The Phobics Support Group - Bring Your Neuroses Here!

[ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas]

Hello phobics everywhere! This thread is a continuation of the thread entitled Does anyone have a debilitating phobia? in case anyone is interested and wants to read up from the beginning.

I have "come out" on Mumsnet and admitted to a phobia of being sick and seeing people being sick and so have quite a few other people! I have been to my GP, thanks to the advice of Mumsnetters and am now awaiting therapy. However, I think a lot of us are getting some light therapy right here, just talking about our fears and knowing we are not alone. Plaes e feel free to join in if you want to, and I hope all the old-timers find their way here.

Dh's Grandma lives in wombwell. It's at the other side of Barnsley towards Sheffield. Know it well though.
It's quite frustrating for me to see that you all seem to have a reason for your phobia starting whereas I cannot pinpoint mine to anything and I think if I could it would help me to get over it. I have considered hypnotherapy for ages as well as a therapist thinking it could be a quick solution. Have you or anyone you know had hypnotherapy?

New Barnsley Girl - yes I have but I found it didn't help. It may work for you though.

I have heard cognitive therapy works better so I am off to my GP tomorrow to see if I can get on an NHS waiting list. Can you remember when you first started to suffer?
xx

I had it when I was 15/16 around the time of doing GCSE's. When I left school I went straight in to work and made new friends and it just went away on it's own. I think it was because I was always doing something. It came back 2 weeks after I had DD.
It's quite strange because I only talk about this to my mum and my real name is Chloe so talking to mumtochloe is rather weird!!!

I have a phobia of spiders and needles.
I too hate the comments of 'it doesn't hurt' as mentioned by someone else on this thread. Actually it does hurt a little bit but thats not what bothers me, its the actual needle.
My phobia started when I was 6, I was having a the pre-school booster and I passed out and landed straight on my face!
I have passed out with almost every needle since.
I can't stand spiders, I can't be in the same room as a spider if it is any bigger than a money spider. I always get DH to get rid of them, if he isn't in, then I usually go out. But then I have the added fear of knowing the spider will turn up somewhere else!

mtc, I'm more afraid of me being sick than my dd or my dp. But when they are sick I hate it because I feel I'll catch whatever it is that made them sick rather than I can't bear the sight / smell of them being sick. For instance if dd is sick because of a bad cough I don't worry for myself as much. When I was younger this was different I couldn't even look at the word 'sick' written down without going through an absurdly complex 'de-contamination' ritual in my head! If I'd ever seen anyone be sick anywhere I wouldn't go there ever again etc. I don't know why it changed over time and became more focused on me. But it dominates way too much of my life. I'm constantly under weight, have had periods of virtual agoraphobia as a result of it too. And things I love like going to the cinema are made difficult because of my fears of being sick there. I never have (yet!) been sick in any of the places I fear it happening but that's because I starve myself beforehand so I can go. Oh, what a pathetic life I lead!

I have to say that CBT did nothing at all for me. I enjoyed the chats with the psychiatrist who did it and it was interesting but that's about all. Psychoanalysis has been more helpful, I've been seeing someone once a week for about 6 years now and although my phobia's as horribly rampant as ever I have a much better understanding of it.

Hello mummylonglegs. Just wanted to welcome you to this thread as the person who started it all off. I came out as an emetophobe on another thread - it was really hard to do as only dh knows about it fully. But doing that gave me the confidence to then go and see my GP and I have been referred for counselling but haven't seen anyone yet. I am a bit disappointed to read that you have already had CBT and didn't find it helpful as that is, I think, what I have been referred for. To be honest though, I don't think it will hyelp me either but I feel I have to try something.

I have been an emetophobe pretty much all my life although unlike you, my chief focus is my kids. I live in daily, constant fear of them being sick. I would worry about myself, but TBH, I don't often feel sick and haven't been sick with a bug since I was nine (now 40) so it obviously hasn't featured enough in my life for me to worry about me. I do aviod situations I think might make me feel sick though. Anyway, just wanted to welcome you and hope you post some more as we all seem to take comfort from hearing other people's stories.

Mum2chloe: how did the GP consultation go? Better than I experienced I hope. I was in tears tlaking to my GP and literally couldn't tell her what was the matter with me for several minutes, I found it so hard to open up to her. I left feeling a complete fool, but she said she would refer me which was all I wanted her to do. That was nearly 2 months ago and I haven't heard back yet. I don't think I have the nerve to ring my GP up and ask her what is happening. I never want to speak to her again if the truth be known. How did it go for you?

