Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

I'm such a thread killer (goes to bed) despite my moany 16month old and my earachy 4 year old.

HI- the posts from OH are for when you are craving a drink- to sit and actually work through why you think you want to do it, what you think it will be like, why, etc.
They do seem wordy, but you can just take the bits that stand out for you.

Thing is, it IS hard when you first stop drinking- how many people write on here that they promised themselves to not drink, but then 'for some reason', had a drink?
Hoping to stop drinking doesn't just make it happen you know! God I should know- hoped for years I could stop. Its about DOING, putting in the effort.

Believe me, I'm not having a go, its just I know that you DO have to work hard at this stuff if you really mean it.
Its soooo easy to forget why we have promised ourselves we were not going to drink.
Denial in problem drinkers is huge.
Many people, myself included, initially think about what they are LOSING when they don't drink. Actually, what I was losing was nothing- the denial or 'rose tinted' view of my drinking for a long time meant I didn't see how shit it really was.

Yes, I liked wine too, and beer, I liked having a drink- who doesn't? But my drinking went above and beyond that.

Anyway, hope this wasn't too harsh on a Sunday morning!
Nice to see you back posting Havalina.

Everyone else ok?

Hi folks. Yeah, I just posted it exactly as it's laid out as it's not my stuff but yeah, you can just do it purely as an exercise for yourself without necessarily sharing with anyone.

So, all it it is:

1. Remember your last drinking session, what did you anticipate you'd get from it?

2. what DID you get from it

3. What ELSE did you get from it that wasn't wanted.

Try being as honest as possible.

Like teasle says, how often do we truly question what happened on a relapse. Sure, we make excuses but it's helpful - for us - to look at it in depth.

It goes back to that thing I was saying before. If you - hand on heart - are honest about your drinking, I think you'll probably find that it takes away more than it actually gives. Sometimes that's the dose of reality that we need to move forward.

It does take effort to remain sober, but the rewards are infinite. You don't get something for nothing!

How is everyone else today?

Folded at 6:30pm and went to buy wine. Woke up this morning feeling groggy and craving more. Fortunately there was nothing lying around. Kept myself busy tidying the house and went to visit my mum who was in good form. Bought some messages and resisted the temptation to buy more alcohol.

Not sure how I feel about it all. Now I just want to get through this week without having a drink.

OH I liked your potted version of the bottle inventory and thanks for asking me to share my experiences at the clinic althought I don't think you could stop me. Have to say that it is not a private clinic. It's run by the NHS in conjunction with the council. I'm interested to see what their approach is too.

Keep going, jellie!

Keep BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.

Don't stop.

Craving? Get up and DO something - clean, do jumping jacks, wash dishes, mop a floor, hoover, pop in a workout video.

Anything that keeps you occupied and not sitting down.

Then go to bed.

Yes, good advice for those early days.

How are you this evening Jellibabe?

Thanks expatin seems like good advice. Will try to put it into practise. I need to get away from the scene of the crime more often.

I am fine tonight teasle. Cravings have eased and am in reflective mood.

So, how has everyones weekend been then?

Hi expat! How are you? It's kokeshi.

morning teasle, I had an early night...4am

Happy Monday everyone hope you were all pampered a wee bit on Sunday.

Jellibabe glad to hear that your cravings have eased somewhat.

Mine came back Saturday night !! Lent well and truly over - I even drank the small bottle of cava I had brought for my mum for mother's day!! Felt like crap on Sunday it was like I had a couple of glasses of wine for my Birthday and I got the taste back for it - was actually at a kids party and was given a small plastic cup of wine (!!) and that was it - I just wanted more!! Thought I had cracked it really did - back to the drawing board Felt anxious and paranoid again

Today is the start of a new week and a no more booze again !!!

Good luck everyone - harder than I thought am starting to think that I will just have to give up altogether rather than have periods of absintence

Hi, ornamental!

Great to find this thread!

I don't drink at all just now because I'm pregnant, but I've been there, ladies, again and again.

Get back on that horse.

Everyday's a new chance to turn things around, minute by minute.

Yes, cravings are there. Accept that they will come and plan how to get through it, don't beat yourselves up!

Never give up, giving up.

Just think, you could also be a big former smoker like me and have that to crave, too .

A friend of mine who gave up fags took up knitting to keep her hands moving. And she just knitted and knitted this purple thing that wasn't really anything. When people asked what she was working on, she always replied, 'A cigarette.'

So when people say, 'EIS, you're going to work out again? What are you working on, body by Calvin Klein?'

I say, 'A double vodka and coke.'

I like the don't give up giving up- nice one,

Take it day by day, unhappy. Hour by hour.

'This hour, I won't have a drink.'

'I'm craving, I'm going to wait 30 minutes to see if it passes. In the meantime, I'm going to [insert activity to keep busy, something where you have to MOVE, not sit, where your mind will inevitably slip into thinking about booze].'

Don't think of it as, 'I can never drink again.'

Just day by day, hour by hour, even minute by minute at times.

Thanks expat

I drink lots of tea! Well, it's decaff now, but it's my constant companion.

Absolutely, expat, escpecially in early sobriety when the cravings are strongest.

It's also useful to use some of the AA slogans when you have a craving for alcohol. I used HALT in the beginning, the acronym for Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.

Any of these states can precipitate a relapse. If you're mindful of how you're feeling, it's easier to intervene before you do the deed.

