are some of the things she can do:

  • Count to 10
  • Get herself dressed
  • Constantly asks questions - 'why are we going to town, Mummy?'/'How does the bus driver know where he's going?'
  • Knows the alphabet
  • Can make a necklace out of beads
  • Knows how to make a sandwich, and can repeat the instructions

So, my question is this: Why do the nursery not register that she is highly able, probably moreso than many of her peers?

Should we be looking at moving her to an Independent nursery where they will recognise, and nurture, her abilities?

Can we start her at school early so that she is sufficiently pushed?

Thankyou, in advance, for your time.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaTurtle · 12/07/2010 12:50

Hi!

I do think you aren't underrstanding - the things that I listed at the top are the things she can do by herself. With no help.

Madmathsmummy - she can count up to about 8 objects, but can 'count' to 10.

I hope that some more understanding people will be along in a minute.

Thanks for your answers so far.

OP posts:
bigstripeytiger · 12/07/2010 12:52

Its perfectly normal to be able to do those things without help.

MathsMadMummy · 12/07/2010 12:56

I think people knew she can do that by herself. It's great that she can obviously, but that stuff alone isn't enough for a 'diagnosis' so to speak.

There is really no need to assess right now. You know she's a bright little girl, that's what matters. If she's been called a delight to have at nursery, that's fantastic - and it implies she is enjoying it and therefore you should keep her there. If she was terribly bored she'd be misbehaving.

lovecheese · 12/07/2010 12:56

Sorry, agree with the others; Grandparents do tend to be biased, no? people say to me that DD3 (just over two) is bright, maybe she is, time will tell - I am certainly not going to race to have her assessed by somebody who tells parents what they want to hear for the right amount of cash.

MumInBeds · 12/07/2010 12:57

I'm an early years worker so work with a lot of children your daughter's age. Children do vary a lot but what you describe is in the normal range and nothing there would flag her up as particularly gifted to me.

Enjoy her for who she is, even if she does turn out to be gifted that won't be changed one way or another by your choice of care for her at this age.

carmenjones · 12/07/2010 12:58

Sorry MamaT. This is still normal (and ds can 'count' to 30, count up to about the same number of objects, recognise small groups of a number up to 5 without counting, read simple words and write numbers and a few letters - and he's very average.)

Carbonated · 12/07/2010 12:58

Do you mean 'understanding' as in 'believes that a 3 year old who can count up to ten is some kind of proto genius?'

My DS1 has been able to count well beyond 20 since he was 2, can accurately count up to 30 objects and has been reading and writing his own name and other words since before 3. But he is not exceptional (though of course I think he is!). Some of his friends of the same age can count backwards from 50 and are reading. He is 3.8.

mummytime · 12/07/2010 12:58

Sorry but Mama Turtle, your daughter doesn't sound that outstanding. But why are you so desperate for her to be? Yes she might well be able to get into a highly selective school, if that is your concern. She might end up at Oxbridge, but neither of those is the same as being highly gifted (neither is Mensa membership).

If you want her to get into a highly selective school, what they are looking for is a child who is confident, a bit naughty/lively, and maybe asks lots of questions.

I hope this helps a bit. Please don't pressurise her too much (I still remember feeling so sad at the little boy who refused to take part in the pancake race because "he might not win").

Haliborange · 12/07/2010 12:59

Being able to do the things you describe without help is not exceptional, tbh. Which is not to say your DD isn't bright (she may well be) but those examples are pretty standard stuff.

At this age I believe that the best thing for a child is to become well socialised. Is the nursery a nurturing place? Do the children play well together and have a good relationship with the carers? Those are the things I would be looking for. IME a child who has time to develop good social skills will do better at school than one who has been pushed towards more academic types of achievement.

Butterpie · 12/07/2010 12:59

It is pretty average (maybe the bright side of average) to be able to do those things by herself.

Even if she was really ahead, she is too young for it to mean anything at all. Keep on going with the flow, challenging her but not pushing, and see how she goes.

notnowbernard · 12/07/2010 12:59

I think you're having a laugh, my love

I hope that was a bit more understanding

MathsMadMummy · 12/07/2010 13:00
MoonUnitAlpha · 12/07/2010 13:02

I used to work in a nursery class, and honestly MamaTurtle, although I'm sure your DD is brighter than many of the children in her class there will be many who can do a lot more than her too. At this age though it really doesn't matter.

domesticsluttery · 12/07/2010 13:02

It is still completely normal!