Hello LM. Hmmm ... so if your phobia is mostly centred around your kids, how did it manifest itself before you had them? Were you still mostly afraid of other people being sick? And are you afraid of your kids being sick in case you catch something or just in relation to having to deal with the 'event' itself?

Hey, CBT didn't work for me but that's not to say it won't work for you! It's the treatment of choice for all phobias, rather than psychoanalysis. I just found a less 'practical' and more 'cerebral' approach seemed to be more helpful for me. But I think I'm stubborn and the changes the CBT guy suggested were things I felt unable to achieve, or too afraid to try. This is a common failing point with CBT. It's certainly no indication of how much one wants things to change because I am truly desperate to be able to eat when I'm out etc. Perhaps as your fear is directed in a different area (i.e.your kids rather than you) it will be useful for you.

I can't imagine not being afraid of being sick myself. In fact I find it hard to sit with people eating away and believe they're not constantly thinking about their stomachs. My stomach is in my consciousness every second of the day. I've often thought of getting one of those peg tubes fitted to my intestines so I no longer have to consume anything and can never be sick again.

Like you, LM, I went a long time without a tummy bug. I think the last time I was sick was when I was about 9 too, apart from a childish alcohol experiment at around 13. A year ago though I did get a stomach bug, it was a nightmare one, I was sick 25 times, mostly bringing up virtually nothing as I'd starved myself the moment I felt it coming on. I couldn't believe I could be sick of nothing and it threw my confidence entirely. It also challenged in me the belief that some people have that emetophobia is a result of people rarely being sick and that if they are sick ('face up to it') they will break the phobia. This last year since the bug I've been 100 times worse than I have been for years. I think some of it is because my feelings that I was kind of 'immune' to being sick were finally dashed.

But oh, how I hate it. How I hate to be writing this. I don't feel enormous relief to come 'out' about it I just feel a crushing sense of depression that my life is still being ruined by this. And I have no idea how to change it.

Just wondered if there are any obsessive compulsive sufferers out there?

I've got a bit of that memum (to go with my guilt! ). Mostly 'games' I find myself playing with words and sentences and numbers in my head which I HAVE to complete or something terrible will happen.

Mummylonglegs, its memum here (blearly eyed as its late) Yes as you know I'm a guilt sufferer too and I am also certain I have obsessive compulsive disorder - 'the doubting disease'!! I've never been professionally diagnosed but have so many books on the subject that describe me very accurately. My main problems are with thoughts ie: 'imagine if I did this or that' (the thoughts are always of horrible things which are the last things I would ever want to do. I've been like it all my life.
It all links up to my worrying and guilt feelings. I always doubt myself/ for example if I drove - which I don't - I'd be the kind of person that would wonder if I'd knocked someone over and would probably take myself off to a Police Station to check - and get myself arrested as a precaution!! It makes life very stressful at times. Found the responsibilty of being a mum incredibly hard having this condition as I sometimes - when stressed - can't get horrid thoughts or nagging doubts out of my mind and end up getting very fed up with myself. When I was a student or working, I always had enough to occupy my mind that the thoughts never bothered me as much. Being at home all day does not help much!! Anyway, enough of my rambles. Bye for now

my fear is of ladders (hights) i cant go now more then the first two rungs of a ladder i think my worst ones were first time i passed out on the third rung and the secound time i stood there frozen for 2 hours waiting for ex dh to come home from work to move the ladder till my bottom was touching the floor before he could get me to let go
my other fear is spiders no matter what size i eaither stand there frozen staring at it until someone moves it compleatly from my view usualy wimpering or i stand there screaming as if someone was attacking me
also not sure if this comes under a fear but i cant sleep under a window and no matter what i always sleep facing the door parents thought it was a bit strange but never thought much of it until the one night my mother came into my room to turn me over in my sleep (not to lie on my sprained ankle) and i just started crying and saying please dont kill me please dont kill me
when i go to sleep at night i got to face the window close my eyes for ten seconds then open them again and stare at the window to make sure no ones coming through it then turn to face the door and do the same again before going to sleep
well thats the ones i can think of at the moment well there the worst ones anyway

memum im exactly the same with the thoughts except apart from the ones ivve mentioned there never about me any more alway about ds thinking right what do i do if he stops breathing how will i cope if he falls out of his cot i thought it was normal as i have never discussed it just lets my mind go through it until it ends

memum and mummytojames I have similar very nagging thoughts about things happening to dd. It's not really that I will do something so much as something will happen that I can't control. For instance I imagine someone breaking into our flat when dp's away and hurting her in front of me etc. etc. horrible things that have left me awake and sweating for hours at night sometimes.

