Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

I meant to say Congratulations to Daisy too! Fantastic news!

Those you who have partners I am glad that they are supportive. Know that their current denial is not of any assistance at the moment but hope when they realise the extent of your concern that they will assist you in achieving either a drink pattern you feel comfortable with or total abstinence.

My x was not supportive at all. When I went to the Dr for AD's I was greeted with "What do you need those for?". If I was depressed it was "What's wrong with your rotten face?". If I was caught drinking (without his permission) I might as well have handed him a baseball bat. Verbally he emotionally beat me to a pulp. I realise now that this was his way of showing concern but at the time I did not find it the least bit constructive. I know entered the relationship with a problem but this was further fuelled by his destructive lifestyle. Trying not to be self pitying but feel the need to vent.

It's only since I left the relationship that I have had sought help.

Perhaps this explains some of my paranoia. I have no wish to hand him any ammunition.

Have noticed there is a support thread for consistent thread killers. Am considering placing my above comments at the end of it.

Don't worry jellibabe, it's usually me that kills this thread off! Shall we try to keep it active over the weekend?

Don't think that will be a problem - well at least not for me!

Hiya everyonone.

Congrats to Lardy so glad you have managed to stop altogether thats really amazing.

I am doing pretty well although it was my birhday yesterday and I did have a couple of glases of wine with dinner - my body is so getting used to me not putting alcohol in that I feel really tired today - and strangely enough looking forward to the weekend without wine rather than dreading it - its only been 3 weeks that I have not been drinking every night and I am so proud of myself and feeling so much better so newbies dont be afraid to try it does eventually get easier - I felt totally out of control and now I feel really good (at the moment) and I dont know how long it will last as the other night I really really really wanted a drink but resisted.

Have good weekends everyone - and dont be too hard on yourselves

It's amazing the difference we feel relatively quickly isn't is? And that's just the beginning!

As for what do you do when you don't drink? Well, what would you like to do? There's no limit to what you can achieve when you don't have to think about drinking.

Hi everyone,
Jellibabe - you're right re partners - I know my DP saying he doesn't think there's a problem is a problem in itself!
That must have been awful with your x, how awful not to have had any support from him, however well meaning his reactions may have been.
The depression thing is a funny one - I only told my DP about being on ADs again because it became unavoidable - the reason I didn't want to tell him was I didn't want him to worry / treat me differently. Bless him, he's been so lovely, but I can tell he doesn't really understand what I mean when I say 'I'm depressed' (he's thinking is she depressed because it's raining or she's got a difficult job on at work!). Perhaps part of his denial re my drinking is that addressing my issue will change things, and we don't always like change!
It's really heartening to hear people are feeling good after abstaining for a while. I've just heard from a friend who also drinks and she's not had a drink for 4 days...and feels great...
Happy weekends everyone!
russ x

Does anyone here have any personal experience with Antabuse?

My GP has suggested it

Hi PurpleOne,

Antabuse is a very effective drug for people with ongoing issues with drink. I know many people who are on it and it helps on a daily basis by removing that temptation to drink - if you know you will be ill if you lift a drink it's quite a good deterrent! We all know how cravings can sometimes be too hard to resist in those moments of weakness. I guess it's just an extra line of defence. Especially for people who don't feel confident when they're on their own, or don;t have a great deal of support.

What are you thinking PO? Does it sound like something you'd go for?

Hi OH

I'm not prescribed anything right at the moment, but it has been suggested to me. As you said in another post, I have a big problem with 'impulse control' and when things get stressfull, my first thoughts are booze related.

I've heard both positive and negative with this drug.
The deterrent side would definitely work, knowing that I 'simply' cannot drink is a good thing and would be effective for me. I have heard a lot about the negative health implications with it though, especially in perfumes and deodorant that contain alcohol. Increased heart rate, blood pressure issues and dizziness are some side effects.

It IS an option, but I don't believe it would fully take the cravings away would it?. Would just make me ill if I drink.

