The Phobics Support Group - Bring Your Neuroses Here!

[ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas]

Hello phobics everywhere! This thread is a continuation of the thread entitled Does anyone have a debilitating phobia? in case anyone is interested and wants to read up from the beginning.

I have "come out" on Mumsnet and admitted to a phobia of being sick and seeing people being sick and so have quite a few other people! I have been to my GP, thanks to the advice of Mumsnetters and am now awaiting therapy. However, I think a lot of us are getting some light therapy right here, just talking about our fears and knowing we are not alone. Plaes e feel free to join in if you want to, and I hope all the old-timers find their way here.

Hi Lonelymum, please dont worry i didn't feel like you were criticising me at all. I'm sorry if i sounded defensive. I was just in a funny mood last night I didn't mean to make you feel bad.
I'm having a bad time with my xp, DD hasn't been well (not vomiting though thankfully) but I've been on unpaid leave from work for the past 2 weeks with her which is going to be a nightmare this near xmas.
Sorry if I offended you. Hugs

Hello everyone, just found the new thread - I see no one noticed I was missing:(

Glad you found us mum2jay, how have you been?

Oh no Mum2jay, I did notice you were missing, and Womba1 and Prefernot/Missyblue. How is it going for you? I didn't comment because I don't want to pressurise anyone to join in if they don't feel like it.

I have just survived another night without my husband although there was a crisis which delayed his going yesterday as we woke up with no water - burst water main. I panicked at the thought of no water to wash with or flush toilet with. Wasn't happy sending children to school in those circumstances, but everyone else did, so I had to grit my teeth and do it too. Water came back on eventually though our shower nows appears to be broken!

Hi, Glad I found you all again
I have been ok, although I have been very busy with the christmas preparations, I don't know why I have got it into my head that DS is going to be ill on christmas day? I'm going to my Dads for dinner and everyone is really looking forward to it - except me, I spend ages thinking about it and how if he did start being sick I would be trapped at home all day - probably arguing with DP about the situation. I love christmas and want to look forward to it, but I always think when you look forward to something things go wrong!. x

Hi mum2jay, Glad you found us again. I know its easier said than done, but try not to worry about christmas day, the likleyhood of your ds being ill that day are pretty slim. Hopefully you will all be well and you'll have a really lovely day.
Do you have all your christmas shopping done now?
I was meant to be going to a MN meetup today then do xmas shopping afterwards but both me and DD have conjunctivitis and colds, so I didn't think it would be fair to the other MNers and their dd/ds's so we just stayed at home.

How are you today lonelymum, have you managed to get your shower working yet?
Well done for getting through another night without your dh especially whilst having no water.

Hi Everyone. Hi Mum2Jay!

What a nightmare you have been having Lonelymum. Why do these things always have to happen when DH/DP's are away?

DD has had a really bad chesty cough and was sick in the night due to lots of coughing. Eeek! Luckily DH sorted it and I wasn't too worried as it wasn't catchy. DD is NOTHING like me and just went "Oooh look - lots of sicky" then wanted to watch telly. DH thanks his lucky stars - says he couldn't cope with 2 hysterical females lol.

Mum2Jay - I am a worrier like you. Has DS been sick before over Xmas? Would you have to stay home if he were sick (worst case scenario) due to him overeating? Does your Dad live far from you?

xx

Funnily enough, I mind less about the thought of mine being ill over Christmas because I think at least I would be with my family (I go to my mum's for Christmas every year) and somehow the pressure would be off me a bit. I have had experience of my children being ill on or near Christmas a couple of times so hopefully, I have had my share of that.

Yes, I think dh, who is at home today to see school nativity, fixed shower this morning. Also dues ot fix new video player and kids' bedroom radiator. What a love he is! I couldn't be without him. You are amazing to manage alone Aimsmum. Tough luck about the cold btw.

Feeling a bit low myself today. Period started yesterday and I have had little sleep the last couple of nights, so I expect that explains it. All the Chrissie preparations are getting on top of me. There just seems so much to do.

How is everyone else doing? Mumtochloe, you sound very laidback about your dd being sick due to coughing. It makes me terrified just to hear my children cough! Still, hopefully your dd got rid of lots of phlegm when she was sick and she will be better from now on.

Love to all.

My DD is nothing like me either mum2chloe, she has been known to try to clean up other childrens sick in nursery. Hope she is feeling better soon
Hope you are feeling a bit better with your DH at home and get a better sleep tonight and hopefully you'll feel a bit better tomorrow. Enjoy the nativity, I cant wait til DD is in one!!
{blush] its nice of you to say lonelymum, but I'm not amazing!! Wish I was!
Although have been so proud of myself over the last few days, I have totally cleaned out the house, unblocked a sink, built a flat pack unit, (unassembled the old one - with a hammer) almost killed myself taking it to the bin!,rearranged my living room and put up my decorations. Men - who needs em

Hello everyone, it's me 'prefernot' with new name. Sorry I haven't been around much, dd's been ill with a cough (that's made her choke but no vomit) (says the selfish mummy ).

