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Original poster

NEW THREAD FOR OJ - REST IN PEACE STEVE - STRENGTH AND LOVE FOR OJ AND THE CHILDREN

726 replies

Buda · 18/06/2008 11:15

Hope this is ok - both other threads seem to be full or almost full now.

We are all thinking of you Jo.

Trifles and rum and bubbles at the ready.

OP posts:
Mhamai · 28/07/2008 14:36

Hi oj, I haven't been on MN a whole lot so haven't been up to scratch with your posts but darling re feeling empty, hand on heart that empty feeling at times can be all consuming but it is part of the grieving process.

I had watched along with many countless other Mn'rs your extraordinary displays of love bravery courage and much more through Steve's illness.

You are mourning and although I have not lost a partner I did loose my dm very suddenly and often felt in the early days as if the world had stopped spinning on it's axis and that I was going to forever be suspended in this lonely empty space.

It does ease oj slowly and at your pace, no one elses. You are a remarkable woman. Please knnow that we are all here for you.

(((((Oj)))))) xxx

mother3 · 28/07/2008 14:47

Jo.You have done really well.You will feel empty for a litle/long while of course that is part of grieving.also you have lost your soul mate.I think steve will always be with you.please try not to contact Inlaws as you know they would only give you more issues.Dont let them set you up for that.I think every mumsnetter know that.You have roots now with your lovely friends and children.Considering you had a bad up brining you show so much love and kindness.It shines through .You have your own family and friends.I doult i would ever be as strong as you.SO BE PROUD OF YOUR SELF.You have to love your self and being just how you are.

itati · 28/07/2008 16:52

Jo

You know I am only an email/text away.

I have background hassels at the moment but will always have time for you, lovie. x

itati · 28/07/2008 19:39

BTW Jo

Have you had your DS lite games yet?

onlyjoking9329 · 28/07/2008 20:02

games hadn't arrived when I left and there was no one there to get any parcels, have you got yours?
Been out for dinner I had champagne sangria so I am a bit tipsy, tracey left me a bottle of rum so I am drinking that now, I promised debbie that I would have a drink at 8pm each night with her, she is on her hold now on a narrowboat.

onlyjoking9329 · 28/07/2008 20:12

mhami that's just it Steve was my axis without him I feel adrift, I was dragged up throu the un care system and Steve was the only person who made me feel I belonged, was it stupid of me to put everything into that?
I won't be contacting the inlaws they have caused to much hurt, they have never been able to look beyond themselves to see what Steve wanted, they couldn't even show respect at his funeral.

Mhamai · 28/07/2008 22:02

oj I don't think for a minute you put everything into that because if you think about it, you survived God knows what untold crap and came through and survived. Steve saw in you what so many of us here on MN have seen. A beautiful sensitive caring woman. Steve enhanced what was alrady and still is there.

I suppose in my usual half arse way I'm trying to tell you that everything you are feeling now is natural, small comfort as that may seem. I know you feel that you have lost so much but you are going to come through this oj.

I don't know if this has been said to you already but in those very early days it really did help me to look at my daughter and realise that my dm lived on in spirit through her. your own dc are shining testament to the love you and Steve share.

I really wish I could do or say more to ease your pain. x

mumtofour · 28/07/2008 23:01

Dear Jo Steve is the love of your life, your rock and your soulmate. Only 7 weeks has passed since you held him in your arms. As Mhamai said you are in mourning and through that will come pain and feeling adrift. You know if I could I would love to take it all away from you but as I have said before this is something that time will guide you through in your way. Me and many others are here for you and I know you don't like to feel you put on anyone but I know I speak of many when I say lean on us as much or as little as you need. As mother3 said be proud of yourself as you are dealing with so much. I wish I was still there with you and I know how much this challenge means to you. Such a short space of time has passed so don't push yourself too hard. Sending you huge huge hugs across the ocean. xx

itati · 29/07/2008 07:58

No games yet.

Jo, when you get home, email me. We have some things to talk about.

