Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

I hope you have a better night's sleep tonight. Your body's telling you something here.

Hi Coco- sorry, cross posted with you.

Hi Teasle and Coco...
I'm sitting here with a whiskey and coke
Feel like a loser to be honest. Once the thought's there I kiss goodbye to any willpower...very poor...
Am going to try and be pleased that I did Monday though - it is a start...and just the one drink tonight...
Well done Coco, Flowerpot and all other abstainers - nice one!!
night everyone
gerbra x

Don't feel bad, gerbra. Must admit I felt bad about yesterday! But just one drink is so uch better than several. Take care, Coco x

Anyone around? Another early morning for me!! Least I haven't had one for a while.

Well done gerbra and everyone else over the last couple of days.

Coco bet my house is more of a pit than yours! I work full time and have a 2 and 4 yr old and house work is way down on the list. It depresses me!

I have been inspired by the booze free night and would love to re-claim my evenings. However I can see that it would be a problem atm. DP gets ion from work around 8pm onwards and usually offloads (as I do aswell) about work (we own a biz). It is HIGHLY stressful and will continue to be for the forseeable. We usually whinge on until about 10pm when I am exhausted and go to bed. We do not get any other time.

Very tired but have toothache so thought I would post while I wait for the ibrofen to take effect.

The visit to the clinic was fine. I was given information on the safe number of units to drink per week as well as handouts on the importance of diet and alcohol related ailments and illness. No shame was felt.

The counsellor was very pleasant and is willing to be flexible about my appointments to fit in work and children. He advised me that I may remember memories and conversations as my memory improves. That I may be prone to mood swings. That's pretty much how I feel - as if my emotions are being defrosted. Not looking forward to this. Emotional pain feels so real. However at least I know what's happening.

At present I am striving for total abstinence as for me this seems easier however he would have discussed controlling my intake. My next appointment is in 3 weeks at my request.

Kokeshi you have been through various treatments including clinics and hospitals. I wondered what your experience was?

Hello Glowwormish

Proplus all round tomorrow? I find juggling work and children exhausting never mind running a business. With all that's going on it sounds as if you don't get a chance to deal with your own stress. I am pretty sure I would crack up completely if my xp did not take the kids at the weekend. As it is I struggle to stay on top of everything. Whilst I love my kids they are a fulltime occupation in themselves.

You must so badly need a break. Are there any family or friends who can help?

Hi Jelli
Thanks for your words. You sound like you're having a tough time too.
No family or friends locally. We moved here for the biz and I have not had the time or energy to network. I miss my family and friends.
Having said that I am so dissapointed with my family. I have practically laid it on the line trying to tell them that we are on our knees. I have argued with my sister (but she has been the best even tho she works full time with 3 kids) I've had screamed down the phone at my Mum but she just can't cope with anything different in her life. Our move is something completely different to what my family has done before and they just can't comprehend what we are going trho so in a way I can't expect them to change.
My family is 3 hours drive away. Our only support is dp's parents who are an hour away and they are brilliant. They babysit at the w/e but I'm worried that we will wear them out. FIL is elderly. MIL has asked why my family don't help, I'm embarrassed.
Sorry this has turned into a whinge

am interested in the clinic you are going to, it sounds really helpful.
Reading this thread I would love to start tackling my drink issues but it all sounds so much like hard work. I almost feel like I haven't got the time to concentrate on it. Maybe that is one of my excuses?
I have heard that there is a bad time to give up smoking (for instance) and at times of high stress then you're setting yourself up for a fall.

Glowworm your not whinging your just telling it like it is. Are the kids at home all day or do they go to nursery?

My family (Mum, Dad and Sister) don't help with my childcare either so it leaves you at the mercy of everyone else. I do have Aunts who would help but my eldest refuses to have anyone else look after her. She goes to aftercare which she hates so I don't want to ask any more of her.

When you are stressed it is really hard to make major changes. I smoke so working on that will be my next challenge after drink. Just now I am trying to concentrate on making little changes (eliminating the fag on the way to work and the one on the way home). Perhaps planning a little alcohol free time each week would keep your problem at it's current level and prevent it from escalating?

Last year I had two really horrible weekends where I considered calling social services to ask for help. Not because I was drunk and could not look after the kids but because I was coming apart at the seams. Felt detached from life and could barely get it together to make dinner. I made it through the weekends but it was a really grim experience. I so badly wanted to be able to ask my parents for help.

Weird, everyone up at this time. I haven't been to bed yet, despite having a very productive day yesterday and feeling very positive. Loads of ideas and opportunities arising at the moment and I'm going off in all directions.

