Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support III

[ornamentalhaggis]

Time for a new thread already!

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

kokeshi

Afternoon Guys,

Fio, don't feel a all bad about what you posted. I totally understood where you were coming from - I think because I know your history. It's really difficult to convey what we actually mean on here, we have to assume that the readers perhaps know our backgrounds already or else that would become boring and repetitive!

Likewise, I may come across as dictatorial to a reader who has just joined the thread. When I talk of consequences of letting an untreated drink problem progress, it's because I've been there myself. Most recovering alcoholics I know in AA, who have finally admitted they have a problem drinking, have lost the element of control but were obsessed about one day being able to control drinking.

I can obviously recognise this now, but it took me a long time of thinking I was somehow different to all those poor unfortunates who have to attend AA. Contempt prior to investigation. However, I know each and every person must reach their own conclusion and find a solution they're happy with. This is a safe an non-judgemental place. The very act of problem drinking makes one ashamed and remorseful, having a non-problem drinker point this out would be patronising and not at all helpful. That's why I understood your post Fio, you were talking of your own experience.

I'm not old, I don't constantly think about cleaning or alcohol/AA. I use the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous to give me a design for living in the real world. Sobriety for me has been a springboard to so many great things and of course I'm going to recommend that. It doesn't mean it's the only way, of course not, but one that I know works. I guess I just want everyone to experience the joy of sobriety, as cheesy as that may sound. I thought I couldn't live without alcohol, so for me to say that now is ntohgin short of a miracle!

The main idea behind this thread is that it's OK to talk about your drinking, in fact it takes a lot of strength and courage to do so. I was actually talking of my own experience when I could not, for the longest time admit that I was an alcoholic and dressing it up in something I could cope better with...which was just denial. Again one of the most common indicators of a drink problem.

It's not about catching people out on here, it's about sharing and hopefully helping each other. PLease keep posting guys. Every single person makes a valid contribution to the thread, and I'm really happy to be part of that.

kokeshi

And, we will all react differently to a post depending on how we're feeling ourselves in a day. Drinking makes us all sensitive souls! That's fine too.

Well my pregnancy scare has resolved itself.

EDD somewhere around the 7th November....only a 17mo gap between DD and the new baby . What have I let myself in for??????

Oh Daisy...congratulations? Wow, what news! How are you taking it then?

Congratulations Daisy that's lovely news!!

Two days overdue, Daisy, and your dc will share the same birthday as mine!

... a Valentine night baby

We're a little bit in shock about it tbh, as it wasn't exactly planned, but happy about it in a panicky kind of way . We thought the pg test would be positive, so we sere sort of prepared for it. It's all the stuff that comes with it like double buggies and new cars that are doing our heads in.

I wonder if the reason I found it so easy to stop drinking last week when I've previously found it too difficult was my body telling me not to drink?

lol desi, it was too thinking back. Good name for a girl maybe?

Oh Good, is this our first conception on the thread then!? Mind and stick with us Daisy, you're a part of this now!

My boy was definitely conceived on Valentine's night, and came out two days early on November 9. He was due on the 11th, which I was quite happy about because it's Remembrance Day, but it was not to be.

We don't have sex often enough for there to be any mistake

Valentine is a boy's name traditionally, but the more I think on it, the more I reckon it's the perfect name for a girl.

Don't worry OH, I will; just because I'm not drinking doesn't mean that I won't be thinking about it and wishing that I could.

My gin and tonic the other night aside (I needed it after the BFP) I am very much on the wagon

ikwym desi, we are exactly the same, and infact were only just getting our groove back after DD's birth nine months ago!

DH not convinced by Valentine.....mind you I've got a wee while to work on him

Well, that's the second time I've congratulated someone on here tonight! Valentine's Night must have been busy for a lot of folks

Hi Teasle,
Thanks for asking me those questions - I'm replying rather than just thinking about it as I'm sure it helps me put this stuff down...although I really don't know why after resolving not to drink this week, I end up drinking every night...almost as though I set myself the goal knowing I'm not going to achieve it and set myself off on a self-destruct mission.

