Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

Everyone seems to be doing well and there is definitely a buzz of positivity on the thread. I did it last night and feel great today. I have not had a break for ages and am going to go for it again tonight.

XX

well done, Flowertop

Morning and well done the abstainers and also Coco - 2 glasses is better than many (I actually think that's just as impressive if you're used to drinking more in an evening).

Well last night was a real eye-opener. I woke up various points of the night sweating, shivering and shaking (hands) - nice!!

This has been a real wake-up call to how dependent I must be. Feel better this morning than most mornings but quite shocked about my body's reaction.

I hope to do the same tonight - but god don't the evenings drag no without a drink!

Have a good day everyone...
Gerbra x

Just caught up on the chat with Dontwanttogetoutofbed last night - really interesting stuff.
Dontwant, I've had compulsive eating issues and undereating issues since I was about 14 and I find the triggers between eating/not-eating and drinking are SO similar.
I have been eating healthily now for about 3 years but find in many ways that drinking has replaced that compulsion.
I saw an eating disorder specialist for a year, which really helped (you can get referred on the NHS btw). I was also put on ADs (fluoxetine) when I was diagnosed and I have to say they helped hugely.
I can't say why really, but suddenly the urge to act compulsively around food was less - unfortunately they didn't have quite the same positive effects on my drinking habits!
It is really hard and I never thought I'd get through it but you can get to a point you can control the urges. I know they're all still there for me, but I feel 99% in control of them now. Good luck, I know how tought it is but you can do it!
Gerbra

Hi Gerbra,
Its really hard at first to know what to do with yourself on an evening if you're not drinking, but try to plan things to do- keep busy! I can't emphasize enough how important it is to plan things - especially in the early days. It does take effort, and I know it just seems easier to have a drink...
Honestly, it does get easier. Remember too that if you do have any level of physical dependency, that also passes fairly quickly, however your sleep patterns may take longer to readjust.
It is something you just have to be aware of and get through it best you can. x

Gerbra, I have had eating issues for a very long time too, it is a similar compulsion, isn't it?

Sorry I'm on a roll now - I liken my bad habits to an inflated marigold!
If I manage to squash one finger down (the eating issues), another finger pops up to take its place (the drinking issues).
...not that I spend my days inflating and squashing marigolds...perhaps I should as therapy?

Teasle, how long would you say it takes to get sort of used to not drinking?

I know Teasle - suddenly so much more time on my hands and not knowing what to do with it - how sad is that! Planned my evening in stages last night and will do so again tonight...
Dinny - definitely a similar compulsion - I was amazed how seamlessly I transferred it from eating to drinking.
Another compulsion is staying on MN for far too long, I must go and do some work!
Have a good day everyone
Gerra x

Don't know, I suppose it depends on the person, you know, support network, level of dependency, tools etc.

I could tell you how I felt about it, but everyone is different. Sorry, I know I havn't helped!

I think Gerbra raises an important point- that of transference.

I know some people who stop drinking but start shopping to an extreme, or something else- we have to be really careful that we don't just switch crutches, if you see what I mean.

And Gerbra, its not sad, its what happens when you suddenly stop doing something you've been in the habit of doing for ages.

A lot of us have been there.
Catch up tonight?

That's interesting Teasle. I definitely have developed a problem with compulsive shopping in the past year. Books, clothes, cosmetics, treats (toys, books, clothes) for the kids. So I'm now in debt.

And I've been over-eating.

I think I probably don't like myself very much at the moment.

Before the kids I used to exercise compulsively. At least that was healthy.

Re the evening being empty without alcohol - I do agree. I find I might spend the whole evening tidying up if I don't stop for a drink; or floating aimlessly around doing nothing, but feeling I ought to be using my precious leisure time in a worthwhile way. My house is a pit, I should add, I find it very difficult to keep on top of things with two under-4s, especially with now being at work 3 days a week.

I know other people manage to run their homes smoothly, have a successful career, and maintain a healthy lifestyle simultaneously, but I am not one of them .

