Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

Needed to add, dh is a serious drinker too and is sick to death of me being a martyr! He's noticed a difference in me too! He thinks I'm being the non-alkie version of happy clappy but I don't care. I hope that everyone here is keeping on with their help and that everyone achieves even part of whatever goakl they've set themselves. I am never going to give up alchohol but I trying hard to choose whn I want to drink and I feel I need to.

just let him know that you are there for him, and try not to drink around him, although it sounds like you do that already . My DH used to have a beer in the evenings, and that gave me the excuse I needed to have some wine. It was so much harder after he stopped having that beer in front of me.

stickyj, I felt for a long time that I could control my drinking, and am full of admiration that you seem to have found something that is working for you. It wouldn't work for me personally, but I seem to be an all or nothing kind of gal. I was the same with cigarettes.

Hi GJ, of course you're not butting in, come and use this thread for whatever you want! I think he probably has a good insight into his drinking problem, many active alcoholics blame other people and things for their drinking like stress or whatever. The fact that he is aware he'll drink whether or not you do is probably a good sign that he's not in denial with it, just, like you say, not ready to cope with giving up yet.

Well done for going to Al-anon, you will be needing support for yourself definitely, it's not easy living with an active alcoholic - it's called the family illness because the ripples of alcoholism travel far and wide within the immediate family. Alcoholics don't do this on purpose, but it's part of the illness and an unfortunate side effect. I'm sure the fact that he has a supportive partner will make his chance of recovery so much better if he makes that decision.

I do think personally, once he has decided to go to rehab/treatment centre/detox/alcohol counselling it's best if there's no alcohol in the house. Cravings are really strong in the beginning and having it in the house is pretty dangerous. If you can manage, I think being drink-free for a while would probably help him too. But remember, he has to take the initiative, don't be upsetting your whole life on whims or empty promises (as we as alkies are wont to do). Be there, but look after yourself as well. I wish you well, and keep posting here if it helps. I went to al-anon too and they really helped me.

stickyj, I'm glad you're feeling better. It's important to get a wake up call about our drinking definitely and I'm glad this lady has made you look at yourself objectively. I would however be cautious about any quick fix solutions to what seems a fairly established and ingrained problem with drink. I'm not trying to discourage you, of course not! Just keep your wits about you and don;t get to complacent about being in control now. Alcoholism is insidious, it's the only illness that denies it's own existence so we have to be brutally honest with ourselves about just how far down the scale we are. Keep posting, your words of encouragement and any other tips are always welcomed if they can help others out too.

I like the name Daisy, very witty! You sound pretty resolved about your own drinking now. Do you feel relieved that you're not obsessing about trying to control? Have you decided that abstinence is the way forward for you now?

I have OH. It's kind of enforced abstinence though, being pregnant. Although I had a half glass of wine with my meal on Saturday, I'm determined that is to be a very rare (but preferably never) occurence. With DD, I still managed to drink a bottle a week , which is about 50% more than is recommended. I got so worried about FAS that I looked up loads of stuff about it, trying to convince myself that things would be OK. They are, of course, but I was suffering from very bad depression all through my pregnancy, and again used alcohol as a crutch. The worry about FAS etc was awful, and I'm determined not to put myself (or my baby) through it again.

If I can get through this pregnancy without drinking, then I can get through life without it too.

i agree there, OH.

for a looonngggg while, i could not have any drink in the house.

wishing everyone another joyous evening of sobriety and a lovely awakening in the morning - definitely the best part of non-dependence on alcohol.

Amen, Daisy! Great attitude to have!

The booze isn't worth the worry. The costs exceed the benefit.

Everytime I'm even tempted to go to far, I hear my pal Chris, now 28 years sober, 'Man, EIS, you don't fucking need this shit!'

Works for me .

I think we underestimate our innate inner strength too sometimes, it is possible to cope without drink, in fact when we take it away, we realise just how much harder we've always made it for ourselves.

I don't think it matters if it's 'enforced' or not. It's you that's doing it, and you that will reap the rewards, along with your lovely wee baby of course.

Is it very difficult to stop suddenly when you realise you're pregnant? I've always wondered about that. My drinking had such an impact on my health that I actually stopped menstruating for two years (I wasn't eating properly either), so I'm actually thankful that I didn't get pregnant when I was in the throes of it. I wasn't fit to look after myself, never mind another human being.

Waking up without a hangover of that feeling of dread, you can't buy it!

Yes, OH, it can be very difficult to stop suddenly when you realise you're pregnant, especially if you're not being sick or plagued by nausea - that can make it easier because it feels like a constant hangover without the headache.