I wish I knew why I can be so destructive to myself - I've had various issues over the years and they all point to an addictive personality - I know that's not a justification for what I do, but I really can be compulsive about things. In the past, I've been compulsive about overeating, under-eating, overexercising and now to round it off over-drinking!

I'm a godmother for the first time to my best friend's son and I met her 1-week old DS at the weekend - he is adorable and I so want a baby but I can't imagine how I'd be a good mother when I can't even be good to myself. My friend's had many of the same issues I have with eating and drinking and I'm so proud of her for getting to this (blissfully happy) point in her life (despite the lack of sleep)! I feel like I've such a long way to go. I'm 36 and as they say, the clock's ticking!

Lord, have gone on for ever, sorry about that! It does feel good to get things out of my head and down in writing though, I feel it helps.

Good night everyone
russ

p.s. congratulations to all you expectant mums out there!

Russ how much are you drinking roughly? Please continue to use the thread however it helps.

Hi Ornamental Haggis
Roughly a bottle of wine a night. My DP also drinks, but can take it or leave it and not have a drop during the week, while I'll be climbing the walls if I haven't...
I know I have a problem but because of my potentially excessive behaviour, I really do think alcohol is symptomatic - ie just another thing for me to do excessively. I know that sounds like I total case of denial, and I'm honestly not in denial about drinking too much, I just have a very good feeling that when I squash the drinking problem, another one will pop up somewhere else as it's done in the past!
I hope all you mums are okay about me posting on this thread. It really is such a helpful source of support, even just to read, and I haven't found anything this supportive or non-judgemental anywhere else...
russ

Russ, you'll find many folks that have alcohol problems have a dual (or more) diagnosis - some manifestation of an impulse control disorder. You're not the only one!

That's it really, drinking is a symptom - which becomes a problem in itself if left unchecked. So, we usually have to do quite a bit of work on ourselves when we become abstinent to find a new way of coping with our emotions.

If we don't make fundamental changes, it's too easy to fall back into these patterns if we stop drinking/gambling/taking drugs/stealing etc. There's a long road ahead of us, but we're all in it together.

So what do you replace drinking with? This is something I have thought constantly about. I can;t think of a life without...
I can identify with 'being excessive' as I used to smoke. That was all or nothing and it was AGONY to give up. I had a chest infection and literally couldn't smoke and I really do wonder if I would still be smoking today if I hadn't been ill.
Yes you should replace drinking with nice healthy stuff etc etc or maybe don't 'replace' it at all. I'm just typing my thoughts here. I'm just thinking of a life without which frightens me. I just know that when I gave up smoking then drinking took on a new meaning. I think this is when I started regularly drinking at home.
For me drinking is great. I love the taste of wine (bottle a night almost). I so look forward to when the kids are in bed and I can really relax. That first glass of wine is bliss. Sometimes I don't drink quite as much (only 2 1/2 glasses!!!!) and I'm really proud of myself because I have my own limit (3 glasses). I only have this limit generally as I am so tired when I get to this point I have to go to bed. Sometimes I battle with myself and i go over this. I cannot have a night off.
I'm under acute stress at the moment for reasons I don't want to go into and have been for a year or more. I am really frightened of when the stress stops because I think I might fall into depression but even saying this feels a bit like a self fulfilling prophecy. Does anyone have a clue what I'm talking about. I'm sorry but I've spent so long not talking about real issues (have no support apart from my gorgeous dp who I think is in denial on my behalf...I've told him I am worried about my level of drinking and he sweetly says of course its not a prob)
want to post more but don't want to bore you too much. off for a long weekend so won't be able to post for a while which is really frustrating. i get so little time anyway (is this why I wake early to give myself some time?)
congrats to lardymardy. I strangely didn't want to drink before I found out I was pg. I found my morning sickness took my mind most definately off all thoughts of alcohol