When you have time, obviously.

corblimeymadam · 29/07/2008 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bossybritches · 29/07/2008 08:42

You are doing great Jo even thought you may not feel it..... More hugs from the other BB & family xx

mumtofour · 29/07/2008 13:24

morning Jo, big hugs to you all.

charleymouse · 29/07/2008 13:45

Afternoon Jo, glad you are having a nice holiday even thought it brings some things home doesn't it. You did absolutely right putting everything into you, Steve and the kids. I'm a big believer in you get out of something what you put in and Steves love for you and the kids shows that. Take care and I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

onlyjoking9329 · 29/07/2008 21:09

Mhami, Steve is the only person who knows all of my past, other people know bits of it, I was Steves first girlfriend he was quite shy and found it difficult to make relationships it mean a a lot to me to kNow I was the only girl he loved.
I am sure Steve would be proud of the kids and me,we were his life we had some difficult times when the kids were diagnosed with autism and other stuff that made things hard but we stuck together we worked as a team it often felt like it was us agaInst the world. We meet tracey when the girls were 4, and thefirst time we met I k we she would be special to us 10 years on and she is still special. She was there when Steve died, she hAs been there ever since, we are blessed to have tracey and other people around us.

mumtofour · 29/07/2008 21:15

Steve definately is proud of you and the kids. Your love for Steve has guided through the last 17 months and will continue to guide you in the future as your love will never die babe.
Have a great last day tomorrow. Will be here to greet you all on thursday.

bossybritches · 29/07/2008 23:06

Tracey -Steve would also be proud that he has such good friends as you & your family to help his little gang through all these awful times, you've been a rock for Jo.

Looking forward to seeing you both again soon & seeing the photos!!

Jo hope the weather is kind for your last day xx

onlyjoking9329 · 30/07/2008 02:38

you are so right bossy Steve would be proud of Tracey, funnily enough that is exactly what I said to her in a text last night.
The photos will be interesting, Elliot has enjoyed being cameraman this week so lots of photos of floors tables my bum and of course my boobs!
Had a lovely evening and as I laid here in bed I felt someone brush past the top of my arm, it gave me great comfort as I could feel steves presence and I then knew he was at peace. I can't sleep tonight but at least I feel peaceful and calm, I feel nice and cool too as I have just been in the pool.

Mhamai · 30/07/2008 02:47

Oh God oj, I don't know if you are still there but have looked at the first line of m last post and it came out all wrong! I think what I was trying to say was that you despite what happened in your past were/are and always will be someone very special and Steve saw that too.

I hope I didn't upset you. x

bossybritches · 30/07/2008 08:21

Oh Jo I'm so glad.......I was hoping Lanzo might bring you some peace, to help you on the next stage of your journey

It will always be a special place for you all, even more so now.

Safe journey! xx

LilRedWG · 30/07/2008 12:14

Glad to know that your holiday has ended I am calm note and how lovely that you know Steve is at peace and with you. Have a good journey home tomorrow. xx

wishingchair · 30/07/2008 15:54

OJ ... you should feel very proud, the way you have approached this holiday, scattered Steve's ashes and are finding some peace. As Tracey has said, 7 weeks is an incredibly short amount of time ... so just keep on doing what you're doing, one day at a time. God this is sounding so patronising which it isn't meant to at all. I just think you're fab and the way you face life is just so admirable. Enjoy the rest of your holiday. As always, thinking of you x

mumtofour · 30/07/2008 16:55

Thinking of you all on your last day in Lanzarote (for this holiday anyway!). Am so glad you chose to do this and it is great that you have found comfort and know Steve is at peace. Love to all of you and happy flying tomorrow. xx

onlyjoking9329 · 30/07/2008 21:08

well it is the last day here and it will be hard to go home knowing we have left part of Steve here, but we are taking some ashes home I think we will take some of his ashes to the woodland trust that you all donated to, Steve would like that very much.
I am proud that we made it, this last week has been tough but we did it the kids have been amazing Steve lives on in them and I will always know that. It doesn't stop me missing Steve and missing what we had but it helps, I have packed most of our stuff and will finish it in the morning, we are being licked up at 9.25am and land at 4.15 we should be home by 6, Tracey will be waiting for us at our house which will be nice cos we have missed her
So much this week. Thankyou for all your support it has helped us to get throu and one day I will be able to help others who find themselves in a similar place.
Much love
oj&co

MamaGLovesMe · 30/07/2008 21:21

Whatever you do you will always have a part of Steve with you where ever you go.

I hope you have a safe trip back and aren't licked up too much

MamaGLovesMe · 30/07/2008 21:22

I am N btw.

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