Hot Cross Plums (and something about Gourd of the Dance) - 10 / 10 thread - all welcome

[FrannyandZooey]

For anyone who wants a boost to their general health. The suggested goals are:

EAT 10 PORTIONS OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLES EVERY DAY - if you don't usually eat much fruit and veg I would build up gradually or you could upset your digestion.

DO (AT LEAST) 10 MINUTES OF EXERCISE EVERY DAY - can be yoga, stretching or something more energetic. The plan is that the idea of doing 10 minutes is not too daunting, and having started you may well find you want to do more.

There are no restrictions on what you eat so long as you get your 10 fruit and veg as well. The focus is not on weight loss but on improving our energy levels and hopefully our general mood and well-being. Sign up below and post here to tell us how you're getting on and how you are feeling.

Basic guidance on what constitutes a portion of fruit and veg here and you can download more detailed information by following the link at the very bottom of the page

not sure that matters Boco really

I did ask her about friends Fra. I said that even though if feels like an impossible challenge to get out and meet people, it was very important and useful and kept me sane.

And she just cried some more, so I left it and made tea and gave her some cake, and said I'd go upstairs and sit with the baby. And so he and I sat in the dark room with Mozart for half an hour.

Oh dear. Oh dear. I'm going to have to do something aren't I? I shall email her, I think.

I did ask her about friends Fra. I said that even though if feels like an impossible challenge to get out and meet people, it was very important and useful and kept me sane.

And she just cried some more, so I left it and made tea and gave her some cake, and said I'd go upstairs and sit with the baby. And so he and I sat in the dark room with Mozart for half an hour.

Oh dear. Oh dear. I'm going to have to do something aren't I? I shall email her, I think.

yes very odd

the fuckers

no sorry it does sound like shock and PND I suppose? I think some men would maybe have been a bit like this if left to their own devices; they are struggling to make sense of it and haven't got all the hormones have they? but for a woman to be feeling this way does suggest something's gone really wrong

is she bfing? what was the birth like?

oh 100 you sitting in the dark room with the baby
oh dear I seem to be having some hormonal troubles myself today

Oh sorry, I'm repeating myself and not answering questions.

She is Malaysian. Her mother is in Malaysia, as are all her family. I asked her if she'd spoken to them and she said 'No, they do things differently'. She's very isolated I think.

oh god in what way differently? I am probably being patronising here but I imagine in Malaysia people would be carrying their children round and so on all day? but she thinks that's wrong?

It'll be much harder for you to listen to this franny

No probably not Lully, but I have a friend with shocking PND - she lost her mum in her early 20s very suddenly and having a baby seemed to bring up all her grief and she took a long time to be able to bond. Sometimes it's such an emotional upheaval that it brings out all sorts of other things too. Not always of course.

Yes, I think she does. I don't know her very well - but she's a bit princessy I think, and prior to having a baby kept whispering to me in corridors about how she doesn't think dh's brother - sorry her dh - is ambitious enough.

Odd.

I don't think she'd really thought about what it'd be like to have a baby. I think they want him to go to sleep and be out the way and listen to Mozart.

I think having your own children nearly always brings up stuff from your childhood doesn't it?

but people seem to have so much more in them than what they learnt as children, it amazes me

"I think they want him to go to sleep and be out the way and listen to Mozart"
well I think we can all relate to that sometimes

If having no mother/crap mother/mad mother/drunk mother

made you an unfeeling,cold parent..I would be a poor mother indeed,

oh this is so sad. I work with depressed new mums and we are not allowed to give and sometimes my tongue is bleeding from biting it so much

My first ds hd terrible colic and cried from 4pm to midnight for 3 months. He didn't sleep during the day either. So when we decided we would just put a sofa bed in the front room and video lots of good tv and have a flask of tea by the bed and biscuits and prepare for long nights of being awake and feeding on demand - funnily once i had prepared for the worst, it got better! I still have happy memories of watching blackadder and spaced and red dwarf all night while he nuzzled
2nd ds wanted to be heldf all the time and without there being a 'name' for it, i wored him a sling constantly. He ended up with ketchup on his head as even at mealtimes i had him in a sling He is very independant now....but very huggy and affectionate still

give advice, is what I meant to say

Ah no Lully, I hope you don't think I meant that. Having a crap mother / drunk mother / mad mother etc can make you have to learn things for yourself that you haven't had a good role model to teach you, doesn't mean you won't do it wonderfully, but it can bring up difficult things for you to contend with on top of just the general shock of becoming a parent. You sound amazing and incredibly warm and fun and loving.

I don't know how people with dreadfully difficult mothers manage to do such a good job
how does that work? I know several

Dh, whose dad ran off when he was a baby, never had a father figure in his life at all. He was raised by his mum and grandma, alone. He was terrified he wouldn't know how to be a good dad, never having had any male role model, let alone a positive one.

And of course, he's a fab dad, just by instinct...

I think you either have that parental instinct or you don't.

hmmmm....dh 's mother ran off when he was 3,his father had a breakdown & all five children grew up in homes.
He is perhaps the most stable of the five...but has no parenting instincts whatsoever
I guess tho he came to fatherhood quite late too...

ah I dont know

I have just had an email from my ex's girlfriend.

Apparantly my ex will be ringing later to invite us on holiday to Italy later in the year.He is renting a large villa & inviting twelve people on a 'muck in' basis.
She has asked me to refuse the invitation because she would not be able to relax & enjoy the holiday if I was there.

Am not sure how to respond to this...or what to say when he rings
am quite actually

hello

oh 100 - poor her and poor you and poor him and poor baby.

is this the same sister in law you have spoken about before?

okay - will think.

Me and DP are having a rough ride - not going to go into it all here but will just say that we had a little fight discussion and I stormed into boots and stormed out with a cut price easter egg adn some diet coke. ON 10/10 I think that is the worst think I have ever done - worse than crak cocaine.

There is packaging and nutrasweet.

oh dear.

100 - could she come on mumsnet?

or you can tell her about a poster on here who is finding it hard and list all the advice they had been given and see if that helps.

it is so hard - I echo what boco says - you don;t want ANY advice but you don;t know what to do.

Children's centre? anywhere like that nearby?

is it PND or is she just a bit shocked and worried about doing it wrong? I imagine it is a bit daunting to have lots of expereinced people round her and being a long way fro her family and friends.

oh dear.

I would go calm calm aren't you doing wonderfully - really bigging up all the right things like the MOTD and mozart and building her confidence.

for some people these thigns come naturally adn for some people they don't, but there is nothing wrong with being unsure and scared.

Oh dear, everyone.
Lully that's a very tricky situation to be put in. Is she threatened by you? You sound very close to your ex - but she should have worked that out with him, not gone behind his back, very unfair.

Bee hope you're ok. If it makes you feel any better about the you know what, I have only eaten a packet of wotsits in the last 24 hours.