how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

BIWI - my DH gave up drinking entirely last September after a stupendously embarrassing works night out. He hasn't touched a drop since, because he still doesn't feel confident that he could just have the one and stop at it. He didn't originally set himself any major milestones, just started with 1 week, then a month, then til Christmas, then til New Year, then til Easter, then til his birthday in March; now he's looking to go the full year but in the back of his mind is the thought that he may never go back to it.

He drinks coke or juices at the pub, squash or ginger ale at home. Unlike me (see my post just prior to yours) he didn't need a "self-fooling" alternative to get him off it. He just was soooo embarrassed it had to be done.

birthday in May - my brain.

alcohol does that to the brain, doesn't it?!

I'm impressed with both him and you, as well as interested that you're both doing different things. I guess the key is to find what works for you.

My 'self-fooling' (good phrase!) is slimline tonic. Although I'm not really trying to fool myself I'm drinking, just trying to find something that's not too sweet. I couldn't go to the pub/out all evening and drink coke/juice as it's just too sweet/claggy.

The other thing that interests me is that if I'm drinking I don't crave alcohol, just white wine. OK, I know that's alcohol, but it's the taste of the wine I seem to want. It's probably all bound up with the taste of alcohol, I recognise, but red wine, or gin and tonic just isn't the same. I wonder if you could ever truly separate the taste of the alcohol from the taste of the wine?

Sorry - pressed post too soon! The reason I'm posting about the taste is that I have sat this morning and read through the thread from start to finish, and I was struck by the number of posts that referred to the effect of the alcohol - the buzz, the nice warm feeling, coping with nerves/shyness, etc. And it isn't about that for me. In fact in many ways I don't like the heady feeling that alcohol creates. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, it just struck me as something interesting.

I'm with you on that BIWI - I could happily forego the effect of the alcohol if I could retain the taste. I did try the alcohol-free wines - I think Golden Oktober used to be one - but the ones I tried weren't that great (a while ago).

Now, (excited) - I have just tried looking that up to see if I was right, and in doing so have found this website for alcohol-free wines - it's on the white wine page. Maybe an avenue to explore? They sound as though things have progressed with the taste front, so it could be the answer!

Hi ! I have posted earlier, thank you Miflaw, biwi and serajen for your posts...well done to all of you who managed to be in control !! I want to beat it too, I have a late appointment next week with my gp and I'm going to spill the bean as I can't carry on like this, I'm unhappy. Why did I let this get out of control ??? This terrible habit started last year when I started a new job, I can't tell you which job I'm doing, I dont want you to judge me even if it doesn't affect my job. I know most of you, dont drink as much as I do...but what made you start in the first place ?? I used to have 2-3 bottles of wine a week and it was shared with DH not all by myself..I can't believe I have ended up like this..Dh knows I have a problem but he doesn't know the full extent..It's the first time I really admit I have a problem..I have been looking at going to AA meetings but it's too far from me..What am I going to do ?? Will I get better ? What is the gp going to suggest me to do ? I'm so pissed off with myself for being like this, I'm the only one to blame for what I am. Please forgive me, I don't mean to hijack (sp?), on a good note, for thoses who are not as bad as me or who are now in control of their drinking, you can think well I'm not as bas as her ! xxxx

IDTMACS - no-one on this thread will judge you. I don't think any of us has the right. We're all on here because of our concerns about what we're drinking, so you are with friends.

What started it for me? I've always enjoyed drinking. I started drinking very (too) young, at around 14. My parents always enjoyed a drink - although not especially heavy drinkers, alcohol was very much part of their lives. I remember coming home from school (they were both teachers at my school) and we would sit down and all chat about the day. I would drink coffee and my parents would drink sherry or wine, so I suppose that's where the link between work/end of the day and alcohol was established in my mind.

My teen years and friends were spent going out to parties and the pub and eating out - my social circle were all around 4/5 years older than me.

Then university, where drinking/partying was the norm.

Then I started work in advertising, where heavy drinking/client lunches were really the norm, in the mid 80s. Interestingly it changed pretty quickly around '84/85 - whereas once it was a faux pas not to order wine at lunch, suddenly it was a big, big faux pas so to do - and bottled water became the norm. Thank goodness for that, otherwise I would definitely have more of a problem now than I do!

So although lunchtime drinking stopped around then (and I still rarely do it - only if I'm out with a client for a particularly special/important lunch, or if it's Christmas), evening drinking continued.

DH and I when we first met, were usually out every night. When the children came along, wine was our way of enjoying being 'stuck' at home, not able to go out.

Initially it was one bottle, then a g+t each, followed by a bottle, then 2 bottles - gradually over the years it has crept up, so that 2 bottles per evening (more at the weekend) seems normal. Yet I know, from listening to other people, that this is definitely not normal - but I think that also my social circle seem to share the same view on alcohol as we do, which does make it harder to pull back and stop/cut down.

