The Great Cancer Recovery part 3

[TopOfTheCliff]

You may have finished active treatment for cancer, be in remission or NED. You want to look forward not dwell on the past. You know you ought to be eating well, exercising more and picking up the threads of your old life. Join us and share the ups and downs of recovery. We understand!

Here are some resources we found helpful:

The Mountain Lion
https://www.cancerpal.co.uk/post/what-it-s-really-like-to-receive-a-cancer-diagnosis

Peter Harvey on Psychology of recovery:
https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Resources from Penny Brohn:
https://pennybrohn.org.uk/our-approach/resources/

Breast Cancer Now Moving Forward:
https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you/moving-forward

Get your Oomph Back with Carolyn Garritt
http://www.oomph.london/home.html

Charity providing treats for cancer patients:
https://somethingtolookforwardto.org.uk/

Exercise is good for you:
https://www.webmd.com/cancer/features/exercise-cancer-patients

Any more suggestions? Post them below

There is also a thread for those suspected to have cancer, or newly diagnosed and facing treatment, and also a thread for those with Stage IV cancer who want to talk to others in the same boat.

I have posted on there. In the main it seems a well reasoned debate with just a couple of awful posters.
I am more appalled by the lady that is disgusted that her husband can’t wait for Christmas to start on the cheese!

I agree with you @tothelefttotheleft as you already know! There are some real shocker comments on there. Made my blood boil. But also some really good ones, not least yours and @TopOfTheCliff! Just underlines to me the fact that if people haven't had cancer they just don't get it in terms of the fear you feel. Some in much nicer ways than posters on that thread though.

Did you see OP is only 23 as someone asked the ages? So DM is only 51, a year older than me as it happens. I pointed out facing your mortality at 46 (when she diagnosed) is a bit of a shock!

@PaperbackWrighter

It made me so angry. That's because I've had this in my life. People being bored of hearing about it because my treatment took a year. People telling me how I should react to having cancer. People thinking they know more about my cancer than me. People not acknowledging I had cancer. People telling me I can forget about the cancer now. People not wanting to believe I'm likely permanently damaged from the chemo. It goes on and on.

I'm quite new to it all. Well, 6 months in, almost to the day from diagnosis. But I've encountered some of what you mention too. People telling you how you should react is the killer. Not how are you feeling but this is how you should be feeling! Like when I told a friend recently that I was struggling with fears of recurrence/secondaries etc, rather than just listening and saying that must be tough, she told me I couldn't let my life be ruled by it as what would happen would happen anyway. I was brave and piped up (cancer is seeing off my people pleasing ways at least!) that it was easy for her to say when she wasn't going through it!

Another friend, well no really a neighbour, I've since downgraded her friendship!, asked how I was feeling and when I told her similar story to above, as I drove her to an event, proceeded to sit in silence and say nothing. So I've decided it's all surface with her now. How are you? Good, thanks, and change the subject!

Sorry, needed that rant. People can be so bloody useless. I may sound bitter and lacking Xmas spirit, but on Friday night I went to a gig at Shepherd's Bush Empire of a band I loved as a teen and young adult. It was incredible! Best night I've had all year. Think I must do more of that sort of thing!!

@PaperbackWrighter its really hard isn’t it. I think we learn who we can talk to and who we can’t.

My Dad always quotes my great grandad who used to say ‘laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone…’ Very true.

I’ve struggled most of all with those closest to me weirdly enough. I don’t think the whole situation with the cancer and DH has done us that much good. He constantly minimises it. But he does that with his own health stuff so I think it’s his and his families rather maladaptive response. DD is similar, likes talking about his blood pressure at length but any of my stuff he found it very difficult.

Plus it’s difficult I think to know what the right response is. It probably varies from person to person. I think a gentle supportive being there is perhaps my favoured approach. Giving a person space to talk a bit about it without passing judgement.

I’m lucky to have so many dear friends who did just that - it’s just a shame most of them are in other countries. Thank goodness for the Internet. They checked in and continued to check in with me. Helped me during the difficult days.

While we’re at it I wanted to thank everyone on this thread for being so kind and supportive. It’s helped me so much to not feel so alone with it all.

I’m having a headache and nauseous patch with the immunotherapy drugs - picked up my last months supply from the chemist yesterday. Poured a glass of wine last night with a cheese board - then couldn’t drink it. I’m going to look for some sulphite free wine and see if that helps. DH had three glasses - including mine!

