The Great Cancer Recovery part 3

[TopOfTheCliff]

You may have finished active treatment for cancer, be in remission or NED. You want to look forward not dwell on the past. You know you ought to be eating well, exercising more and picking up the threads of your old life. Join us and share the ups and downs of recovery. We understand!

Here are some resources we found helpful:

The Mountain Lion
https://www.cancerpal.co.uk/post/what-it-s-really-like-to-receive-a-cancer-diagnosis

Peter Harvey on Psychology of recovery:
https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Resources from Penny Brohn:
https://pennybrohn.org.uk/our-approach/resources/

Breast Cancer Now Moving Forward:
https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you/moving-forward

Get your Oomph Back with Carolyn Garritt
http://www.oomph.london/home.html

Charity providing treats for cancer patients:
https://somethingtolookforwardto.org.uk/

Exercise is good for you:
https://www.webmd.com/cancer/features/exercise-cancer-patients

Any more suggestions? Post them below

There is also a thread for those suspected to have cancer, or newly diagnosed and facing treatment, and also a thread for those with Stage IV cancer who want to talk to others in the same boat.

Thanks folks. I decided to show up at the social event this morning. Friend was stressed with the catering and snappy and avoided speaking to me. Her New Man turned up to meet everybody and was pleasant enough. I stayed half an hour then left. I am glad I made the effort but really I think @thesandwich has nailed it. She is no longer a friend and I am hurting myself trying to hang on to a relationship that has moved on. It saddens me but that’s life. I have many other friends!

@FairyWren7 your persistence will pay off soon. New Year New Job!

I am off to catch up with DD who has found some time to see me.

Ooh playground drama continues here. I found out this morning that Neurodivergent Friend took it upon herself to tell my ExFriend last week that I think she is only with New Man for his money. No wonder she is pissed off with me! It is partially true but I am more concerned she is ignoring several red flags because of his money. She needs to read some MN threads about coercive control!

That has made me giggle @TopOfTheCliff - no wonder she is giving you the haughty treatment! But yes there is plenty of first-hand experience on here of coercive control around money etc. Hopefully she will see the light soon!

Thanks everyone for sharing info about whether you still drink and how often etc while back. Seems like a real mixture. I'm aiming for 5 units eventually but am imagining I'll probably manage 7-10 over the next few weeks, then try and work my way down from 7 to 5 I guess.

Have started drinking more decaf coffee in the evenings and is becoming quite an enjoyable habit. I like to snuggle up with the dog and a warming mug under the blanket my friend crocheted for me in front of something good on TV. It's not a bad new habit as they go!

@TopOfTheCliff Whoops! But she obviously needs to hear it. She’ll know it herself anyway.

Thanks for saying I’ll get a job. Lots of applications the last couple of days. I had a phone interview yesterday and am down for training for a research role on Thursday. So it looks as if I may have got something in the fire. It’s very low level - but I want to try some new things so I reckon it could work. (Actually worked in research prior to teaching - so I know the lingo and set up.)

I’m tutoring as well - just two students. Both lovely. I’ve decided against supply - I can’t cope with the early mornings and the new environments and ridiculous amount of social interactions. It feels like an onslaught of sensory stimulation. Since menopause I’m not very keen on lots of noise.

I swam again yesterday … ( another power black out for a couple of minutes) now I’m very sore so might go back to the physio. Like waking in the night, need a strong painkiller sore. Not good.

@PaperbackWrighter Apart from my crazy nights out over the summer my alcohol intake is very low. I have the odd glass of wine or cider when we go out for dinner but I think I react with inflammation to anything with sulphites in it.

I like cranberry juice and water, lots of tea, a nice coffee in the morning. Yesterday I pushed the boat out and bought some cream soda - it was so stupidly hot here.

