Can I stop forever?

[grahamgreenefanatic]

I need to stop drinking forever. I've always drunk to get drunk since I was 18, I'm now 45. Is it better to say 'never again', or 'small achievable steps at a time' Is there anyone out there who can help or who feels they need it?

It was my year anniversary yesterday and today is a week without cigarettes. Have come back to work today which may have been a bad idea actualy as the rash has reappeared on my face Obviously this shingles is caused by stress.. Am proud that i stood outside talking to one of my staff when everyone was smoking and wasn't tempted though

Agree with you pudding, trying to be a 'normal' drinker when all you want to do is drink the entire bottle (s) is harder then stopping completely!

Coolma, you will know from this and other threads that I bang on a lot about one day at a time. However, huge congratulations on your first anniversary. It is such an important milestone because you now know that you have tackled everything once without a drink. Those fears of, "how will I handle Christmas/my birthday/a painful anniversary?" are now answered rpomptly with, "I've done it once, I can do it again." Well done you and good luck sticking at it (one day at a time, of course ...)

That's so right! The thought of not drinking on my birthday (may 30th so you all remember!!) was horrible, but I did it - with a lovely meal and a smoothie!! And all the other 'special' days. Making sure I drive everywhere may be very lazy but ensures I'm not even tempted..

Hello GGF, COolma, MIFLAW, lurkers, people I've missed of list & welcome PenguinP

FIrstly GGF - I think its fine this thread being smug - its smug because we are doing well but I am finding that this thread is one of the reasons I'm doing well. When I feel tempted I oftne think of the rest of you being in the same position. So it will really help me to keep going if the rest of you keep posting.

Secondly - the thing about forever - I agree GGF contemplating forever is very big but one day at a time seems a bit small and actually a bit frustrating because I keep thinking will I have to think about not drinking every day for the rest of my life. So I am sticking to my one year which to me seems a long time but not too long and not forever and so maybe after a year I'll feel like going back to "controlled" drinking or carrying on with no drinking. But the main thing is that I don't have to make that decision right now so its not bothering me.

Well done PP - you sound a bit like me - all or nothing and giving up does just stop you having to worry about all those potentially embarrassing out of control moments that creep up on you when you aren't expecting them. I know so well that feeling of eager anticipation for a nice night out which ends up with a day of anxiety and wondering just quite how insulting or embarrassing you might have been. Those funny conversations you have with people afterwards when you can't exactly let on that you aren't sure what you said and don't know if they know either.

This thought I will take with me to girls night tomorrow along with my trusty ginger ale & lime.

In meantime have started a major project to tart up my house and am up to ears in sugar soap (sounds tasty but isn't).

Keep on keeping on all of you & hope test results were ok Posh.

By the way Coolma - well done on a whole year. [grin[

That is fantastic & just to say that giving up smoking and having shingles must be pretty hard so you are doing great. Keep on breathing on that inhalator or whatever it is you are doing.

Hi everyone

Good to hear from you MissNash, yes, you've just about summed up how I feel about alcohol. i think I will try to stop for a year too and then try to introduce some controlled drinking whilst keeping an eagle eye on the danger signs;interesting though what penguin found, that she had to give up for ever even after having given up for 8 months.
MIFLAW, I can hear you shaking your head! But we have to learn this our way and it may be the hard way. I remain humble and know how much respect alcohol needs to be aforded.

Hows the shingles Coolma?

Keep posting everyone

Hi folks,

I've been lurking and not posting.Still alcohol free here and it's all going well so far.This is now the longest time sober in over 10 years .

Gp didn't request for bloods when I went,but I am booked for a chest xray next week as my breathlessness is still ongoing.Am not feeling grand tbh,and am trying,really trying not to panic/stress out about my health-sods law I feel like pants when I'm finally kicking booze!

I am really glad you are all going strong,sending continuing strength and well wishes on your sobriety and to those who are tackling moderated drinking,good for you!

GGF

You have to do this how you see fit. You may be a very different person (and drinker) from me.

Nevertheless, I would urge you to re-read your original post. The fact you posted at all speaks volumes - people who can take or leave drink rarely go on the internet to ask how it's done.

