2005: the flare-loving fag-free club

[charliecat]

Here we go girls

www.sharemeter.com and heres the thingy if you want to check yours..

Congratulations cc! I've given up with a meter seeing as I've had so many flops!

The reason I'm sending dd to nursery is because I work 2 days a week and dp has her on those days but he also has to work a 5-day week so we actually end up never having any time together as a family and I, in effect, do a 7-day week - I'm either out at work or I'm looking after dd on my own. It's pretty minimal 9 hours a week at nursery but it's a break at least. Plus I don't have any family nearby OR that many friends with kids so I've hoped it would get her going with other kids a bit. But now I'm not so sure ...

kids are the funniest creatures bm, cc with all her nursery experience is quite right. ds1 will howl for daddy 'WHERE IS THE DADDY????' (note: not for me) and then get on with the day really well so much so that when i go and pick him up i'm there for 10mins chatting away to his carers because he won't leave! it does sound as if he is more gregarious than your dd, but bear in mind that from what i can gather he is rather unusual in this way.

i know just what you mean about not having a 'support system' as the only family on my side is my sis who's at uni and dh's side are all in b'ham. it does get a bit much and i look forward to the days when ds1 is at nursery just to spend some time with ds2 and spend some time with myself! i think that they're at that age where it starts becoming particularly demanding because they're learning new things every minute and you have to therefore be there to answer their questions. my view is that it's important for you to have some time to yourself to be happy and relaxed - it's always going to be traumatic settling them into anything new. at the same time i also think that you should do what you feel is best, and if it makes you more unhappy with dd being at nursery then maybe wait until later...it's still early days though! do you like your nursery btw?

yes cc, little bugger has already learnt the skills of becoming ill when it suits him! he went in today so that 24hr bug is the fastest one i've ever witnessed

oh and bm, if it makes you feel better, ds1 is a tiddly 23.5 lbs and not much height either. all brain and no brawn...

FG!!! you got 4 stars in this month's ELLE review! WELL DONE

i also gave up with the meter for the same reason but CONGRATS CC!

yeah congrats cc!!

and hello everyone, have missed you! had lovely time at mum's but am relieved to be back home as she has v high expectations (as does her husband) of the kids' behaviour and I find myself on edge a lot of the time if they start tearing around, or making a mess... mum is great with them but she is 69 yrs old and isn't averse to being quite stern with them.

oh yeah mm, meant to add ages ago that 'aspic cooking' is exactly what am thinking of!! And sorry to be rude about croydon!!

bm, what a massive thing, your dd starting nursery - remember when my ds's started and I went home and howled & howled. They were only 1 yr old. Am sure she'll settle though, and in a couple of weeks it'll just seem normal, part of the routine, and she'll start to form friendships there. I found the boys starting 'big school' so traumatic I had to come home and go back to bed!

sorry to be quick here girls but it's the kids' 1st day back at nursery/school and am trying to shake off the cobwebs & get on with some work....

oh yeah and am off the ciggies still (a piffling 101 not smoked) but dh has crumbled already....

i didn't take offence fg, we're all chavvy down here tbh did you get to watch 'desperate housewives' ch 4 last night? what a howl! if you get the chance to see a repeat, do - there is one mother who has 3boys and 1 baby girl and the chaos reminds me (in a v. exaggerated way!) of how you sometimes describe your brood and indeed how i imagine myself to be one day!! it's on at 10 or 11 i think but do check it out!

feeling in good spirits today as the sun is shining but they say that it's going to be dangerously windy over the next few days so be careful everyone! fg, apparently it's going to be pretty bad up north so take care

got my xmas photos done so will send them out to you all soon xx

Horrible incident at nursery today when dp took her for settling in session. A 3 year old boy was left locked outside after the outside play session for 10 mins before dp heard him knocking! None of the staff noticed he was missing. The nursery's by a busy road and there's only a low fence around the outside play area. So that plus other things I've not been happy with have decided to pull dd out for now. I'll look for somewhere else, a childminder or whatever. To be honest this week I've been trying to convince myself the place is ok but not really believing myself! But as I have no experience of nurseries I thought I was being over-fussy and / or neurotic, however dp isn't like that and he wasn't happy with it. We live in a very impoverished part of SE London and so the nurseries are all a bit run down but that doesn't bother me so long as they're safe and friendly. Dd's key worker was lovely as was another woman but there was one woman who was incredibly harsh I thought, not allowing kids to move their feet when sitting on chairs for 'circle time' (is that normal practise cc? Sorry, just don't know) and pointing out who'd been naughty to the others and embarrassing them. Dd was the youngest there except for a tiny Japanese girl who just wandered round all the time sucking her thumb and crying and no-one attempted to engage her. I picked her up in the end and read a book with her and she was happy as Larry! They all seemed pissed off with her saying 'she's always like that' etc. etc. Generally not a good vibe.