Small gains here… finally. 😀

It's cold here, I'm going to go to a BodyPump class in 20 minutes but it feels hard making myself do it! I'm tired, partly partying at the weekend I think but also just the run-up to Christmas and needing a break, even though I just had a week off. I was up north and busy and came back to a big event at work the week after. I'm also feeling surprisingly upset as I found out a friend who I lived with at university has died, I haven't seen her for years, but it's really thrown me. As well as DM and her I've had another two friends die this year it's all a bit much, don't know if it feels worse for those of us who've had our own brush with death as well. I'm just trying to get through the days, I've got Friday off so looking forward to that, but an evening meeting tonight. On the plus side I feel fairly prepared for Christmas, I've made very few social plans, but maybe that's best to go with the flow. Better go and put my gym stuff on!

Thanks Sandwich So sorry about your friend.

Th killers sounds great Fairywren and hoping a great new job comes your way soon.

Sorry about your friend Sierra

That's amusing but awkward with ND friend Top

2.5 weeks done of working full-time and loving it but its tiring. Went swimming again today and did 100 lengths of 15m pool so happy with distance. I am still on restrictions on stroke for 6 weeks so limited to breaststroke and chicken flap backstroke, can do both at normal speed at least but stomach is so tight still and if I do stretch arm it causes mild pain so I do have to do restrictions but happy overall and did jacuzzi and sauna as well. Then cleaned the kitchen on return partly as DS had used the sandwich toaster for a very cheesy toastie and cheese was everywhere. He was making hot dogs at 8am. DD has just passed her driving theory test today, been out with boyfriend, spent few days with him in Bristol last week, got her nails done and has some rowing test to do.

Gah! I waited in all day today for my new sofa only to realise I had misread the email and it’s coming tomorrow. At least I got some good cleaning done!
I am meeting Ex Friend tomorrow to apologise and gently warn her about the signs of controlling men. I asked ND friend why she acted as she did and got a barrage of abuse from her. Apparently I am malicious, slanderous and a bully 😳😂 and nobody wants to ride with me. But when I offered to leave the group she backtracked and begged me not to leave. The whole situation is ridiculous and I am going to step away and leave the two of them alone after tomorrow. Luckily I have many more friends who don’t give me such grief. They have reassured me I am actually quite a nice person.

So this is the final instalment of Top and the Ex Friend. I met her this afternoon with a box of nice chocs and a fulsome apology for my bitchy remark. She was quite gracious, accepted my apology, and said she had been prepared to treat it as Chinese whispers and ignore it. But! She then dismissed my hurt at her ignoring us and my concerns about her being isolated from her friends and family. New Man is kind and thoughtful and lovely and in fact may be a saint as he helps out at the Cathedral every Sunday. There are no red flags and everything is wonderful. After 35 minutes of her talking about herself and NM she left, without even one question about me or DH. It told me all I needed to know. I have done my best to repair the damage caused by my bitching and ND friend’s tattling. I went home sad and chastened and feeling a bit crap about myself but DH (who is reminding me not to bully him three times a day 😂) brought me flowers to cheer me up. Now it is history.
How are you all doing with Christmas plans? And eating well?

Glad your DH is being lovely Top and that you have kind other friends. I'd leave those two to it.

We've already had lots of Christmas meals and done some presents as I expected to be away but have things ordered for another Christmas meal and more presents. I keep thinking Christmas has passed though. The only issue is with DHs present, I ordered him a c£500 coffee machine from Currys as he has been so good to me and also DS has also been searching automatic bean to cup machines and mentioned to DH and said he would love one. Normally its hard to know what to get him as his interests are very specialised. Went to collect it and they said it had already been collected and that person had also taken finance on my account and nothing they could do. I've spent about 20 hours trying to get it sorted but no resolution, bank have done chargeback but if Currys say collected will go back to Currys and then only option is via small claims court. Meanwhile do I get another coffee machine and where from, don't want to get same make / model either. Have finally got them on the phone and they said they may not refund or give coffee machine but if they do refund will be an option. I have at least established there almost certainly isn't finance on my account but Currys said they can't be 100% sure. 17 year old bored boys running store, argh. Just hope can sort before I move abroad, they are now examining CCTV but as they don't know what we look like its presumably just going to show them giving it to random person and they will argue I have it. Next update on 30th, which is almost 1.5 months after this saga began. Everything else going well. All decorated, rest of presents here. DH will go to France for a few days between Christmas and New Year then back to spend NY and DSs birthday with us all.