As to the content of it - well, you're describing your entire adult life. I mean, I'm no doctor, but do you honestly think that a year's abstention is going to change something so fundamental about you irrevocably? If your post had been, "chocolate makes me fat in a way it doesn't to some of my friends but I've never been able to help cramming it down my throat" would you really believe that, a year later, you could eat chocolate and remain slim just by "controlling" it?

Sorry to nag because it really is none of my business. But I have seen people (myself included) who have called this one wrong. The results in such cases are VERY messy and sometimes very serious too. The hard way is, in this case, very hard indeed. Please think it through carefully before making such a decision.

However, as I say, you're not me and maybe it will work for you. Good luck with whatever you decide.

posh wellies hope you get the breathlessness sorted out.It is so impressive re the not drinking.I had a blip last night .I think as advised by others here I need to go teetotal,cos the old control of having just one ain't workin. Hope you feel better.

howdy all! I am feeling really miserable today don't know if it's post shingles depression, going back to work and feeling useless having missed a few days or not smoking. Whatever it is it's grim. However, haven't reached for a drink or a cigarette so all is well! GGF have to agree that if you really have that feeling that you 'can't' drink, controlled drinking aint never gonna happen! Horrible and harsh but sadly true, as i have found out. I envy people who have 'half a bottle left in the fridge from saturday' WHY? I used to think - Did you feel ill?! Have a great night all

Hello posh and coolma and sorry that you are both feeling below par.

Coolma I thought shingles made you ill for ages so maybe you should take it easy for a bit (although of course this kind of advice is generally useless for most mothers!!)

Glad to hear from you again posh and sorry that the breathlessness is worrying. Hope the chest Xray goes ok.

Have done lots of house makeover today and have backache but am feeling very prodctive in my sobriety. PLs send me lots of positive vibes for tomorrow nigth as keep thinking about how easy it will be to say "well ok then - just the one". Hoping that the food is totally delish to keep my mind off the booze

MissNash

It's INCREDIBLY easy to say, "well ok then - just the one". It's doing it that's the problem ...

If it really comes to the crunch, you may well find that eating something really sweet (think creme eggs or mars bars) or something very minty will make the idea of a drink a lot less attractive. However, I equally understand that that might not be ideal if you are having a meal.

Perhpas also have the number of someone you can talk to (be it the AA helpline or just a friend or relative who wants you to be well) ready to hand so that you can call him or her en route to the bar and get yourself talked down.

And, as always, "watch the video through to the end." Remember what normally happens when you have "just the one" - remember how it ends, not just how it starts, and remind yourself that the two usually go hand in hand.

Good luck for a sober night.

Hi, I'm not sure I should be posting here as I don't post often and certainly nothing as personal as this but I've read right through the thread and think the advice and support being offered is helpful and sensible and hey I want some of that....what I want to know (please) is if anyone has health issues as the only reason they want to stop drinking. I drink 3 - 4 bottles of wine over 3 nights each week. This puts me in the heavy drinking bracket and while I would prefer it to be less it doesn't cause me any real probs. My concern is though that I now find I have a pretty constant sore throat which always looks slightly red and feels irritated it's always worse after wine but better during. I went to the doctor about 6 months ago and he couldn't see anything wrong. Has anyone else experienced similar?

Ginger

not really in a position to comment, but just want to chip in that of course it feels better during drinking - alcohol is a painkiller! So definitely don't take this as "evidence" that alcohol is good for you in those quantities because it isn't. When people talk about the potential health benefits of red wine they are talking about a bottle a week spread evenly over six or seven days.

Just so you know.

Hi Ginger!

