Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support IV

[lackaDAISYcal]

I've done some truly awful things in the past, all linked to alcohol.

Its been a lovely day up here. Hope everyone is having a good day

You're all so lovely - thank you - feel much better today - as soon as i feel sober brave enough I'll jump back onto FB.

Kokeshi we may well have passed each other! We moved down here about 3 years ago now and after a bit of a culture shock (moving from south london) we're happy as anything.

We're in boscombe - which is having the UK's first surf reef (think it might be the first in europe actually) built this year so there's a very positive feel to the place. Boscombe's been bournemouth's problem child for ages but really seems to be buzzing now.

Hope everyone's had a good weekend...
gerbra xx

I have planned ....

My mum not talking to me, since, in my 42 years, it's the first time she's slammed down the 'phone on me.

I should add, here's the 78 yr old that's helped me through my addiction for the last 3 years. I'm so, so, sorry for her.

Hi 2sugars- are you ok? Sorry I didn't really undersatnd your last post.

understand, even...!

Evening all

2sugars you sound very sad - do you mean it's your mum who's been supporting you for the last 3 years? If you do, and she has, I'm sure she'll still be there for you ...

feel knackered tonight so am off to bed in a bit - have had some wine tonight - but not as much as I would normally if I were drinking.

Feel like the whole weekend has been a bit out of control so looking forward to trying to re-establish some normality during the week .

Hope everyone's well and have had a good bank holiday (I keep forgetting it's Monday not Sunday..)

gerbra x

...bloody hell...went to bed knackered but thoughts wizzing through my mind and was unable to sleep...
am now up again, drinking wine...again...and wishing I wasn't me...
just feeling sorry for myself - hope you don't mind me indulging myself!

felt so good not drinking last week but this week all the fears of not having the bottle in the house have re-emerged - why can't the logical side override the addiction side? (I know i feel better if i don't drink - why do i drink????)

off to cruise tv on demand (got bt vision recently - it's brilliant!)
gerbra x

That's the thing about addiction though gerbra, you just can't think your way out of it. Try not to be too hard on yourself, each day is a new one and a fresh start for all of us. Do you have a lot on your mind at the mo? I can identify with the not sleeping part, my mind goes about 100 miles an hour sometimes!

I have to actively work against the part of my head that starts projecting into the future or worrying about what happened yesterday. It's such a simple thing do do - live in the moment - but none of us find it easy at all.

Hope you get some sleep soon. I'm supposed to be up early tomorrow, I have an interview and I guess that's what's on my mind. Also trying to arrange a painter, which isn't going to be done at 2 in the morning!

Take it easy

Kokeshi - am so pleased you're posting again!
I've been taking kalms last week and they helped, but tonight my bad side wanted me to drink more than take kalms...self-destruct mission again...
Do you know, I honestly haven't got that many problems going on - we porbably have the same financial worries that everyone else has at the moment...but apart from that (and one other 'issue' I can't post about on here), I'm a pretty lucky lady.

So...why have I been crying like a baby tonight - I wish I knew...

tomorrow will be a better day I'm sure - just feel so tonight

gerbra x

Aw poor you. Bear in mind that things do seem a lot less manageable when you're drinking. It seems to be a fab idea and I often found the anticipation of the drink was the best part! Once I started drinking I felt that initial relief, then even more hopeless. This isn't you, it's the drink.

When you're coming to terms with having a drink problem I think it's natural to move 'backwards' and want to hold on to the drink even more. It's all part of the process though, and you will see it as part of the whole recovery process.

How quickly you do move on really depends on how ready you are. Don;t be disheartened though. There are a few of us on here that I would probably describe as 'hopeless cases' and it's worked out well.

Just keep on keeping on mate.

Thanks for your kind words too. It's OK to cry as well! You don't have to keep it together. Being in touch and dealing with your emotions is crucial.

shit I totally identif
y with the 'anticipate' thing. I built friday night up to be a 'fantastic night in' and it was awful... thinking about this weekend (for the chunks I've been drinkng) - all I've done is cried..derr! what am I doing? ...and yet I'm still doing it

Am really off to bed now as I'm bleary and pissed - you guys on the thread have been total rocks - all of you - I'm so grateful....