Hello Mummylonglegs, thanks for replying. It is so nice, in a way, to talk to someone about this. I completely understand everything you say and mostly feel the same way myself. I particularly recognise your despair at feeling the way you do. That is exactly how I feel too. Sometimes the misery that hangs over me feels the equivalent of the misery one feels when someone close to you dies. I have to shake myself and tell myself, "For God's sake, being sick isn't as bad as that!" but most of the time, in the back of my mind, it is.

Before I had my children, my emetophobia did focus more on myself but also on people around me. I wouldn't restrict where I went in case someone was sick (although I wouldn't stand outside a pub at turning out time! or willingly go into a casualty department or even, sometimes a public loo) but if they were sick, I would run a mile. The trouble with when you have children is that you can't run away from them, or if you do, you are seen as a terrible mother. My opinion of myself as a mother is not all that high and that is entirely because I know I don't want to be near them when they are ill. Yes, I hate the act itself, but also the thought that they might pass their bug on to me. I know what you mean when you say that being sick last year didn't help you with your phobia but made you much worse. I am like that each time my children are ill. Even so, I sometimes think if I were sick myself, I might cope a bit better. I don't know.

You are clearly further along the therapy route than I am. Would you mind telling me what sort of things your therapist wanted you to do that you didn't feel able to? I don't want to push you if you are not willing to talk about it, but I would appreciate it if you did.

Hello LM. I don't mind talking about the CBT at all, you don't know who I am after all! But I don't know if it will be helpful for you because they were things I'm sure won't be a problem for you anyway. For instance:

He asked me to eat some food that I would NEVER normally touch and to eat it slightly out of date.

He asked me to eat before going somewhere I was particularly afraid of being sick in.

He asked me to watch a video of people vomiting (I did try to do this one but honestly it just haunted me for AGES afterwards)

Basically the things you're most debilitated by with the phobia, in my case eating particular foods and eating when out, are what's tackled first. In your case I can't imagine how that would be approached as you already are being faced by your fear when your children are ill. Maybe they would suggest you clearing up vomit or something that exposes you to the elements of it that most scare you.

To be honest as I write this down I realise why I prefer psychoanalysis. None of the 'exposure' methods were good for me at all. But I've found that understanding what my phobia symbolises / where it comes from within me has been more helpful.

I'm with you mummylonglegs. I think half of my problem is the fact my thoughts seem to have come from nowhere and it is frustrating and sometimes quite scary for me. Trying to find out where it comes from definatley helps me. I tried to talk to my PLATT lady about this and she just kept saying "stop trying to analyse it" but thats all I wanted to do. I'm convinced theres a deeper reason to my stupid thoughts!

From what you say Mummylonglegs, CBT will be completely useless for me. I have heard about watching a video of someone being sick and I really wouldn't want to do that at all. As for clearing up vomit, I do already! Every time one of my four children is ill. I have to as dh has to be with the vomiting child (I can't bear to be with them) and even if he could clear up the mess too, I wouldn't trust him to do a good enough job. For me, vomit is almost something evil ( no, scrap that word almost, it is evil _ I don't care how freaky that opinion of me makes me sound) and I have to satisfy myself that it is completely removed. I go into obsessive cleaning mode. Anyway, it doesn't help me overcome my fear. It repeated exposure worked, I wouldn't have a problem now!

Like you and NBG, I am interested in where my phobia came from. It has just always been with me as far as I am concerned.

If repeated exposure worked, I meant to say...

There were other things too apart from exposure. I'm trying to remember as it was over 6 years ago now. I remember he got me to write a diary in quite detail about how often / when / why I felt panicky. We'd then pick through my diary and try to find ways of me not feeling panicky. It didn't help at all. I got very bored of that part. Then there was lots of talking but not in depth talking as CBT tries to avoid that and be very practical. I thought it was practical that I needed but in fact it just didn't work. I saw the guy doing it for almost 2 years. Then I got more and more frustrated and it was his suggestion that I try psychotherapy which I totally poo-pooed but I gave it a go and the therapist has been totally wonderful. He treated me as an intelligent person who knew quite a lot about what I have in terms of a phobia (I'd read masses on phobias especially emetophobia) by this point. So we shifted the focus completely and DIDN'T talk about vomiting specifically but about other things and delved into the past and it's helped me enormously to understand what it is behind the problem. It doesn't massively help me get over it but then psychoanalysis doesn't claim to 'cure' but to make psychological suffering lessen and it's certainly done that. I don't feel terrified as I used to. I get down when going through a bad patch (I don't know if you guys find this but I find I can definitely get better and worse at different times) but I feel like I know what it is and I can ride over it without falling to pieces. Like I used to! Since Christmas I've been having a tough time and I've been really pleased with the way I've handled it, i.e. I haven't let it defeat me this time, and that's all down to the psychoanalysis.

