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The Phobics Support Group - Bring Your Neuroses Here!

183 replies

ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas · 03/12/2004 12:35

Hello phobics everywhere! This thread is a continuation of the thread entitled Does anyone have a debilitating phobia? in case anyone is interested and wants to read up from the beginning.

I have "come out" on Mumsnet and admitted to a phobia of being sick and seeing people being sick and so have quite a few other people! I have been to my GP, thanks to the advice of Mumsnetters and am now awaiting therapy. However, I think a lot of us are getting some light therapy right here, just talking about our fears and knowing we are not alone. Plaes e feel free to join in if you want to, and I hope all the old-timers find their way here.

OP posts:
mumtochloe · 22/01/2005 17:18

Hi Everyone

So sorry to hear about your DH lonelymum. What does he do? Would another job be easy to come by? Did he get any redundancy pay?

Mummylonlegs- I know where you are coming from. Its hard when you are the only responsible adult in the house and sometimes don't feel very responsible or in control! Yes, I do despair of myself but also it feels as though a huge weight has been lifted because I am not the only oddball around!! I've never personally met anyone like me - everyone else never seems to worry about this (at least not aloud) and I even have friends who happily make themselves sick if they have drunk too much alcohol and want to feel better. How can they do this??

Hope everyone is ok and having a good weekend

xx

mummylonglegs · 24/01/2005 10:29

Hi all. LM, how's things with you guys?

MtC, I've often struggled to get my head around bulimia. It seems impossible to me that anyone would deliberately make themselves sick!

Do any of you suffer in the face of social occasions? I've actually been considering telling my boss at work who's reasonably sympathetic because I can't keep on making excuses not to go for staff lunches / parties etc. We've got a new person starting next week and there's 2 meals out planned already and I won't be able to eat at either. I think if I continue to make excuses they'll all think I'm anorexic for sure!

Fortunately I only work 2 days a week so can usually escape these kinds of things.

Hell.

mumtochloe · 24/01/2005 12:51

Hi Mummylonglegs

Yes - I suffer an eating in front of people phobia so fully understand the excuses thing because I do this all the time. As you can imagine Christmas time is a real nightmare! No helpful advice I'm afraid on this one but just wanted you to know you are not the only Queen of Excuses!! I'm always being asked why I don't eat and people probably assume I'm on a starvation diet or something.

Do you find this affects things like holidays or even staying away for nights etc?

xx

Lonelymum · 24/01/2005 13:21

Hello Mummylonglegs and Mumtochloe. Hope you are both OK. I'm fine here, but then I would be as dh is home all the time and I know I won't have to face "it" alone if "it" happens. Does that make me despairing of myself? You bet! Big time! And, what's worse, I don't see a cure anywhere and I know I will have to live like this forever. .

The one thing talking about this on Mumsnet has done for me though, is made me feel a bit more entitled to feel the way I do. I have realised that so many people suffer from emetophobia that it really is an illness and somehow that gives me permission to have it. Re going to your boss, Mummylonglegs, I used to be a primary school teacher and had to go on coach journeys with children, some of whom might suffer from travel sickness. Actually, it only happened a couple of times and I just freaked out and other staff (all friends of mine) dealt with it, but mostly, it wasn't a problem. Then, on my last trip with a school I had worked at for five years, I just freaked out before the trip and could not face getting on the coach. I went to ask my headteacher if I could drive behind the coach in my own car and I suppose I must have come out to her about my emetophobia. In the end, she allowed me to stay in school teaching someone else's class while that teacher went on the trip in my place. I suppose I was being a bit punished there but I just didn't care as I was so scared of getting on the coach. (And no-one was sick either - I asked later!)

