The Fruits of our Labour? 10/10 thread, all fruitmunchers welcome......

[TooTicky]

For anyone who wants a boost to their general health. The suggested goals are:

EAT 10 PORTIONS OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLES EVERY DAY - if you don't usually eat much fruit and veg I would build up gradually or you could upset your digestion.

DO (AT LEAST) 10 MINUTES OF EXERCISE EVERY DAY - can be yoga, stretching or something more energetic. The plan is that the idea of doing 10 minutes is not too daunting, and having started you may well find you want to do more.

There are no restrictions on what you eat so long as you get your 10 fruit and veg as well. The focus is not on weight loss but on improving our energy levels and hopefully our general mood and well-being. Sign up below and post here to tell us how you're getting on and how you are feeling.

Basic guidance on what constitutes a portion of fruit and veg here and you can download more detailed information by following the link at the very bottom of the page

AND it's not like life isn't geared up with them in mind. That's what drives me mad too. DS2 doesn't like to go out as much as the others, I get that, so home time is always factored into that.

Oh grr.

Sorry. It's better to type mad self-justification on the internet than to whack him across the bum, which I quite want to do.

Right, okay, firstly develop a duck's back. That way the hurtful shouts can just run off you. I am learning to do this.

Yes I think he is angry - but not as much as he used to be. He used to have cardboard boxes to kick, and paper to tear.

But he turned a corner, and grew into himself a bit.

Aaaagh. This kind of thing makes you feel like such a crap parent doesn't it?

The attention thing is very tricky.
It just is.
Can ds2 have special staying-in time with you? As a positive something rather than a just not doing something.

Does that make any sense?

It does, it's so hard to be consistent and calm and reasonable when faced with fury and illogical behaviour and rudeness. And when it's anger it's confusing because you don't want to punish something like that - but you also don't want your things thrown on the floor or to have someone shout nastily at you.

I would love to know how best to tackle it.

it sounds like similar stuff to what we get from ds
just refusal to be co-operative and do your bit as part of the family - and anger about it
I talk a lot about what we all do for one another, and how our day would fall apart if we all said "i am not doing stuff except for me"
once I said "oh are we just having a day doing what we want and not helping anyone? Oh good I will stop making your breakfast and go and have a bath and read my book then."

I did think of a visual aid to show how much we do all need to help one another, to keep things going smoothly, but it seemed too much like one of those pasta jar things so I never did it
but it was each person having a jar with marbles and each time you did something for other people in the family you put a marble in
we all do stuff for one another all day, as everyone does in a family, so I thought it would get the message across quickly - mine and dp's jar would be full up and his would not, unless he stopped saying 'no' all the ruddy time!

I think in ds's case he does have to help me out a lot and he must resent it
I don't know what else to do except just push on with it really - I do expect that we will all be useful around the house and that we'll be reasonably cheerful about it

sorry yours is so frustrating and ds that much older so more angry and difficult with it probably

I know this may not be the time, but at another time, when calmly discussing going out, can you ask him what he would like to do?
Might be interesting to find out, also who he would like to do it with.
Then you can say, "Okay, on this day we will go out and do x, and on this day we will stay in and do y,".

Oh god thank you everyone. I am feeling much calmer, and less mad myself.

Thank you, thank you.

I think the wave has broken. Five minutes ago he was hanging out of dd's window with his chin jutted in a provocative way. Sometimes I think he frightens himself ds2. He is much sharper than he should be somehow.

I said. 'Are you ready for a hug?' and THANK GOD this time he was. Earlier, HE WAS NOT.

And he came in and burst into tears and we had a hug.

The wave must have broken. He said - smiling, the bugger - 'Next time you say let's go out, I think I'll say yes.'

FGS.

And I hugged him and said 'That sounds like a good idea.'

hoorah for 100!

I do that TooT. I do really, though sometimes too everything is a bit of a steam roller and I guess they feel steam rollered into things.

But also he KNOWS when we stay in it's because he wants a home day, because I make sure to say so.

I dunno. What a horrible day. Leaves a nasty taste in the mouth.

But also he is challenging. I mean I know he is challenging everything, and that is very difficult because it just is, isn't it?

And [optimistic and tearful now] I suppose we've never really properly challenged him doing this. We've just got cross and annoyed, and dragged him to the car.

And how he ran up against the boundary and it stayed put, and that's that.

Do you think?

I'm exhausted.

Yes. Challenging.
I feel as if I have both boys on a seesaw, one on each end, and they go up and down in their challengingness and needs, then sometimes ds1 runs along and pushes ds2 off.
And sometimes ds2 does niggly little things just to annoy ds1 because really and truly he has had enough of idolising him and being sat on.

But maybe today has made a difference?

Who knows. Thank you all though. You've been very nice. I am staying here so I don't give a preachy speech. We will have a bedtime chat I think, when I won't say too much.

I've already talked too much about responsibility and consequences, and he has got a game out and is singing and playing it very happily.

I once made ds2 go to a party he didn't want to go to. And he sat in the corner the entire time, and smiled politely and was very gracious and said 'No, I won't have any tea thank you. But thank you for asking' and when I picked him up the mother said 'He was very nice about it, but he just sat on that chair'. And when we left she gave him a birthday bag and he said 'Oh that's very kind, but I can't take it because I didn't really come to the party.'

He was SEVEN. And I made him write a letter of apology because I was so cross about it. She was very nice. And he was Right, and I shouldn't have made him go.

I have my hands full don't I?

He is a Character. That is amazing self control.

Ds1 would have lasted until the food appeared.
Ds2 might have sat it out though - well, until the party bag.

It's appalling. He has nerves of steel.

Though he is also the most empathetic and sympathetic person. It's a weird mix isn't it?

I still don't get WHY though. I mean just, WHY? What a hoola.

100x, I am having my annual hair crisis. Will you vote? It is much less demanding than the shoe crisis.
This or this. Without the silly pout.

Oh he does sound quite a bit like ds2. Is it your ds2 who wore pyjamas a lot?

Yes, that's him!

I like haircut number one the best. I think number two looks more high maintenance, because messy bobs require some thought and help ime otherwise they look shite. Whereas one is just a good, classic and rather attractive cut, which won't need hair-drier help.

Thank you. I am leaning towards number one myself. And low maintenance is good.
Now, do I trust the only hairdresser I'm not scared of to recreate it properly?

Ds2 spent most of last week in pyjamas. He was ill, but not that ill.