Coco - I'm sure your last point is just a myth!! x

Re- evenings seeming empty- its just about readjustment. You have to readjust, and it takes a bit of time and effort, but you can do it, honest.

I've known really heavy drinkers who literally didn't know WHAT to do with themselves at first- I guess its like re-learning. I know what you mean about floating about aimlessly! Its just learning new habits. Perhaps we could have some suggestions from people if they have any ideas, as it seems to be something at least 2 of you have identified, and I certainly remember those feelings.

And anyway Coco- I always worry about the semmingly perfect people...

Seemingly perfect even

Not a new suggestion I know - but the
long bath with a book was a real treat last night.
Teasle - did you start to get interested in other stuff again after giving up drinking? I used to have quite a few interests - books, drawing, gym, walks etc. Since drinking too much, all I'm interested in is welding myself to the sofa in the evening and watching crap tv.
Trouble is - I can't seem to mentally motivate myself to wanting to do other things again, do you think that kind of apathy will pass?
Gerbra x

Hi folks, right that was fantastic so many people managed a sober night last night, special shout out to Flowertop, cos we need you to post as well .

So, who's up for trying another night? Building on that fantastic achievement? Seriously folks, this is the cornerstone to recovery, it's just deciding that today we won't drink. Never mind tomorrow, that's not important. Only once you get a glimpse of sobriety do you realise that it may be worth fighting for. I'll be online later, let's keep the thread active for folks who're doing it too.

The thing with feeling normal in the evening, I guess it depends on how long you've been drinking and how dependent you are. In my case, drinking pretty much took over everything so I was completely overwhelmed by having to spend anytime alone, just being me. Makes it harder when you get to your late 20s and discover you have no idea who you are, that the coping mechanisms and emotional maturity that come with age and experience have just passed me by because I've been using drink, food, and other compulsions to deal with how I feel. I can actually now sit with myself and not feel that restless, irritable and discontented way I felt every night before I had my first drink. I don;t watch the clock to see when the offie is shutting and I don't obsess about running out of booze the minute I open a wine box or a liter of vodka. That, to me is true freedom.

So I think the real issue, once we have a bit of time away from whatever 'crutch' we use, it to try to find a better way of coping, New strategies for living that we can employ which will replace our compulsive behaviour.

There are lots of different therapies: individual counselling, group therapy, CBT, NLP, psychotherapy, AA and the 12 step programme, and of course Overeaters Amonymous. Any sort of peer support, IME is really helpful, and of course opening yourself up to new ideas and experiences.

Also trying new hobbies and interests, do you like reading? Drawing? PAinting? Watching DVDs, knitting sewing, crochet.

The most important thing I was told is to deal with your addictions in the order that they'll kill you. If you start eating too many toffees upon giving away booze, then don;t stress about it too mcuh. Similarly, exercise ain't gonna do tha same damage to the internal organs as drink does.

Kokeshi, nice post - thanks as always!! Going to go another night.

Good luck all!
XX

HI- anyone around tonight?

Hi Teasle, how are you?
I've been really struggling tonight but have stayed off the alcohol. Had such a terrible night last night I'm quite worried about going to sleep!
Planned my evening in stages again and seems to have done the trick but have thought about alcohol constantly (DP has whiskey that I can grab in a moment of weakness...).

This reminds me of moments before a food binge when the seed was planted in your brain and that was it...

Hope everyone's doing okay tonight
gerbra x

You're doing so well, gerbrajess. Go to bed, rather than hitting the whiskey. You will feel so much better tomorrow.

I've managed to have an alcohol-free evening tonight, but it's not been easy. Off to bed in a minute.

HI Gerbra I'm just off to bed, but I just wanted to say that it does get easier. Thing is, even though you are finding it difficult, you are doing it aren't you? It all takes time.
Have you talked to your partner and/or friends and family about things- cos it is a good idea to do that at some point.

Anyway, night all. Have just been talking to someone who is pissed- reminded me of how much shite I used to talk...

Well, still talk shite, obviously, but its SOBER shite.
Hmm