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Original poster

NEW THREAD FOR OJ - REST IN PEACE STEVE - STRENGTH AND LOVE FOR OJ AND THE CHILDREN

726 replies

Buda · 18/06/2008 11:15

Hope this is ok - both other threads seem to be full or almost full now.

We are all thinking of you Jo.

Trifles and rum and bubbles at the ready.

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 14/08/2008 09:49

Excellent mantra Jo! Thinking of you all. x

mother3 · 15/08/2008 08:10

oj.you must have so mixed emotions.it does take a long time to grieve and of course the closer and how much you loved steve it may take even longer.Every first aniversary will be painfull.Some how the pain does ease with time.You done so well with the monster in laws.Steve would and is so prouud of you.I would imagine you wouldnt want any links with ils.Your children wouldnt benefit from thier attitudes.Very sad but true and i would think u would have had enought of them with their behavior when u needed support.Good luck u all will live with love in the family.You are very strong may be it dosent seem like it to yourself but you are .Every 1 has their down days even with just general life so you are a inspiration to all us mns.

bellavita · 15/08/2008 08:18

Thinking of you and your family OJ.

onlyjoking9329 · 15/08/2008 08:47

today it is a year since we were told steve cancer was terminal, in some ways it seems longer, I know that it has been the worst year in so many ways but there have been some things that I am glad we had.
I am glad that we had the 17 years we had and our 3 kids
I am glad that we did what Steve wanted.
I am proud that we were able to stay together until the very end.
I am proud that I didn't sink to the level of the outlaws.
I am most of all proud that Steve was Steve and that we shared so much.
I am proud of how Steve coped with the stuff that life threw at him with courage humour and bravery.
I am proud of how the kids are coping and I know Steve would be proud too.
I am amazed by the love support and kindness people how shown us.
Thankyou all.

bellavita · 15/08/2008 09:03

We are all proud of you and your family OJ.

onlyjoking9329 · 15/08/2008 09:52

Thanks, you never really know what is round the corner do you, I wonder what this next year will bring?
In a way I am looking forward to next year afterall the worst thing has already happened to us so it has to be a better year doesn't it?
The kids are going out with respite carers today and I am going out for lunch with a friend.

bellavita · 15/08/2008 09:56

Yes, 2009 will be a better year for you.

Enjoy your lunch.

xx

misdee · 15/08/2008 10:00

OJ, both of our lives changed year ago today.

am thinking of you.

xx

onlyjoking9329 · 15/08/2008 19:16

there certainly have been many changes in the last year, this next year will be better for all of us, misdee you will be having your baby soon how great is that.

triplets · 15/08/2008 20:55

You are an inspiration still to us all OJ, you have been through hell, I know myself what that is like, You have survived and I hope now that all your years to come will only bring you happiness. My life is a rollercoaster again atm, 1994 was the worst year of my life, and this one is a close second. I pray that 2009 will be a turning point for us all xx

MrsJonnyDepp · 16/08/2008 11:24

Thinking of you OJ - you are a diamond - keep shining xxxxx

chocaholic73 · 16/08/2008 13:36

OJ - you have truly been an inspiration and I am sure the coming year will be better for you and the children. Am routing for you

Misdee - hadnt realised you were expecting - congratulations - I am localish to you and as well as following your story last year on here saw the local press stuff.

Triplets - you dont know me but I have lurked on some of your threads ..I think you are doing a great job ..hang on in there.

(sorry about the hijacks!)

