how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

Fully agree re forgiving yourself.

Either you've got a drink problem or you haven't.

If you have, this is literally beyond your control. You drink, you can't control it, bad things happen, you nevertheless drink again - definition of a drinking problem. So don't beat yourself up over it. It won't go away until you make it go away but that doesn't mean you're a bad person, just a person who's currently not in control.

If you haven't got a drink problem, well, you did something foolish, you suffered the consequences, but presumably no one was hurt or killed, other people were drunk too - though maybe not as much as you - so move on, don't drink so much again (if you haven't got a problem, that should be easy) and chalk it up to experience.

Either way, the only wrong thing you can do is to do it again - so don't. Just let it go and move forward.

Hi Cistus, that must have been embarrasing for you, but like the others say, just forgive yourself and get back on the waggon, otherwise you feel worse and then you will want to drink again to feel better and so on,

I have a new challenge, a barbque picnic on Friday night. I shall drive, I find it helps,then you know you won't drink.

Would this work for you Cistus??

That's happened to me Cistus - the falling over, and to dh. In both cases, it made us much more wary of drink being "fun" - falling over doesn't feel fun at all.

I always stop at one glass now. The less I drink the more effect that one glass has anyway, so I don't really want any more. And I'm only having one glass every 3-4 days, if that.
You will get there.

did not drink yesterday and will not today. in a v v v bad mood today - work stuff ... quite certain though that alcohol will make me feel worse!

tbh we rarely go out anywhere we have to drive too - most friends are walking distance.... If I DO go out where driving is required then I usually do drive, as I NEVER drink anything and drive.

hows everyone else ?

Well, the minute I pledged to give up for July, I have been invited to a ridiculous number of social events! So it's going to be a real challenge.

However, it's about losing weight too, so I'm hoping that will keep me focused.

Cistus - I think you're definitely right about alcohol making you feel worse, and well done for not having a drink tonight. Being in a bad mood can be one of the greatest triggers for me.

feel better today. slept better, and have more energy.

Have decided to do something about the Xtra stone I am carrying before my summer hols (19 Aug) ... so drinking less can only help. Will not drink today.

thanks for your support ladies - I hope everyone else is doing ok x

Well you can join me in a 'let's stop drinking and lose some weight in the next 5 weeks' challenge!

Glad you're feeling better. I definitely sleep better when I'm not drinking.

okayish.....as in haven't totally cut it out, but not hammering it either. dp and I shared a bottle last night and that was it. I don't feel too bad at the moment (apart from sleeping badly because of the heat. Still trying to make career decisions which are driving me batty....

No alcohol last night. I feel atrocious today Flat, depressed ,apathetic, demotivated and weepy

Cistus, well done.

Two things to bear in mind ... One, if you are coming off drink, you are enduring a massive and protracted hangover, ie withdrawal symptoms. It's not going to kill you (unless you've been drinking a lot more than you're letting on) and it won't last forever, but it will hurt for a bit and your life will be out of kilter for a couple of days. Be ready for that, be kind to yourself, and you'll be fine.

Two, if you were abusing alcohol, pound to a penny there were reasons for that. Those reasons haven't gone away and, now you're not drinking, they're not getting blotted out. You will need to find alternative strategies to deal with them. Again, they won't kill you, nothing is ever as bad as it looks with a hangover and you can get through this - but, again, you need to be ready for this and you need to remember they won't go away on their own.

Stay off the drink and your life will get better. Fact. Make it happen.

Hi all !!

I have been looking at this thread from the beginning but didnt have the courage to post until now. I have a drink problem, I drink in average 2 bottles of wine per evening mixed with sparkling water..It all started because I was stressed, under pressure (still am)..when I go out, I dont even drink that much but when I'm in, I do drink a lot. No hangover in the morning but a massive guilt feeling. I have tried to stop a month a go, managed to be 3 days dry but I was feeling tired and not very well. I know I have got to see a gp but I'm scared, very scared. Don't know why, maybe admitting it to someone in real life ?

Thank you cistus for starting this thread and please carry on, you are stronger than I am.xxx

IDTMACS

Go to AA. Simple as that. Then keep going until you have a better idea.

You probably don't want to go or to say you are an alcoholic. But it works. It may well be time to start being pragmatic in life.

I speak from experience ...

IDTMACS - welcome to the thread! Admitting it here could be the first step to making important changes in your life.

2 bottles of wine a night is way too much - but you know that, I'm sure.

And I'm not surprised that you felt awful if you were 3 days dry, as you must have been having horrible withdrawal.

I can't advise you what to do, because I think you have to decide for yourself what's most appropriate.

What are you doing/trying to do at the moment? Do you have a DP who can help you?