When I told my DH I was stopping - just for the month - his first reaction was about him - i.e. I would make his life boring - which I thought was very telling.

I have surprised myself by how easy it has been to stop - although the fact that I'm aware I'm counting the days is indicative of how much a part of my life it has become. But I have no desire to go back to drinking so much.

I think it's brilliant that you have made an appointment with your GP - I don't think I'm that brave yet! - but I have no idea what he/she will suggest. I would think that the first thing, if you can't just stop, is to at least cut down. Have you tried this yet? If you're drinking wine with sparkling water, can you reduce the amount of wine/increase the amount of sparkling water per drink, so it's weaker and weaker?

Good luck and please let us know how you get on - if you're on this thread you're part of 'us'! (I know it's Cistus's thread, but I'm sure she will agree!)

Thank you BecauseImworthit, I'm really touch by your post and you sharing your experience with me ! I think I have started the same way as you, the only difference is that alcohol in my place (when I was living with my parents) was a taboo and is still is, I mean when I go home they still watch the amount I drink and make comments if they think it's too much ! I didn't start drinking hard beofre the age of 20 (I'm 30), when I came to London. It was party every night, big socialising....etc..As you I always enjoyed a drink, when I started drinking it was before going to parties, dinner etc to feel more confident (my english was shit !). Then I have met DH, we went to have 2 children and as you, we were having wine just to make us feel better or maybe making a difference between the week and the week end ? Like you, just because we were stuck at home. DH almost doesnt drink at all now (I think it's because I drink everything before he has the opportunity!). I had a very shit year, last year, from january, which I found out I was pg but couldn't keep going with the pregnancy for various reasons (financial mainly, was a bout to start a new job)...Then it was shit after shit, dh and I were having a rought patch, the job was really hard and still is (who is not having a tought time at work)...so yes last summer, I have started to drink heavily, plus going out with friends who drinks quite a lot, I have trapped myself and I'm trying to get out of it but I think I need help now because it's not going well at all.
I try let's say to put a bit of wine for a lots of sparkling water but the result is still the same, I empty the bottles

You have made a start, IDRINKTOOMUCH by admitting that there may be a problem.

I drink too much too, but haven't got into using it as an escape. It's very easy to find that the next day will be the same as today, so it doesn't really matter. It's a sort of groundhog day kind of thing.

I think sometimes it's easy to drink when you have young children - the end of the day and the start of 'grown up' time.

I'm having a wretched time with smoking at the moment. When I first stopped, I filled the gap with alcohol. I don't want to do that again.

It's not always straightforward, but I've found posting here helpful, and although it sometimes doesn't seem like it, I have cut down quite a lot, and now regularly have 3-4 nights a week without booze. Of course it doesn't always work, especially in holidays.

this is a thread for EVERYONE who has, has had, or thinks they may have a problem with alcohol.

its definitely NOT MY thread, its OUR thread....

i am like you plonk, drinking a lot less and very pleased with that. Contemplating whats next....

Have completed week one alcohol free.

Tomorrow, the diet starts in earnest.

BIWI, another good motivator: take all that money you'd have spent on booze and put it in a savings account. You may wind up with a nice slush fund .

You're right, expat. £50 a week, roughly, is a great amount of money to be saving! Over £2500 a year of my taxed income.

well done BIWI!
I should add that I replaced alcohol with chocolate - amazingly it hasn't yet affected me as much as it could have (but then I have been bf'ing for 19m) but it is starting to and I must stop it.

My drinking only started to bother me when I noticed that I was getting through 1-1.5 bottles of wine by myself a night. Some nights I would stop before I finished the bottle, thinking "oh I'll have the other half (usually less than half if I'm honest) tomorrow night". Trouble was, the "half" bottle the next night wouldn't be enough, so I'd open another and before you know it, that would be empty as well.

What really started to scare me was that I didn't even really feel drunk - a wee bit tipsy, but not drunk. And I was drinking about 10 bottles of wine a week, by myself. This is Not Good. My figure started to suffer too, muffin top here we come - and a friend of mine (who I frequently went drinking with) ended up going to the GP because her own drinking was getting out of hand - her GP told her she wasn't an alcoholic yet but if she carried on the same way, she soon would be. That helped me too - so I came off it by switching to lookalikes (blueberry juice and grape shloer, as I mentioned previously). I also started to do some exercises, and it took 4 weeks before I noticed any difference at all. I kept it up for 3 months and lost a bit of weight and a few inches here and there (2 off my waist alone!) but then my DP came back from Australia and it all went a bit tits up again, until I got pg.

Now, as I said at the top of this post, my prob is chocolate

Imagine what you can do with that dosh, BIWI!