Anyway, jellibabe, you asked about my experience? I went for alcohol counselling at one point to a place that lets you decide if you want to control your drinking. That of course would be the option I would choose first, but I learned pretty quickly that my drinking was way beyond any measure of control. I knew that when I drank, I drank for the effect. Never one or two, in fact if that was on the table I knew way before I was in AA that I'd rather go with no drink at all then have to stop at a couple.

The point is I tried it and very quickly arrived at the conclusion that abstinence was the only option. I did take me a while and a few other goes to reach where I am now, with quite a period of continuous sobriety.

What's the set up? IS it drop in? One to one? Alcohol education? Craving/stress management/maintenance of sobriety? In my experience, around here at least, there's some kind of course or group work on offer after an initial detox period if the client requires that. If you present with a drink problem that isn't as far down the scale as, say, I was, then I think you'd probably be given more of a say in your treatment programme. I had no children so I could absolutely just concentrate on myself, of course it's way different if you have kids.

What do you think of it so far? Did it meet your expectations? Do you think it will be enough for you? Too much?

I hope that answers what you were asking, if not I apologise for rambling! ANything else, fire away.

Glowwormish, I totally identify with the stress you're going through, have you and DP worked out a structure for working optimally? We studied a bit of knowledge management and business systems last year and it really helped us to structure our time and be much more productive.

Thanks Jelli
Kids are in practically FT. It was PT then went to FT then I have cut my hours slightly altho am depseratley needed in biz. Feel guilty that I can't support dp more and feel guilty that my kids hardly see me.

Morning kokeshi you must function on very little sleep. You always seem to be up late at night and early in the morning.

The set up is one to one counselling which suits my personality better. There is a drop in clinic nearby. Think that I need to off load my reasons for drinking (poor guy) and I hope some of the other appointments will allow me to do that. It's early days yet so I can't say if it meets my expectations. Was glad however there were not lots of people there and I did not have to spend a lot of time avoiding eye contact and wondering if anyone knew me.

To me abstinence seems to be the easier option and will require less effort in the long term. Didn't think I would ever say that.

At this stage I do not require a residential
detox. Still I am curious as to what it involves?

cross posted. jelli-must have been bad to consider ss. I have had fleeting thoughts of just getting in the car and just driving never coming back(with someone looking after the kids) I know I'd never do it I love them and dp to bits.
kokesi whats knowledge management? my dp has a masters in biz studies so i'm sure he's probably come across this but in our stress maybe he has forgotten. any crumbs of help greatly appreciated.
we both know we need to take some time out, keep saying we will do it but we seem to have 1 crisis after another in biz

Glowwormish

My son is at nursery and I don't feel guilty. He enjoys it and I think he is quite privileged to be there amongst qualified professionals who know how to nuture children. This also allows him to have a wide variety of children to play and is developing his confidence and social skills.
Sometimes on bank holidays I put my son into nursery to allow me to spend one to one time with my elder daughter .

Utilize the nursery to give yourself more time which may let you have quality time with the kids. Sure they would rather spend a little time with a happy mummy that lots of time with a stressed out mummy.

I moved here just over 2 years ago and have not had time to establish friendships. The only playmates my son has are the ones he sees at nursery. Being a parent is a license for guilt.

I have had the same thoughts. Your kids are very young and it's hard going. Mine are now 5 and 9 and things are getting easier. Thank god.

jelli
oh yes it is a license for guilt. i have noticed things getting easier now. my 4 yo is such a good girl and my 2 yo is easier to handle now i can kind of negiotiate with him. i do think they both have benefited from nursery but they are in for too long a time. i am aiming to reduce their hours a bit some time soon. i will also be using some time off work (regardless of what happens in the biz) and when they are in nursery to have some me time.

I laughed at this thread (much needed therapy) but there are some good tips in here:- ?

Sorry never posted a link before will try again www.mumsnet.com/Talk/67/502406

LOL!

Glowwormish - you sound like you're really under pressure. 2 DCs and working to keep your own business going is no easy feat. Do you work at home? Is there no way you and DH can just switch off for even just an hour before you go to bed, at least have a small amount of time to yourselves that isn't work related?
I do know that if work is based at home, it's really hard to switch off though - if I have work on I can easily work through til 11/12 at night...add to that an hour or so to 'wind down' , it's generally a late night every night.
I did my Monday night sober and will go for that again next week, perhaps trying to extend it another day each week...wanted to go for 2 sober nights but bombed it last night...so bloomin' hard!
Gerbra x

Hi haven't read the updated threads from last night/today but have to confess that I did drink last night. All was going ok and feeling ok and then all hell broke loose in our house with DS's. DH was not coming home til 10 p.m. and he had some bad news at work yesterday which put us both in a bad mood. Then I was reading to the boys and they played up so much I walked away and then they went mad shouting and carrying on. By then I was so uptight I had wine. No excuses just could not cope with the situation. Just had to let that off my chest. Hope you are all doing better.
XX