I have to say I get in such a panic if I think about all these stomach bugs that seem to be going around and I really sympathise with all of you here worrying about your kids going to nursery for the first time. Dd's due to start 3 mornings a week in January and I'm SO tempted to put it off.

I keep meaning to ask you all - when your kids DO get a tummy bug how do you avoid having it yourself?! I know to up the hygiene levels etc. when the bug's clearly apparent but aren't they usually most contagious before the symptoms start? Any tips?

By the way I don't burp either! Never have been able to and I also make that funny gurgling noise.

And my dd's totally different to me too. At the moment she's going through a morbid fascination with the idea of vomit. She does this play acting game when Noddy eats some 'horrible jam', then his tummy hurts, he's sick and another of her toys comes to clean it up. Needless to say I'm driving myself nuts with guilt that it's somehow something she's picked up from me but she seems to do the game with the same glee as she does making one of her toys get hit by a car and get a broken leg. Oh, Lordy, poor little dd, am I turning her into a total neurotic?!?

Hello

I sense a pattern here - Bluemoon can't burp either!

DD has had exactly the same thing Bluemoon - horrid isn't it?

Kids do play in this way - though admittedly I do worry about passing it down to DD too. Out of interest do anyone's parents have this too?

xx

PS What funny gurgling noise? Is it like a frog in the throat because I get this too

Hello everyone. Glad you are back Bluemoon, I missed you.

Well, I am in a right state at the moment. There is a tummy bug (a nasty one by all accounts, though aren't they all nasty for us?) doing the rounds at school and various friends of my children have been affected. One parent said to me "Yours are bound to get it" and I am now in a constant state of misery, depression and panic. What has happened to me lately? I was never as bad as this before. I am so miserable, I just want to hide away from the world. I am not enjoying the lead up to Christmas at all, with the constant children's parties, dodgy food and the thought of my children cooped up in tightly packed halls and classrooms. I am going crazy here.

The stupid thing is, the more I read your posts, the more I realise I don't worry about emetophobia when it comes to myself, although if I felt sick I would be very miserable. My phobia is more and more centred on my children. If my children even mention the word sick I speak sharply to them, Bluemoon, so there is no chance I would allow any of them to play at being sick.

As for avoiding the bugs, I think you either will or won't depending on the bug and your usual susceptibilty to bugs. You weren't sick much as a child so you probably have a pretty low chance of catching things now. Other than that, you can only have good hygiene habits and hope for the best.

I wish I could pull myself together. I feel I am losing it fast here.

Lonely mum {hugs to you} - you sound down today.

Can you put your finger on exactly what it is that you hate re your children and being sick. Is there anything you can do to lessen your fear?

I hate being sick myself and end up a hysterical wreck if I am. Its worse for me at night and I have been known to put a bucket and mouthwash by the bed just in case. By knowing I am prepared for the worst I actually feel less worried. Does this make sense or am I just a raving lunatic?!

Is there anything like this you can do eg - if it is the mess could you always ensure you have carpet cleaner, carrier bags, gloves etc upstairs within easy reach? If its the catchiness of it perhaps you could make sure every room has antibac wipes. Would this help do you think?

Hope you are ok hun - there are plenty of us out there so you are not alone xx

Bluemoon - forgot to mention - I take probiotic drinks as they are supposed to kill bad bacteria that leads to stomach bugs. Have you considered this to stop you and your family contracting them?

Mumtochloe, thanks for replying. Don't know what it is. Today I thought to myself, if you are not worried about catching it, what is the big problem? and for a moment, there was no problem and I felt as though the sun had come out, but then almost straightaway the gloom descended again and I felt like a big black cloud was over me pushing me down. I don't know why I feel like this. I do take precautions against the children being ill - silly things I hardly dare mention here - but nothing helps.

Well, not true. Having dh home helps as I know he will share the burden with me, but I hate feeling like I am leaning on him all the time, even though he understands my phobia at last.

Hi Lonelymum

Do you think you could be a little depressed and this is manifesting itself in the phobia being worse? How do you feel when you are sick?

Would you be able to let me know what you do to minimalise the chances of your kids coming down with it? I would like to know for my own selfish reasons!

Do you think you will ever be free of this? I hope one day I will be but I have lived with it for so long I'm not sure I ever will be.

Thinking of you hun - post back and let us know how you are feeling xx

I think the phobia is making me depresssed rather than the other way round IYSWIM.

I don't exactly do anything to minimise the chances of them being ill, but I do silly things to try to make it better if they are eg, I never go to bed without ensuring the bathroom door is open and there are no toys on the floor of their rooms for them to trip over if they are ill in the night. How neurotic is that?

I panic if I feel sick, but I don't worry too much about starting to feel sick if I am not already, IYSWIM. So I don't take precautions for myself like other emetophobes do. However, I worry and panic about the kids all the time, for no reason.

