Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support IV

[lackaDAISYcal]

gebrajess, have you got a counselling centre close? I went through a counselling centre (I have lots of of issues, less now though) and they offer 'cheaper' private counselling. I was put off cousnelling before as I really could not affordf £40-£50 a week but this was £10 a week, much more affordable. the person i saw was a very experienced counsellor but was in her last year of training to be a fully fledged pyschotherapist. I went for a year and it really helped me deal with alot of my past problems/issues. I still feel I most probably will need more in future but it helps you explore why you drink and also it helps you deal with all the other stuff. One thing I found was I often drank or associated people who did not drink as being 'boring'. Its 'boring' if you dont drink, so i thought. How childish. Its true though that is how I perceived it because last week my Mum was here and guess what she said? 'oh so and so drinks, she isnt one of those boring types' is it any wonder I thought that/had it ingrained in me?! I sort of sat there like as it dawned on me...

There are counselling centres that offer a sliding scale wrt payment, which is handy as it can be expensive. Its always good to research stuff anyway, knowledge is power, or so they say.
Try not to be too down on yourself gerbra, - all of our personal histories would make interesting reading I'm sure- you're not alone on that front.
If I sometimes sound harsh- I don't mean to be. x

How is everyone this evening?
My DCs are back to school tomorrow- just sent eldest sulkily trudging off up to bed as its 'a baby's bedtime'. hurrah I say

hi everyone,

just thought I'd drop in and say hello - have only had two glass red wine on Friday night and that really did suffice. don't feel tempted and I am DEERMINED to keep it as a friday night/holiday thing and not let it creep back up to a daily thing.

re sleeping, gerbra - I was worried about sleeping but I have been fine, just make sure you have a good book so it doesn't matter if you don't drop of straight away. also, exercise more so you are more tired at night?

tbh, I feel really good atm - skin is really good, definitely less anxious/mood/irritable and best of all am not missing drinking every day. it kind of suddenly doesn't seem like a big deal to not do it any more, if you get my drift.

my kids are back at school tomorrow, looking forward to a run while ds at nursery!

take care, all - Dinny

My kids are back at school/nursery tomorrow too. They don't seem to have taken this onboard yet and I am still struggling to get them to sleep. Hey Ho maybe it will be easier tomorrow night. At least they are actually in bed now.

Had a good weekend. Relieved to say that despite provocation I did not drink. Usually it's the first thing I do when I'm upset. Total knee jerk reaction. Glad I was able to deal with things with a clear head and without the complications of guilt.

I too have the Alan Carr book (unread). He must be making a fortune.

Gerbra, my medical notes make me sound like one of those people who has a problem all the time and just can't cope with life. I cringe thinking about it. It's not just mental health stuff either, although a fair amount is. I'm always at the surgery becasue of UTIs and psoriasis. I wonder sometimes how thick my file is compared to the average person.

I felt really sad today hearing the news that John Prescott has suffered with Bulimia for 10 years. I'm not a Prescott fan , but I can imagine how much pressure he's been under to keep his ED hidden. There was a HP talking about it afterwards and he said that it's estimated that 10% of bulimia sufferers are now male. I remember when they used to say that only a tiny proportion of ED sufferers were male, but then again I bet that 20 odd years ago the male to female ration at AA meetings was very different. I don't know why JP has spoken about this publically, but hopefully it will help others to do the same.

Don't force yourself to do anything you don't want to do. Just keep being honest on here. This thread and the email correspondance that I have with a few of the regulars has really served me well. I'm in a different, better place to where I was last year because I've been able to share with people who understand.

On the downside I have dyed my sofa a nasty shade of red and can't blame this on drink!

How did you get on at the car boot sale Gerbra? Any good bargains? I love all that sort of stuff. Sod ikea my house is furnished by oxfam.

Hey Brassic - I know I'm not alone and that (in a non-nasty way) is good to know. To be honest, have felt a bit 'IT'S ALL ABOUT ME' on the thread for the last few days - sorry!!

Everyone on here is so lovely and so helpful. I can imagine it's frustrating though - when you can see what someone ought to be doing, but they're not doing it! (me - ostrich?).

I will take on board what's been said - thanks everyone for all the info - and will look at counselling options before going down the hynotherapy route. (It's still an option at this stage, but not a definite) - tbh the counselling sounds more sensible.

Thanks all - I really am going to digest all this and endeavour to act on it!

Gerbra x

Jellibabe - car booter was a bit disappointing today...I think we should have got there earlier. Did get a nice green bottle though!

We've been steadily doing up the house, involving frequent trips to the tip. Honestly - forget car boots - the tip is where it's at!!

There's a re-use section and you can pick up some really good stuff for next to nothing. Best haul was a beautiful victorian front door with bevelled glass - £5 !!

For me, a trip to the tip is like a day out at alton towers!

Well done you for resisting the booze when you would normally have had a drink - that's really brilliant!

The door sounds lovely Gebra. My Mum's given me a passion for old things. Have happy memories of watching the Antiques Roadshow together. Live in hope of finding a little treasure.

