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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Original poster

Nursery report not adding up with what we thought. HELP PLEASE!

161 replies

MamaTurtle · 12/07/2010 11:53

Hi!

I am new to this site - I found it when googling and thought you might be able to give me some advice. Apologies if I'm doing something wrong.

My daughter, who is 3years 8months, goes to nursery, and has just received her 'end of year' report which outlines how the children are doing.

It says that she's a pleasure to have in the nursery etc., but also says that she's performing averagely and 'meeting most of the milestones'.

However, her grandparents, and my friends, are always commenting on how bright she is - we're having her (privately) assessed for being Gifted, as we think she seems to show signs of this.

Here are some of the things she can do:

  • Count to 10
  • Get herself dressed
  • Constantly asks questions - 'why are we going to town, Mummy?'/'How does the bus driver know where he's going?'
  • Knows the alphabet
  • Can make a necklace out of beads
  • Knows how to make a sandwich, and can repeat the instructions

So, my question is this: Why do the nursery not register that she is highly able, probably moreso than many of her peers?

Should we be looking at moving her to an Independent nursery where they will recognise, and nurture, her abilities?

Can we start her at school early so that she is sufficiently pushed?

Thankyou, in advance, for your time.

OP posts:
MathsMadMummy · 12/07/2010 14:56

they didn't have G&T when I was at school, I'm quite glad of that really. I was still just 'me' and my parents made sure of that too.

I'm hoping they'll get rid of this arbitrary top 10% nonsense in the next few years.

EleanorHandbasket · 12/07/2010 14:56

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MathsMadMummy · 12/07/2010 14:59

that's really cute EH

MamaTurtle, sorry to hear about the CF that must be hard. your DD sounds so lovely though, and is obviously coping well.

domesticsluttery · 12/07/2010 15:02

MamaTurtle I can understand how you feel, it must be very difficlut for your DD having DD. As she was born early then it would be expected that she would be behind her peers, so she is doing really well to be doing the things that she is. However, from the things that you have listed, she doesn't appear to be gifted or far above average.

The most important thing at 3 however, is that she is a happy little girl who loves to play and find out about the world around her. Those skills will get her further in life than being able to count to 1000

Helenastar · 12/07/2010 15:06

This thread is a joke?
I have fallen for it for the whole day!
either that or mamaturtle is just not getting it?

domesticsluttery · 12/07/2010 15:08

I don't think it is a joke, especially with the mention of CF and premature birth (or at least if it were a joke it would be a pretty sick one...)

carmenjones · 12/07/2010 15:10

That's great MamaTurtle. Her birth and diagnosis must have been a great shock and how wonderful that after those setbacks she's a "lovely, happy little girl who loves finding out about the world around her". What a great testament to your parenting.

You would not be letting her down by just carrying on facilitating her finding-out-about-the-world in her own time and her own way. Doesn't need early schooling, doesn't need tests - she's happy and she's enjoying learning by playing and that's what matters.

Sorry if this maybe sound patronising. It's not meant to be - I do genuinely think she sounds delightful and you should be proud

becstarlitsea · 12/07/2010 15:13

MamaTurtle - Thanks for telling us more about her. I can imagine now why grandparents and friends are going on about how clever she is. Everyone must be so delighted with her. She does sound utterly charming.

Personally I really wouldn't get her tested. She doesn't sound 'gifted' and even if she did, if she were counting to 1000 and reading independently, I'd still advise you to hold back unless she showed signs of the difficulties (rather than abilities) that some gifted children can have.

Dylanpsmummy · 12/07/2010 15:17

being able to count to ten is somthing most kids this age can do and so is the alphabet because they have great memories for repeating back things. She'll also probably be able to remember stories and a wide range of nursery rhymes word for word. When it comes understanding numbers if you were to say if you have 10 biscuits in a jar and you eat 3 how many would be left. If she could do things like that it would be more likely that she actually knew what numbers were rather than just having a great memory. Sorry I know none of these posts are probably what you want to hear but you should be proud of your DD for what she can do.

BrittanyBeers · 12/07/2010 15:31

I wondered why this was in active convos for so long.

Of course your friends and family will tell you she's clever. Tis polite.

Turtle, my DS is 2 1/2 and can count to 39, and do the other stuff, and he is decidedly dim.

NickOfTime · 12/07/2010 15:32

mamaturtle - that makes more sense then. dd2 has cp and being quite 'academic' types, a learning disability has always seemed to be the most difficult thing (i think there have been a few threads on here about bright parents having average/ kids with lds).
anyway in our case dd2 doesn't have any ld, but the 'fear' was there. we were told she wouldn't walk or talk etc. in fact she does both, and also (lol) taught herself to read way before school and was reading virginia woolf before yr r. she has been assessed, because we had to prove she didn't have any lds (long story - kids who drool and walk like a drunk must be a bit slooooow, right?) so we know, for example, that her reading comprehension at the time was about 7-8 years ahead (she was 5 when we had her assessed) and her iq etc. but really, it doesn't mean a lot.