Sorry you're having a hard time LM. I am too as it happens. I'm getting in a real state about the kinds of bugs dd's going to come into contact with when she starts nursery as well as having to go to stay at dp's mothers at Christmas. She has huge dogs and I don't feel she's clean enough and there'll also be endless battles about me eating.

To add to this dp had a 'go' at me last night about dd's 'vomit' games with her toys and the fact she barely eats anything. He started saying that she eats much less when I'm looking after her than when he is. He might be right. Perhaps because I don't really eat with her because I don't really eat. I know I'm a bad influence on her. I try my hardest I really do but then sometimes I think how my life has been a total mess because of this phobia and its effects on me and all attempts I make at 'normality' are just me kidding myself.

I don't want to ruin dd's life with my problems. I don't know what to do.

I wish I could be more supportive LM, I hope by being a friend in troubles that will be supportive in itself. I honestly don't know what I think about which comes first, the depression or the phobia. I have had times in my life when the phobia's been better but I've still been depressed / anxious. My anxieties have attached to something else for a while and the emetophobia has gone into the background. Then it comes back. To be honest I feel immense relief when I'm obsessing about something else. It seems years since I've had a decent break from it though ...

Poor Bluemoon, you sound as down as me right now. I, too, am not sure what to say to help as I know that nothing much helps me. I feel like a prisoner trapped inside my mind and I don't believe I will ever be free. I just hope that one day it won't matter too much.

Anyway, if I can try to console you, I would like you to know that my children eat better for my dh (or grandparents) than they do for me, but I don't think that is because of my problems translating to them but because I am the familiar figure which children always feel they can play up with. TBH, I think my children are a bit scared of their grandparents and even their father is a bit of a distant figure so they behave better for them. Perhaps your dd is picking up the wrong signals from you, but she is also at that awkward age where she tests her boundaries, so I don't think you can blame yourself entirely.

Also, and this is for Mumtochloe and you other mums out there who have been worrying that your children will grow up with the same phobia as you, I once had a colleague who told me her mother had had emetophobia and had always found it hard to cope when her children were ill. However, the daughter (my colleague) had not grown up with it and actually, had coped by herself (from necessity) from a young age. It sounds like your dds are doing the same.

I don't know how my children will feel about being sick when they are older. They seem fairly calm about it at the moment, but maybe that is because my fear and panic overwhelms any reaction they may have. My ds1 (aged 8)mentioned something about sick the other day and I said, "Please don't talk about it, you know I don't like it" and he just said, in a sympathetic, rather grown-up tone, "I know".

I wish I could help more Bluemoon, but I don't know how to. Keep talking to us though, and I hope you will keep listening to my sad ramblings.

Course I will, LM. And I know exactly what you mean about feeling trapped inside your own head. There seems to be no way out does there? If you can't think your way out what can you do? I had a long long chat with dp last night in which for most of it I was in hysterical tears as I tried to explain to him how much I hate being me sometimes and how I long to be a 'proper person.' I feel like I never have been and sometimes the act of being one really wears me down.

In relation to kids growing up affected by emetophobia ... hmmm ... I actually think my mum's a closet emetophobe. I know she was NEVER around when I was sick and I was very afraid of being sick in front of her. One harrowing memory I have is of waking in the night aged about 7 and feeling very sick and knowing I couldn't go to her bedroom. So I was sick and sick all over my bed and in my hair and then just went back to sleep in it all. My dad found me in the morning and was horrified, he remembered it years later. I remember it too of course because I think I was only sick about twice as a child. My analyst thinks this incident has significance for me, we've talked about it a lot. But I don't truly know if my mum is phobic about being sick as I am or if she just deeply dislikes it like almost everyone does.

Whichever, without making us all feel more lousy and guilty than we do already, I think we do have to be careful what message we pass onto our kids.

This morning I took dd to get new shoes and she wanted to play on a slide etc. in the shopping centre which is really grubby. A couple of mums next to me were saying their little boy there was feeling sick and I went cold, totally cold, plucked dd up very quickly, wiped her hands over nd over and mine too and got on the bus. I could tell she was surprised and I made some jokes and got things back to normal. But this kind of thing must get to her ...

What a great mummy, eh?

Oh reading your post is nearly making me cry! (but I do feel miserable right now anyway). Well, you are a good mum if you took your dd away from a sickly child and wiped her hands. No mum, surely, would deliberately let her child get ill, would they?

I must admit, I felt a bit of a chill when I read your story as one morning last May my dh looked in on our two boys before going to work only to discover that ds1 had been sick on the floor in the night (well, we think early morning) and not told us. I never saw how badly he had been ill as my MIL was staying with us and she cleaned it up (). I was absolutely horrified that he had done that and could go back to sleep with it lying there, and that ds2 (who shares the room) could be so sanguine about it too. I didn't find out if he did that because he was too scared to come to us. TBH, he gave the impression he was just too tired/ill to get up.

Your story will haunt me for a long time to come. Poor you.

And I am beginning to feel paranoid with so many vomiting threads on Mumsnet at the moment!