IWANTAFAGIWANTAFAGIWANTAFAGIWANTAFAGIWANTAFAGIWANTAFAGIWANTAFAGIWANTAFAGIWANTAFAG

DON'THAVEONEDON'THAVEONEDON'THAVEONE!!!!

bm I think you're absolutely right. cc will know more than me but I think you have to trust your instincts. I think not moving your feet is ridiculous. Locking a boy out is unforgivable as is shaming a 'naughty' child. One of the carers at a nursery my boys went to at 2 yrs old used to complain every time I picked them up that they'd been bad or disobedient etc - my heart used to sink as I pulled up in their car park. Then that carer put sam in a 'naughty chair' for bopping someone with a xylophone hammer. He came home totally distraught - flung himself on the floor, screaming, I'm a bad boy. He has never acted like that before or since. I pulled the boys out of that place - I was furious. I think you just sense when you've found the right place.

meant to watch that prog mm and forgot, was getting reunited (drunkenly) with dh!

Girls I feel really good about not fagging any more - feel revved up & motivated & very very pleased to be ciggie free!!

Thanks for the support, fg, that's a horrible story about your ds.

This afternoon I've had a phonecall from the deputy manager apologising and later on from the manager who's been on holiday this week. The manager was mortified and said she'd given the staff warnings and is going to return our deposit. She was incredibly apologetic. I truly don't want the staff to have a hard time and I told her that and that I'd been pleased with dd's key worker etc. but she was furious that this incident had happened and recognised the potential consequences of it because if dp hadn't heard the little boy knocking on the door then who knows how long he'd have been out there as none of the other staff had done a head count when the kids came back in. This little boy is very quiet and so I guess they don't miss him when he's not there.

Needless to say I had a fag. I think I must be the worst offender here now .

bm, the worst thing you can do is give yourself a hellish hard time about it and make yourself feel even worse. Why not just start afresh tomorrow. You've done so well before now, and we've ALL had the odd slip up at some time or another. You had a rotten day and stuff that concerns your child can be so upsetting. I cried buckets over that nursery business with sam even though it might have seemed trivial to anyone else.

Hope your evening's a bit brighter. xxxx

OMG BM...no wonder the manager is bending over backwards to apologise....Unbeliveable. She shouldnt have to warn the staff about it...have done a few big rants and deleted them...but FFS that is appalling.
Dont blame you for a second for taking your dd out or having a fag. Your not the worst offender, im sure me or FG hold that title.
MM is the queen of quits I think lol...
Getting the kids to sit on thier behinds...just so they are not treading on the others fingers and legs is the main concern BTW. Fiddling/velcro unfastening/refastening/humming/ picking nose etc are all common place and ignored unless it gets so loud the others cant hear the story or whatever....
Poor Poor You. Im just sitting here shaking my head, isnt it a good job the boy kept knocking. Many wouldnt. Too horrible to think about really.
Big Hugs.

god that's all awful! definitely a good idea taking dd out before she got traumatised. ds1's homeopath said that she had a bad first nursery experience with her ds and it ruined him to the point where she had to give up work for another year because he wouldn't go back! take your time to find a place you are happy with as this is important for both you and dd. you might be right about a childminder, it might be easier to find a good one rather than a nursery. i totally empathise and completely disagree with queen of quits i can't remember now but didn't i also slip up when ds1 started nursery? the fact that i can't remember my blips is testament to the fact that i must have blipped too much LOL! besides, the last time i fagged was about a month ago but damn does it feel longer....

fg, you are obviously not a desperate housewife if you were able to choose between tv and dh not luck some of us here and it isn't even friday night!!!

er that would be like

good job it wasn't an 'f'

just told dh about all those incidents and he can't believe it either. what's even worse about it all is that they're like that when a parent is there so you can only imagine what it would be like if no one's watching must border on child abuse...poor you bm, but you're lucky you realised straight away!

all on my lonesome so off to bathe then it's night night xxx

Bluemoon that sounds like a terrible place, I think you're completely right to take dd out of there pronto! I agree with others, I'll know straight away when you've found the right place. Just trust your instinct, never think you're being a neurotic or over-fussy mother. And if other people think you are stuff them! Your dd's happiness and well-being are what counts.
And don't beat yourself up about your slip up, we've all been there...

Thanks for the support guys.