the two dcs who could speak by 3 {wink] had met all of the milestones of which you speak - dd1 knew her alphabet at 18 months (don't ask, it was the only weekend i left dh and her alone) - if you held up a wooden letter, she would name it and give you the sound, and could parrot the alphabet beautifully. all of them have been obsessed with sums and spelling since about two. ds1 was put into nursery a year early (because of the issues with his little sister at birth) but they ran him with the reception kids - at 3 he was using coins to work out different ways of making whole numbers, or change. (so 1x5 and 5x1=10, etc, or 20p -14p = 6p. he was about 3.6)

so, i just wanted to reassure you - it's so tough having a baby with difficulties, and you are probably experiencing a lot of the same anxieties as i have, but in all honesty, getting your dd assessed for giftedness at 3 is totally not necessary. nor is it particularly advisable.

i know with children with cf there is some anxiety that they may miss a lot of school etc - as well as perfectly rational concerns about how much they may be able to participate etc (hopefully your dd's cf is currently well under control etc) as well as concerns about what they will be able to withstand germ-wise in your average classroom.... your feelings are totally normal. but she still doesn't sound gifted - maybe look at why this definition is so important to you? (she sounds lovely - but it isn't the same thing...)

thisisyesterday · 12/07/2010 15:42

mamaturtle, no, i knew you meant she could do it by herself and i STILL think it is average!

sorry, but i think you are in for a big disappointment if you pay to have her assessed, and I worry what the future holds, esp for your lovely little girl, if you are so obsessed with her being "bright"

porcupine11 · 12/07/2010 15:51

My DH and I were discussing this last night. We were both 'gifted' - not in a Mozart way, but in that we were top of our schools throughout, never got less than A grade, and studied sciences/maths at Oxbridge. We were both v happy and relaxed children because our parents never labelled us as 'gifted' or tried to push us in a direction, and we are determined to do the same for our kids.

I've no idea what G&T assessment involves these days, but as a comparison, DH and I could both read fluently by 3.5 years, and DH's brother, who is super bright, could read before he was 3. I don't think you need to pay for an assessment, and you don't need to push your child as if gifted, they will get where they are going naturally (we both went to regular state schools & had no extra tutoring). Hope this helps.

ShadeofViolet · 12/07/2010 16:25

People always say that my DD is 'as bright as a button' but its just an expression, I dont take it to mean that she must be a super genius.

Original poster
MamaTurtle · 12/07/2010 17:21

Thankyou for all your answers.

I guess she's just doing fabulously well for us, since the doctors said that she probably wouldn't even talk, and so she is miles ahead of where we expected her to be.

I will just enjoy her being her, and making sure that she is happy.

Thankyou again for your time.

OP posts:
mummytime · 12/07/2010 17:30

MamaTurtle - do be proud of your little star. She has done well, and be prepared to fight if people try to write her off.

But as you will discover there are mothers who are desperate for their children to be geniuses, and will resist any attempt to tell them this might not be helping their child.

Enjoy everyday, and have fun with her!

FioFio · 12/07/2010 17:33

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PixieOnaLeaf · 12/07/2010 17:36

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Piffle · 12/07/2010 17:43

My DS2 is 3yrs 4 mths and has ben marked out by HV and pre school as being "extremely able"
However he refuses to count when mentioned but will cut blades of grass with scissors, count them and weave them intricately and then cut around them and make say a dinosaur shape, oh and gets the keys out of the back door, unlock the car, take it out of gear and start the engine...
Oh and he is dry at night
This is what they based it on
I kid you not
Actually he is a total pain in the arse, argumentative and combative.
If he were a teen I suspect on this criteria he'd be in borstal
But as a precocious toddler he's "able"
I'll say

And I can be circumspect about giftedness as I have an actually official gifted older son.
And a DD with SN.
Honestly this idea of pushing
So what they can graduate at 15 and go to WORK?
Let them be kids, there is no hurry I promise.

gorionine · 12/07/2010 18:22

what does CF mean?

ShadeofViolet · 12/07/2010 18:24

Cystic Fibrosis.

gorionine · 12/07/2010 18:26

Thank you ShadeofViolet

MeandMyKid · 12/07/2010 19:09

Mamaturtle,

Your DD is doing what most girls of the same age do - especially with dressing themselves and fine motor control as they develop them faster than boys.

There is no indication that DD is gifted but she sounds happy and bright. Even if she gets an IQ test done it may say she is gifted now compared to her peers but this may be because of parental input. I'm sure being a prem baby she has had a lot of adult input from parents and grandparents. The brightest kids I see are normally the ones that have ad a lot of one to one adult input but that does not mean they are inately gifted.

Just let her be herself. She is a blessing that could not have been so treasure the play times and do not label her anymore than she has to be as she already has the CF and prem baby label. I say this with kindness.

domesticsluttery · 12/07/2010 20:05

Mamaturtle: you should be very, very proud of her. And enjoy her being little, before you know it she will be in full time school and all grown up!

Of course she is bright, to you (and her grandparents and your friends, who were no doubt as worried as you when she was born) she is the brightest star that there ever was

Jackstini · 12/07/2010 22:09

Thanks MT for sharing more about your dd - I love that she is doing fabulously well, especially considering circumstances you mention, and I bet she beams when you tell her that - that is what matters