So what do you replace drinking with? This is something I have thought constantly about. I can;t think of a life without...
I can identify with 'being excessive' as I used to smoke. That was all or nothing and it was AGONY to give up. I had a chest infection and literally couldn't smoke and I really do wonder if I would still be smoking today if I hadn't been ill.
Yes you should replace drinking with nice healthy stuff etc etc or maybe don't 'replace' it at all. I'm just typing my thoughts here. I'm just thinking of a life without which frightens me. I just know that when I gave up smoking then drinking took on a new meaning. I think this is when I started regularly drinking at home.
For me drinking is great. I love the taste of wine (bottle a night almost). I so look forward to when the kids are in bed and I can really relax. That first glass of wine is bliss. Sometimes I don't drink quite as much (only 2 1/2 glasses!!!!) and I'm really proud of myself because I have my own limit (3 glasses). I only have this limit generally as I am so tired when I get to this point I have to go to bed. Sometimes I battle with myself and i go over this. I cannot have a night off.
I'm under acute stress at the moment for reasons I don't want to go into and have been for a year or more. I am really frightened of when the stress stops because I think I might fall into depression but even saying this feels a bit like a self fulfilling prophecy. Does anyone have a clue what I'm talking about. I'm sorry but I've spent so long not talking about real issues (have no support apart from my gorgeous dp who I think is in denial on my behalf...I've told him I am worried about my level of drinking and he sweetly says of course its not a prob)
want to post more but don't want to bore you too much. off for a long weekend so won't be able to post for a while which is really frustrating. i get so little time anyway (is this why I wake early to give myself some time?)
congrats to lardymardy. I strangely didn't want to drink before I found out I was pg. I found my morning sickness took my mind most definately off all thoughts of alcohol

OOpps! Something strange was happening!

Hi Glowormish
I can totally identify with how you feel. I smiled at your comment that your DP is in denial on your behalf - mine is too!
Like you, not drinking is a very scary prospect as my friends/family drink...and I enjoy it when I drink socially - I can't imagine how things would work if I gave up all together (although chance would be a fine thing at this point in time!)
I'm afraid I have no wise words unlike so many of the posters on this thread but just wanted to say I totally identified with what you said. Enjoy the long weekend
OH - thanks for your advice - I think by saying alcohol is symptomatic I was maybe (unconcsiously) kidding myself that alcohol wasn't/isn't a problem - the prospect of the 'long road ahead' is really terrifing, but I know it's now time for me to start thinking about getting started...
russ x

HI all.

Hi Glowormish- whatever you want to post is fine. Sometimes it is too difficult to start to try and explain circumstances, sometimes we don't want to- whatever you do is fine.

Russ- being in recovery for me, means I have had to look at myself and start making those fundamental changes Haggis posted about.

I totally understand how life without alcohol can seem scary. There was a time when I just couldn't imagine how I could live without having a drink- I just couldn't see it. However, I think that is perhaps where the one day at a time thing comes in handy. It can seem overwhelming to think 'I'm never going to drink again', but to say 'i'm not going to drink today', is much more manageable.

I always have to remind myself that however hard life gets sometimes, drinking won't make anything better. Doesn't help me cope better- in fact I just never really coped at all- I just tried to block things out.

Congratulations Daisy!
There is only 16 months between my first 2 DCs, and I remember it well...!
I'm so glad you'll keep posting.

Remember, I havn't had a drink for a long time now, but I still post, same too for the ol'Haggis.

How is everyone on the cusp of the weekend then?

Do we need to be thinking about the stuff Jellibabe was asking- what to do with herself of an evening, other than clean her toilet. (Dear me, Jellibabe- can you REALLY not think of any better ideas?!)
Suggestions please laddeeez

I'm feeling really good today. It's the first morning I have woken up feeling okay. I hope it lasts. That is 5 nights without drinking now. I am finding that going to bed much, much earlier helps. Plus, for some reason I am finding I am totally and utterly knackered anyway at nights.

Tonight I have offered to be the taxi driver for my daughter and her friends, so that means no drinking. I offered on purpose actually as Friday nights were normally the night for me to say "end of working week" and have as much alcohol as I could.

Tomorrow night will be the test. Can I drink sensibly and then go without again until a fortnight's time when the next Do is.

I am on AD's and they must be helping too.