I get the lady with the husband cheese issue. Mine attempted to get into the rum on Sunday night - wanted to start drinking it in eggnog! Was I wrong to ask him to save it for a bit nearer Christmas? He has a habit of really getting going on stuff…it’s gone before you get a chance! Maybe I’m just a bit sad that I can’t enjoy drinking as much now.

2025 soon! A good year for all of us I hope! But first a cheese fest to get through and I’m going to make a chocolate roulade today with cherries! (Like a really nice Black Forest cake!) It’s my favourite type of pudding!

I think I've mostly been lucky with friends' responses. I lost it once with a friend who otherwise was completely amazing when she said "it will all be fine" (before my second opinion told me I had a second type of cancer that the first hospital had missed!), she also has an unrealistic view about what complimentary medicine can do, which annoys me sometimes Another friend was wanging on about retirement and what would happen if she died when she was 75, which at the time seemed to be a pretty long life expectancy when mine could have been a year or two, and my brother who kept asking me questions by text but never replying when I answered them so the questions were more around his anxiety than supporting me. I don't talk about it much IRL. I did have a bit of a rant yesterday to DD about an article about Chris Hoy and stuff around the cold cap being excruciating, which annoyed me because for lots of us, it's not excruciating at all and I wore it for six hours, so it annoys me that people will be put off from trying it when actually it's perfectly tolerable for some (not saying that it's tolerable for everybody, but if you are just scared off you don't know). DD wasn't really very interested 😂.

I'm just in bed, off work today, trying to decide whether to get up to wander over to Waitrose to buy some nice bread for later, think I will because then I can get my free coffee too!

I've seen lots of gigs since diagnosis @PaperbackWrighter - including one in New York! I've been to most of them with DD which has been brilliant, often up in Manchester, which is where she is. We're going to tramlines festival in the summer to see Pulp, as we had tickets for latitude a couple of years ago, but she was ill so I just went with friends and had to leave her behind.

I have also been looking at the Christmas food and deciding that I'm not starting on it until today @FairyWren7. If you're the one responsible for meal planning and generally everybody else's happiness (!), I can also see it's annoying if somebody starts on your carefully planned out meals!

@tothelefttotheleft I don’t want you to think I don’t understand why you are upset at that thread. We are all processing what we have been through in our own way and at our own pace. For me it is a less sensitive issue but I realise I am further down the track now. That is the reason why family and friends should avoid telling us how we should feel and let us express our feelings as they are. The poor woman (Cancer Queen) who had the cancer is just dealing with her recovery as best she can.
Going into Christmas it is nice to reflect on how far we have all come. The bus has picked up a few more passengers along the way, which is lovely, and we have visited some interesting places this year. I look forward to continuing the adventure into 2025 with acceptance of all the damage my body is carrying. Happy Christmas and New Year to all my fellow travellers!

I also want to say thank you to you all for your care and support, even though I’ve been quiet on here lately. I’m not sure I feel I’ve made recovery progress in 2024 physically but I certainly have in terms of the space in my head cancer takes up. I’ve met a few new people lately and I no longer feel I’m
holding back if I don’t mention the cancer, it just doesn’t seem to need to come up. I still get scared to look ahead but right here, right now feels good.

2024 was hard as I had to deal with the illness and death of my lovely dad. But there were good things this year too. I went to Norway, the USA and Egypt as well as Cornwall, Glasgow and Jersey. I made a big effort to see old friends, including some I haven’t seen for a long time. I supported my teenage DDs through some tricky times and made some progress on our house which is a bit of an unfinished project. (I love your bedroom @TopOfTheCliff I think we have the same blue) I swam approximately 100 miles and ran about 10! More running next year, I hope.

I’ve just accepted an interim role for the first few months of next year. It will be hard and I’ll be commuting to London one or two days a week but it’s an opportunity to work for a fascinating organisation and I’m excited to start. And while I love the variety of my freelance portfolio it will be nice to have a single focus for a while. I thought of some of you taking on new challenges when I was deciding whether to go for it.

Sending love and best wishes to everyone on this thread.

Really lovely to hear your update Dotty and congratulations on the new job.

Sorry about the difficult AIBU cancer thread. I have my talk preferences set to mute AIBU. Its a shame we can't just have access to the lovely threads on MN.

Hope everyone has a good Christmas and New Year and 2025 is kind to us all. I have had a pretty perfect 2024 and hoping it continues into 2025 but now always make the most of today. Currys are even just about to refund me the coffee machine and give me an extra £50 and the other coffee machine I ordered from elsewhere has arrived. Meat from butchers is here and everything is ready.

