Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

I have been off work recently. The original reason was depression. Everything had become overwhelming and I could not cope with even the simplest tasks.

My Dr prescribed Fluoxetine. Have previously been on citalopram and paroxetine, but for me, Fluoxetine has been the most beneficial.

It's only since I have been off work that I have been forced to accept the extent of my drink problem and have sought help. Didn't realise how much my drinking was kept in check by work and childcare commitments. Am glad I am off just now because whilst it has potentially provided me with more opportunities to drink, it has allowed me to look as objectively as I can at the problem and seek some strategies for tackling it. If I don't have a plan of campaign I don't have hope.

Thank god I found this thread on MN.

Might as well admit that I smoke too. Really wish I didn't but can only tackle one area of addiction at a time. Intend to implement expat's knitting strategy.

Hi all I know haven't posted recently but read every single post, every single day. Have not heard from BM recently are you OK? Not sure why I don't post but probably because I have little to add and still drink every day. Yesterday decided not to. DH had some wine last night and because he doesn't realise how bad I feel (have tried to tell him but he doesn't see it!) he kept asking if I was sure I didn't want a glass and I did not. That was a good feeling so will see how we go for the rest of the week. Having read this thread for so long, every single day (apart from holiday that is) it makes me realise how many people out there struggling with not only their drinking but their lives. How many problems people have to encounter. The thread is great for me and hopefully most of us. XX

Oh, yes, the 'shops are going to shut' panic.

Been there. You go away for teh weekend and pack an extra couple of bottles 'just in case'.

Or so that you won't appear to be drinking so much in front of others. Just have a nip or two in your room before and some after so you appear to be a light drinker.

Cravings happen, and they can occur at the oddest times.

It's important to try to think ahead to what you will do when the cravings strike, to spend some time even writing down what you would do if you craved in certain situations, for example, when you're stuck somewhere where you can't get alcohol.

Money troubles are triggers, but then you gotta think, 'Blowing money on booze isn't going to help that.'

It was like when I was at my worst and was talking with two friends in recovery for decades. And I said, 'But my life is so shit now.' And my pal Chris quipped back, 'Well, your life is still shit and now you're an addict into the bargain.' They could spot it a mile away. Takes one to know one, I guess.

Jellie, my pal who knitted was also dependent on alchol. She took one thing at a time. First, it was her drinking. Then, smoking's number came up.

She is a single mother to a son and whilst she was ticking all the boxes of food, shelter, love, etc., booze wasn't allowing her to be fully present for her child.

A good rule of thumb to use: Deal with your addictions in the order that they kill you. Yeah, don't try to tackle your whole life's problems at once or it's doomed to fail. Put one foot in front of the other and do what's immediately ahead of you.

Feelings aren't real, I know they feel like it but, but being able to sit with yourself (or knit a fag ), and deal with life on life's terms is they key to recovery.

Please don't think you guys that sobriety is just one long drawn out eternal craving for a drink! I used to think that being sober, in recovery would feel like it did when I was between drinks and craving. No wonder I didn;t want to quit! I can tell you now, hand on hard, that a few years down the line I very rarely think about drink, or if I do it's a fleeting thought and leaves me mind as quick as arose.

What I do have to think about now is a better way to manage my emotions and deal with problems as they arise. It takes a bit of work, but it's worth it. Don't be ashamed of your behaviour, the secrecy, lying, denial, obsessing, controlling, depression are all elements of an active addiction. These things can't be wished away, it's not to do with will-power or how weak you are.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. If it's impacting on your life then it's not shameful to reach out and get support.

OH I wondered if you and teasle have a pact to shepherd this thread? This is not a criticism. I for one really appreciate it. Am just curious.

and excellent post, OH!

i try to think of it all in terms of what there is to gain - even something as selfish as money not spent on fags or booze or impulse buys whilst wasted or hungover.

i remember reading this brilliant book drinking and her pointing out that what she really needed to deal with was being alone with herself. that drink allowed her not to deal with that, but that is was costing her too much. the escape it gave her started to be worth less than dealing with herself on her own.

there's nothing you can do to change your past. but everything you do can change your present and future.