LilRedWG · 16/08/2008 18:10

xxx

onlyjoking9329 · 16/08/2008 19:50

thanks for your good wishes, we had really good days weds and thurs but then friday things went wrong www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/587238
today has been crap too, i am going to go cheer myself up by watching x-factor

MatNanPlus · 16/08/2008 20:00

Oh OJ,

Hope next week is better and that the batty hag MIL falls quiet.

chocaholic73 · 16/08/2008 20:15

sorry to hear this but you can rise above it. don't let them get you down. If the children's sw is leaving, make sure he has passed on all the relevant information to his replacement and his superiors too.

onlyjoking9329 · 17/08/2008 00:09

i am trying to rise above it but struggling, still not sleeping much.

herbietea · 17/08/2008 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

onlyjoking9329 · 17/08/2008 08:26

I can forgive and understand some of the things that MIL has said and done she is afterall grieving, she is angry at me cos she can be.
Things started to go wrong when Steve was in the hospice the first time round and she decided to do the discaharge herself even thou she knew it was important to me and to Steve that I brought him home as he was very depressed then and felt he was in the hospice cos we didn't want him home, then a couple of days later he cut his wrist and took 50 paracetamols which in her eyes was because he didn't want to be home with me and the kids, that was when she started the battle to get Steve home with her, she has not stopped battling since then, she has never listened to steve wishes never asked him what he wanted, she never listened to she proffessionals telling her what Steve wanted, I mean she even tried to get an advocate for Steve which is crazy cos she never once asked him what he wanted for himself. She can't get her head round the fact that Steve wanted to be with me and his kids, she hates that he chose us.
Things will never be sorted cos she is happy being angry at me, anyone who doesn't agree with her gets a complaint made against them. We are best off without them but it hurts like hell. Steve died thinking that his family would take care of me and the kids I didn't tell him any different, but it make me angry that they care so little for what Steve wanted.

TheOldestCat · 17/08/2008 08:49

OJ, you're amazing to be so compassionate - to understand that Steve's mother is grieving too - despite all the outlaws have put you through. If only she had a tiny bit of compassion herself for you and the kids - and for Steve's wishes. But that's never going to happen is it?

Please comfort yourself that the social workers etc can see her for what she is and the facts speak for themselves. And, of course, that you respected Steve's wishes all along, something his family didn't do.

Thinking of you.

chutneymary · 17/08/2008 09:06

Dearest OJ, I am so sorry that she is still giving you trouble. She is grieving and you are very generous to recognise this and give her the benefit of the doubt, but it must e so irritating for you. Her complaints seem half hearted and will doubtless come to nothing as Debbie and the sensible people know the measure of her.

How are you feeling today? Anniversaries are always difficult, but you have 3 wonderful children, plus the comfort of knowing that you did the best for Steve in his last year, in the face of much opposition. Many people would not have had the strength to keep fighting for him to die at home, surrounded by his family. You have been dignified and loving throughtout, and deserve for things to pick up. And they will - perhaps not today or tomorrow, but over the coming weeks and months.

Much love and strength to you all - will pop back later to see how you are doing.

XXXX

Christie · 17/08/2008 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onlyjoking9329 · 17/08/2008 10:40

thanks for listening it often helps me try to make sense of stuff when I write stuff down, I have been writing poetry, I think it helps. That's one of the hardest things the one person that I could talk things throu with is no longer here and when he was here I kept all of the family rubbish from him it wouldn't have been fair, he heard enough of the abuse they gave me whilst he was laid in his bed and not able to talk, they didn't care how that would make Steve feel I was left to wipe up his tears and comfort him.
I know I have nothing to hide from social services but I don't really want someone investigating our family, MIL has done this to cause me pain, she knows I was brought up in the care system and she knows the only way she can hurt me is throu the kids, she has no interst in the kids and would run a mile if the Sw suggested that she look after them at all, this is just to cause maximum hurt to me, she doesn't think about how it might hurt the kids.
The one good thing is that all the proffessionals, school, health and SW are behind us so I know it will end up ok it is just hurtful to go throu and she enjoys causing us pain.

chocaholic73 · 17/08/2008 11:42

I think you are amazing being able to show her so much compassion but you really don't need this. As has been said, you do seem to have all the sws etc on your side which is great. By refusing to retaliate and showing so much dignity, eventually she will give up. Just never give her any inkling what torture she is putting you through with her behaviour. Thinking of you and sending you hugs today.

chutneymary · 17/08/2008 20:24

How was your Sunday Jo? Hope you had a good day.

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