Gebra xx

hi, haven't had chance to read have been floored by nasty flu bug...can't speak, do anything except lie in bed and sweat and ache and feel sorry for self. Will post again when bit better. Just didn't want you guys to think i'd abandoned you all. xxx

Sorry you're not well HBM - crap being a mum and not being able to call in sick, isn't it?

Gerbra - that's just how I got as well. The planning to drink and the anticipation and expectations that it would be great - only to spend the night lonely and sobbing .

I learnt (verrrrry slowly) that this was always going to be the case when I tried to control my intake, and then allow myself an indulgent night on the piss.

So, I had the choice between shitty option 1, where I drank the same amount every day, felt like hell and was incaple most of the time, or shitty option 2, where I had to give it up completely.

It was a case of weighing up which option was slightly less shitty than the other.

BTW, thanks to everyone that left supportive messages for me while I was away last week. I did lurk a bit and it was really nice to know that people were routing for me. I'm on day 9 now

Thanks BM, and I didn't leave you a supportive message, and am kicking myself severly coz it was one of those things i kept thinking, how brilliantly brave you were, and what a collosal thing you were doing, and how much I admire and respect you, and it all just got lost somewhere underneath all the shopping lists and laundry folding and snot wiping. Unforgivable. And DAY 9.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[g rin]

Go Brassic!

[gri n]

well done Brassic! that is fab!

well, had a bit of a booozy bbq yesterday and to my horror I am thinking "mmm, glass of white wine would be nice!" Help!

Did you drink yesterday dinny? Do you have any in the house? I think the cravings are worst the day after a session and should subside if you try and sit through them.

Sorry you're not well hairybikermummy. What a rubbish time to be ill - you should be out enjoying the sun. Get well soon.

BrassicMonkey, well done from me too - you know I'm always rooting for ya.

Kokeshi - was going to stick to water but dd has said at bathtime this bully girl has excluded her again today - even after teacher has intervened - feel like head is going to explode with stress really can't bear it. dh and I are going to see Head about it.

Brassic - yay - that's fantastic - well done !!

Kokeshi, thanks for last night...

Dinny - look on it as a blip - you've done so well so don't be too sad. Your poor DD though.

Hairyb hope you feel better soon...

gerbra xx

Aww, poor DD dinny. God, it bloody hurts when other children are mean to yours. Brings out a really ugly side in me and I find it so hard to be reasonable about it. I hope the Head takes this seriously. How old is DD dinny?

Gerbra I hope you're feeling happier today. Keep posting, I found it helped unclutter my mind.

Brassic you summarized the reason why I think stopping is the best option for me. There is no longer any pleasure in drink. I am more damned if I do than damned if I don't.

I find the thread so helpful as by now the negative thoughts about drink would have faded. It keeps these negatives refreshed in my memory. Everyone's experience reminds me that I am not unique, my relationship with alcohol is unlikely to change.

Hairybiker your motivating tactics are impressive!!

Night all xx

Goddddddddd have been up since 2am. So fed up of this. I was up early yesterday aswell. Shite.

Kokeshi a question for you. I used to feel really bad in the morning, I would wake up and think 'God I'm so weak/stupid, how could I have drunk so much'. I would resolve to not drink or not drink as much. Now I can't be arsed with that, I just have come to the terms with the fact that I drink a certain amount (3 glasses) and there's no point in trying to cut down as I just fail. Once I pick up a glass of wine, that's it, will power gone. Is this a dangerous place to be now, have I moved up a level on the addiction stake?
I can identify with the shitty option 1 and shitty option 2. I think it will be shitty option 2 for me (abstention)
God I'm so cross

God and here's how the conversation went with my doctor
Q 'where's you favourite place in the world?'
A 'ermmm God I don;t know' (amoungst unattractive snivels an taken by suprise)
Q 'well you're (looks at computer screen)37 years old and you don't know where you favourite place is'
A 'ermm' (feeling like a pratt now) 'somewhere hot' (feeling more of a pratt)

I'm cross about this conversation. Lovely bloke and all that but a bit ham fisted. I know what he was trying to get at.