Do you have allergies? Here's a list of what wines can contain,and theres alot there that you could be allergic to!

tartaric acid

calcium tartrate

betaglucanase

lactic bacteria

ion exchange resins

potassium ferrocyanide

calcium phytate

lysozyme

dimethyldicarbonate

urease

oxygen

lees

oak wood

sulphur dioxide

calcium sulphate

sucrose

yeast cell walls

carbon dioxide

ascorbic acid

citric acid

copper sulphate

charcoal

diammonium phosphate

ammonium sulphate

ammonium sulphite

ammonium bisulphite

thiamine hydrochloride

polyvinylpolypyrrolidone

calcium tartrate

calcium phytate

lysozyme

dimethyldicarbonate

argon

nitrogen

potassium bisulphite

potassium metabisulphite

gelatin

plant proteins

isinglass

casein

potassium caseinate

ovalbumin (egg white)

lactalbumin,

bentonite

silicon dioxide or colloidal solution

kaolin

tannin

pectinolytic enzymes,

sorbic acid or potassium sorbate

potassium tartrate

potassium bicarbonate

calcium carbonate

carbon dioxide

acacia (gum arabic)

calcium alginate

potassium alginate

allyl isothiocyanate

yeast mannoproteins

Sulphites are a well known allergen.
I'd go a week without the red wine and see if it makes a difference to your sore throat.

Welcome to the thread btw!

Thanks for the advice MIFLAW. Have used my regular peek at this thread to remind me how glowing and super smug I will feel if I can post with a clear head tomorrow. I have told my friend about my alcohol free performance to date and that I won't be drinking tonight so feel that now I've laid out my stall it will be harder to go back on it.

"I envy people who have 'half a bottle left in the fridge from saturday' "

You see this confuses me. I have a problem with alcohol. I accept that. I drink too much and too often which is why I decided to stop (for a month initially). But I have a house full of wine and whisky and beer. And it never bothered me at all. I know it's there but I don't think of drinking it.

I really think that it's a habit more than anything else.

Orm! If only! At my 'peak' I was guzzling three or four bottles a night! I would drink whiskey, which I hate, if that was all that was left. There was no way on God's earth any alcohol would be left in the house undrunk on one of my 'evenings'. That's what makes people like me different (in a very bad way of course) to other people!

Hello everyone, good luck for the weekend coolma hope you are feeling better.I am disgusted with myself, as I sank a bottle of red last night.I have been good of late, so got a bottle to last through the weekend, I did what I knew I would do and could not resist.I feel such a sad case today, feeling like I have let my dh down he had to put up with me on "waffle" mode.My two dc have already been snapped at, it is not their fault they have a stupid mother.Sorry everone for going on hope you all have agood weekend.I think I am going to have to abstain I just don't know how to do it as I am such a weak character.I can't even say I was stressed or anything last night,actually was on good form the list of additives in wine is a shocker, thanks for putting those on,certainly food for thought.

Don't beat yourself up - it's not the end of the world - honest! Just remember how rubbish you feel the next day if you're tempted again - That's one of the things that does it for me. You're not stupid at all. It's bloody hard . good luck

thanks coolm- I am feeling a bit brighter after my 5th cup of tea.My big bootylicious ginger cat is looking at me as if to say, "ou soft sod" you did it again.As the saying goes "there is no fool, like an old fool" that is certainly me at timeswhy does wine have to taste just so lovely?

by the way does anyone on here know anything about milk thistle how does it help in our quest.Is there anything else herbal that can sort us out.Good idea about the eating sugary things by the way,problem is I would then also be a creme egg addict too

I took milk thistle when I first stopped. Got it from holland and barret, a couple of drops in some water (tastes foul!) - supposed to cleanse your liver.

Hello, everyone,
Thank you Miflaw, for the 'chiding', not 'nagging' at all. I don't really know why I wrote that, because I have no intention of drinking, and I know that my next drink, although might be different from my last, will herald a 'relaxation' of rules that will merely get me right back to where I was before.
Dark and Stormy, I have been there so many times (waffle mode), so irritating..But forgive and move on. Maybe this is the 'slowly falling out of love with alcohol' phase that you need to go through.

Hope you're 'glowing and super smug' MissNash.

Best of luck to everyone. Have a good Sunday

GrahamGreene- I love your posts. Love the honesty.

When I was drinkng, after I admitted had a problem I wrote really self-pitying shite, about why I was still drinking etc. Search my name. I was given good advice I chose to ignore..thought 'cheeky bitch' to myself, when posters in recovery told me unplatable truths. But I was kdding myself, knew it at the time really. Denial and self pity are really strong ...lol

Anyway...just my opinoin/take on stuff....