Hello all, wow @TopOfTheCliff all high drama… what is the saying- if someone shows you who they are, believe them? please don’t give her headspace. And well done Top’s dh!
@Penguinsa brilliant news re work and swimming- and crikey the coffee machine saga is awful! Hope you can get it resolved.
Here despite a cold we’ve got bulging fridges and freezers and picking up dd tomoz- big gathering the day after Boxing Day, but prep going on now. Hope to banish the sneezes by then! And not share them. A couple of nice social dos to look forward to as well! Second Xmas without Dm… I know others here have more recently lost parents- it’s the little seasonal things that catch you out.

@Penguinsa that's awful with the coffee machine, surely that means they didn't do the identity checks they should've done before giving it out. Or was it an inside job? I can see the dilemma as well as to what to do now, annoying.

I'm off work today as I've got lots of time built-up through evening meetings and events, I'm in for a day on Monday and off from Christmas Eve until the second. DD should be home tomorrow, so I need to wrap her presents today unfortunately she may be bringing an unwanted Christmas present of scabies which is going around her house, she hasn't got any symptoms yet and I think she's treated herself in case, but obviously I don't want it! A friend has just had it from her daughter. It's our first Christmas without DM @thesandwich - I do feel a bit sad about it but not overwhelmingly so, I mostly feel guilty that everything has been so hard, DF died five years ago and whilst he was alive, it was difficult having them because they just bickered all the time, since then DM has needed so much care and support that it's been difficult because of that, so I feel guilty that I feel that it will be nice to have a more relaxed Christmas! Although DB is coming and he can also be difficult, though he can also be good company so we'll see which one we get! Anyway, I still find myself in the position of being the one who provides Christmas. I've got an Ocado delivery slot on the 22nd though so that will make things a lot easier.

Other than that, I am going to go into town for breakfast, then pop round to DM's house as as there's a viewing tomorrow morning, then I'm going to go to the gym hopefully to do yoga, have a swim and sit in the spa.

Also, I've written a diary ever since I was 14, and this is the time of year I do a review, so much has changed for me in a year, DM, new job, taking up tennis, DD having a permanent job, and no cancer scare beyond the usual low-level anxiety!

Oh my goodness @Penguinsa, that's awful. It is so wrong that it's Curry's mistake giving the machine to someone else but that they won't accept liability. These stores have cameras everywhere so I don't see why it wouldn't be easy for them to check back and see who took the coffee machine - and report it to the police as theft. And, of course replace the coffee machine for you. I've been having a bit of trouble myself with an item I ordered online and which has gone missing at the Evri depot. Its not a high value item and the seller has refunded me, but it's still an inconvenience.

I'm increasingly cynical about the modern way of doing things, it seems to leave the door open for fraud and theft. An Amazon deliverer in the area where I live has been perpetuating some kind of fraud where he pretends to deliver parcels but then takes them away again. Amazon won't do anything and the Police say its an Amazon problem. There are lots of photos of him from Ring doorbells and someone has tracked him to the Amazon depot he works from - I'm afraid this lack of action by both the big companies and the police is going to end up with vigilantism which won't end well.

@SierraSapphire, it's my first Christmas without DM too. I feel very sad about it - I had to leave M&S last week because I got so upset, mum and I always went just before Christmas so she could buy "nice nibbles" from the food hall.