Cistus - sorry you feel so down. What's going on in your life now?

Another alcohol free day for me today since I started. Only day 4, but after having made my declaration to DH that I wasn't going to drink, it's much easier to stick with it. I wasn't actually bothered about it at all today. Let's hope it's the same over the weekend. We're going out to lunch on Sunday, so I'm going to drive, to make sure that I'm not tempted.

I have had one small beer since Sunday (last year my tally would have been 3 bottles of wine since Sunday). Am finding it very easy to moderate my drinking at the moment. Very best of luck to the rest of you .

Well done BIWI and Mintyy!

IDTMACS, my quota was 2 bottles of wine nightly as well, spent many years drunk every evening, sobering up during work time, with promises to myself that I wouldn't drink again that evening, then by 4pm once my body had processed all the toxins, working overtime to flush it all out, with the sweating and all the rest, I'd think 'oh I don't feel so bad now' and be back at the off licence by 6pm for another 2 bottles. Needless to say, off licence owner used to know me very well and even used to call me at 10pm for last orders, as he knew I'd often be up there after they'd shut banging on the door for more supplies. I drank to cope with life, to me addiction was the answer, life was the problem, emotions, responsibilities, just ordinary everyday life that seemed so easy to others, on the surface I'm capable, sociable, responsible, da, da, da, no-one can see I'm screaming inside, so I medicated. Am now back at AA and know that's where I must stay. Just my two penny worth. Wishing you strength.

Hi there drinkers and non-drinkers! I have been up to a bottle of wine a night, and habitual drinking every night, but now I only drink weekends. I now find I am so drunk on 3 units I just stop. I was very unhappy when I was drinking, using it as a crutch. I don't spend much time with friends who want to drink to get drunk anymore. All this has been helped by a new partner who avoids getting drunk when drinking and laughs at me if I do it. If it wasn't for him, I would probably still be drinking nightly.
I am much healthier now, physically and mentally. Good luck drinkers.

Well, passed my first 'social test' today! Was at Wimbledon, and it would have been very easy to indulge in the Pimms and/or champagne. But I didn't.

Am now settled at home with another large glass of slimline tonic.

I know it's only 5 days, but I haven't gone this long without drinking for a very long time.

Cheers to you BIWI. And at being at Wimbledon.

I can honestly say that Mumsnet, or rather one particular poster on MN, got me started on my 6 weeks off alcohol last year. She very simply said "you'll be absolutely fine if you can get past your trigger point in the day" and, for me, she was right. I do 90% of my drinking between 6pm and 9pm, so not pouring a drink at 6pm was all I needed to do for 6 weeks to be fairly easily sober.

had a G&T last night and then a glass of wine. Then considered having more wine BUT DID NOT.. instead I had a glass of fizzy water....Feel v pleased.

Well done again. I'm a bit up and down and trying to substitute alcohol for fags. It's bloody awful. Anyway, last night I drank 2 tins of beer over a couple of hours then said to dh that I didn't really feel like having anything else. Victory! Me saying I don't want any more! Watched Hotel Babylon instead and read my book.

Feel like I'm a bit late to this thread but just wanted to say that when I needed to cut down drastically on my drinking, I did so by finding something else to drink that looked right and tasted good but had no alcohol.

As I mostly (but not exclusively) drank red wine, the best sub for me was blueberry juice (Waitrose brand was the nicest). The right colour, spritzed nicely with sparkling water to take off the sickly edge - fooled my eyes and therefore I didn't really miss the bottle+ that I had been drinking nightly.

For white wine, I chose White Grape Schloer - although a relatively expensive soft drink, it's still less than half the price of a bottle of wine.

Anyway, just thought I'd offer that up. I now have only one spritzer most nights, or juice.

I dreamt last night that I'd given in and had a drink. It was so realistic!

What I'm wondering about at the moment is how to re-introduce alcohol without just reverting back to previous habits. I know it's barely less than a week, so it may be a bit presumptuous to think about drinking again, but I think, for me, that's where the danger is going to lie. And I think at that point it will be where I discover just how much of an issue alcohol really is.

I'm hoping that a month off will really reduce my tolerance, which will then help me to say 'no'.

Those of you who have successfully cut down, how did you manage it?

At this stage, I'm clearly not envisaging being a non-drinker. But neither do I want to end up back where I have been in terms of quantity.

In a way, the giving up has been easy! It's where next that looks hard.

BIWI I think thats my fear too. Its easy enough not to drink at all for a 'while' but when one reintroduces alcohol where will we end up ? It was easier for me last night NOT to drink more than it has been in the past; I think because i have ben so focussed on alcohol for the last month or so, its no longer a thoughtless automatic reflex to reach for the bottle....

How are you feeling now, Cistus?