how do you know when you are drinking too much?

[Cistus]

actually thats a stupid question. I know I am drinking too much, but I dont know how to stop.

I am in my mid 40's, FT job, three lovely kids, nice house etc....

I am drinking almost a bottle of wine, almost every night. I have been doing so for about 6 months. Prior to that its been up and down, I have always been a heavy-ish drinker but with a lot of dry days. there are a few dry days now but not many - perhaps one a fortnight.

I don't drink until the kids are in bed, I never miss work, I never drink and drive, But I know its too much. I dont get drunk as such although I certainly know Ive had too much the next morning.....

so how do you stop? I recently had some blood tests for something unrelated and was extremely pleased to hear that me liver function was normal.... but it wont be if I carry on like this.....

I last stopped drinking in April 08 for about 4 weeks, not at that time because I was overtly worried about my drinking ( though I was releived that I found it quite easy not to drink at all) but since then, its slowly increased....

It may help to stock up with vit B complex while you're trying to stop drinking. You can get industrial vit B horse pills from the doctor, but I don't think they hand them out that easily. My friend was given them because she was shaking so much.

Rehab is a nice idea, but it is in some ways trying to defer responsibility. AA seems to offer a lot of people a great deal of support. My friend was in rehab for a while. They dried her out (Basically getting her off the booze so she didn't die) and started her off doing other things. Sadly it wasn't for long and the drive to self-destruct was too strong.

I think it is good to start seeing how we relate to alcohol. For some people it may mean drinking less, for others the end result may be total abstention. These things take time. Keep looking and the mud will settle!

Just had an idea, IDRINKTOOMUCH! All that wine can't come cheap. How about take teh money and use it instead for a taxi to get to an AA in a better area? Would that be more feasible - certainly healthier!

I used Solgar Vit B complex when I was pregnant and it was FAB. You can get it at most independent health shops.

IDTMACS

There are over 600 meetings every week in London. I cannot believe that there is only one near you.

I used to go to meetings in Hackney and (more recently) in Peckham, which are pretty grim areas (though the AA meetings are just as good, positive and helpful as the ones in Chelsea and Hampstead ...) But, if I didn't like those areas, I'd go to Stoke Newington instead of Hackney and Dulwich rather than Peckham IYSWIM. Have another look at the meetings listing and look properly this time. Look at it like you actually mean to go to one. I think you'll be surprised.

As for rehab, The Priory and Promiss are both AA-based. So you can pay 20k a month to go to AA or you can just put a quid or so in the voluntary collection at the end of the meeting - the help you'll get will be identical. Entirely your choice!

Sorry to be a pedant, but Stoke Newington IS in Hackney, and frankly the streets are no safer than they are in other parts of the borough. I guess it's about feeling safer!

There are also daytime meetings in large cities so you might feel a bit safer on the streets.

Plonketyplonk

I used to attend meetings at Homerton Hospital while I lived up there. I personally don't give a monkey's - if it is a good meeting I will go there and I do not feel threatened because I am sober, and therefore more alert, and also the locals don't take any notice of me because I do not appear to be vulnerable, aggressive or obnoxious. So it's not for me to say whether or not you are a pedant but you are definitely preaching to the converted.

IDTMACS, on the other hand, apparently does have a problem with areas perceived to be rough and this might just be an excuse to not go to meetings or it might be genuine fear, but either way I was attempting to show her that this need not be an obstacle.

The roughest meetings I have ever been at, for the record, were Nunhead (regular stand up rows, window put through one week) and Plumstead (meeting finished early as drunk threw a chair). I'd still go back to either of them if they were the only ones around, but that's just me. For more delicate souls, I believe Stoke Newington has herbal teas ...

in a large city like London, there are probably also all-female meetings. or the possibility of being accompanied by a female member or met at the door by a female member.

at MIFLAW and herbal teas. Very true though - the quality of biscuits is always an influence on me, I find. And I'll never forget a friend once saying, when I was comparing London meetings and Herts ones, 'well, sweetie, you get a better class of drunk in Kensington ...'

Seriously, I live in Hertfordshire and would LOVE to have all those meetings available. Lunchtime ones, women-only ones, newcomers' ones, every day and in every area. There is a huge range and I suspect, IDTMACS, that you are understandably hesitant about taking the step of going. I was lucky - I was taken to my first meeting by a friend whose life in sobriety was a shining example to me of how AA works. Even then, I was still terrified. I don't really know what of, probably all the perceived fears about it being a cult, about 'forever' and generally about making a big life change. I really was inspired by the people I saw there and wanted what they had. And I'm still leading a happy, booze-free life one year on, not missing it or feeling that I'm being deprived.