Well, you're monitored very closely when you take it and to be honest, the only people I've heard say anything negative about it are the ones who are making excuses about not wanting to go on it. Or, stupidly have 'tested' it and have in fact been pretty ill drinking on it.

Unless you drink the perfume, or shower in the stuff, it's not usually a problem. They will give you a wee card to carry around with the details of stuff that you shouldn't use, like mouth-wash (it contains alcohol). These are small sacrifices for sobriety I think?

The also don't prescribe it to people who suffer form heart problems just in case they are daft enough to try and drink whilst they're on it...it could be fatal in these cases

Craving management takes effort and initiative, I'm afraid. Good news is that cravings by nature, decrease through time and practice. Again being vigilant and going to AA meetings for peer support regularly, getting phone numbers of AA memmbers, joining a group, getting a sponsor and doing the 12 step programme are all solutions to our problem, providing us with a mental defence against the first drink. The obsession will leave us too.

Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes for recovery. It's just doing the whole day ata time thing and working hard, being honest and willing to show commitment to sobriety. Teasle posted below, and I've heard many times, that we have to put as much effort into our sobriety that we did obtaining drink, thinking about drink, lying and being devious about our drinking. If we drank every day, we should go to a meeting every day. This is the reality of it.

It's so worth it PurpleOne. You DO have to put a lot of effort into early sobriety but after a while, your life becomes infinitely better. Positive stuff just keeps happening and good things follow on from all our hard work. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it.

It's there for the taking. Keep posting, we can support you on here as well, you don;t need to do it alone. I understand how difficult it is at the beginning, and so do all the others who are on the same journey.

I'm going to post the 12 promises for you, just as a wee incentive. I never believed this for a second, I used to laugh up my sleeve when these were read out at meetings. I thought I knew it all - 25 with an honours degree in Biomedical Sciences, I was just too arrogant to see how AA could help me. I learned it the hard way mind.

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them "

Go for it PO!

I've never read those promises before, I'm humbled to read them and 100% of that I want.

I tried so hard to do the controlled drinking, but once the stress took hold, it's like taking a million steps back again. Back to the hell of not knowing what the hell you did last night, back to the hangover hell.

I mixed the grain and the grape last night, woke up feeling really awful and had to attend a parents meeting at DD1 school. I knew I looked like shit, but the Head of Year even commented and asked if I was feeling ok .
I gotta do something about this now. The stress and the drink is really making me bloody ill but with my past history of slipping up all the time, I just something here and now and just to say 'JUST STOP IT NOW'
Even gave up AA right now cause I felt like such a damn fraud. I'm sick of pissing people off and firing hate emails pissed inthe middle of the night. I'm fed up with waking up on the sofa cause I couldn't be arsed to get into bed. That's why I haven't been posting here so much lately.
Am just sick of it all.

Hope everyone is well. Where is BM these days, is she ok?

You know what PurpleOne, none of us get to the stage of being willing to give AA a shot until we are sick and tired of being sick and tired. It may sound counter-intuitive but this is good news for you, it's only when we reach our own personal gutter that we can start to imporve and get better. Before then, it's too easy to kid ourselves on that we're controlling drink, rather than it controlling us.

You can go back to AA anytime. That's what they say 'keep coming back'. Doesn't matter if you didn't get it last time, you just take the day in hand and make it the best it can be. AA is full of people just like you and me, who had the love affair with alcohol and then found it was all lies and abuse.

Theses are all vital lessons you've learned by 'going back out' PO, and finding out that what they were saying would happen, does happen. It gets progressively worse and worse. I did exactly the same thing, more than once, and each time was accepted with love and compassion. I was welcomed home in the rooms of AA, and I know now what it means to belong.

yeah your right again, it will happen and it sure does kick your arse when it does.
I dn't know about your analogy of personal gutter OH, I feel like I'm stewing in someone's cesspit.