After that I got married and taught somewhere else for two years. There were no trips until just before I left to have my first baby. Again, I couldn't face the coach trip but I couldn't cop out as I was the year leader by now, so I persuaded my dh to take a day off work and come with me as an extra adult. He knew why and that if a child was sick he would have to deal with it, but again no-one was. Now, that is how wimpy I became, so I can see no reason why you shouldn't be entitled to tell your boss about your problem and expect some special treatment in return. If you were disabled, you would be entitled to access, so why not if you have a phobia? If everyone started to see phobias as real mental illnesses or conditions instead of just some hysterical people letting themselves go, then we might find it easier to cope. Don't you think the hardest thing about telling your boss is the thought that you will be considered wierd or will not be taken seriously? That is how I feel anyway.

BTW re dh: yes he can just be sacked as he was in his probationary six month period still (had only worked there for four months). No, we did not get any redundancy pay so in about two weeks time, money is suddenlt going to be non-existant! Dh is (was) an engineering manager BTW. He is going for a job interview tomorrow though: it is a firm who wanted to employ him last summer but didn't make their offer in time before dh took the job he has just been sacked from. Apparently, they are still looking for someone, so maybe it is fate that dh gets this job.

mummylonglegs · 24/01/2005 14:24

Hi LM, good to hear from you and glad all's not lost (yet!) with your DH. I think phobias make one very selfish, desperate even, to have a break from them. So I totally understand that you're glad to have your dh around at home a bit more. Phobias differ from fears by being 'consuming' don't they? We all have fears and with some planning and rationality can usually stay on top of them. Phobias turn us into lunatics.

Well, I told my boss. Not strictly the truth which I'm now finding interesting. I told her I had a fear of eating in social situations but didn't expand on it. So if I refuse lunches out etc. I'm not being anti-social and am happy to come along and have a drink but I don't want to eat. Actually I hate them more than that because I almost feel like I can 'see' the food going into other people and, at worst, imagine what it would look like if it came up again. Honestly, how MAD is that? I remember sitting with dp and my mum once while they had some nuclear green coloured pea soup somewhere and all I could envisage was green vomit. But I can drive that from my mind so long as I'm not eating the stuff. My boss was ok actually and said why didn't we go somewhere where I can have a drink and she can eat so I'm going to go with that. I don't know how to explain it to my new senior when she arrives this time next week. One lunch at a time.

I don't know why it's hard to tell people except that one knows that for most people they just won't understand - why should they? I can't honestly understand why someone would fear spiders although I am perfectly able to accept that they do and that it can cripple them. I think because I'm thin that people will think it's an excuse to hide the fact I'm really an anorexic and being secretive about it.

In terms of partners, do you all talk to your partners about this phobia? Are you able to? Do they understand? Dp's quite good I guess as he's a bit of a neurotic himself and quite nervy. But he does get fed up of it. And yes, MtC, Christmas was awful as we stayed with his mum who wouldn't understand or be kind about a phobia. Dp also worries about my weight and I think truly prefers me with a little more flesh than I usually have.

When / how did you tell your partners? It took me ages to tell dp when we first met.

Hausfrau · 24/01/2005 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lonelymum · 24/01/2005 18:46

Thanks Hausfrau. This one he is going for has regular trips to Europe and even some vague talk of China! But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Glad you told your boss Mummylonglegs. You can never be sure of other people's reactions but the more times we speak of emetophobia to those around us, the easier it will become. My dh probably knew about my phobia right from day one, or nearly, but he always thought once I had kids I would knuckle under and get used to it. It is only quite recently, when my phobia got much worse, that I really managed to persuade him that it wasn't something I could "get over". He still thinks the counselling will help though.

mummylonglegs · 25/01/2005 21:14

Fortunately for me, dp's an academic with a strong interest in psychoanalysis. He's also occasionally suffered with a 'swallowing' phobia in his life though never very seriously as it's always been fleeting. So he's pretty sympathetic. I just find I hate telling people as I'm so used to it being 'my' problem and no-one elses (I never ever told my parents and my mum doesn't know to this day), and also because I'm so embarrassed about it!

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