Congratulations @dotty and a huge thank you from me to everyone on this thread- you have inspired and encouraged me through a tough time. This year has still been about recovery for me- and handling dms house sale, carrying out her final wishes, and starting to build a different life. Lots of lovely special times, new connections, and inspired by many here(especially @top and @Penguinsa ) to be braver and take more risks and more adventures.
Wishing you all a joyous Christmas, and a happy and healthy 2025.

Thanks thesandwich and thanks to everyone for making this such a lovely, supportive thread.

Just been swimming and did 75 lengths, sauna, steam room and jacuzzi then an hours cleaning of downstairs so its perfect for tomorrow. DS took a bath whilst we were out and the wild rose shampoo had moved. Started on the cheese and profiteroles. Chatted to a couple of people at the pool not seen in a while as had time off for operation and lovely to catch up though one is always in the steam room and this time she was in the sauna and it felt wrong, she belongs in the steam room but 2 men had taken it over.

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. Mine was a bit derailed by norovirus - am very much hoping for a healthier 2025.

Sorry to hear that @demivolte, hope you recover quickly.

Our day was nice, though DB and a friend (male) both came and ate Christmas dinner, did no tidying up and didn't bring me a present, I did call them miserable bastards. It's nice having people around for Christmas but I do feel a bit taken advantage of still. DD bought me some lovely presents though, all I asked for was one thing but she had been really thoughtful. Her boyfriend came round late afternoon and we played games for a bit, then by 7 pm everyone had left and I just managed to stay up to watch Gavin and Stacey. Christmas Eve we went to the crib service then the pub then came home for a bit, then DD came home to change and I ended up walking her back into town and having a drink in 'Spoons with her friends, which was unexpected but nice!

DD is still at her boyfriend's but she's coming back a bit later, I don't know what time. I'm having an internal battle with myself as to whether to go over to the gym and have an outdoor swim and spa. If it was closer, I would almost certainly go, but it's a half an hour drive and that's putting me off, and weighing up whether sometime just chilling on the sofa which I do rarely is more beneficial. DD is going back up north tomorrow. I love having her around, but don't like the uncertainty it creates about what's going on, and the fact that I keep asking her over and over again "what are you doing...?"!

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and is having a good day today.

Sorry to hear that Demivolte Hope you are better soon.

That sounds like a nice Christmas Sierra but sorry about the men not bringing presents.

Just a quiet Christmas day here which was fine but didn't feel massively different from any other Sunday. DS ate 3 bowls of cereal, then Christmas lunch with roast turkey, pigs in blankets, yorkshires, potatoes etc, then had a turkey sandwich in the evening plus his posh hot chocolates and I also had bought him a tin of Merrilosus F&M biscuits which I would be amazed if didn't also get all eaten yesterday. He opened all his presents. DD didn't emerge until 1pm and then opened presents and ate Christmas lunch. We had Christmas lunch and Christmas pudding and watched Netflix.

DH has just gone to check on his new classic car and then we will be going to see the baby seals in Horsey as we have done that the last two Boxing Days and its lovely to see them. DH is off to France for 5 days soon to celebrate with his family and friends, DD and I will stay with DS as he still won't leave home apart from our garden.

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas and is now full of cheese! Just catching up on this thread as my job is very wrapped up in the festive season so I’m really only coming down from it today. Me & the dog are snoozing in the (indoor) sunshine and the cat is off in a huff upstairs somewhere.

No work until 6th Jan! Hurrah! I need to think about how I’m going to use the time (or perhaps not use it, as my therapist suggests)

Seals, quite overcast but lovely to see the babies and see them on their flippers moving.

@demivolte I hope you are feeling better and can face some lovely food now.
@Penguinsa thanks for the lovely seals!

@SierraSapphire I share your rage but can’t say it out loud! My two lovely DSS (33 and 27) came for a meal on Christmas Eve. I had suggested they bring what they want to drink as DH just drinks beer and I am off alcohol. I deliberately didn’t buy wine because there is history here. We opened our presents but they brought no flowers or bottles or contributions for the meal. They drank their presents with the meal. DSS33 drank a bottle of wine, a mini bottle of port and some beer he was given! Next day no sign of him ( too hungover) Grrr. If he was mine I would be having strong words but I am a MN DSM and I zip my lip! DSS27 is off the hook as he washed up after supper.
I have had a lovely Christmas, today we saw my family and it was very chilled except when one of the many dogs jumped onto me and scratched my legs. Why do dog owners never apologise and make out you are being unreasonable when their animal has injured you? It hurt! But I was restrained and just muttered to myself. I am not a dog lover. Rant over!