The best suggestion anyone can give someone contemplating AA is just to go to one meeting and listen. There's no commitment, you don't have to sign up, and nobody will make you go back if you don't want to, but you might find that sitting listening to other people in a similar situation might just make the whole thing less scary.

One other thing - lots and lots of people talk about being put off AA because they don't see themselves as 'drunks', ie they're not sleeping on park benches, drinking meths. They still have jobs, houses, and are vaguely functional. They think that if they could just control the 'one' unmanageable thing in their lives - their drinking - everything would be ok. But the fact is that they can't control it - to whatever level. I was mainly a binge drinker, I never drank in the morning, I never hid bottles, in a lot of ways I didn't behave like the 'classic alcoholic'. But I had no control over my drinking once it started, and once I began looking back over my life I could see how much it had influenced me - jobs I'd lost, relationships that went wrong, bad choices made etc. They were all down to drinking. So I stopped. And now my life is getting better. It seems simple in black and white like that, but it took me years to see it.

That's enough beating of the drum. I surprise myself sometimes, I just can't stop (alcoholic mind!) Sorry to bang on, but hope it might be useful in some way.

Expat - you are right, there are several all-women meetings on both sides of the river. There are even one or two with creches!

And, of course, if you phone the telephone number and ask for someone to come and see you, they ALWAYS send someone of the apporpriate gender.

Hear hear, FTE!

'at MIFLAW and herbal teas. Very true though - the quality of biscuits is always an influence on me, I find.'

C'mon, Fairytale, what kind of lightweight addict are you? I always bring my own (biscuits) to these sorts of things. Who wants to get caught out?

You should have been at Birchington Thursdays or Herne Bay Sundays in my first year, when I was tea boy.

Those were glory days for AA biscuits.

I'm a person who carries a small Ziploc bag containing sachets of salt, ketchup, pepper, milks, granola bars, etc. in her handbag.

You never know when low blood sugar, or stingy fastfood workers will strike!

I'm a BYOB (bring your own biscuits) type of gal.

Used to live in London and travelled all over to meetings, in the good old smoky days! The inspiration I found was so nourishing and often those in the 'more dodgy' areas were the most inspiring, real people in real situations doing what is done in every AA room around world, helping each other to get better and stay sober themselves. I love the meetings with more colourful characters, I've often laughed till I've cried at some stuff. Alcoholism has been called cancer of the soul and last week at a meeting I heard a saying I hadn't heard before, there's alot of talk of functioning alcoholics, those of us who still have jobs, haven't been imprisoned, not lost their house/relationship/children, however you want to describe it, and someone said the best description of a functioning alcoholic is someone who may still have their job but has lost their soul, that rings very true for me. I love the meetings with more colourful characters

Sometimes the nicknames say it all ... Not just the oldtimers like Ironing Board Arthur and Mick the Tick but people I've known myself like Chequebook Gerry, Bill the Shed and Scaffold John - you hear names like that and you already can't wait to meet them because you KNOW they're going to have a few interesting tales to tell!

Totally agree MIFLAW, legends!!!

Now, IDTMBCS, doesn't this all sound like way more fun than 2 bottles of wine/night?

Expat, you're right, I am a lightweight. I only carry tabasco.

Ah, tabasco - the alcoholic's friend! Makes even unbuttered, sliced white bread a meal fit for a king, and so filling! Maximises the budget for the important things in life ...

And you can get 'miniatures' to take on planes!

Hello everyone !! I have a genuine fear of going to far from where I live ! It started long before I had my problem..I'm not scared of the actual meeting and the actual people..it's afterwards I'm scared about..when I have to go home..fear of the dark but expat gave me a good tip, I'll get a cab to go there..no more excuses

Thoses last few posts made me laught, you seem all to be quite interesting caracters !!!

Day time meetings are the way to go then!

Where do you live (in a general sense - not after your address, part of London is fine) and do you have a travel card?

"Interesting characters" ... It's only since I got sober that people have been that polite ...

How's everyone doing? How are you Cistus?

I have a dilemma - I'm going to a big party on Saturday; close friends celebrating not only their 50th birthdays but also their 25th wedding anniversary.

Will be a big do. I haven't decided if I'm going to have a drink or not. Part of me doesn't want to, as I'm doing so well (and I am supposed to be dry for a month!), part of me wants to drink Champagne!

I am very low. am realising that I cannot seem to moderate my drinking. Its all, or nothing. and nothing is easy enough - in the short term....

feel utterly crap

well done everyone else with more willpower than i