Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support IV

[lackaDAISYcal]

hiya Gerbra

I work in the meedya

oooo (nosey now) ... can you tell us what you do in meedya?

nope - not even my nosiness (spelling?) can keep me up - am off to bed...
Sorry all if I hogged parts of the thread tonight with pissedness...have missed it the last few nights!
Night all
Gerbra x

Morning, am feeling really rough. It's our 5th alocohol free day and we both feel like we've got a hangover. We were going to drink tomorrow night. Do you think we should carry on alcohol free and work through the withdrawal or might it help so long as we carry on afterwards. My instinct is to stay alcohol free.

Hi Bottlebin,
My experiences of brief periods of sobriety were hideous. Withdrawals, etc, then a feeling of 'what now', a feeling that nothing had changed, fear, anxiety, and i always went back to drinking, because these brief glimpses of sobriety were not anything like what its like in the long term. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I really do feel free from the nightmare that my life became through the constant dependency on alcohol.

Of course that was because nothing had really changed, I'd just stopped drinking, but not made any other changes.

I'd just get all the help and information and support you can, if you are really seriously worried about the impact alcohol has on your lives. Each time I stopped, I'd start again and it always felt harder to muster the resources together for another poke at sobriety.

Remember I'm coming from the alkie end of the drinking spectrum, so my experiences reflect this, and also i have to take my recovery seriously.

Hope this helps. x

Gerbrajess, he he didn't mean you're my hero for getting a bit bladdered, I meant that it was your first drink since Sunday!!!

Jellibabe, glad things are a touch brighter on the work front. Know what you mean, both about getting stuck in your own head and forgeting to enjoy life, and about faith in humanity. This is one of the baby steps I have been trying to work on in my life, firstly changing my perspective on my responsibilities, trying to see them as ways of blessing my family instead of drudgery and chores ~ way easier said than done but it is working. Tackling those nasty negative thoughts in my head that turn into nasty words to my dh and occasionally even my ds. But also trying to actively look for ways to do something good for someone else, small things to me, like the things you mentioned, but that have a big impact on the person you do them for...and ultimately yourself. You can bet those people walked away from helping you feeling just a little bit better about themselves and the world for the rest of the day. Good job all round!

Man silltilly you must be very dedicated to your work...hope you're tucked up in bed now getting some much needed rest.

Bottlebinberrie, you are doing incredibly well, I'm sure that the nasty effects will wear off soon and you'll start to feel great again. Can't give you any real advice about dipping in and out of drinking, except I would say go with your gut instinct, even if it isn't the way you really want to go (wink) what with the old weekend looming. Hope you start to feel good real soon.

Very wise Stripteasle, how long have you been alcohol free?

Thanks Stripteasle and Hairy.
I want to be able to be a drinker but it was feeling dangerous for me. I suppose I'm kind of thinking that this is my last chance to try to have a healthy relationship with alcohol otherwise it will have to be none at all. It's taken years of heavy drinking to get here but I finally realised I was buying alcohol like you stock up on paracetamol or toilet roll and when I drank I also cried about my drinking. The way I'm feeling now I might leave it longer before I reintrodce it. I am nervous of the wey hey I'm cured I've been free for 3 weeks, I can do it, start drinking again thing.

Hairybiker , don't worry i didn't think that!

Bottlebin - have just read your post and you really make a lot of sense. You sound like your head is screwed on and you know exactly what you need to do at this point - I could take more than one leaf out of your book!

I think what stood out was a total absence of denial - which I'm afraid I still have to some extent...

I reckon if you're on a roll and worried about falling back into heavy drinking I'd stick with the abstinence for a while longer. You're doing really well!

How is everyone today?

I'm back and forth between work and painting - when will it end ??!

Will check in later but probably not til late...

Gerbra x

p.s. Sillytilly - sorry for being nosy about your job - realise in the cold light of day that there are a million and one reasons why people don't want to go into too much detail about work / home life - sorry

Gerbra, don't worry one bit! Will CAT you and fill you in!

Feel much better today thank goodness!

Thanks Gerbra, what a nice thing to say. You made me feel like I was doing something well which is nice since I feel such a loser in relation to all this!
What do you work that you can stop to do some painting?

Hey bottlebin- you've acknowledged something really difficult- not being a loser is it? Its hard, thats all. Just cos i'm sober now, hasn't always been that way, and its still a struggle at times.
Sometimes its hard for me to join in the thread because I'm coming from a different place, if you see what I mean- I worry that I come across as serious and overbearing, but then I have to take it seriously.

Anyway, whats everyone up to tonight?

How long has it been Strip?
I've not been around long but you don't seem overbearing to me. It's really useful to hear from people who've been through it and are still sober as well as the ones who are struggling at the same point as me.

Tonight I shall be drinking Red Bush tea and tonic water and watching all the programmes dh hates I've recorded while he is out (he would tell you I watch programmes he hates every night!)I'll try to have an early night as I feel terrible. I look it too. I was supposed to be feeling fresh and clear eyed!
What about you?

Bottle bin, I don't think there's anything about being a new mum that makes me particularly long for booze, apart from finding the entire experience demoralising lonely and shattering... Par for the course, right? I do have a gorgeous little boy though, and can I share a really weird habit he's just developed when I try to settle him- I go into his room and place my hand on his chest. He moves it quite decisively down to his, well, bits that we don't got. I'm finding it hilarious and mildly disturbing at the same time, ever happen to anyone else...?!