Sorry about your DM @MissMarplesNiece - actually it has reminded me, that although I now don't have to buy a present for DM, buy a present for DD from DM, buy a present for DM from DD, and buy a present for myself from DM, I do often see things and think "DM would like that" and that gets me. I didn't just buy things at Christmas either, if I was out and about and I saw something that she would like for her garden or just an ornament then I would get it. Of course a lot of those things have now made their way to my house to remind me of her. I've got a wire bike on my mantlepiece as well that was my DF's that reminds me of him.

Sending best wishes to those missing family members this time of year.

I’m missing mine too - but I’m lucky in that everything going well I will see them next year. Planning on a trip home for Dad’s 80th birthday - that’s in September. I did actually start looking at flights the other day but I was home for a long time this year and I want to spend time with my husband - it’s going to be very low key here. He just needs a rest I think. But we’ll do some day trips and maybe a bit more camping.

I appear to have a job - starting in the new year. I’m going to be doing some interviews for a gov survey! (I used to be client side in research… but there might be other opportunities). I am going to keep looking for other roles but I’m trying to build up some non-teaching experience. I’ve also lined up some volunteer work for a charity - will just do a morning/afternoon a week. That and some tutoring will hopefully give me enough to do without overloading me. I need to get fit.

I’ve had a review appointment come through - March. I was told surgery probably May if I go for the implant option and stay on
the diep list - see if I want that done on the public list further down the line. Seems like a bit of a wait though.

:)

Merry Xmas - this is my fav new decoration this year!

Well done on the job @FairyWren7 and also the volunteering, hopefully that will create opportunities for you that fit better with your lifestyle now.

I went over to the gym yesterday to do a yoga class and when I got there I realised I hadn't taken any leggings, what an idiot! Would my pre-cancer brain have done that? I don't know. I did once forget to take a pair of knickers when I've gone to the swimming pool dressed in my swimming costume early in the morning so maybe it's just one of those things everybody does sometimes! I had a lovely outdoor swim and spa instead, so that was fine. DD is coming home today, but I don't know what time so I am hoping to get a body pump class in. Other than that, fairly low-key weekend, that's one of the things about having DD Home. It's quite difficult to plan because I don't know what she's going to be doing because she doesn't really know what she's going to be doing either!

sorry to hear about the friend drama @TopOfTheCliff I think you’re doing the right thing to focus on your sensible friends.

Well done on the job @FairyWren7 I hope I can report similar success in 2025. Love the decorations!

That’s dreadful customer service and security @Penguinsa I had to show my drivers license just to pick up some makeup that DD had ordered online!

I finished the Christmas shopping today. I haven’t done the food shopping yet or wrapped anything as the cats will just rip it up so we tend to put the gifts under the tree at the last minute.

We are supposed to be going to my brother’s for Christmas Day but two of his kids are down with flu and we can’t risk DM getting it so might be a last minute switch to my house for glazed ham and salads. And champagne! Doesn’t sound too bad actually but the kids would be disappointed to miss Christmas with their cousins.

Sending thoughts to all who are missing someone this Christmas. And a good remind to me to be grateful to still have DM89 even though she drives me crazy at times. I’ve spent the week ferrying DM to the hospital and drs rooms as she had surgery to remove three big skin cancers which needed skin grafts. She’s looking quite battered but came through it well.

DD got her exam results and did very well. She’s been offered a place to do PPE/Law at her first choice Uni so we are feeling very proud. DM’s reaction was predictably muted as DB is her favourite child and the genius of the family according to her so it upsets the proper order of things when my children do well at school haha.

Hello everyone 🤠

I haven't written on here for a long time ☺️ Bilateral mastectomy last year, chemo and radiotherapy - the full works. Also had a burst appendix and subsequent hernia repair to deal with 😅 Reconstruction was also problematic, my left boob is all finished but have one more op to go on my right 🙄

All this whilst living overseas (great healthcare here) but single and feel tremendous guilt for the burden on my elderly parents who've struggled to cope with the stress and being 2000 miles away.