Have fun, or pay down your mortgage or a debt, save for a rainy day, etc.

I sure do wish I had all the money I wasted on booze back!

I don't even want to think about how much I blew.

IDTMACS

Great news that you are going to see your GP - but don't be surprised if (s)he suggests you go to AA. The main alternatives are "why don't you cut down?" (which you've tried and failed already, or presumably you wouldn't be on this thread); drugs like Antabuse (induce nausea if you drink on them, so the temptation is simply not to take them when you want a drink); or rehab which, as well as being much scarier and more expensive than going to AA, will often be based on AA principles and compulsory attendance at AA meetings anyway.

If you live in Britain (with the possible experience of the Highlands and islands) I would be amazed if AA was "too far." At least, how I define too far ... I think to myself, I'm going to these meetings to avoid my problem with drink killing me. If I was still drinking, if I wanted a drink and had none in the house, how far would I travel to get some? Then, if the meeting's no further than that, I know it's not too far.

Based on that thinking, it's never been too far yet ...

IDTMACS

Here is a link to help you find your nearest AA meetings

If this is what you decide is most appropriate for you.

Have you talked to your DH about the drinking?

Thank you BIWI, I'm going to have another look at it..As I said when I first looked, the nearest aa was a bit far from me as not in a very nice part of the borough (I live in London) so a bit of fright there, I don't drive ! Well I stocked the fridge, with Shloer, alcohol free beers...so that's a first step. Yes DH knows about my problem but I think he doesn't realise the full extent tbh, he just thinks I'm extremely stressed...we argue a lot at the moment and he does sleep a lot in the sofa unfortunately. Everything is in the top of me atm. I'm not feeling well and myself. There is noboby apart from you lot, who knows in what situation I am in atm. By visiting the gp, I was hoping he'll give me some strong vitamins (be ? B6 ?) so I could be less tired..I can't afford being tired, I can't afford to take a break if I dont work I lose money. And if I lose money, we are going to be in troubles.
MIFLAW - how I wish I could afford rehab..and coming back a better person

Well it sounds to me like you need to have a long conversation with your DH and ask him for help - not just with the drinking, but with the general level of stress you're obviously under at the moment. I'm not surprised you're not feeling well!

You need to ask him to help you and support you. And a supporting and loving DH (get him off the sofa!) will really help you.

If you're so tired, you really do need to try to give up the alcohol as this interferes with your sleep massively. Try doing it one day at a time, as others have said here. Don't just say to yourself 'I'm giving up', as that will be way too big a challenge. Just tell yourself that today, Monday, you're not having a drink.

You can buy Berocca, a vitamin B complex supplement, over the counter. It will help to a degree. Also, drink more water (not with wine in it!) and take a bit of exercise if you can - even if it's just a 20 minute walk round the block.

'MIFLAW - how I wish I could afford rehab..and coming back a better person '

I know rehab has its appeal because it can be a more controlled environment (although my cousin's been in some where she was fairly easily able to get the illicit drugs she was addicted to) but sometimes it isn't a quick fix option. Although I've not been in rehab myself, the long-term support you need afterwards is just as important (only going by my cousin's struggles with meth amphetimine addiction. She's now been in Narcotics Anonymous for 3 years after the court made it a choice between 3 months in rehab and 5 years drug-free probation or 5 years in prison). Can't be stressed enough. So please don't feel bad, Icantstop!

BIWI - I have asked for his help but he doesn't know how to help me, what can he do ?
Giving up one by one day is what I plan to do, cant imgine giving up for good , when I gave up for 3 days, it's what I have done but the tiredness was unbearable..I know it's going to happen, now I have a clue. Now I habe to be strong !

Expat : Thank you for sharing your cousin's experience, funny I find you in this thread..You were there for me last year when I was having a tought time (not related to alcohol)

I'm glad you are finding support here!

I have dropped in and out of this thread - but back as had a bad week/end. Not hammered, but just the constant drinking...... Dp and I have decided a serious detox is in order (always easier if we both do it!). I want to feel more myself if that makes sense? Also want to feel less tired! So nothing for me today..... instead I will try to cook some nice interesting food for us and chill with a ginger beer!

You know, I've never tried this ginger beer stuff. Has it got aspartame? I can't take aspartame, it makes me sick.

My husband is very nearly teetotal. He just doesn't care for alcohol and has it maybe twice a year, a max of 3 pints or bottles.

Now cigarettes, on the other hand, he's well addicted to . . .

don't think gingerbeer has aspertame in it.... the one I drink is a cordial that you make up yourself with fizzy water.....
I also want dp to cut it out for a bit because he is having the odd drag of a fag when he's had a few and he gave up 2.5 years ago and I don't want him starting again!!