I spent sometime outside today planting some Geraniums. My garden is small easily managed. Intend cramming in as many flowers as I can.

Going to bed shortly as I think I am going to have my work cut out in the morning.

night x

Night night x

p.s. Brassic - just had to bite my tongue after reading some pretty flippant comments about JP on another thread.
Some speculation that he's publicising it because his book is being published - others - that it's hilarious (he can't be bulimic, he's fat...) .

I really feel for the guy. It's not the kind of thing you'd come out with as some sort of publicity stunt.

I hope the media go easy on him...although I fear they will have a field day with this...

I'm reaching 'dangerous posting time' - so am off to bed...

Hope everyone's well - here's to a positive week ahead

Gerbra x

We x posted earlier jellibabe. DS is back at school tomorrow too and was still up at midnight. I'm still buggering about with his swimming kit - I always forget that!

That's great that you're still soldiering on. Have you noticed any more positive benefits to being booze-free? You said your skin was looking really healthy earlier.

I haven't seen any threads about JP gerbra. TBH, I don't really care if he's just released this because of his book. I still think it's a brave thing to do. I don't see any reason why he shouldn't be open about it. I've only just started to understand EDs, in particular bulimia. My sister was anorexic in her teens and then became bulimic. 20 years on and we've only just started talking about it - she didn't know I was an alcoholic either. Families and secrets, eh?

I thought my sister's ED was just about staying slim until she explained it to me. The obsession with food, the shame and self-loathing after a binge, the promises she makes to stay in control - it's like she feels the same way about food as I do about vodka. I was talking to her earlier and she told me that she became bulimic when she was about 17. She was recovering from anorexia, and found that she couldn't eat without bingeing, and then she'd purge out of disgust and fear of gaining weight. She's still obsessed with her weight now. I don't know whether that's part and parcel of bulimia or whether her anorexia is still unresolved. She doesn't think she'll ever recover but from what I can tell, she does have some degree of control about when she'll be active and she lets herself 'use' food now, and accepts that it will always be like that. I know she's more active when she's under a lot of stress. Sorry anyway, this is a thread about drink problems, not my sisters bulimia.

I was just trying to make the point that I think it's unfair for people who don't have EDs to say things like JP can't be bulimic because he's fat, but that I thought bulimia was an inevitable result of obsessional weight-control up until recently.

Better get those swimming shorts dried anyway.

Night everyone.

Your poor sister Brassic - there are so many common themes, in my opinion, between EDs and alcohol problems.
With an ED, you have the same shame, guilt, promise after a binge to stay in control. You fail (because you usually set yourself totally unrealistic targets) and the whole shame, guilt etc. cycle begins again.

I know I used to use a food binge literally as a way to write off a day if I was scared about how to cope....and things were SO much worse after a binge - It's odd how you go back and do it again and again even though you know how really bad it makes you feel

Like you said though, I don't think it ever really goes away, you just learn how to manage it. I'm pretty sure alcohol and the ED were/are interchangeable for me.

On a positive note - how great you and your sister are talking about all this now - that must feel pretty good

Hope everyone's well this morning. It's p'ing with rain here and I'm currently under-employed so might have to get on with painting this afternoon...

Well done everyone who abstained / cut down/ tried to cut down over the weekend...

Gerbra x

I chose this name change because I've just sorted out the recycling bins and this weeks glass won't fit in the box. I'm too ashamed to put it out on the street.
I've been lurking on and off here for a long long time. I recognise some of you from a different ongoing alcohol support thread I joined years ago.
I can't live like this any more and I can't seem to stop either. I drink a bottle of wine a night. I feel deeply ashamed when I go up to bed past sleeping DC knowing I'm no use to them at that moment. I vow each morning not to drink and each evening I do. I think about drinking during the day and look forward to it. I realise I'm no longer drinking for fun but to anaesthetise myself.
I don't know what to do. What do you do? I want to stop and I can't.

My sister has said that too gerbra, about her addictions being interchangable. Her primary addiction/obsession is definitely food, but alcohol/drugs have become part of the bingeing/purging cycle over the years. She'll use alcohol to numb the food cravings and will eat nothing for days. Then, I suppose, her body takes over and she has to eat, so she binges and then purges.

I know that when I've had sober periods recently, I started doing other things compulsively to replace drink. I've never had a big problem with food - I've followed a pretty normal pattern of being slim pre-DC and then not losing as much baby weight as I'd have liked. I lack the motivation to do anything about it - I don't believe that I have an ED. When I'm sober without support though, I do eat compulsively and it's emotionally unhealthy - like I'm stuffing my face with food to avoid thinking, which is exactly what I do with vodka. It's not about getting drunk, it's about shutting my feelings down. If I'm not eating, I'm drinking dozens of cans of diet coke a day and smoking compulsively. I developed an unhealthy obsession with spider solitaire as well . I was getting DS to school and I couldn't wait to get back here to play spider solitaire, drown myself in diet coke and chain smoke. It was obviously better for me than active alcoholism, but you couldn't really call it recovering.