Well done Bottlebin on the redbush tonight! I'm sitting here with a glass of white after a literally back-breaking day painting!
I'm a freelancer and work from home (all I need is my pc and broadband) and work can be sporadic...gives me the chance to do other things when work is slow.
Lady P - what you say does sound like it's not doing you any good emotionally (ie making you feel demoralised and lonely). If that's the case, I would try and give it up for a while if you can - fraid I can't help you with your ds's settling routine!

Hello to everyone else - how is everyone tonight? Brassic, hope you're well, we haven't crossed paths for a while...

Think this will be my only post this evening as DP is around and I find it hard to post (for various reasons!) when he's in the room.

Friends coming down tomorrow so I'll probably check in again on Sunday...

Have a great weekend all!
Gerbra x

p.s. Dinny - someone else mentioned CAT to me too and I still haven't worked out where it is and how to enable it - will have a look on sunday evening - time I got myself up to speed!
Gerbra x

Ladypanda. Shattered, of course, lonely unfortunaty yes for lots of us but why demorolised? Do you not feel you are doing a good job of it?
My little boy never has his hands away from his bits for long. It just feels nice I suppose!

Demoralised, yes just feel generally pretty shit at the whole business, not so much the practical side, I can speed change a nappy and I love a good play, but I get so frustrated and angry when things don't go as I'd hoped, and I don't like the side of me that emerges then. I also for the record feel unattractive and a dull shade of my former self. I can't really moan though, I've a great DH and fab network of close girlfriends. On balance am just hoping I'll grow into the whole scenario. And I am totally mad about him which does make it all worthwhile. It took me a long time to have him, I think I might have over- idealised how life would be once "it " happened, suffering a bit of a high expectation crash.
We lost our very dear father/ in law a week before DS was born, and my parents live a while away, think that's making the whole thing feel a bit lonely.
THERAPY ANYONE...??!! Sorry ladies, what a moan. Am basically fine x

ladypanda I found it a shock to the system having children and it took me a longtime to get use to it. Still I have learnt a lot from it and it's true what they say about it getting easier as they get older.

Hairybiker you mentioned in one of your earlier posts that changing the behaviour changes the mindset which changes the behaviour. I think this is what's happening to me. I am being pulled into a positive spiral.

It has been a really difficult week with lots of pressure. Still it's ended now and I can now enjoy my weekend. Despite being totally stressed out all week it's been so much more bearable simply because I didn't drink.

I can't believe how much my attitude towards drinking has changed. Last night I actually had a nightmare where I was at a party and suddenly realised I was drinking wine.

My outlook on drinking is changing too. Before I would have been delighted if someone gave me a bottle of wine as a present (permission and therefore guilt free drinking). Now I would feel like they had handed me a bottle of poison.

I also looked forward to social events and now I realise this was not because of the occasion but because I saw them as an opportunity for guilt free drinking. At present I am dreading being invited to any social occasions as I don't feel strong enought to go and not drink. I hope this changes in time.

I also stopped taking my kids to the supermarket because I didn't want them to see me buying drink and refused invitations to meet people as it might encroach upon my drinking time.

I can't believe how much my mindset has changed so quickly.

ladypanda.......concerned about you. get your arse back over to the paley encampment asap for a good pep talk.

Gracepaley - we see her here, we see her there
I would say stick around and have a chat but I've only got a few moments for a post...

Jellibabe - you really do sound like you've come out the other side of the drink thing - the whole shift sounds v positive - I'm trying to imagine my new problem being someone offers me wine and me thinking 'oh no, don/t want it'...I aspire to that, truly!

Apologies if post seems alittle drunken =- it is!

Hope everyone's well tonight...
Gerbra x

oh and ladypanda, you HOT. I won't hear of you feeling unattractive.

quick wave to gerbra, not ignoring you, just popping in and out.

come-0n grace paley you engima...spill!!!
Seriously, give us a run down on why you're on the thread...?
If, by saying this, I chase you off then I'm truly sorry....
Gerbra x

I've tried to sleep tonight but I can't. I've had a horrible day and fell out with a neighbour. She's been pissing me off for years and she deserved a telling off, but I went completely over the top. Dreading the summer, where I have to share the garden with her.

I've had a pretty shitty week as well. My DSis has split with her boyfriend and I'm glad cos he wasn't good for her, but it's been mentally exahausting for me.

I'm shitting myself about Monday. I've been given a top limit that I can drink, but I know really it would be wise for me to stay under that. I've had my limit now but I don't want to stop.

I really wish I'd opted for the inpatient detox as I just want a break from everything. I'm really gutted that this is my last week of drinking (forever hopefully), and if I couldn't go out with a bang, I'd have liked it to be less shitty than it has been.

MY therapist says that an inpatient detox isn't necessary, and so I feel guilty for asking for one because I have a child to be here for. I know it isn't necessary, but I'm so worried that if I can't cope on this level of alcohol when life goes tits-up, then how the hell am I going to cope next week when I'm just a bit drowsy but still having to cope with life.

Sorry, I haven't looked back on recent posts. Well done to everyone that's abstaining or cutting down. Anyone that's struggling, keep posting.