I loved this new AA group, I got what they were saying. I just wasn't strong enough. I will go back but only when I've totally got this shit under control. Met some nice people there, really supportive and mostly female.
Not prepared to discuss the shit really, it's major crap (and I proposed today which adds to the mad panic) and I hate living like this,

You know what I want more than anything else?
To get the hell off this pc a lot earlier in the night, instead of sitting here pissed. but I use it for work too, so the association is always there. Tried swappiing my shifts to coincide with the closing of the offy. Worked for a while.

That small chink of waking up with a clear head and getting things done, even the hope, faith and self belief started coming back...I want that again. And badly.
G'night for now

Purpleone what you said about the hope, faith and self belief coming back summarizes exactly how I've been feeling lately. It's felt like such a burden has been lifted and yet I am struggling today but have promised myself I won't do anything one way or the other till 6pm. That's all I can deal with right now.

Went to the clinic on Friday. I am hoping it will be a useful source of strength. Was just really filling in a questionaire about my drinking habits. I was warned that some of they questions seemed a bit irrelevant:-

"What type of home do you live in?" - igloo sprang to mind

"How many cups of tea do you drink a day?" - 10 - 15 actually. If tea drinking was a problem I'd be off the reichter scale.

Fortunately none of the questions were too intrusive:-

"Are you pregnant?" (Have you had sex?)

"Do you think you might be pregnant?" (Have you had sex recently?)

Not going to share these answers with you .

All in all is wasn't a bad experience and I can only wait and see what the next appointment brings. May even be able to remove the hat and dark glasses next time (clinic is practically next door to my sons nursery).

Will hopefully check in for some support later.

PurpleOne, what I meant about personal gutter is an expression. Whereas some alcoholics literally have to find themselves in the gutter to realise they have to get sober, for others it mosre subtle. There are people in AA who have lost relatively little materially, but still reached a place that was unacceptable to them.

Regardless of what's going on around us, the only thing we can change is ourselves, and our reaction to that stuff.

I'm glad you found a meeting that you like, I'm sure they'll be delighted to see you back. In my experience, the only thing that other members want for you in AA is to see you sober and getting on with your life.

I wish you well, purpleone, we'll all be here when you need us.

Jellibabe, I'm glad you found the centre not too intimidating. These questions are designed to help the professionals work out your best treatment plan. The may seem a bit daft but I think it's to gauge how 'far down the scale' you are and how much input you'll need to recover. Did they discuss a plan with you? I'm interested in how they do it privately, if you wouldn't mind sharing a wee bit about your experience?

How is everyone else doing this weekend?

I'm going to post something below, and I've used it before to examine what happened before I lifted a drink. You know, exactly what I expected to get out of it. It might be a useful exercise for those who have strong cravings and forget too easily the reasons why we're trying not to drink! It mentions AA, but don't worry if you're not a member, I think it's useful in itself:

--------

The Bottle Inventory is composed of three parts. Part One should be completed without looking at parts Two and Three. After Part One is discussed with someone, complete Part Two. After it is discussed, read Part Three and discuss it.

THE BOTTLE INVENTORY PART ONE

[or WHAT WAS IN THE BOTTLE THAT I REALLY WANTED]

Think back to the last time you had the thought of taking a drink of alcohol. It could have been a fleeting notion, or it could have been a serious yearning. You might even have picked up a drink and ruined your sobriety. As you know, the Big Book tells us on page 35:

?So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem. What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the desperate experiment of the first drink??

We want you to find out what is in the bottle that you have thought you want so much. Actually we suggest you find out what you thought the contents of the bottle would do for you. Do something like this:

On [ date ], after [number of days] of sobriety, I drank [ how much] of [what] because I thought it would give me these things that I wanted:

(for example

On Wednesday, February 24, 1999, after 10 days of sobriety, I bought and drank a fifth of Jack Daniels because I thought it would:

1.Help me forget the pain in my leg
2.Make me feel real good.
3.Help me get my wife back.
4.Give me some peace of mind.
5.Take away the pain of being alone.
6.Give me some relief from those nosey AA members.
7.Taste good.
8.Get me back with my pals at the pool hall, just like the good old times.
9.Give me an opportunity for some affection.
10.Inspire me to get a raise at work.