But the cravings can be quite intense.

Ditto fags.

'it is possible to cope without drink'

i like this! it's not only possible to cope without getting rat-arsed every time you drink but also to have an even better life without getting shit-faced.

for me, it always helped in terms of what there was to gain and to focus on the mornings, what it felt like to wake up in the morning and be semi-coherent and not feeling groggy or sick or not all present.

i never lost my periods during my worst periods of drinking, but i did drink and smoke so much during one run that i started having abnormal bleeding during sex.

my drinking also delayed my periods and made me late sometimes, leading me to believe i might be pregnant and not even be able to name the father.

i'd have problems with cervical dysplasia in the past, and you think that would have scared me off.

but it didn't .

Good Morning

Well it's Wednesday and I'm still sober .

I am considering a weaning strategy to help me cope with the weekends.

Find that during the week my cravings are more like a whisper whilst at the weekend it's a full blown scream.

The plan is that if I don't have a drink this weekend I can have a drink next Saturday. I know this is a bit like russian roulette but at present it is the only scheme I can come up with that I think might work. I don't really have anything else in place to help me with the forthcoming weekend.

That way I would be able to contrast an alcohol free weekend with a non alcohol free saturday. As I drank last Saturday that would make this Saturday my alcohol free one.

Perhaps I am kidding myself. Total abstinence seems too daunting at present and at this stage I'll try virtually anything.

morning all, not feeling so hot today - I did let my emotions get the better of me yesterday and even thought I fought the urge on the way home to buy wine after a fraught few minutes indoors with my dp/son arguing over schools I decided wine was what I needed. I really enjoyed getting drunk last night - thats just me being honest - but hope I dont feel the need to do it again soon as this morning I feel a failure for letting my emotions get to me, I feel like there is pressure mounting in my head and I just wanted to switch it off again if that makes any sense

Hoping for a brighter day for me and everyone on here

"even though" not even thought!!

Hi unhappy I know what you mean about the pressure building in your head. I have often used alcohol because I wanted to log off from everything. Do you have a link or website address for the newsnight programme as I would like to watch it when I get a chance?

GeordieJogger the only suggestion I could come up with if you haven't already done it, is to research the support that is available in your area for your partner. Then at least you will have the information to hand if he ever decides to tackle his problem.

hI everyone.
Have been reading all the posts- there is some really positive information and advice on here, its brilliant.

Ex-pat- I still can't have alcohol in the house, I'm still at the stage where I just don't want to risk anything.

Oh unhappy- you are not a failure for letting your emotions 'get the better' of you! You're human, and you sound like a really nice one too. Since I started my recovery I'm more emotional now than ever, and its hard dealing with all of it.
Jellibabe, I used to use alcohol to reach oblivion too, I think because I cdidn't want to face a lot of things- it seemed easier in the short term to just try and forget. When do you go to the clinic?

Daisy are you feeling tired and queasy?

Everyone else ok?

Thanks for your kind words.

Jellibabe this is the link for the tonight programme - dont know whether it will work but if not just go into www.itv.com

www.itv.com/News/tonight/episodes/Mummystopdrinking/default.html

Thanks unhappy

teasle I am waiting to hear from the clinic about my next appointment. They said 5 - 10 days so I hope to hear soon.

Hello everyone
I can totally identify to 'logging off', that is such a good expression for how I want to (and usually do)feel when I drink. And God yes I get that damn pressure in my head, always stress, when its really bad I feel like my vision is going funny and my head is going to explode.

I've picked up on so many things I'd like to ask (since yesterday) but have forgotten them. One is; what is an alcoholic as opposed to a problem drinker. How far down the line am I? Its all very interesting with the wiring in the brain. I have a degree in psychology and this was touched on briefly, would like to go into alot more detail.

One thing that has struck me are the posts from genuinely caring people who want to help. ATM I am surrounded (in the business world not at home) with people who I can't trust and vicious people. I have almost lost faith in human nature. I think I need to remind myself that some people are altruistic.

ExPat - are you sure you arent drinking? I have seen those sandals on the other thread. A sober fashion choice????

If I were drinking I'd probably chose these ridiculous heeled sandals my sister thought were 'nicer'.

Me too! I am A LOT less botherd about what other people think of the way I look now. Since I gave up the booze in the new year I feel more comfortable with myself inside and out. Have not posted on here for a while but good to see thread still going strong. x

AND you have more money to spend on your looks if you're not drinking .

I know, i never knew I was so rich. Spending it on family stuff more now. Am supposed to be looking for a cottage to stay in next weekend not messing about on facebook and mumsnet!