I digress 😂 I'm now putting myself back together, my employers have been an amazing support, I'm back at the gym and feeling brilliant. Now need to get my shit together and focus on 2025 😳 I had a house move in October which was stressful so January will be spent sorting out the garden and making it look beautiful 😍 Worst of all, I need to take up my foreign language class again - I've had two attempts at it but abandoned it after my diagnosis and again when I started chemo (hot flushes made it impossible to focus!)

I need someone to give me a virtual kick up the arse and start making changes for next year, I no longer have the cancer excuse for ducking out of life!

Great news Fairywren on the job, congratulations!

Congratulations on your DDs success Remaker

Thanks TheSandwich Hope you are enjoying having your DD home.

Hope you are having a nice time with your DD home Sierra and thanks.

Thanks MissMarples

Welcome back Pollycreo

Been swimming again today and got 96 lengths done (x15m) and sauna, steam room and jacuzzi and then a McDonalds after. Currently DH is taking DD out for a driving lesson, also had one yesterday and then they are getting the Waitrose Christmas order I ordered. No resolution with Currys so ordered a new coffee machine from elsewhere, just hoping no issues with that. Work going fine though just me around really. Moved some things round pensions, trying to sort those. Did some hoovering. Only 3 days to Christmas. DS took a bath whilst we were swimming and think he's been round the garden judging by the mud in the bath, seems to have gone for the lavender bath foam this time and the nice shampoo and conditioner. Floof is with me almost all the time now as I have the heater on almost all the time and fleece things everywhere and cat biscuits so he's here purring away most of the time. DD did offer to go into Currys for me and sort them out and she might have more luck with the bored 17 year old boys that run that store than DH and I but haven't taken her up on it yet.

@PollyCreo welcome back. No booting up arses goes on here. This is gentle recovery with self motivation to do things that bring joy! My PT says if you dread it then don’t do it!
I’ve pushed on and finished decorating the bedroom I started during Storm Darragh. It is very dramatic! DH says it is dank but he doesn’t realise dark colours are in now 😂 I just need to swipe a bedside table from his DPs house and a lamp and it will be done. It has made my lymphnode-free arm a bit sore so I have probably overdone things as usual.
After last week’s drama with the cycle club I am lying low till New Year. I might say something I regret if I go back before I have got over my rage. DH and I are going out to buy cheese instead. There is a nice deli about nine miles away so we will cycle there for coffee tomorrow.

Mmm cheese @TopOfTheCliff !

Welcome back @PollyCreo

@Penguinsa wishing you success with the coffee machine drama.

I’ve finished the food shop. Had to add a few things last minute as DB and SIL have now come down with flu so Christmas lunch is at my house! Have also wrapped most of the gifts. One of my cats managed to sneak into a bag and wee all over some clothes I bought for DH. So I had to wash them before wrapping. I hope they fit as can’t exchange them now!

Contemplating doing some baking. Gingerbread or brownies?

I'm also going out to buy cheese today. It's not Christmas in this house without a good cheese board. There's a small donkey sanctuary not far from here, am contemplating a visit later.

Thanks Remaker No luck yet with Currys but my missing F&M Merrilossus biscuits have been resent and have arrived today. I have ordered another coffee machine from elsewhere which should arrive today so at least all going well DH will have his coffee machine for Christmas.

Gingerbread and brownies are both popular here, and our bakers does a Christmas brownie with a mini gingerbread on top which DS loves.

Have started the Waitrose Christmas food and DS seemed to love the posh chicken kiev I got. Get the meat and Christmas pudding from the butchers tomorrow and hopefully the coffee machine. Hope to be able to fit swimming in this week. DH goes to France to see his MIL after Christmas but back for New Year. Not got anything planned for NY yet as I wasn't expecting to be here, DD has a party.

Has anyone else seen the post on AIBU called cancer attention seeking?

Some really disgusting comments on there. Could do with people more eloquent than me telling them what's what.