Yes, I've been chewing over the ramifications of that whole nursery thing and one thing I didn't mention to the manager when she phoned is that when the incident happened and dp heard the knocking he had to go into the main room (he'd been in the quiet room by the door with dd, that's how he heard) to ask the two workers there how to open the door as it's a huge wooden bolted thing. He said 'how do I open this door, I think someone's still out there' and one of them came through and said 'oh dear, have I left someone outside?' got the boy in and didn't apologise. Dp kept waiting for one of them to mention it but they didn't. When he left he picked up all dd's stuff we'd left there like nappies etc. and the worker said 'so we'll see you next week then?' as if nothing had happened! So that doesn't really inspire me with confidence that it hasn't happened before now I think of it.

Anyway no good chewing it over now. I've spent a night feeling sick and awful that that might have happened to dd. And yes, you're right, if it had been a younger or different child they may not have continued to knock and may have wandered off. Dd would have just sat down somewhere playing with sticks and rubbish. AGH!!!!!!!!!

morning girls!
have my best friend coming up to stay with me from london tonight so may not be able to get on here much cos we're gonna have a day out shopping in glasgow tomorrow & night out too
...she doesn't smoke btw!!

am still fag free but relaying on lozenges so much. dh said, 'god how many of those things do you eat?' WILL cut down when the book is finished (new deadline feb 21...) but just can't face being without them till then. Prob have about 10 a day at the mo. is that a prob do you think?

at least dh smokes outside now - hurrah! (yeah mm the weather is AWFUL here but it's not putting him off fagging it..!)

hope you feel better today bm, big hugs xxxxxxx

Fg dont think the lozenge thing is a problem, IMO and IME to suck 1...2 5...10 or 15 of those things is better than throwing in the towel and having a fag. When you are secure enough in yourself to start to lower the doseage then do...but dont worry yourself over them. Maybe give yourself the 21st of Fab as your day of lowering the amount your having?
What dose are you on? I have tons here going out of date...

Duh ...didnt meant to post that so early...BM I would ring Ofsted and report the incident to the nursery.
The nursery should run efficiently and well regardless of who is or isnt there. The only thing that differs from when the boss isnt thier at our nursery is we put the kettle on early and try and cram in 2 coffees in 20 mins instead of just the 1!!!!
And I echo what MM says...if thats what they are like when there are parents there I dread to think what happens when its just them.
From the comments youve said the staff said id say they are bored uninterested and just there for an easy buck

Yes, cc, I think so too. They seemed completely uninterested in the kids. Especially the little ones who don't make a big fuss that HAS to be dealt with. Dp said the little Japanese girl I mentioned was crying because she wanted to sit in the circle with the others but there were no seats left so they just ignored her!!!

Sorry, I'll stop going on about this soon. It's just been a horrible experience.

Rant away...sounds really shit actually. There will be loads of others...once you have recovered from this you could look again.
My first experience of leaving my dd lasted 6 sessions. I had gone to a M+B group at a wee place for ages...great...so I thought id send her to the pre-school there in the morning for some socailising with the kids she already knew from the M and T.
A few things niggled me...strangely one of them was door safety. There was a easy to open ancient stairgate and nothing else stopping the kids from getting out straight onto a road and from what I could pick up I was the only one who had observed this..few other things cant rememeber what. And I turned up early one day to pick up dd and the manager had got all the kids crammed onto one spot and she was sitting in a deckchair sunbathing...in the only square of sun and the kids were all standing round her getting sun burnt, Some of the boys had took off thier tops as it was 12 oclock on a boling summers day as they were roasting but they didnt have suncream on as we hadnt been warned of the outside activity (HA!) and when I asked why she hadnt put the kids in the shade as they were being burnt she said "Ohhhh being told off by a mum am I?"
Well I didnt take dd back and I fumed for weeks. That may have been why dd didnt eventually go till after she was 3!!!!!!!
It was dreadful, she wanted a suntan so the kids were outside squirmingly uncomftable in the red hot sun...ohhh

That's awful cc! One nursery in east london that I went to look at used to give the kids plain pasta just dumped straight onto the tables with no bowls or cutlery!!!

but on a more positive mote the 2 nurseries dd goes to now (one day nurdsery 3 morns a week, plus the nursery attached to the school, 5 afternoons)are lovely, she is always delighted to go and the staff are beyond caring.

ta for reassuring wds re lozenges cc - am on 2 mg at the mo, if you have some could I buy them from you? Yeah, will set feb 21 for coming down to 1 mg or just have few each day, will see how it's going.

Oh, I so want to find a 'lovely' nursery, or rather some lovely nursery staff because that's all that matters in the end. We're so pushed for choice around here though .

Do you ever have a horrible realisation about how easy it would be to start smoking again? I've been feeling that because I've been desperate for fags this week even first thing in the morning.

Not a good week for bluemoon. Let's hope next one is better.

How are you guys doing today?