@Lilgreygoose Yes, I'm very full of cheese and will be having more later!

@Penguinsa DB and I went to Horsey a year or so again. There were no babies but lots (and lots) of adults. It was one of my forever nature highlights. I don't think I'll ever forget that strange sound they were all making - a sort of keening song. I can see where tales of sailors being lured by singing sirens and mermaids came from. I hope to go back one year when there are babies on the beach.

@TopOfTheCliff Your DSC sound thoughtless, but old enough to know better so I understand your Grrr.

Sorry, you're feeling frustrated by thoughtless guests as well @TopOfTheCliff

We're going to go to North Norfolk on New Year's Eve @Penguinsa if the weather's okay. Probably Wells/Holkham where we've seen seals before, it's a bit of a drive for us, but I want to do something and I don't really want it to involve drinking!

I've just been to a high-intensity class at the gym, now I'm going to have a walk around the park before going to Waitrose to buy some flowers or something for a friend who we're going round to see for brunch. I've been doing a lot of sitting since starting my new job and I think my New Year's resolution if I have one is perhaps to make sure that I get out at lunchtime for half an hour to walk every day. I ended up yesterday not going swimming but going out for a walk with a friend, so that was nice. I feel it's early enough in the morning now to go out for a walk and not feel like a sad bastard because I'm on my own at Christmas!

Anyone else have any New Year's resolutions?

@SierraSapphire One of my goals this year is to walk more. I'm going to take part in the Country Walking magazine's walk 1000 miles in 2025 challenge. I'm also going to find a walking group to go out walking with. There are a few local groups and I'm going to try a couple out to see who I "gel" with.

We had a slightly stressful couple of days with my Dsis and MIL who are both tiring company for different reasons. And I was missing my dad. But we are on our way (in terrible traffic) to a couple of nights away in a hotel with a pool which should be nice

We had all been looking forward to the Outnumbered special last night but (spoiler alert) the plot revolved around the parents having to tell the kids that Pete had cancer so I could really have done without that.

That sounds crap (Xmas) and good (hotel) @dotty2. Thanks for the heads up about outnumbered, I never used to watch it but had intended to watch the special on catch up, but I won't now (my own. Child wasn't really bothered about my diagnosis at the time!) I was worried something bad was going to happen to somebody in Gavin and Stacey, maybe similar, but thankfully it didn't so I will watch it again feeling not so apprehensive! I wonder whether anyone with cancer does think watching it in fiction is okay, I read true life stories sometimes but I really don't want to see anything fictionalised about it.

Sounds good with the walking group @MissMarplesNiece - having a social aspect to anything fitness definitely motivates me to go more.

Just popping in to see how everyone's Xmas went - and yes - I also got caught out with the Outnumbered Xmas special. Could definitely have done without that @SierraSapphire my child also showed no reaction and although it's great having her back for the holiday I'm also constantly wondering what is going on and when she is leaving and coming back and who with.

Had DN25 and partner over Xmas. On Xmas evening - something about illness came up in conversation and DN pipes up: 'But you had the best kind of cancer, right?'. My face must have done something at that and she followed with 'Because it's the most curable.' Hmm. I felt like she had slapped me. Yes it's still popping in my head....

Living in different time zones to the younger people gets old too. DN got up 1.30 on Boxing Day - hard to fit in much of a post-lunch walk before dark. <<older-person-grumbles-alert>>

Onward and upward with all recoveries in 2025!

I honestly never thought that people thought there were "good" and "bad" cancers. They're all bloody bad as far as I'm concerned. They all take their toll physically and psychologically.

Well, there are definitely cancers that tend to have better outcomes, endometrial cancer tends to because it's most common form isn't particularly aggressive, it's contained with a muscle, and you get early symptoms, so I say sometimes it's not as bad as some other cancers to get, but then it was my cancer (or one of them 🙄) and it's not up to somebody who hasn't had cancer to say any of that shit. Talking about stupid things people say, I was at a friend's yesterday with DD and we were talking about the age we had our first cigarette, I said I first tried one when I was nine, and she said "yes, but you got cancer". I said a sarcastic "thanks for reminding me" but FFS.

I've just taken my aunt out for lunch and now I am sat in the car at the gym working my way up to having an outdoor swim in the mist!