Feeling really anxious now about money ie. lack of it just been paid and its nearly all accounted for its a pattern that has recently emerged !!! DP's Other Woman's baby is due sometime soon so thats starting to worry me again - had sort of blocked it out for a while concentrating on not drinking . God I feel so low today am trying despearately not to cry at work but funnily enough I dont want a drink but then again its only 9.38 and even at my worse have never drunk in the morning!!!!!!

Unhappy...hang on in there. Its not always so bad, things WILL get better. Keep talking. Can you have a sob in the loo or will this just spark things off?
I'm having to take time off this week and I feel like I'm on the edge. DP knows that I should take time off too but I'm also worried about him.
We went away for a long weekend and its strange that I posted about my dp being in denial on my behalf (just before we went). We were self catering and I had bought only 2 bottles of wine for 3 nights (didn't want the shop assistant thinking I was a lush). Anyway on Sunday we were relaxing in the spa without the kids and I had the awful feeling that the shop had closed at 4pm (sunday hours). I then had a mad panic as I knew I only had a glass left. I must have looked possessed and left immediately to get to the shop. IT WAS SHUT.
Later on I asked dp if he would go to the bar (we couldn't go out..no babysitter, no car) and pretend he was with someone else and order a bottle of wine with 2 glasses and then sneak out. He was stressed with the kids so I couldn't really push it. I then resigned myself to drinking beer (but couldn't) and my remaining glass. Luckily I was completely shattered and went to bed early.
After all this dp alluded to the fact that I seemed in a mad panic...is the penny dropping for him. Anyway now at home and 'treated' myself to the full compliment last night. I hate the way that if I've felt I've been good that I can then 'treat' myself the next time. Its so great to read this thread.

You are really brave unhappy.

I think the best revenge is to live as happy a life as you can.

I'm glad your not following my gut reaction to emotional pain. When I have problems it's definately one of the worst times for me to drink. I just blot them out temporarily without tackling them properly. When I am clear headed I think I cope better and at worst don't inflict avoidable misery on myself and kids.

Financially I'm in the same boat. Even when my wages come in I'm straight into overdraft.

Do you have anyone to talk too?

morning unhappy and glowwormish.

unhappy, can you take some time out and get out for a walk to clear your head a bit? there is a sick bug doing the rounds her; tell them you're not feeling too great.

glowwormish, I think kokeshi (OH) posted something on using drinks as a reward a while ago; it was very helpful to me so I'll have a scan through and see if I can find it. I've been there in that panic when I know that the shops are shut and I can't get any more wine; i also used to use three or four different offies as I didn't want the staff seeing my buy wine on a daily basis); it is truly horrible. Can you sit your DH down and be really frank with him about how you feel that alcohol is controlling you? Maybe as you say he has seen that sprk of desperation this weekend and is more ready to believe you. I was terrified of confiding in my DH, but when I did he was very supportive and stopped drinking himself in the house to help me sort things out.

LOL expat at your friend knitting a cigarette . I took up knitting again when I stopped smoking. It also helps with drinking as well I find.

We had friends over helping in the garden on Saturday and they stayed for tea. They'd brought a bottle of wine with them, and I had half a glass. It has been over three weeks since I last had one, and lord it tasted good. The fact I'm pregnant stopped me having any more, but I could happily have drunk the entire bottle . this battle isn't over for me by any stretch of the imagination.

HI everyone, glad to see the thread sparking into life again.

Its quite common for people drinking alcoholically to use different shops to buy alcohol- i used to do it myself too, and I totally remember that feeling of panic if I didn't think i had any drink left. Thing is, the panic wasn't really justified, although I couldn't see that at the time. Glowormish has that been a bit of a wake up call for you in terms of really looking honestly at your drinking?

Jellibabe- I also used alcohol to blot things out too, so I could hide from life, really.

Teasle- Funny enough, no it hasn't been a wake up call because I know how how bad I am. I don't think I'm in denial but would love to be challenged on this point. Does this make any sense?
I don't think I'm ready to give up, is this the bit that you can call denial? I am under acute stress. Incidentally I gave up smoking over 10 years ago and hate the habit with a vengance now so I know I can get to the point of being an ex-drinker. However what is worrying me at the mo is that I have seriously thought about lighting up again because of the stress. I can also totally understand how these city bankers abuse drugs to keep them going... I WILL stress that I would never go down that route but it is worrying that I can empathise.
So where do I go from here?

Lardy
Would be great to read about rewards. I also know for sure its about stress relief

glowworm - I have been literally racing round the streets looking for a shop open - its bad isnt it.

lardy - cant fake the sick bug had it already.

jelli - I would normally reach straight for the bottle but am so worried I will drown myself with all the crap that is happening in my life that is why I am trying very hard to stop.

I slipped Saturday and it just made me feel really weird - my dp does not always stay at home but has started to call me at around 9.30 ish and in the past when been drunk have tried to sound sober and Saturday did the same - my life feels overwhelming today but tomorrow I may feel fine again but I do know I have no control over my drinking now so just need to stay away from it altogether for the forseeable future - I wishing all you lovely ladies luck today/tomorrow etc etc thanks for the posts guys and dont know what I would do without this thread I really dont have anyone else to talk to.

I missed the tonight programme last night "mummy stop drinking" did anyone see it ?