It has been great talking to my sister over the past couple of months. We've barely spoke since we were in our late teens as we couldn't be in the same room without a bust-up. It's bizarre to actually find that I have a sister who I like. We've always thought that we were at opposite ends of the scale on everything, but we're really very similar. I think it's helping both of us to be able to share how we feel with each other.

I also wanted to say to you, don't apologise for posting about yourself. You're helping yourself and others by being honest.

Hi BB. Sorry, we x posted there.

When you say you want to stop, do you mean stop drinking so much, or cut it out altogther?

Lots of us are in the same position. Keep posting.

Oh I'd love to be able to drink weekends but I'm beginning to think that won't be possible.

What happens if you don't have alcohol at home BB? Do you buy it daily or stock up when you do the weekly shop? Do you have a partner, and do they drink with you? If so, would they still be supportive if you tried to stop?

Sorry lots of questions. You don't have to say obviously. I'm off out for a bit now anyway.

Thanks BM.
Dh drinks too. He can't stop either. He's supportive but shares the same problem.
We try not to have any in, there is none in today. Then one of us will give in it'll be off to the shop and I'll carry on stocking up at the weekly shop until the next time.

Hi guys, I haven't posted for a couple of days as I was under siege in Ikea and now I'm buried underneath a forest of flat pack furniture! Waaaaaaaaaah.

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone about being so open and honest recently, there's definitely loads we can all learn from each other, regardless of where we are in terms of recovery.

There seems to be a common theme with woman, alcoholism and other compulsions. I've been similarly affected to over the years, which is why I'm always banging on about getting help with living life on life's terms and sorting out the causes and conditions of the drink problems. If we never get to the root of our behaviour then we will just transfer one compulsion to another. Recovery for me means being able to sit in my own skin and deal with my emotions in a healthy and measured way without trying to obliterate them or myself in the process. There are absolutely no quick fixes for this, and if I come across as skeptical of anything that seems like an 'easy' way to stop drinking I'll be honest. I've been at this too long to think otherwise. I still have bad days where I struggle.

On that note, isadora, I find this a really bizarre thing to say:

I was once tempted by AA but came to my senses just in time. I found Allen Carrs book "The easy way to stop drinking" was amazing. I stopped for two weeks straight after reading that, with no guilt, no withdrawal and amazingly no cravings. Stupidly I lent the book to a friend.

But you admit in the same post:

'I am still getting to grips with boozing too much. Last night I drank two whole bottle of Pinot Grigio - home alone and bored senseless',

Thw whole point of going to AA or an addiction centre is so that you don't keep relapsing and find better ways to cope with things. If you absolutely did get not withdrawal effects or cravings from stopping drinking then I doubt whether you have an addiction/dependence in the first place. It's slightly irresponsible though to post derotatory remarks about something you know nothing about.

Let me tell you one thing on my experience. A someone in recovery with a serious drink problem I tried every magic pill, cure and potion to avoid actually doing the work I had to do on myself. They don't work. Believe me, it;s just a huge waste of time to obsess or about milk thistle, kudzu, Allen Carr, hypnotherapy and ultimately controlling your drink your way. Your way will keep you in denial - and as this thread has proved over and over again - in a continual cycle of abstinence -> lapse -> relapse ---> collapse. As far as I can see the people on this thread who have actually seen a bit of quality recovery are those who have pulled out all the stops to change and recover.

If anyone is interested, here's a model of stages of change of behaviour. It's about weight loss but works equally well when thinking about drink problems. Give yourselves a chance with this, please, get some professional help, it's too hard to do alone.

can you try tonight not to go out to the shop?

I found that I would buy a bottle of wine whilst on the way back from the school run. I wouldnt drink it until dh got home but that was when I bought it. Ds1 would want sweets and it would be my excuse. I stopped going in on the way home from school to break the cycle a bit. Sometimes I do think its just habit. Try tonight not to go round the shop....

sorry that post was to bottlebin, not you kokeshi

fwiw I am eating like a pig atm since I gave up drinking completely. I am aware of what i am putting in my mouth though ...(excuses excuses)

Ooops, forgot the link. It's Prochaska and DiClemente's Stages of Change Model. Some of you might recognise it, it's used in CBT.

Oif, we keep cross-posting! Good strategy by the way - risk avoidance is crucial. I often found my way 'suddenly' going to the booze aisle in Asda, when I only popped out for bread/milk/ etc.

thats really interesting kokeshi and it is something that was covered in my counselling (not cbt). It reminded me of this book i read a while ago here. Its a tad american (no offence to americans) but really helpful. I found it helpful as it explains different degrees of alcoholism and helps you identify where you are with it. It also advises the photograph thing and drawing a picture of yourself whilst you are drinking and how you feel, then doing it when hungover - the morning after. Then if you manage to stay off it, then douing another and reffing back. I suppose its like a constanmt reminder of how you were and can be and how you can change