NBG, with your phobia in particular I really think psychoanalysis is a MUST. How could CBT help you? I can't imagine. Have you read any books on phobias because there are quite a few and there are a variety of fear / phobia / OCD suffering that might be similar in nature to yours.

I've never read an account of someone who's recovered from emetophobia, have you guys? Also, have you had times when your phobia is almost gone or has it always been there in a bad way?

Hi Everyone

How are you?

I went to my GP on Friday and I was so nervous and felt as though I was wasting his time. However he was briliant. He prescribed me Stemetil - anti sickness medication (thanks so much for this Aimsmum) and also Lustral to control anxiety. Not sure whether to take this though as one of the main side effects is nausea! He has also referred me for CBT. Is anyone else on anti d's? If so which ones?

Re OCD - maybe slightly. I am a big one for certain numbers and I used to clean all the time as I felt if something bad happenned at least the house would be ok - weird I know. This tends to be worse when I am stressed. Do you think there may be a connection?

So pleased for you Mumtochloe that you were able to go to the GP. I am also waiting for therapy but I haven't heard anything yet (it is getting on for two months now). Still, I understand therapy of all sorts is in big demand these days so I suppose 2 months isn't long to wait. Your GP sounds kinder than mine although mine did offer me Prozac or something similar but I refused as I am not keen to take mind altering drugs. Perhaps that is silly of me.
Mummylonglegs, the more you write, the more you cinfirm my suspicion that CBT is not what I want, but TBH, I am not sure what I have been referred for, so I will just wait and see. No, I have never come across anyone who has been cured of emetophobia. For myself, I can't imagine it will be possible, but maybe that is part of the phobia itself, not being able to see a way out. Anyway, as mine is mostly focussed on my children, I suppose I would just like some coping strategies to get me through their childhoods and to allow me to enjoy their childhoods more. The way I see it, once my children are old enough to look after themselves when they are ill (not sure exactly when that would be, but by the time they are 18 certainly) my main worries will subside and my quality of life will greatly improve. I will still worry about myself, but not having to worry about my children will be a huge relief. So only 16 years to go! (Youngest is nearly 2).

I have always had emetophobia, but no, I have not always been as bad as this. Mine got much worse when my kids started having bugs, and then worse again when dh started having nights away for work. He is away now until Weds and again for two nights next week, and I am in a very bad way right this minute. The silly thing is, because I am so nervous and upset right now, I have made myself feel ill! I can't go on like this

Sorry to hear you are feeling down lonelymum. I would be anxious too knowing there was no-one else to take over if the worst came to the worst. Do you have any friends / family you can call on in an emergency?

xx

Problem has been shelved for a few weeks/months. Dh has just been sacked from his job with immediate effect! He is home now and has nowhere to go to now until he finds another job. From one crap situation to another, eh?

Message withdrawn

Gosh, sacked, LM? What does he do? Are they allowed to just do that? Poor you ...

I was thinking about your fears being so much worse when he's away because I am terrified of dp being away too but I worry about something happening to me. I worry that I'll fall down the stairs or I'll stop breathing in the night and dd will be abandoned (always I'm most afraid it will be in her cot) and no-one will hear her crying etc. etc. I'm so afraid of it that every time dp has to go away I go to stay at my mums, I literally can't stay here alone. I was mentioning it because although it has nothing to do with emetophobia, it does have some similar things. My analyst would sort it out. But it's something somewhere to do with very deep self-doubt and lack of belief one will be able to cope or that something dire will happen one has no control over. Doubt and control, I'm sure they're at the route of a lot of phobias.

Rambling, sorry.

I took an anti-d for about 3 years. I have to say that Lustral made me feel terrible, shaky and diarrhea and just awful. But when I tried Paroxetine it was much milder. It didn't do anything for my phobia but it did lift my mood a bit and I slept better at night. I cut it out when I got pregnant and haven't wanted to go back to taking one as the benefits didn't seem worth the stage of going through initial side effects. I'm a total chicken about taking medicine in case it makes me feel sick! I'm even scared of anti-sickness medicine in case I have a bad reaction.

Do any of you see what you're writing on this thread and just feel like despairing of yourselves?!