As well as having 3 DC of my own I work in a nursery school. Most children aged 3.5 there can count to 20 without help (in two languages) and can count 10 or so "items" (ie if you put ten blocks on the table they could count that there were ten there).

Threading beads onto a string is one of the the things which we check they can do at just turned 4 (and expect them to have been able to do for a long time, a lot can do it at just turned 3).

Most 3.5 year olds can put their coats on, do their shoes etc, and most of them dress themselves in the mornings.

There's nothing wrong with average!

ShadeofViolet · 12/07/2010 13:03

My DS2 is 3.4 and can count up to 30, and count objects up to 15 - but he has ASD so cant feed or dress himself - it all balances out.

Please enjoy your daughter as you are in danger of becoming a pushy parent, and we are being helpful, just not in the gushing way that you hoped.

Carbonated · 12/07/2010 13:04

It was just something I made up MMM so don't panic Definition of proto www.yourdictionary.com/proto-prefix

MathsMadMummy · 12/07/2010 13:04

can I just add, if you get her assessed and the results come back 'normal' - it sounds by your posts that you would be disappointed. your daughter may pick up on this, and it could really upset her.

PosieParker · 12/07/2010 13:04

I can't think of a child that couldn't count to 10 at that age.

My dd at 26 months could count out and count up to ten in English and Mandarin and make a sandwich (I would cut everything first).

DS4 has been able to count to five since he was about 15 months.

And although I always welcome comments about how bright they are I always take it with a pinch of salt.

Now I know a gifted child who could write out and make birthday cards before she was two, as well as sew on a button and get herself dressed!!!

misdee · 12/07/2010 13:06

ok, my dd2 is probably considered 'gifted' and is now finishing year 2.

wehn she ended nursery, on her assessments they marked her at the highest point they could, but said ideally they would've marked higher but their numbers didnt go that high iyswim.

wehn she STARTED nurswery at age 4 (1st sept baby) she could do all you listed.

PLus count to 50+, add number together.
Do puzzles for children older than her
recite long stories off by heart (the gruffalo enacted with masks she had made)
explain how hearts work.
make necklaces out of beads and make it follow a pattern.

Carbonated · 12/07/2010 13:06

www.yourdictionary.com/proto-prefix Oops

Helenastar · 12/07/2010 13:06

mamaturtle
We are all being helpful and understanding,
its just that what your DD can do IS average, Why do you want your daughter to be pushed at this young age?
Your DD sounds lovely just enjoy her for who she is.

notnowbernard · 12/07/2010 13:07

My idea of G&T is pre-schoolers who can reasonably challenge the Grand Masters of chess, perform recitals of Beethoven or do complicated mathematical tasks with ease...

Getting dressed independently is NO marker for intelligence, IMO

MathsMadMummy · 12/07/2010 13:07

carbonated that's a relief...

also LOL @carmenjones 'competitive averaging' (sounds like a race of working out the mean, median and mode! now if a 3.8yo could do that, she would probably be gifted...)

oiteach · 12/07/2010 13:07

I think a lot of posters do understand actually, as some of us have gifted children and all of us have lovely children.

Your dd is normal, sounds pleasant, sociable etc but entirely normal.

Have a private assessment if you wish but it will be a waste of time and money.
I think that basing an expectation of "giftedness" on comments from relatives that your dd is "bright" is perhaps a little misguided.

DD was reading at that age, trying to write short stories, could count, do simple sums etc.
She is apparently gifted in literacy but that was not recognised until end of yr 1 and we try not to make much of it as I'm not sure it is a relevent label other than for those children who are extremely gifted as those children will tend to need an IEP.
DD just has extension work and has classes with the year above for literacy although we are not sure what will happen in yr 6 yet.

I would let her enjoy the next year of school and see what develops.

Carbonated · 12/07/2010 13:08

Let's be honest, you only started this thread so we all made tits of ourselves trying to outdo each other on how average our children are, whilst listing their many talents - didn't you?