I can only speak for myself jellibabe. I got sober with the help and support from the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I truly don't think I would still be alive had I not been shown such care and compassion when I finally went through the doors of AA.

The change in me has been dramatic, and I guess part of that for me, is wanting to pass on to others what was so freely given to me. This is why I come on to this thread, I want you guys to know that there is life after drinking, and it's a good life too. It's not all about sitting in meetings or religion for me: AA has been a springboard to so many other fantastic things.

I couldn't believe that anyone would give a shit about me; I was full of self-loathing and felt unworthy of anyone's attention. That's what recovering alcoholics do, they share their experience strength and hope in order that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.

Again, AA is only MY way of doing it, but whatever way you choose to get sober, if it works for you, then noone can argue with that.

hi again everyone - just watched the tonight programme online - think so many women will identify with it - sad but true

My dp is in recovery and has been for 15 plus years He went to AA for years and it gave him the tools to recognise how he used alcohol to numb things instead of facing them and although he no longer goes to meetings it definitely set him on the right path and he still tries to live by the 12 steps in all areas of his life.It isn't easy but he is one of the happiest people I know and I couldn't have said that when he was drinking

Interesting Noddy. Why doesn't he go to meetings?

My DH is not a drinker. Just never was. He has maybe a beer or two on Hogmanay and one or two on his birthday and that's about it.

I can imagine it would be a lot harder to control one's drinking if the partner's also a drinker.

He stopped going for various reasons.he agreed with some of it but not all and he founf some of the people preachy and addicted to AA in the end.there were also some very dysfunctional relationships going on within it.I still drink and we have a very social life and so he is always in pubs restaurants and parties and it just works for us

DH goes into pubs often, too, noddy. But he's just doesn't care to drink.

He usually plays pool.

I think if you really 'get' the reasons why you drink and accept you are an addict then down the road it is possible to have a fairly normal life in terms of pubs etc.He doesn't like being with people who are absolutely smashed and we don't put ourselves in situations like that but we rarely discuss it now it is a natural thing.He is fine with me drinking and wine in the house etc and I would never change my ways as he says he has a problem with alcohol and not me.Apparently AA would advise people not to be ina relationship with someone who drinks but we thought that was ridiculous,

Expat, I could never get my head round that, going for one or two drinks. Once I started, I didn't care to stop, and never spent that much time trying!

It's only down the line that I realise that I whad the potential t become an alcoholic right after my first drink. 'Normal' people just don't get that effect that's so common to problem drinkers.

I've done a bit of research on it (my degree is in biomedical sciences) and there's the theory that the reward centre in the brains of alcoholics is wired differently, along with having a different acetaldehyde breakdown pathway. Once we take a drink of alcohol, the effect on the brain is more like that of heroin. This, apparently explain the inability to stop at one.

I've just summarised that really quickly as I'm just leaving, I hope it makes some sense.

it's only very recently that i can go for 'one or two drinks' myself. before, i couldn't stop. if i went into one, i wasn't going to come out until i was very, very drunk.

and for years, i couldn't set foot in a pub because of this.

what gets me is people who can't seem to understand that. that some people and pubs don't mix.

personally, i'm just as happy in a nice cafe as long as the tea is good .

i would agree that some peoples' brains are wired differently.

my parents have friends who had to give up being in pubs or bars at all in order to stop smoking.

it was just a trigger for them and they literally felt panicked and feral in a drinkign establishment trying not to smoke.

Experience tells me that I just can't risk going for one or two drinks. I can't become something I never was! It kinda helps me to accept that my lot in life is to have this all or nothing relationship with booze. Nothing does it for me more than drink, it IS my drug of choice, my abusive lover that I will never ever be free of.

Sometimes I romanticise about having 'a glass of wine', but it's just a fantasy really. I was in denial for so long. I was, I think,drinking alcoholically by the time I was 20 (if I'm really honest with myself) which is really difficult when you're a supposedly high achieving pre-med student. It's was a really fine balancing act, and like a house of cards collapsed spectacularly when I just couldn't keep it together any longer.