So, there you have it! Get out your pencil, and go to work. Part One usually fits on one side of a page

Please do not continue until you have discussed your drink rationale with someone, then please proceed to part 2).

THE BOTTLE INVENTORY PART TWO

[or WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AS A RESULT OF TAKING THAT FIRST DRINK]

Part 2a. How did I score on getting what I wanted?

Review your list from part one. For each item of attraction write down the extent to which you actually got what you wanted.

(for example

1.The leg still hurt the same, but I did get a bit distracted in other things.
2. The real good feeling came and went so fast that I hardly noticed it going by.
3. I never got around to calling my wife.
4.I got morose.
5.My loneliness became an obsessive preoccupation.

Etc.

Part 2b. What ELSE happened that WASN'T on my desire list?

Start with the items on part one. What else happened?

(for example

1.I lost my balance, and banged my leg on the coffee table. Now, it has a bruised shin, and it really hurts.
2.Except, maybe, for the first 15 minutes, I felt really bad during the entire drinking experience.
3.My wife called me to see how I was doing. When she decided I was drunk again, she threatened to call her lawyer, so I let her have it, the &%#@@&.
4.I was tortured with guilt, shame, remorse and self-loathing.
5.I was ashamed to hit the bar where, after 5 days of being sober, I had told them all they were weak-willed lushes. So, I didn't leave the house. Nobody wanted to talk to me on the phone. The dog even stayed in the other room.
6.The phone did ring, though. It was the guy I had asked to sponsor me in AA. He asked if I wanted to go to a meeting, but I put on a hoarse voice and complained about a virulent strep throat. He told me to read Chapter 2 in the Big Book and to call him when I was better. Yeh, sure.
7.The first beer tasted pretty nice, but, as usual, after a while it tastes like piss. The vodka and orange juice was OK going down, but coming up was the same old story. It seems I want through all the clean towels mopping up the bathroom floor.
8.&%#@@& those &%#@@& at the pool hall.
9.I guess I did leave the house. There was lipstick on my lapel, I had an empty wallet, don't know if I used a condom, but can't recall if I did anything that needed one. Hope I had a good time.
10.I was too messed up to go to work.
11.And, it seems I got another DUI. It says here on the ticket that I have to see the judge in 2 weeks. &%#@@&
12.My daughter came by with her new boy friend, but she sent him back to stay in the car while she got her mail.

This next part is for those of us who've been in and out of AA, but works just as well when we're in a bit of denial and trying to control our drinking:

-------

THE BOTTLE INVENTORY PART THREE [or WHY I CAME BACK TO AA]

(for example

Program of attraction? Hell, NO! It's just that what you guys have is better than what I have, and there is no hope for me. Things have just got to change. I might as well try your way again.

So, why did YOU come back?

If you want to learn some more, make a list of the conditions under which it will be OK for you to have a "social" drink of alcohol. Can you drink again safely when: a) you have 6 months sober, b) "she" comes back, c) the job is working fine, d) you have completed all those court sentenced AA meetings, e) you have been to the gym and are in great shape, f) your doctor says you are healthy, g) your best friend is killed in an accident, and you need some relief, h).....?

Go ahead, romance the thought of a drink for 5 minutes. Then go back over your remarks above, and convince yourself that the next time it will be different. Yeh, uh huh, sure.

Thanks for those OH.

Anyone about tonight? Or do I have to try and have some fun with my dp?

Right, fun with DP it is then. Night all.

Ha teasle! I hope you're enjoying whatever you're doing!

Hi all hope you are doing well, sorry ornamental haggis but your three posts to help seem like a huge undertaking to me. I would fail at the first point of telling somebody else of my problems/intentions. I don't do sharing in real life, I have my partner and that is all.

He has when pressed shown concern over my drinking, but really only prompted by me. He won't really stop me and tell me I'm being a twat. Which is a shame lol.