As far as functioning goes, I WAS able to convince myself I was OK for a number of years into my alcoholism. I graduated with honours, I've taught in the Philippines, Taiwan, been in photography in Australia and then married another alcoholic. From the outside it might have looked like I was just a free spirit, but in reality I was killing myself and going slowly insane. I was lucky - I got sober. My husband, the one who scoffed at AA, hung himself 4 years ago. That could so easily have been me.

The point is, despite everything I was the one who had to decide that I could no longer drink and it wasn't something I gave into willingly.

what changed expat?It is very unusual and very lucky to be able to drink 'normally' after having a problem.Genuine question btw really interested to know

I meant to say Flowertop, welcome back to the thread. Just post to say hello, we wonder where you're gone otherwise!

it got harder and harder to deal with hangovers as i got older, noddy.

and what really did it for me was when my 39-year-old first cousin dropped dead of a heart attack. she was teetotal, but we have a long, strong paternal history of heart disease and she was obese.

likewise, alcohol abuse contributes to heart disease - plus all the smoking i did whilst drinking, and i thought, 'All Yolanda had was one other contributing factor and she died.'

well, i don't want to die so soon, too.

also, when i did most of my hard drinking i was childfree.

now, i can't stay in a pub all night. i have to get home because DH is going to work, someone is staying with the kids, the kids have to go to bed, etc.

OH, I'm sorry to hear that about your DH. things have been so tough for you and it's great that you are on here helping and encouraging others

GeordieJogger, I'm not great with advice unfortunately, but does your DP acknowledge that he has a problem? From my own point of view, I lurked on this thread for ages, whilst hiding my drinking from all around me, the posted on and off for a few months, stil drinking, before I was ready to admit to my family (and one close friend) that my drinking was a problem. I needed to fully recognise that it was a problem and the effect it was having on my health and my realationships with my family before I could address it.

PS tis lardymardydaisy.......I thought it was time for a namechange so this is a nod to my sloppy birth control technique

I need to add this message. I have posted on here before, usually when I'm drinking and feeling guilty or nbot drinking and trying to stop (because I feel guilty). I stopped smoking four years ago with the help of a hypnotist and because I really wanted to, it worked. Mind over matter. Well, I was at a really low ebb, two weeks ago tomorrow and booked an appointment with her. She announed when I got in that she was a life coach now as well and tbh I was a bit taken aback. I had talked to her on the phone and said that I wanted to cut down my drinking (1 bottle a night, at least, every night, usually starting at 5pm and finishing at 8.30/9pm when I went to sleep). She was scary, hard hitting and didn't even mention the drinking for at least an hour. She talked all about my stress factors, my Dad with dementia, my horrible teen (who's left home today, days before his 18th birthday) and the fact that I could stop myself being sick every morning because it was stress based. Well, I am proud to announce that with the help of a 17minute cd, that I have chosen to drink/not drink. I have picked DD up at 10.30pm without screaming for booze, I have had four nights with a cup of tea and no booze and on Saturday decided I could have a whole bottle over 6 hours, because I CHOSE to. Tonight I have had three glasses and may have more. She has taught me through deep relaxation that there are things I cannot change, ie my son and that I am wasting nervous energy on things. She told me to concentrate on things I can change and that the inner me, the one who is * will shine through. I have had seven business calls to night and am sooo proud of myself. I miss my son terribly but am telling myself constantly that I didn't bring him up to take drugs/steal/lie or cheat. He's made that decisiuon but IU'm here for him if he needs me. I realise that everyone's experience is different but my drinking was a habit. I am tired, alcholhol makes you tired and and have had the ad dabs sometimes when it's got to 5pm and I haven't had a drink in my hand. Last night I had a major confrontation with my son and normally I would have had at least a bottle of wine/two and drowned my cares. I went to bed, tgwitching at 9pm and slept through. I am p[roud of myself and just wanted everyone to know that I have been drinking consistently for at least 18 years, and since I was 17. I have had times when I've had two/three bottles one day and none the next. Stress was the trigger and the fact that I needed alchohol when stressed/bored. Last Wednesday I made Dh come home earlish and went to a dance class! Came home and didn't have a drink. V happy!Am sober enough to type with typos (I think) and feel like a better mum, which is what I wanted to achieve.